Advice for overcoming ketamine psychological (and other poly drug) addiction

[Junglabungla42]

Hey there first time poster (long time lurker 5-10 years), and I'm finally at a point where I'm worried about my k addiction to the point of irrevisible physical damage that I need to kick it for good. My mental health is degrading alongside it, I'm tired of seeing my friends hurting themselves or dying which feeds the addiction more.

I was a heavy drinker (litre of spirits a day) for a good couple years and after a stint in rehab have been sober from alcohol for about two years now, but unfortunately after leaving rehab (and being prescribed ritalin for undiagnosed ADD) my party drug use picked up.

Within the time since rehab I've had a stint with alprolozam and managed to get off that after a long taper (only to recently get back on 10mg of Diaz a day), and use cocaine and other drugs relatively frequently.

The real problem here is ketamine, after quitting my job and getting into shady stuff I've managed to smash through a couple of grams to 3 grams a day in my bad weeks, and have experienced bad k cramps kidney pains and so on so forth. I've had friends who are still suffering from their past k addictions, and other than removing myself from being able to access the drug (which is a short term fix when I work within a city), does anyone have any advice for overcoming psychological addiction?

For me ketamine does a few things, it offers the ability not to think, relatively strong antidepressant effects and more recently with heavy use, the ability to get stuff done when I'm unable to thanks to the chasing of the high. Sniffing a 300-500mg line nowadays barely touches me, and simply becomes a way of reducing my anxiety and depression for the day.

I recieve therapy, and when routined have found excercise very helpful as has diet and so on, but this has only reduced my use not cut it completely. Hobbies also help as does socialisation etc etc. The kicker here is the ketamine lethergy as does SAD prevent me from regular excercise and doing the above.

My plan so far is
- Move cities (not that k won't be available) and start going back to support groups.

- Try step into a fulfilling job to take up time and give structure and routine for my life along with excercise. Also a new household and area that isn't full of addicts.

-Continue with therapy and self work and not get tricked to use drugs when I'm feeling 'better'. Maybe start meditation.

-Surround by friends who don't use (my life back home is surrounded by friends who deal or use heavily making it too easy to be sucked in.)

-Try to deal with existing damage with supplements healthy diet lots of water etc.

-Taper down on benzos to nothing (I don't find diaz that psychologically addicting, I hate how tired it makes me and often l feel like it contributes to the 'fuck it' of using.)

Sorry if this post is coming off somewhat ranting, my partner is sick of my use as am I, and I'm sick of being prevented from achieving my life goals for such a tempory fix. Feels like it's back to the drawing board with booze yet again.

Advice for ketamine harm reduction is out there, but there isn't really a lot addressing the psychological after effects of detoxification people often have.

TLDR: advice for dealing with psychological effects of coming off ketamine (and other drugs).

 

[jhjhsdi]

I wish I knew the answer.
The only help i can give is look at where you'll be heading if you dont stop the physical damage now (link in sig)
All the best.

 

[Junglabungla42]

I read this post from before, when you took time off after your stint in hospital what was the longest time you managed to stay clean etc? I think you said 2 days a month injected right?

Honestly dealing makes it a bitch to get out of, pointless cycle of selling and buying to fuck your body up ey. Well keep on rolling man, my friend who had issues and stopped can walk etc now after being pretty much unable to for a year. For me I think it's just relapsing and forgetting the above information all a bit too often. Need it tattood lol

I wish I knew the answer.
The only help i can give is look at where you'll be heading if you dont stop the physical damage now (link in sig)
All the best.

 

[jhjhsdi]

when you took time off after your stint in hospital what was the longest time you managed to stay clean etc?

Yeah pretty much, about 5 weeks.

I think you said 2 days a month injected right?

Yeah but recently I've been more like every weekend and a few times recently twice a week and I ended up seeing some signs again, increased frequency, reduced amounts, burning urine, cloudy urine, a few small lumps passed, so im going to go back to one a fortnight.

My problem is now that I'm working and getting a weekly paycheck i cant help myself, whereas before i was only getting paid benefits once a month

 

[Kage Nickelsworth]

Stop saying yes to things you don't truly want, speak up for your own ideas, don't be a doormat for others. The feeling of powerlessness keeps me chained as a polyaddict I feel. All too passive and I commit to things I don't want to yet if you don't commit at all Skid Row is there to welcome you I guess. It's like a video game perhaps, find a different way to do it or it will be game over again maybe on homeless tent camp street good luck getting sober there right...but then someone who has it all still can't stop drinking are they corrupted by power or what's their excuse they are powerless over the drink or drug or doing ketamine doesn't really matter what the DOC is addiction is a psychological mechanism to escape pain not a disease according to Harvard psychiatrist Lance Dodes it differs from the disorder of physical dependency studying rats does not mean humans function exactly like them.

Best luck I would be bumping K this morning if I could get it but I will read from one of the recovery books I got instead of looking for it.

 

[sedgewick1]

The real problem here is ketamine, after quitting my job and getting into shady stuff I've managed to smash through a couple of grams to 3 grams a day in my bad weeks, and have experienced bad k cramps kidney pains and so on so forth. I've had friends who are still suffering from their past k addictions, and other than removing myself from being able to access the drug (which is a short term fix when I work within a city), does anyone have any advice for overcoming psychological addiction?

Long time K and PCP user here so I know of the allure of the dissociatives all too well. What finally did it for me was hitting a rock bottom and going to jail because of all the crazy shit I did. I dumped all my drugs and have no real desire to go back. But I was more of a PCP user than a K user. I think K is a lot more forgiving in terms of the craziness.

The K cramps and kidney pains aren't giving you cause for concern enough? Maybe try baby steps. Start by only using every other day, After a while imcrease the gap to every 3rd day. Try getting to only weekends. Maybe you could stop there. and that might be ok, or eventually try jumping from there, or taper from there as maybe your tolerance will decrease with the less frequent use. Maybe try substituting with a more benign drug. Pot? I found 3-cl-pcp to be pretty forgiving for a dissociative. But it might not be much better than K

The plan you outlined sounds pretty good.

 

[cdin]

long term chronic dissociative use will upregulate glutamate sites in your brain. know the awful seizy feeling of coming off benzos? It's like that, but worse. the key to me was recognizing that the "comedown" of k is the anti-glutamate effects stopping, and it turning everything on again. google glutamate surge drug seeking. It's basically the stimulant feeling responsible for classical bipolar mania, drug seeking after cocaine/other quick on/off highs. Glutamate makes humans feel awful. you don't realize how potently it's affecting it until you can get off. after months off (i did ket for decades, alongside GABA drugs which i notice you have as well, it's no mistake you like things that turn ON gaba or turn OFF glutamate. they are sides of the same coin), I can feel a single 100mg line and how much it disrupts my glutamate/GABA axis for OVER A WEEK. I thought I just wanted more K lol, i never gave it that kind of time between.

my advice is: listen to yourself. listen to your body, and realize that it creates a craving cycle that lasts SEVERAL DAYS, not several hours. Also that the dissociation removes you from the putative/negative cycle (cocaine you are PRESENT for the comedown and it's connected directly to your memory of coke, the dissociative effects of K prevent this association from occurring). REalizing those two things was key to me getting better. Additionally - if you keep taking diazepam, drinking k etc. you are just going to further degrade the systems, causing more and more anxiety, seizure issues etc. Best to back off of that precipice right now before things get much worse (they can get MUCH worse).

 

[sedgewick1]

What finally did it for me was hitting a rock bottom and going to jail because of all the crazy shit I did. I dumped all my drugs and have no real desire to go back.

Actually I take this back a bit. Hitting rock bottom wasn't really it for me. It was dissociative "perma-tolerance" that did it. I used to like taking mini-doses to get a nice functional high. However, if I take these doses now, even after long tolerance breaks, I feel nothing. I have to up the dose until I'm in the blackout/batshit crazy range to feel anything. So, its binary for me now: either feel nothing or batshit crazy. Pretty much all negative. So I had no problem with dumping it all and no cravings anymore.. Similar thing with weed. Started just getting anxious on it. All negative, no cravings anymore. My secondary DOC, opiates, got pretty negative. Started taking Suboxone. No cravings. Alcohol, 1 drink and I'm good. Any more and it turns negative. Benzos. Either I feel nothing or go to sleep. Plus I don't ever want that monkey on my back. Stims. Once in a while OK, but on a frequent basis negative. MDMA. See Stims. Psychedelics. See MDMA.

This all leaves me with one, last possible DOC... drum roll please...Quaaludes. I used to like them a lot. But just try sourcing the real stuff now-a-days. Pretty much perm-banned everywhere (except S. Africa). Anyways, been so long, no cravings.

 

[neversickanymore]

Actually I take this back a bit. Hitting rock bottom wasn't really it for me. It was dissociative "perma-tolerance" that did it. I used to like taking mini-doses to get a nice functional high. However, if I take these doses now, even after long tolerance breaks, I feel nothing. I have to up the dose until I'm in the blackout/batshit crazy range to feel anything. So, its binary for me now: either feel nothing or batshit crazy. Pretty much all negative. So I had no problem with dumping it all and no cravings anymore.. Similar thing with weed. Started just getting anxious on it. All negative, no cravings anymore. My secondary DOC, opiates, got pretty negative. Started taking Suboxone. No cravings. Alcohol, 1 drink and I'm good. Any more and it turns negative. Benzos. Either I feel nothing or go to sleep. Plus I don't ever want that monkey on my back. Stims. Once in a while OK, but on a frequent basis negative. MDMA. See Stims. Psychedelics. See MDMA.

This all leaves me with one, last possible DOC... drum roll please...Quaaludes. I used to like them a lot. But just try sourcing the real stuff now-a-days. Pretty much perm-banned everywhere (except S. Africa). Anyways, been so long, no cravings.

Looking at the different addiction cycles, drug specific subjectively to a substance, it’s interesting how the experiences reported share many traits, but vary commonly by substance.

Take end game cocaine addiction that often results in a hypotolerance. Much less Is needed to bring on psychosis, including very small doses. The pleasurable phase disappears and all that remains is the addictive drive and resultant hell.

Where as with what you describe, the dose needs to be higher, but results in a highly unpleasant state.

A strong weapon against psychological addiction is realizing, remembering and using the truth of what the experience of use is at this point. The Thrill is Gone.. and it won’t ever come back.


@Junglabungla42

I think you have a strong platform to launch another recovery. Great approach. Roll with that and if you struggle or use adjust your plan when needed. Just keep moving forward

Do you have any ideas of something you want to start doing.. something that will counter the monotony a person may face after periods of not using and normalcy. Something amazing you can always look forward to and find a nice break from every day life?

 

[impossiblephoto123]

Hey there first time poster (long time lurker 5-10 years), and I'm finally at a point where I'm worried about my k addiction to the point of irrevisible physical damage that I need to kick it for good. My mental health is degrading alongside it, I'm tired of seeing my friends hurting themselves or dying which feeds the addiction more.

I was a heavy drinker (litre of spirits a day) for a good couple years and after a stint in rehab have been sober from alcohol for about two years now, but unfortunately after leaving rehab (and being prescribed ritalin for undiagnosed ADD) my party drug use picked up.

Within the time since rehab I've had a stint with alprolozam and managed to get off that after a long taper (only to recently get back on 10mg of Diaz a day), and use cocaine and other drugs relatively frequently.

The real problem here is ketamine, after quitting my job and getting into shady stuff I've managed to smash through a couple of grams to 3 grams a day in my bad weeks, and have experienced bad k cramps kidney pains and so on so forth. I've had friends who are still suffering from their past k addictions, and other than removing myself from being able to access the drug (which is a short term fix when I work within a city), does anyone have any advice for overcoming psychological addiction?

For me ketamine does a few things, it offers the ability not to think, relatively strong antidepressant effects and more recently with heavy use, the ability to get stuff done when I'm unable to thanks to the chasing of the high. Sniffing a 300-500mg line nowadays barely touches me, and simply becomes a way of reducing my anxiety and depression for the day.

I recieve therapy, and when routined have found excercise very helpful as has diet and so on, but this has only reduced my use not cut it completely. Hobbies also help as does socialisation etc etc. The kicker here is the ketamine lethergy as does SAD prevent me from regular excercise and doing the above.

My plan so far is
- Move cities (not that k won't be available) and start going back to support groups.

- Try step into a fulfilling job to take up time and give structure and routine for my life along with excercise. Also a new household and area that isn't full of addicts.

-Continue with therapy and self work and not get tricked to use drugs when I'm feeling 'better'. Maybe start meditation.

-Surround by friends who don't use (my life back home is surrounded by friends who deal or use heavily making it too easy to be sucked in.)

-Try to deal with existing damage with supplements healthy diet lots of water etc.

-Taper down on benzos to nothing (I don't find diaz that psychologically addicting, I hate how tired it makes me and often l feel like it contributes to the 'fuck it' of using.)

Sorry if this post is coming off somewhat ranting, my partner is sick of my use as am I, and I'm sick of being prevented from achieving my life goals for such a tempory fix. Feels like it's back to the drawing board with booze yet again.

Advice for ketamine harm reduction is out there, but there isn't really a lot addressing the psychological after effects of detoxification people often have.

TLDR: advice for dealing with psychological effects of coming off ketamine (and other drugs).

Hey, I'm Dave,

Whole I'm not entirely clean, I can tell you what worked to get me to a much better place than I've been historically.

To give you a bit of history, I was a VERY heavy user of pretty much everything for the better part of 40 years. (I'm currently 55)

I was driving towards an early grave starting in high school. Alcohol, Opioids, Cigarettes, psychedelics, ((LSD, MDMA, MDA, 2CB, 2CT, KETAMINE, Psilocybin, you name it, they were pretty much my favorites aside from opoids and booze))

For at least 5 years, I was consuming towards of a half gallon of Scotch per day, along with up to an ounce of crack cocaine/freebase per day, while wearing 100mcg fentanyl patches and snorting as many as 10 - 30mg Roxicodone, and chain smoking 3 packs of cigarettesa day.

It might sound impossible, but it's the truth. It did take me a long time to develop those habits and build up the tolerances, but I did. It cost me everything eventually, and honestly, It's frankly a miracle I'm even here at all to tell you this.

That said, quitting was frankly impossible to do "all at once" and ironically, it was Ketamine, in the end, that made quitting possible for me.

The business of getting off of drugs is as much a matter of understanding how badly you need to add much as how much you want to. It sounds like you have the first part locked. The wanting to quit and "commiting to quitting" is the tricky part.

First of all, for me, quitting everything at once was a non-starter. I was so "physically dependent" on done of these inebriates that stopping abruptly would have been as dangerous as what I was doing. I had to begin by weening myself off gradually, especially alcohol and the opiates. I also needed the help and support of others, this was not something I could do by myself.

Getting my psychiatrist involved was an important step, and as I learned in the program, (A A ) the people, places and things in your life NEED to change. Hanging out with people who are using or selling makes stopping very difficult if not impossible.

Getting off of Ketamine for me, meant FIRST, crafting specific RULES. For me, that means I had to find the perfect "therapeutic dose" (A dose that you can function on, walking, talking (making sense not jabbering on, you know whatI mean), and STICKING TO THE PROGRAM 100%

For me that meant using it ONLY once a month (I would set aside a long weekend every month), Purchase a VERY specific amount (for me it was 3-5 grams spread out over a 3-5 day window (contiguous back to back days, use and dosing only once per hour, (for me, I would take one to 1.5 grams and break it into 10 hourly "bumps" and once an hour (and ONLY one bump an hour), carefully timed out with an alarm on your phone, for dose points) and NEVER consuming more than 1-1.5 grams on any given day. Once that gram or 1.5G is gone, you're DONE for that day.

After the "reboot weekend" you must STOP. Commit to stopping for a minimum of 3-4 weeks. Eventually, that will become 3-4 months, or more. For me, once every 3 months would be ideal (all I my dealers unfortunately are gone now, and I could really use a reboot, but I don't NEED a reboot. It would just be nice to have.

The idea with tapering is you HAVE GOT to stick to the rules, and understand that while the first day or two might suck a little, you will feel SO much better after.

When you feel crappy for those first few hours, think about how the K Cramps feel , they happen from taking too much too frequently. Ketamine becomes crystalline in your kidneys, your bladder, and destroys your uretheral tubes from your kidneys all the way to where it exits your body, those crystals will tear up those tubes and eventually, you won't be able to urinate at all. It's excruciating, and as long as you're abusing K, it will destroy those parts of your urinary tract.

Gaining control over the drug is really more about getting control over yourself. Setting limits, making rules, and sticking to them most importantly.

You can do this. Getting away from using it daily has to be top priority. There are many ways to ween, but the first step has to be your commitment to yourself, getting over the hump of daily use, letting some time pass without, and in some cases, finding an alternate (like with opiates), for me, Suboxone has been an absolute life saver. I tried quitting without so many times and ultimately the withdrawal was so horrible, I went back to using. Once I got subs, I felt no withdrawal, and could work on focusing on other things rather than using.

Finding a support group can really help too. Especially in the beginning.

Putting distance between yourself and the drug , the people places, etc helps, but more importantly, putting time between your consumption, will free you of the burden of being enslaved by the drug. It is a great feeling to have, and to share.

You can do it.. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll be free!

 

[impossiblephoto123]

I know my post was long winded, possibly unreadable. My apologies if it was too much.


One important thing I failed to mention. Regardless of the method or methods you employ to overcome your individual addictions, one thing is absolutely true. You have to say "no" to yourself and stick to that choice.

As an addict myself, I discovered the only way to succeed at all is to really commit to denying yourself that next wack, sometimes it's energy hour, while sometimes, is minute ro minute.

It might feel impossible, but if you look at it in the moment, literally, saying no for 60 seconds at a time can make it easier than trying to say no for a week. Just extend that minute into two, then three, etc...

It's very important you find something else that you can use to distract yourself. Masterbation, smoking, even having a beer or soda, something... Anything but the stuff you're focusing on stopping.

I'm convinced that once you gain control, you'll find that it becomes easier and easier the longer you hold out.

It also makes the drug experience that much better the longer the space you create between now and the next time you use.

I know this doesn't sound like a normal method of abstaining, but they're is a difference between dependant and addicted.

We are all addicted to feeling good. Every single human. Some find shopping, masterbation, sex, love, socialization, working or binge eating their "Feel good thing" or catharsis, while others find pleasure in using drugs and booze.

In the end, it's just about Controlling the frequency of using that particular means to that end, and making sure we don't abuse or harm ourselves or others in t he process.

You can literally maintain control over how you respond to the urge. It's a choice we make initially, and then, if we make t hat choice too frequently, enough to become physically "dependent", we have to find a solution or an alternative.

A lot of people will take issue with the idea of "replacement therapy" but I believe we all have the ability to overcome if we have the support, and/or an alternative to what we have become physically dependant upon.

I'm not necessarily saying to start another addictive behavior to replace the first, but find some way of rewarding yourself for successfully denying yourself the thing you're quitting. Whatever it is, try and make it something less troublesome than the one you're quitting.

Avoid the triggers (boredom, certain people, places, things, thoughts) and you'll eventually done the root cause of your desire to escape reality.

My shrink and my sober buddy's are always a safe call, in my case. Having a cigarette or joint, hitting my vape, etc... One step, one minute at a time.

I'm here if you ever want to chat. I'm happy to be a cheerleader for anyone who genuinely wants to quit using. If you're serious, reach out.

~Dave

 

[Junglabungla42]

I know my post was long winded, possibly unreadable. My apologies if it was too much.


One important thing I failed to mention. Regardless of the method or methods you employ to overcome your individual addictions, one thing is absolutely true. You have to say "no" to yourself and stick to that choice.

As an addict myself, I discovered the only way to succeed at all is to really commit to denying yourself that next wack, sometimes it's energy hour, while sometimes, is minute ro minute.

It might feel impossible, but if you look at it in the moment, literally, saying no for 60 seconds at a time can make it easier than trying to say no for a week. Just extend that minute into two, then three, etc...

It's very important you find something else that you can use to distract yourself. Masterbation, smoking, even having a beer or soda, something... Anything but the stuff you're focusing on stopping.

I'm convinced that once you gain control, you'll find that it becomes easier and easier the longer you hold out.

It also makes the drug experience that much better the longer the space you create between now and the next time you use.

I know this doesn't sound like a normal method of abstaining, but they're is a difference between dependant and addicted.

We are all addicted to feeling good. Every single human. Some find shopping, masterbation, sex, love, socialization, working or binge eating their "Feel good thing" or catharsis, while others find pleasure in using drugs and booze.

In the end, it's just about Controlling the frequency of using that particular means to that end, and making sure we don't abuse or harm ourselves or others in t he process.

You can literally maintain control over how you respond to the urge. It's a choice we make initially, and then, if we make t hat choice too frequently, enough to become physically "dependent", we have to find a solution or an alternative.

A lot of people will take issue with the idea of "replacement therapy" but I believe we all have the ability to overcome if we have the support, and/or an alternative to what we have become physically dependant upon.

I'm not necessarily saying to start another addictive behavior to replace the first, but find some way of rewarding yourself for successfully denying yourself the thing you're quitting. Whatever it is, try and make it something less troublesome than the one you're quitting.

Avoid the triggers (boredom, certain people, places, things, thoughts) and you'll eventually done the root cause of your desire to escape reality.

My shrink and my sober buddy's are always a safe call, in my case. Having a cigarette or joint, hitting my vape, etc... One step, one minute at a time.

I'm here if you ever want to chat. I'm happy to be a cheerleader for anyone who genuinely wants to quit using. If you're serious, reach out.

~Dave

I only revisited this thread after moving back to my family home and I'm really touched on your response (and all the responses). I'm pretty sure I wrote that post and just assumed no one would care in my mind state at the time. I'm much better now, attempting to space my usage out by every two weeks, and also limit the amount I can buy beforehand. A lot happier and healthier anyhow for now, and certainly don't feel as dependent on k anymore, although benzos have just crept in annoyingly.


But completely agree, its setting strict boundaries within yourself for your usage - because just removing drugs from you life cold turkey is frankly miserable. But, slowly using other fulfilling activities that would both fill time and trigger those same neurochemicals I've been trying to trigger via drugs as replacement is the way. Smoking weed unfortunately makes me anxious, and I don't like how lethargic I feel afterwards. I have a new more structured and legitimate job on the way, so that should help shake things up a bit.

So far the plan is going well with a few wobbles but I'll roll with the punches.

Would love to chat at some point, always nice to get some insight from someone whose got some wisdom behind them.

 

[Eligiu]

As a former heavy poly substance user, the most advice I can offer you is something you've already started do to, which is to cut one substance out of your life at a time until you're only dealing with one thing eventually.

I started drinking at 12, weed some short time after that, codeine by 14 or so (I can't remember the exact age but I think it was that), OxyContin and endone at 16, speed and cough syrup by 17 and by 21 I also added in methamphetamine, heroin (when I could get it) and A LOT of Xanax. I mean a lot.

There was a period of my life between 2016-2017 when I was barely ever sober, if only for weeks here and there and maybe at some stages a month or two. There was a stretch between around September and April where I was doing pretty well and only taking codeine but in April I relapsed on meth and heroin and that was the start of a long bender.

Over time, certain drugs started to really negatively effect me. Firstly weed started giving me psychosis, then alcohol started being a bit pointless because I got put on naltrexone here and there but alcohol stuck around for a bit until 2018 when I went on Lithium and drinking alcohol while on Lithium was more effort than it was worth. So by 2019 I stopped smoking weed for good. In 2020 I stopped drinking cough syrup because honestly when I took it my legs really hurt like a deep aching pain and I honestly felt like I was going to die.

I relapsed on heroin after 3 years without touching it but having relapsed on poppy seed tea months earlier and put myself on sublocade (Suboxone injections) to prevent me from getting more heroin now that I had access to it. I wasn't willing to go back to what my life was like while I had access to it periodically in 2016-2017. So that excluded opiates and left just meth.

I haven't managed to stop taking meth yet but I've seriously reduced my use. If you don't think you can control it though, abstinence is definitely the way to go. Moving towns can be a good idea, but it means you need to settle in to a new place and inevitably there will be access in some respect.

I recommend finding a good support group like SMART Recovery or AA/NA (I don't like 12 step programmes but I always recommend them to people as I never know who they'll work for).

Find a good drug and alcohol counsellor and also someone who can work through any personal issues you may have. For me this was trauma counselling, for you it may be for other reasons.

Bring some exercise into your life as much as you can, whether it be a short walk, a jog, or even picking up a sport. Something like a team sport can be really useful because it keeps you accountable.

Surround yourself with sober friends who don't use. And make some new friends who don't use drugs so that your common interests aren't drugs.

Make sure your diet is healthy and you're taking any supplements that might be useful.

And most of all, don't beat yourself up over this journey. There's a difference between a slip and a relapse and that's really important to remember. It's easier to come back from a slip than a relapse and it's never to soon to stop a slip before it turns into a full blown relapse.

 

[Junglabungla42]

As a former heavy poly substance user, the most advice I can offer you is something you've already started do to, which is to cut one substance out of your life at a time until you're only dealing with one thing eventually.

I started drinking at 12, weed some short time after that, codeine by 14 or so (I can't remember the exact age but I think it was that), OxyContin and endone at 16, speed and cough syrup by 17 and by 21 I also added in methamphetamine, heroin (when I could get it) and A LOT of Xanax. I mean a lot.

There was a period of my life between 2016-2017 when I was barely ever sober, if only for weeks here and there and maybe at some stages a month or two. There was a stretch between around September and April where I was doing pretty well and only taking codeine but in April I relapsed on meth and heroin and that was the start of a long bender.

Over time, certain drugs started to really negatively effect me. Firstly weed started giving me psychosis, then alcohol started being a bit pointless because I got put on naltrexone here and there but alcohol stuck around for a bit until 2018 when I went on Lithium and drinking alcohol while on Lithium was more effort than it was worth. So by 2019 I stopped smoking weed for good. In 2020 I stopped drinking cough syrup because honestly when I took it my legs really hurt like a deep aching pain and I honestly felt like I was going to die.

I relapsed on heroin after 3 years without touching it but having relapsed on poppy seed tea months earlier and put myself on sublocade (Suboxone injections) to prevent me from getting more heroin now that I had access to it. I wasn't willing to go back to what my life was like while I had access to it periodically in 2016-2017. So that excluded opiates and left just meth.

I haven't managed to stop taking meth yet but I've seriously reduced my use. If you don't think you can control it though, abstinence is definitely the way to go. Moving towns can be a good idea, but it means you need to settle in to a new place and inevitably there will be access in some respect.

I recommend finding a good support group like SMART Recovery or AA/NA (I don't like 12 step programmes but I always recommend them to people as I never know who they'll work for).

Find a good drug and alcohol counsellor and also someone who can work through any personal issues you may have. For me this was trauma counselling, for you it may be for other reasons.

Bring some exercise into your life as much as you can, whether it be a short walk, a jog, or even picking up a sport. Something like a team sport can be really useful because it keeps you accountable.

Surround yourself with sober friends who don't use. And make some new friends who don't use drugs so that your common interests aren't drugs.

Make sure your diet is healthy and you're taking any supplements that might be useful.

And most of all, don't beat yourself up over this journey. There's a difference between a slip and a relapse and that's really important to remember. It's easier to come back from a slip than a relapse and it's never to soon to stop a slip before it turns into a full blown relapse.

I've had the same therapist for about 3 years now she was excellent at the start but now we live in different cities it's difficult. I've tried SMART and NA/AA. I was a bigger fan of Smarts set up but I emphasised with more people from NA. The 12 step 'I have no control' aspect didn't sit well with me.

In all honesty I relapsed on alcohol and xanax which were my two problematic drugs of choice of the past few years. The alcohol especially has been due to arguments with my family who I'm currently living with and one to many job rejections /abandoning my excercise and support sessions.

I'm now at a point where I really need to back off from this path - I know where it ends. Re having friends who are sober this is in progress and a lot of my friends in the city in question I'm moving to are recovering addicts so there's plenty of support there.

I think the number 1 problem right now is simply the identity I've taken upon myself. I casually dealt drugs since I was 17, and in the years after my detox this got more serious and I got used to the lifestyle. I rejected that realising it was a lot of the reason for heavy drug use, but after 5 odd months of genuine effort for legitimate and potentially fulfilling jobs I'm sick of being broke and feeling inadequate. Dealing is like cocaine in the fake confidence and direction it gives you, but the crash is all too real.

I'm ranting but as a broad question, any advice on pulling back from the start of a relapse I know will end badly likely is much appreciated. My steps I first outlined are all still relevant, but any other advice people have.

I'm far from hopeless, just a little lost right now.

Big love,

Jb

 

[Eligiu]

I've had the same therapist for about 3 years now she was excellent at the start but now we live in different cities it's difficult. I've tried SMART and NA/AA. I was a bigger fan of Smarts set up but I emphasised with more people from NA. The 12 step 'I have no control' aspect didn't sit well with me.

In all honesty I relapsed on alcohol and xanax which were my two problematic drugs of choice of the past few years. The alcohol especially has been due to arguments with my family who I'm currently living with and one to many job rejections /abandoning my excercise and support sessions.

I'm now at a point where I really need to back off from this path - I know where it ends. Re having friends who are sober this is in progress and a lot of my friends in the city in question I'm moving to are recovering addicts so there's plenty of support there.

I think the number 1 problem right now is simply the identity I've taken upon myself. I casually dealt drugs since I was 17, and in the years after my detox this got more serious and I got used to the lifestyle. I rejected that realising it was a lot of the reason for heavy drug use, but after 5 odd months of genuine effort for legitimate and potentially fulfilling jobs I'm sick of being broke and feeling inadequate. Dealing is like cocaine in the fake confidence and direction it gives you, but the crash is all too real.

I'm ranting but as a broad question, any advice on pulling back from the start of a relapse I know will end badly likely is much appreciated. My steps I first outlined are all still relevant, but any other advice people have.

I'm far from hopeless, just a little lost right now.

Big love,

Jb

I shedded my 'addict' identity long ago and I no longer identify with the term at all. I too struggle to with the lack of control aspect of 12 step groups. If SMART appealed to you more I think it would be a good idea to search a meeting out for some external accountability if only for that reason.

It's good that you have sober friends lined up where you are moving. The people who were the most helpful to my recovery from my period of very heavy use were friends who abstained from drinking when we went out to eat together. Not necessarily needed, but nice of them to do.

I can't recommend enough getting back into exercise. I have a personal trainer once a week and although we don't do anything particularly strenuous, it gets me out in the fresh air and working my body, and that's enough of a benefit to have run on affects. Ditto for your support sessions. You need to start going to them again if that's the therapy you were talking about.

A lot of the time we become wrapped up in our identities and it can be hard to shed it. I know, I've been there. But there's nothing that is set in stone stating 'you must be a dealer/addict for the rest of your life' is there? Now that doesn't mean that you can just run off and do whatever drugs you want whenever you have the time, money and desire to, but it means you can tell yourself that you put the work in, and you control the drugs - they don't control you. As in, you control not taking them.

 

[Junglabungla42]

I shedded my 'addict' identity long ago and I no longer identify with the term at all. I too struggle to with the lack of control aspect of 12 step groups. If SMART appealed to you more I think it would be a good idea to search a meeting out for some external accountability if only for that reason.

It's good that you have sober friends lined up where you are moving. The people who were the most helpful to my recovery from my period of very heavy use were friends who abstained from drinking when we went out to eat together. Not necessarily needed, but nice of them to do.

I can't recommend enough getting back into exercise. I have a personal trainer once a week and although we don't do anything particularly strenuous, it gets me out in the fresh air and working my body, and that's enough of a benefit to have run on affects. Ditto for your support sessions. You need to start going to them again if that's the therapy you were talking about.

A lot of the time we become wrapped up in our identities and it can be hard to shed it. I know, I've been there. But there's nothing that is set in stone stating 'you must be a dealer/addict for the rest of your life' is there? Now that doesn't mean that you can just run off and do whatever drugs you want whenever you have the time, money and desire to, but it means you can tell yourself that you put the work in, and you control the drugs - they don't control you. As in, you control not taking them.

I was on the way to trying to shed that identity with a new job and I know I'll get there I have good hobbies that I can enjoy more with no substances involved. Bouldering is a big one - a centre than opens til 9 in the evening with no alcohol for sale, social and excercise (that excited dopamine and adrenaline is ideal)

I was also at my best with a regular PT and therapist I was honest with. Similarly I have no desire to be part of that dealer identity anymore, I know where it ends. If only money wasn't an obstacle.

I've chatted your ear off enough - I know myself and know I have the tools and network to beat this just like before.

Love for offering a listening ear, just a few words can make such an impact on my own (and others) outcome.

Jb x