Ahh I really fucked my life up this time.

[Anon12313123]

So I was clean off of heroin for a while, but then I relapsed and went on a crazy bender for a week. I spent all my rent money... (if you can believe it) And now ive ended up pretty much squatting somewhere... Its alright I guess, its shelter but I miss having a place so much. Also, I am in withdrawal from heroin. I just totally fucking screwed my life up and I knew this would happen if I wasn't careful, but I just didn't care :/

Well now I care I guess... I am in so fucking much pain. I don't want to be in opiate withdrawals right now. I could deal with the homelessness if I wasnt so fucking sick. I manage everyday to get out there and do something positive for myself. I want off the streets so bad. Its tough out here. I've been resorting to shoplifting left right and center... Humans need to eat, especially in withdrawal. My friends are so sick and tired of my antics that I doubt any of them would take me in. I just basically feel like I have nothing right now.

Everything is a struggle. Just to get on the bus, I have to make an excuse or sneak on... Id like to go to rehab or something... Detox is a nightmare where I live. It might be less of a nightmare than this though. I want to get on methadone but its a long weekend and the doc wont be in the clinic. I tried going to walk in clinics today only to find my health card is expired and I have to travel across the city to get it... Which I am probably too tired to, but might push myself to do it. I probably should be getting rest but my survival instinct is up so high right now that I feel like waiting around = death.

Nobody really knows about my situation, which frustrates me because maybe someone would help me... if they knew. I don't want to die, but the pain is so great sometimes that I just wish I were dead.

I just don't know what to do. I am too sick to work I need to talk to a doctor, maybe I can get some percs or something, but thats so out of reach. I might be able to get 20 bucks today and then get some dope but thats so little dope... and I would just be hurting after a couple of hours, but those 3-6 hours that I feel good almost feel worth it. Like a rest...

My health is down the fucking tubes. Not on a broad level (im 23) but right now it feels incredibly sick and tired.

Do you guys have any suggestions? I am just really alone and scared and tired and in pain

 

[phr]

---> tds

 

[canucka]

dude, i know exactly what youre goin through.. i spent 5 months in a boarding house/on the streets, while maintining a heavy IV heroin habit.. i spent about $700 a day on my addiction when it was at its worst.. i had to steal and burn innocent people just to stave off my debilitating junk sickness.. it fucking sucked..
what stopped the cycle of abuse for me was reaching a paradox.. i wasnt making enough money to even satiate my cravings.. so i went to detox for 2 weeks and pushed through it..
it was hell on earth man.. but i havent used IV for almost a year now.. and it was totally fucking worth it eh..
i thought it was the end for me also man, believe me i did.. after the love of my life died.. i just didnt fucking care.. i wanted to die.. i was in dire pain..
but after failing to obliterate myself with heroin, i pushed on, and im fucking glad i did eh..
just have ot be strong dude.. it helps to talk about it..
PM me whenever

 

[ech0s85]

what city are you in?? is there a shelter where you could stay and get a bed or something? or maybe try going to the ER and see if theyll hook you up with something to help the kick. good luck man hang in there this shit wont last forever.

 

[evvvvvv]

I know what you are going through, you just have to bear through it and know that so much of it is actually in your head. I know that doesn't help at all to hear....and there's nothing really anyone can say that will make you feel too much better, but ^^ is right, in suggesting to go to the ER. They should at least give you some valium or something which is better than nothing.
Best wishes, im rootin for you!