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Alcoholism & Me

ChainsawWilliams

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 6, 2011
Messages
462
Location
Bayern
I'm writing this out of sheer boredom. After sleeping all evening yesterday and waking up at 1am (3 hours ago) with no hope of sleeping until tomorrow night I have time on my hands.

I love my drugs. Possibly more than I love myself. My drug of choice is the worst one of them all. Alcohol. Anybody that tells you crystal, crack or heroin are the worst drugs in the world are just wrong. I would have absolutely no desire to do crystal all day long every day but I have no problem drinking all day every day.

The thing with alcohol is I dont crash. Ever. People come up with all these amazing hangover cures and seem to overlook the one staring them right in the face. More alcohol. That was my hangover cure for a long time and life has since become a never ending battle to kill the phantom hangover.

Alcohol makes me feel good. I dont take benzo's regularly because they don't kill my depression or anxiety or insomnia half as good as alcohol. Its extremely cheap. Its far more sociable than anything else and there are a hundred million different varieties. I mean, everybody enjoys a few pints with good company down the pub. The pub is a great place to meet people, great for music(my one true love), and just 'THE CRAIC(irish for fun)' in general.

My life is a fucking shambles. Debts up to my eyes. The place im living is a dive. I'm broke and when I say broke I dont mean you're average person saying I have no money when mammy and daddy are always there. I mean I have absolutely nothing. Made rent this month so 4 more weeks of a roof over my head at least. I drink to forget all of this. And it works, dear lord it works so damn well. Too well.

I also have a habit of binging on amphetemines. Often I have stayed awake 4 days just hammering lines of speed into myself until it was all gone. This past weekend I bought myself a gram of some fine quality crystal. Went through it in 24 hours and had a fucking blast. When I ran out I took about 370mg of dihydrocodeine and went to bed. Finished. Never have I ever had any desire to go and get more when all I had was gone. I can't understand how anybody would want to feel like that all the time. Its brilliant for a while. Meth is a great drug no matter what anybody says. If respected. I can respect it. As long as you know you are going to sink just as low when its over as fantastic as you felt at its peak and are mentally prepared for that.

I can not respect alcohol. I'm 24 years old and have a long and colourful history of alcoholism in my family. I'm going to be another statistic. I have no desire to stop. Alcohol is my best friend. Always there. Always makes me feel better and never wants anything in return.

I guess this is me admitting to myself properly that I'm a full blown alcoholic. What I'm trying to say is that this stuff is the most dangerous drug on the planet. Hands down. No contest. Bar none.

But I fucking love it.

That probably reads like pure nonsense but it killed 30 more minutes.

tl;dr Meth: Not as bad as you are led to believe. Alcohol: Worse.
 
Fuck mate, I really feel for you after reading that. My DOC is heroin which is bad enough but at least it isn't in my face wherever I go. Alcohol is everywhere when I think about it.
Its advertised on TV, pubs everywhere and whole aisles full of hundreds of varieties in every supermarket and corner shop.
For some reason I thought you were older than 24. Its only since I have been using Bluelight that I have seen how many people are affected by alcohol and yet because its legal and the government get taxes from it the general public think its not as bad as heroin etc.
I hope things get better for you as you are still only young mate and you got time to try and turn things round for a better future for yourself.
All the best mate.
 
Here I was thinking it wasn't as bad as the drugs with the most stigma.

But doctor I never used an IV! I never did heroin! (I was offered to IV morphine by a crackhead holding a syringe in a filthy dangerous crack house once I bumped it though)

I'm not as bad as the IV dopers and meth smokers!

Doctor nods in agreement thinking what kind of martini to mix in his suburban castle after work
 
It doesn't read like nonsense.

It reads - to me - like the inner monologue of a person who is starting a transition away from alcohol.

I can relate to what you're saying.

It takes time.

I love the name, Chainsaw Williams.

It has a certain ring to it.
 
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