TDS Always searching for that missing puzzle piece

[fallout]

Hello, well i just thought i'd post about my something I've found out to be my biggest problem with quitting.
It is my desire to always search for something to fill this empty spot in me.

It just feels like somethings missing. Drugs numb it out, but it doesn't fill it. Deeper i get involved with them i lose hope in life and lose motivation to care about anything but getting something to numbing me out. But i am able to control it now better than ever with stability in my life. but i just have no motivation to get healthier and do good. I never wanted to be an addict but i was born one. but this is my thoughts running wild i do this alot. it just runs and runs. i am on medication but have a hard time taking it because i don't like how it hurts my stomach, kidneys and or liver and it also messes with my libido .

I'm not sure whats hurting because i don't have a family doctor no one is accepting me, and as i said i'm having a hard time getting energy to do this things. Also i make a councilors appointment, but never make it because i forget or sleep past the time. Does anyone have any suggestions It feels like i'm stuck in a rut.​

 

[herbavore]

There has to be something bigger than you that you connect your life to. I am an atheist so I am not talking about "God". I am talking about the larger web of life that you are a part of. You were born into this time on this planet, what can you connect with that will give meaning to your life? It doesn't have to be fancy or profound or grandiose at all--just a connection that you feel with life outside of your own small sphere. I think a lot of us feel an emptiness because our culture rarely directs us to think about anything but ourselves--our pleasure, our pain, our existential loneliness. Some people connect to other people and some to the wilderness or animals or music or growing good food. What can you imagine for yourself?

 

[fallout]

yeah, that makes sense. most of my culture was destroyed and was left with wounds that passed down through generations. Not much left so we take pieces of culture from what we see, and hear (movies, music, and other cultures) . But i just got to find what i like to do right? what makes me happy. I've always liked animals and i always wanted to be a conservation officer or something like that. but i just have to set my mind to something and keep with it.

 

[Maya]

OP no one is born as an addict. You just haven't found the connection you will be happy about. I was like that for years, relying on substances (alcohol in particular) to feel happy but it is never a good ending OP. Just never stop searching for what will make you happy and one day you will realize it was just right in front of you.

 

[ad lib]

OP no one is born as an addict. You just haven't found the connection you will be happy about. I was like that for years, relying on substances (alcohol in particular) to feel happy but it is never a good ending OP. Just never stop searching for what will make you happy and one day you will realize it was just right in front of you.

This sums it up IMO

 

[Captain.Heroin]

What meds are you taking ?

 

[herbavore]

"Balance is implicit in the Red Road. When you're on the Red Road, you are in the center. Yet, you do not go to either extreme, and you allow both sides to exist. This is accomplished by continually postponing surrendering to temptation, whatever it may be. It is saying `later' instead of `no.'

The Sacred Path of life has a middle, a left side, and a right side. As human beings, we are designed to walk this middle path as much as we can. As we walk, we will stray to the left and to the right and come back to the middle. Straying to the left or right side is as sacred as being in the middle. Sometimes we call this straying our mistakes. We are designed to walk the Sacred Path of life, and realize that our mistakes are the source of lessons. These lessons give us our wisdom. It is not wrong that we are tempted. What matters is what we do with the temptation."
LAKOTA elder

I do not know if you come from a native culture but regardless the teachings can still be inspirational. (I got this from White Bison--a worthy site to check out for daily meditations.)I particularly like the Buddhist-like acceptance of our "mistakes" being equally valued along with our "successes". I think learning to actually cultivate balance and acceptance in our lives rather than craving happiness leads to inner peace. There is a world of difference between resignation and acceptance. Resignation is stuck (things are horrible and I can't change them) whereas acceptance is open (things are horrible right now but I can move through them wiser than I was before).

 

[jordanalice]

Fallout, in my experience drugs can be the source of the empty/searching feeling. The more you relapse, the bigger it gets. I've been struggling with addiction for 12 years and find that while the feeling never completely goes away, with time it can get better. Like other people have said, finding something else to fill that void is important.

If you don't have a family doctor, where are you getting your medication from? You could try walk in clinics, but depending on what you're on you may have to see a few before you find someone suitable. If you feel like you could handle it, you could also try going to the psychiatric ward (assuming that's what you're seeking treatment for) at your local hospital. They're generally always open so timing wouldn't matter, and they'd be more likely to switch your medication.