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Am I doing something wrong

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Dumbo46_

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 3, 2014
Messages
16
So me and a friend use to date, not really, we use to have sex and hangout. We have arguments or small conflicts whatever you choose to call them and so we have agreed to certain things. like do not yell, call names, listen get to the point, do not interrupt or hang up in one anothers face. often if i have a problem i bring it up. I present the problem and why it is one and so does he in a way. he is more of an accuser.

We do this and I present my argument, he makes many assumtions as to what I am doing or saying and I debunk everything, proving him wrong. when this happens he gets upset and says he does not want to argue, problem solved. though it is not because he does not acknowledge what i have said he just moves on and it later happens again and now he just "says drop it or i hang up I do not want to argue" and he raises his voice and hangs up. I have abided by all of our agreements. I paraphrase, acknowledge what he say, listen and everything else and am extremely calm. Am I doing something wrong or not getting something
 
How often do the arguments happen? Do these arguments really affect your friendship with him? I honestly dont think you are doing anything wrong and you seem to compromise a lot to what he wants things to be. If anything, I think he needs to chill out.
 
I think instead of listening to you, he's more focused on his reply therefore you won't get any where with him because he's not listening to you state your case.
 
If he's telling someone don't shout at me and then shouting at them, to me that's a sort of Alfa male personality, always in charge and never wrong.
 
He may be transferring unresolved issues onto you from his upbringing perhaps, or a former relationship. Maybe one where his needs were not met. You say he is an accuser type. He may have been blamed a lot at one point, thus this is just his pattern (to be on the defense when not necessary); and has nothing to do with you. Not that it makes it ok. Is he able to tell you how he feels in the moment without being invested in the outcome? He may have some rejection issues to deal with.

From what you describe I don't think you are doing nothing wrong.
 
Sounds like both of you are the type of people who thinks they are always right and have strong opinions. Don't even bother denying this, because regardless people who are like this will deny it emphatically so we can't really know. If you don't get along you don't get along.

Also, you post this from your (biased) perspective so of course in these type of threads most people will agree with you or say you are on the right. This kind of feedback is meaningless, we don't have the guys point of view.
 
they have started to happen a little less now that I am back in the same town and some times they do.. there are moments where Id rather not have i=him in my life at all and I just want to get away but there are also goood moments
 
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