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Age Difference

T

tjtigers14

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Joined
Feb 8, 2011
Messages
19
Okay so there is this girl that I met that really seems like she'd be a good fit for me. She's not authoritarian or brainless or naive like some girls my age I've dated. I've always been a bit of a slow developer and still live at home and go to community college. I am 20 and she is 16, I'm not exactly sure when her birthday is but the difference is 20-16 and if hers is after mine, could be a more daunting 21-16. I'm not of impure motives, I don't want to just bang some high school girl because I'm a loser virgin young adult. I've dated my own age, hung out with my own age but just feel more comfortable with a bit younger people because I just click a little bit more with them, get along with my 4 17 year old friends so great, we've been friends for 3 years.

Anyway, thanks for your help
 
You didn't ask a question? You just made a statement about your situation and then said "thanks for your help". Are you looking for approval or someone to tell you it's ok? Cause I will say that banging sweet sweet 16 year old ass is definitely ok if it's legal in your state (I'm in CT so it is legal). If not, well then I don't condone dating a 16 year old. It could kick your ass in the future.
 
I cheated on my ---much---older boyfriend with a slightly older 23 year old when I was... Err.... Very young.... I just about broke his heart :( I'll never forgive myself for what I did to my boyfriend, fiancee now, a few years later. Anyway, I never did anything with a guy less than 10 years older than me (except for a Hella awkward threesome with a guy my age and my fiancee)
point being, 4-5 years is NOTHING. Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed. Basically, she's a woman and should make that choice for herself. As long as you are not deceiving her about your intentions or age, then there's nothing wrong. Even if it's illegal, if you truly care about her, it is your choice.
 
haha wow I was ramblin...yeah I was just asking how other people would look that and for advice. Yup, 16 is the age of consent. Thanks for your answer haha
 
If you like her go out with her.
My fiance is 24 and turns 25 on tuesday <3 :) im only 18 it worked out great obviously since hs now a fiance.
but you need to be careful you dont want anyone too naive.
 
I'm sticking the to the half your age plus seven rule as a minimum these days.
 
Well, my husband is 12 years older than me, it has worked out very well. My parents were 16 years apart in age and have been married 40 plus years.

However, there is a huge difference in being say 22 and 26 versus 16 and 20. She definitely needs to grow up some. Can you remember being 16? Don't you feel vastly different intellectually and emotionally at 20?
 
Some people mature at different rates.mi was an only child and grew up around adults, so I acted mature for my age. At 13, I wanted an emotionally meaningful relationship. I felt a longing to be touched, wanted, loved, that not many kids my age felt that way. People often believed I was 5-8 years older than I actually was. Mentally, i was more mature than some of the older guys i was with. I dont believe there is a magic age when a relationship is suddenly okay. Do you automatically grow tits the second you turn 13? Do you go bald the second of your thirtieth birthday? No, so by that logic, the belief that a girl becomes a woman at age 18 is ridiculous.
 
nothing too alarming about that. but definitely do everything you can to get on her parents' good side.
 
It all depends on the girl (and the legality of such a relationship). Some 16 year old's can be more mature than may 40 year olds and vice versa.

You seem smitten. If it's legal in your area, then I say go for it. Life is too short to stop yourself enjoying it over petty things like this! The age gap is fuck all, really.
 
I guess it all really depends on what is most important to you. Are you generally the type of person that is concerned at what others think of you? If you are then maybe dating the 16 year old will have a negative social impact on you with friends and family. That may alone make it so difficult, embarrassing, and awkward that in the end it might not be worth it for you to date her (again dating and having an occasional sexual relationship is much different.. people don't need to know about the occasional sex but they will certainly know if you are dating). On the other hand, if you are the type that really doesn't care THAT much about what people think (everyone cares to an extent regardless if they so they do or not) and it is more worth it for you to date this girl then do it man.

Honestly, up until like the 19th century (and even now in some cultures) age had no meaning. 40 year olds would marry 15 year olds. Research 14th-17th century england or most of europe and you will find it was not only common but socially except-able for a man in his 20's through 50's to marry a girl 15 or 16.. sometimes even younger. Love, attraction, and sexual desire does not know any age limit..only the modern "rules" of society do. I have been in your shoes when I was younger with a similar situation. I didn't just want the sex (although that was a big part of it) but I literally loved this much younger girl. It happens..it's normal. Do it.
 
With the age difference, you should definitely take it slow. I'm 20 right now and I look at people who are 16 and 17 and I think most of them are much to immature for me. But I have a lot of friends who are 25-30 and I can connect with them pretty well.

So yeah, take things slow. I don't understand the age of consent and whatnot, I've never dated anyone more than a year older than me so I've never had to worry about it, but just know the laws and everything.
 
IMO four years isnt a a big deal but the younger you go, the larger the difference seems. When I was at school, I thought the 16yo girls with 20yo boyfriends were gross. Mainly because I was mates with a lot of older people and the guys openly admitted they were just with them because they were virgins and they could go clubbing and play up and their high school gfs wouldnt know.


You sound genuine though so go for it. Take it slow and make something beautiful
 
16 year old girls were annoying enough when I was 16 let alone when I was 20. Now days I'd rather chew sand than spend an afternoon around a group of giggling, immature , beiber worshipers. My girlfriend is 8 years my junior and sometimes she has no idea about obscure pop reverences I come out with, but for the whole we are on the same page. I'm still glad I didn't date her at 16.
 
One of my friends is 15 and she goes out with a guy who's 21. Just go for it if it's what you want. You only live once.
 
Y'see - I don't think "you only live once" is the best acumen for this. That's not a reason to fall uninhibitedly into something that could trouble you without due consideration. I would say if it's what you both want and the circumstances are favorable, then go for it - but be aware of those blinders you may have on. I've certainly been guilty of easing myself into situations that could have been avoided if I would have really observed what was going on around me and adapting my criteria around a particular person I was infatuated. God, I'm a zombie right now, I hope this makes sense. Best of luck.
 
When I was 16 I had a boyfriend who was 21 and then turned 22 while I was still 16. At time I thought it was cool, and I was a mature 16yo, but now I look back on it, and it seems weird to me. I mean, I was still in school and he was a 21yo man. I couldn't even get into licensed venues with him for a couple of years. At 16 and 20 you're just in such vastly different stages of your lives. I used to think the age difference didn't matter, but now I think there's an unavoidable power imbalance in relationships like that. Disregarding maturity, you still have 4 more years of life experience than her. I don't know...I'm not saying it's impossible or that the age difference will always matter, but I think in most cases at these ages it will have some negative consequences.
 
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