• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Adult people with little or no experience with sex or even kissing

P

puking

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
56
I'm in my early twenties and I never had sex in my life. I had a handful of experiences kissing girls but I was drunk and influenced by peer pressure in all of them. It was actually ridiculous and I almost wish I never had them.
Not only am I missing a big part of life, I also feel very different from everybody else, and sometimes, inferior.
It seems like everybody is in a relationship or having sex. People talk about it all the time, TV is full of it.
I'm in a public place that has internet right now and there is a group of people about my age and for the past 40 minutes they have talked about nothing but relationship stuff. It kinda gets in my nerves.




Is anyone else like that?
 
im 20 almost 21 and ive never had a GF, ive never kissed a girl i liked except during a game of spin the bottle, ive had sex once but i was casual with a random

things that get me through the day are eye sex with cute girls on the street, daily chocking the chicken session, and knowing that once my self-confidence is higher i will be able to attract a girl and maintain a healthy relationship

i think its important not to think about this as a deficiency in you or that something is wrong with you, a lot of people will say that promiscuous sex during yr 20's is not worth much at all in comparison to sex with a person you love and connect with on a deep level

sex is a really sacred thing and I have been thinking lately that if i did meet a girl that i hit it off with that i would build a deep friendship first and then explore our sexuality because there is something really holy about two people sharing those parts of themselves with eachother and the beautiful sensations it creates on our bodies.

dont feel bad!!! you dont need to :)
 
I really fucked up some potential relationships in my early 20s and the only advice I have is to just keep connecting with people socially and when you do meet a girl you really like then don't waste any time letting her know what you want. You want her to go out with you, in order to get to know her better, in order to kiss her, in order to invite her back to your place, where the sex occurs. It's human, it's normal, and it's a bunch of steps that you have to initiate yourself even if you feel awkward as all hell because girls very very seldom make the first move. And when they do, every male in the viscinity should be able to see the gears in your brain moving as you figure out how to make your exit because you don't want the baggage that comes with girls who make the first move.
 
My sister is 19 and she has done absolutely nothing. She's never kissed a guy, had a boyfriend, had sex, etc. She's relatively good looking (I mean, not drop dead gorgeous but she's far from ugly).

I also have a few friends my age (22/23) who have never dated anyone before and never had sex. They are all awesome people... just focusing on other things in their lives right now.
 
Yeah, if you're in your early twenties, I don't think it's time to start obsessing over it yet. I've known a few people that were pretty inactive until age 20-24 and it seems to typically be a situation where some just aren't ready as early as others.
I don't think it's anything to worry about too much. In particular because obsessing over it at an age where it's still not that big a deal can probably lead to developing a complex, which then leads to the same self fulfilling horror show of "It's not gonna happen because I'm gonna subconsciously make sure it doesn't happen" and you sure as hell don't want that.
Relax, pick your spots to be aggressive in pursuing someone and if rejection happens to occur don't stress on it too much. All that relationship talk that you're missing out on has a lot of awful aspects to it. Like rejection, for example. Or cheating. Etc.
 
i'm 21 and haven't been laid since I was 15, I honestly don't remember what it was like, and it doesn't really mean much to me at all. I do kinda feel strange because I really enjoy the simple stuff, holding hands, just laying in a bed together, girls are awesome and there so much more to them than vagina
 
I'm also in my early twenties. I've never kissed a guy, held hands, had sex, been on a date, or anything else. This is all by choice. I don't want a relationship. I like being able to do what I want without being accountable to anyone. It doesn't annoy me at all when people talk about relationships-it serves as a "case study" of sorts to me on "how the other half lives."

To the person who said to run away from girls who make the first move, what makes you say that? The closest I ever came to going on a date, I asked the guy (but rescinded my offer hours later). Not every girl who takes the initiative is bad, and not everyone wants a relationship.
 
puking said:
..influenced by peer pressure in all of them. ..I also feel very different from everybody else, and sometimes, inferior...
It seems like everybody is in a relationship or having sex. People talk about it all the time, TV is full of it, It kinda gets in my nerves.
Click to expand...

I got peer pressured into the first two experiences in my life in my teens. Nothing more than kissing/dating one girl, but my friends thought I was falling behind or needed those experiences so it kind of got thrust on me. Neither of those experiences meant anything, made me incredibly nervous and more self-depreciating of myself because I felt like such a tool/failure/pawn/etc. Wasn't ready for it, or rather I never met the right girl who could help me out of my hole emotionally. I'm sure there was somewhere, but being reserved, introverted, rather spending time smoking and looking up information in the net, I didn't exactly go out looking for that girl.

The focus at that age was always about technique, or getting laid, showing yourself off to your friends and others like you've achieved the highest accolade a human can get. Never was it about emotional connection first. I know that messed me up. Our culture is all about sex sex sex. For the reserved and introverted sex/intimacy appears very daunting and scary, especially if you've been hurt already emotionally.

I lost my virginity at 25 when I went back to college. Been dating her for 2 years. She was raped when she was younger and we've been working through that together, and it has given me much more to think about when it comes to sex and intimacy, something I don't think I would have gotten from a regular (and first) sexual relationship.

Anyway, my advice: Don't feel inferior.. there's more people in the mid-twenties who are total virgins than you realize. It doesn't matter. Everyone has to start somewhere at sometime. If your first proper girl/guy turns you down because of that then forget them.. you will find someone who likes you for you and they won't care, just keep pushing forward. And forget all these people who talk about sex/relationships/affection in public.. they're no different from the people back in school.. there's nothing about the emotional detail. Also finally, if you're a guy.. go a couple of weeks without masturbating. It will motivate you and give you an energy that makes you appear very attractive to the ladies, they pick up on it. It also builds your self-confidence/esteem.. because if you're feeling inferior then no doubt you reinforce that through masturbation without realizing it.
 
I'm 27 never had sex. Had a bf in high school. I'm attractive but have a demanding job in healthcare so I don't get time to meet anyone. Plus I don't have many friends, I'm an only child and just don't enjoy socialising. I'm not shy, just find the whole thing tedious.

But then again I do everything slowly, and in my own time. Ive only just started experimenting with drugs for example.
 
thujone said:
I And when they do, every male in the viscinity should be able to see the gears in your brain moving as you figure out how to make your exit because you don't want the baggage that comes with girls who make the first move.
Click to expand...

What is so wrong with girls who make the first move? What exactly is this bagagge?
 
I think everyone is ready to do things at different times. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18. Hell, I didn't get anyone off or have anyone else get me off until then. I just wasn't comfortable with it until then. I'm not sexually stunted. Far from it. I'm 22 now and I know exactly what I like, and I'm not afraid to voice it. As long as you're putting yourself out there, meeting people, you will get there. It'll be more worthwhile if you do it on your terms. Get what you really want..the rest just leads to cautionary tales. Those are fine too, though. Never feel inferior because of what you have or haven't done. You'll meet people, either way, that are going to be good with it for whatever reason. I promise.
 
I was the same way. Only kissed when high. Never really had a bf, either... until I met my boyfriend at 20 years old.

I think you need to be a little bit more proactive. I mean, are you even trying? Do you even want it? Like, girls don't just throw themselves at you. You kind of have to work a little. Maybe you should be asking for pointers?
 
[S]alvatore said:
Yep, we call them weirdoes.
Click to expand...

this isn't really helpful is it?

OP you have to make an effort to get what you want in your life...

plenty of fish- go online and start messaging 20 women everyday. internet dating is a numbers game in a big way.

i've rarely chatted people up in real life (gay) because the times i'm horny are when i'm sober on public transport. the gay issue makes it hard to chat random men up in non gay situations cos most are straight
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
I think you need to be a little bit more proactive. I mean, are you even trying? Do you even want it? Like, girls don't just throw themselves at you. You kind of have to work a little. Maybe you should be asking for pointers?
Click to expand...

ok, but does that work works for finding a healthy, commited relationship?
do people really find love by going ou there and asking phone numbers, emails and playing a numbers game? or do that works just for sex?
I dont know, maybe I'm not slick enough for nowadays dating standards
 
puking said:
ok, but does that work works for finding a healthy, commited relationship?
do people really find love by going ou there and asking phone numbers, emails and playing a numbers game? or do that works just for sex?
I dont know, maybe I'm not slick enough for nowadays dating standards
Click to expand...

this is the attitude of someone who has made no effort.

if you dont put out yourself in a way and make an effort nothing is going to change.

1- you have to want and believe things will happen

2- you have to create situations that allow them to happen
 
puking said:
ok, but does that work works for finding a healthy, commited relationship?
do people really find love by going ou there and asking phone numbers, emails and playing a numbers game? or do that works just for sex?
I dont know, maybe I'm not slick enough for nowadays dating standards
Click to expand...

Yes, that's how you can do it. That's how you meet people. How do you know if someone is compatible with you if you just wait and make no effort whatsoever? The more people you talk to, the better chance you have at finding someone who you could start dating. And then that could develop into an actual relationship at some point.

If YOU want something to happen, YOU have to take the initiative. You can't expect girls or guys to be all over you. The more you try, the better chance you have at finding someone.
 
puking said:
ok, but does that work works for finding a healthy, commited relationship?
do people really find love by going ou there and asking phone numbers, emails and playing a numbers game? or do that works just for sex?
I dont know, maybe I'm not slick enough for nowadays dating standards
Click to expand...

You only find people by putting yourself out there. It has worked for me! How else are you supposed to do it? How else has it been done? Marriages aren't arranged and daddy doesn't get to pick, usually (lucky for some).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top