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ADHD, need your thoughts folks

G

gocards27

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 10, 2010
Messages
70
I am 28 yrs old, I have abused food, booze, opiates, weed, etc....


this pattern started when I was 18. before that I was just a wild kid, bad grades, no focus, quick mood swings, and so on.


so..I went the last 10 years fucking up my life. Now I am done.

I am desperate. I have been for a while. I got clean from opies months ago..and those traits and feelings came back.

I always suspected I have add or adhd.

I met a doctor this weekend at a small party. Some how it came up. He was very generous man.

He took me to the Internets and together we did two separate tests for it. Both time my answers were off the charts for ADHD, in other words...my life is the one of a person with a strong case of ADD.

I never thought of or accepted this.

This man is 50 and is certain of it that I need help or I will end up a drug addict again and it won't get better and it is not my fault.

Look guys I am not trying to sound like a big pussy but I am terrified to go to a MD and get officially checked out.

this might sound nuts..but on the outside I will come off as perfect , out going, funny, charming when I go see the MD. but on the inside my mind is racing and I am a mess.


This man I met told me to go and tell the MD everything, the past, the history, the current, the drug abuse. Tell him you are desperate for help and change.


I am scared today I will make an appt with someone.

advice?
 
Hey gocard27,

You've taken the first steps towards recovery and the life you now want for yourself. You've realized you want to change and have taken concrete steps to do so. Good job so far. I think this would do best in The Dark Side so I'll send it over there for you.

Best of Luck!

edit: actually my magic powers are useless once I leave the enchanted ground of the Other Drugs castle but I shall expedite the process for you :D
 
If you feel that you may benefit from looking further into this then go for it. But I would stay away from this doctor that you met. He attempts to diagnose you at a party using some online checklist, and then tells you that if you don't get treated you'll become a drug addict again? Based on knowing you for....5 minutes??? Not only is he a doctor but he has an ability to see into the future too...do they teach this in med school?

If you feel that your symptoms are causing you distress then I hope that you are able to find some sort of solution. I would suggest reading up on ADD/ADHD yourself too (if you haven't) to get some good information on it because it is easy to get a quick diagnosis for just about anything. But no need to worry about the appointment too much, just be honest and tell him what is going on.
 
Legerity said:
If you feel that you may benefit from looking further into this then go for it. But I would stay away from this doctor that you met. He attempts to diagnose you at a party using some online checklist, and then tells you that if you don't get treated you'll become a drug addict again? Based on knowing you for....5 minutes??? Not only is he a doctor but he has an ability to see into the future too...do they teach this in med school?

If you feel that your symptoms are causing you distress then I hope that you are able to find some sort of solution. I would suggest reading up on ADD/ADHD yourself too (if you haven't) to get some good information on it because it is easy to get a quick diagnosis for just about anything. But no need to worry about the appointment too much, just be honest and tell him what is going on.
Click to expand...

Thanks...as far back as I can remember the self checklists would tell me I have a bad case of it..so I would ignore it.

This morning I did 3 of them and nearly every symptom of ADHD applies to me as if the paper explains how I have lived all my life.

I am just at the end of my rope in terms of patience..I can't go more then a month sober before these symptoms get to much to live with.

thanks.
 
Well I hope you get some peace of mind then :) Let us know how the appointment goes!
 
It can be comforting to think that the root of your problems are caused by something that is out of your control (e.g. ADHD). I definitely think that it is a good idea to open up to a doctor regardless as they will be able to help you with whatever you are dealing with. It's just something to keep in mind when trying to analyze yourself objectively.
 
I know what you are going through, OP. I was diagnosed with ADD at 33. I'm 36 now. I'm also an opiate addict. I take my adderall as prescribed (I've never been one to enjoy the speed thing) and believe me, it works! There are other meds out there that are non-amphetamine that work well. Both my kids are on Strattera and it's made a big difference for them. I've been on adderall since day one and since it works, I'm not about to change.

This is how I approached my doc...

(background story here) I had been diagnosed as bipolar/major depressive/borderline personality and the meds made me feel like a zombie. I had read an article in a magazine about ADD and I simply brought up the article and said, "What do you think? Could it be?" She gave me a couple of those tests (a lot like the ones you see online, but a little trickier) and indeed I was ADD. BAD!

The whole idea with doctors when dealing with something like this is to pose it in a question rather than going in with self diagnosis.

Being ADD isn't all that bad. I've learned lots of cool things about being ADD and how to use it to my best advantage. I'm here if you need someone to talk to about things. The first year was a lot like starting all over for me, but with a much clearer perspective and better focus!
 
ADDGrrl said:
I know what you are going through, OP. I was diagnosed with ADD at 33. I'm 36 now. I'm also an opiate addict. I take my adderall as prescribed (I've never been one to enjoy the speed thing) and believe me, it works! There are other meds out there that are non-amphetamine that work well. Both my kids are on Strattera and it's made a big difference for them. I've been on adderall since day one and since it works, I'm not about to change.

This is how I approached my doc...

(background story here) I had been diagnosed as bipolar/major depressive/borderline personality and the meds made me feel like a zombie. I had read an article in a magazine about ADD and I simply brought up the article and said, "What do you think? Could it be?" She gave me a couple of those tests (a lot like the ones you see online, but a little trickier) and indeed I was ADD. BAD!

The whole idea with doctors when dealing with something like this is to pose it in a question rather than going in with self diagnosis.

Being ADD isn't all that bad. I've learned lots of cool things about being ADD and how to use it to my best advantage. I'm here if you need someone to talk to about things. The first year was a lot like starting all over for me, but with a much clearer perspective and better focus!
Click to expand...


thank you so much, that is where I am now..the self tests put me like absurdly over the highest limit.

I wish it wasn't so.

but this thread is what I needed. I will do what you said..i will take the test in and ask the DOC what they think. Did you come clean with your DOC about your past self medicating?
 
Dude, I can TOTALLY relate to this. I have been five months clean now and am very proud of myself, but my sobriety has revealed how severely ADHD I am. I had always had a very difficult time with many simple things that other people find to be second nature, yet at the same time am very bright, articulate, outgoing and charming. This confuses people and frustrates me because others see that I am an intelligent individual so when I make silly mistakes over and over, get lost, behave strangely, speak out of turn or say something inappropriate, everyone thinks I'm either high, lazy or just don't give a shit. Social interaction can be very frustrating because people either love my energy, sponatnaeity and unique perspective, or can't even handle being around me. I take Vyvanse (40mg) which helps immensely, however, no pill is a cure all. I still have issues. I live at an Oxford House and we have fines for carelessness (leaving dishes out, ash trays etc...). This is an ADHD person's nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I love my house, but I have left the door unlocked more times than I can count (a $25 fine) and my housemates are fed up. I've always been a straight A student (except in math, which I'm utterly incapable of doing) yet I can't even drive because I get lost anywhere I go, no matter how many times I've been there. It is very frustrating but medication, self-awareness, careful planning and working a daily little ADHD program is enormously beneficial.
 
Mr-Tambourine-Man said:
Dude, I can TOTALLY relate to this. I have been five months clean now and am very proud of myself, but my sobriety has revealed how severely ADHD I am. I had always had a very difficult time with many simple things that other people find to be second nature, yet at the same time am very bright, articulate, outgoing and charming. This confuses people and frustrates me because others see that I am an intelligent individual so when I make silly mistakes over and over, get lost, behave strangely, speak out of turn or say something inappropriate, everyone thinks I'm either high, lazy or just don't give a shit. Social interaction can be very frustrating because people either love my energy, sponatnaeity and unique perspective, or can't even handle being around me. I take Vyvanse (40mg) which helps immensely, however, no pill is a cure all. I still have issues. I live at an Oxford House and we have fines for carelessness (leaving dishes out, ash trays etc...). This is an ADHD person's nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I love my house, but I have left the door unlocked more times than I can count (a $25 fine) and my housemates are fed up. I've always been a straight A student (except in math, which I'm utterly incapable of doing) yet I can't even drive because I get lost anywhere I go, no matter how many times I've been there. It is very frustrating but medication, self-awareness, careful planning and working a daily little ADHD program is enormously beneficial.
Click to expand...


I am not as bad with the memory as you. That seems like a pretty severe case. But then again all of the tests I have taken say I have a severe case. I know I have ADHD. It so amazing to finally realize it or come to grips with it. At least know I can learn to live life and have something for myself and my children. Thanks for sharing man.
 
Mr Tambourine Man, I have the same trouble with people. I often come off as ditzy or people think I'm just plain out stupid. And it's not the case. Most ADDers are highly intelligent but just lack focus. My sense of humor and goofiness has been off-putting to people as well. An ex-boyfriend said I reminded him of a cross between Robin Williams and Howie Mandell. I wore him out with my antics. Problem is, making people laugh makes me FEEL GREAT! But, I've gotten to the point of telling people right off that I have ADD. Yeah, it could lead to judgement but at the same time it serves as a warning as to what they are in for.

gocards, I have not come "clean" with my abusing drugs to my doc yet. I tested positive for weed the last time I was in and I think she suspects there is a problem. I had to admit it to myself first. But, 3 weeks off the hydro and I'm doing much better. I had an opportunity to steal some hydro tonight but told myself, "Dammit! Don't fall into that trap again! You'll end up in WD hell again if you do!" And I walked away. If I can do it without subs or methadone, I'm going to. Might join a support group although it's hard when you are an atheist!
 
I never really thought of ADD as that big of a deal until I was diagnosed with it, now I see how it has affected my life in every area for my whole life. I too had to get sober for a while until it became apparent that drugs weren't the cause of my symptoms. I have all the same problems you do, I'm impulsive, say whatever comes to mind, I'm almost always late for appointments.

It really put me in a depression to learn that the meds alone only helped the symptoms, and that I need therapy and have 30years of bad habits and misinterpreted thinking to correct.

However, the diagnosis was a huge relief too, I've always been smart and good with music and the visual arts so people never suspected ADD. My parents and some friends are also somewhat relieved to have an explanation to the way I just naturally am.

By all means get the diagnosis, it's essential, it's changed my life for the better and I understand myself soooo much better, I do feel slightly more in control but one of the frustrating things about the meds are that they allow you to see when you are doing something ADD and that you've been doing it your whole life unaware of the cause. You can't blame ADD for everything but knowing what it is will help you take charge of your life, it takes work but it's worth it.

I demand that you read Driven To Distraction if you get officially diagnosed, it's extremely popular and held in high regard. It was like reading the owners manual to myself, all the habits and traits of ADD people along with case studies. Life changing book for me.

ADD is great to, it's the reason I do what I love for a living (cuz I couldn't focus on anything else...) but it has a lot of drawbacks. Very treatable, just takes time, i do think it's essential though to get that diagnosis, you'll be amazed at the amount of progress you'll make. You'll also probably be frustrated at times, but at least you'll know why. Go for it!
 
ADDGrrl said:
Mr Tambourine Man, I have the same trouble with people. I often come off as ditzy or people think I'm just plain out stupid. And it's not the case. Most ADDers are highly intelligent but just lack focus. My sense of humor and goofiness has been off-putting to people as well. An ex-boyfriend said I reminded him of a cross between Robin Williams and Howie Mandell. I wore him out with my antics. Problem is, making people laugh makes me FEEL GREAT! But, I've gotten to the point of telling people right off that I have ADD. Yeah, it could lead to judgement but at the same time it serves as a warning as to what they are in for.

gocards, I have not come "clean" with my abusing drugs to my doc yet. I tested positive for weed the last time I was in and I think she suspects there is a problem. I had to admit it to myself first. But, 3 weeks off the hydro and I'm doing much better. I had an opportunity to steal some hydro tonight but told myself, "Dammit! Don't fall into that trap again! You'll end up in WD hell again if you do!" And I walked away. If I can do it without subs or methadone, I'm going to. Might join a support group although it's hard when you are an atheist!
Click to expand...


lol. I am an atheist and I am the same way, super smart or enlightened, people love me at first and think I am unique and special but the ADD ends up pushing them away. Luckily the woman I with now i have been with for 3 years, she supports anything that will get me better and will stick next to this Spark as she calls it and will deal with my antics over being with boring Joe American. It makes sense that people with the spark like us would have a disorder that allows us to max out our brains in philosophy, thoughts, compulsive learning and so on.

but I'd rather lose some of it if I can be better.

thanks for sharing.


YES and no Hydro, do not do it, it will ruin you, we all know how that goes.
 
I am at work, but my GF gets off at 1pm..she will go straight home, and threw Yahoo Messenger we will find a doctor..

I do not have health insurance and wrecked my credit, so I have saved up $600.00 bucks to do this now.

so I hope that can cover the appointment and meds. I know in most offices here in St. Louis, mo area, its 100 to 150 up front. Either way I am willing throw even more resources into this and worry about the money later when I am better.

I just think that if I get the right treatment that my eyes will be wide open and I can do things I think I can.


I believe I could be the President of the USA if I wanted, in fact I know it. I know I can do anything, I know I can lead, I know I can inspire.

But ADD won't allow me to be the man I want to be.

and this is no longer acceptable at all costs.
 
For your meds, Costco is the way to go! If your doc puts you on the regular Adderall, not the XR, it's super cheap. We're talking less than $20. You can also look for mental health clinics in your area that offer a sliding scale fee to see a doc.

I went without insurance (and will be without again once my divorce is final) for years. I know, it's pricey for healthcare but worth it in the end.

You will notice a difference with your first dose. But, I will say that the pill doesn't take away everything. Changing your way of thinking will. A good therapist will help you with that. I've suffered with low self esteem all my life and the therapist I have now is helping me change how I view things. The meds will help you focus, but you are the one who needs to go out and do the things you want to do.

I'm glad to hear you have a good woman at your side. Having someone who sees your ADD as a "Spark" rather than being run by a motor is going to help you more than you will know. My Dad cannot and will not understand ADD, as he thinks it doesn't exist.

I refuse to see my ADD as a curse. There are so many GREAT things about being ADD! Compulsive learning? I see it as being well-rounded. Nothing wrong with expanding your mind and knowledge. Being hyper and as some would say, annoying? I see it as having a sunny disposition and can make people laugh or at least smile when down. I know others, myself included, with ADD that have a sixth sense. I call it my "Spidey Sense" and I get this feeling something is going to happen, either good or bad. All these things, I would never want to go away because they are the super cool part of ADD!

There's the bad too. I have the worst sense of direction. I also don't always "catch" details in certain things. I'm terribly disorganized no matter how hard I try. And that whole, "Look! A squirrel!!!" thing drives me batty. But it's who we are and it's going to be there no matter what we take.

Get yourself to the doc, get some meds on board and get out there and be the man you want to be! And please, keep me posted on how you are doing!
 
I just find this topic so fascinating because I've known I was adhd since childhood but was always led to believe it was a very minor diagnosis. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder and now that I have a better understanding of adhd I do not believe I am bipolar at all. adhd is not schizophrenia, but now that I've gained some insight I understand that it has had a MAJOR impact on my life and minimizing it has been greatly detrimental. When you learn the symptoms and begin your medication and therapy (both of which are needed if you truly have adhd and aren't one of the countless misdiagnosed cases) everything will just click and you will go through your day constantly surprised by these little revelations, "OMG, that is why I do that!" For instance, there is an interesting symptom called hyperfocus. Ever noticed how you are off-the-charts good at certain things, insanely motivated when something interests you, yet utterly incapable and distractable in almost all other areas? Do you become obsessed with certain subjects? Do you thrive on controversy? You're not receiving enough dopamine and norepinephrine and your brain locks onto anything that gives it a boost of stimulation. That is why adhd individuals are so prone to addiction.
My doc knows I'm an addict. I believe it is important to be honest with your doctor, so long as they don't prescribe some Strattera bullshit. AND DON"T ABUSE YOUR MEDS! If you want them to work you must follow very strict protocol. Start with the lowest dose. I know you want the results to be instant and intense but if your medication is getting you high it will become very difficult to use it properly in the future. It you start low and slowly titrate up the medication will subtly weave its way into your life. I barely notice the effects of my Vyvanse unless I forget to take it.
Also, tolerance can be a bitch and it is important not to begin escalating your dose when it seems to stop working. Use Magnesium and/or a low dose of DXM to keep tolerance down (I don't take the DXM as it makes me spacey, but some people swear by it). On days when I need an extra push I take a tablespoon of baking soda. This will increase the effects by at least 50% (for me anyway).
I reccomend Vyvanse over any other med, as it is so smooth. No pronounced euphoria, which can be tricky for an addict, and no discernable crash. My appetite and sleep are completely unaffected. In fact, I sleep better. A full stomach will not decrease the effects. And if taken properly and with the right supplements, it really does last the advertised 12 hours. The absence of levo-amphetamines found in adderall does make it a bit less of a study drug (I'm now able to do homework and such, but I dont HAVE TO, HAVE TO, HAVE TO like I did on adderall). This also makes Vyvanse far less jittery and unpredictable than adderall or ritalin, which make me irritable and depressed as they wear off no matter how long I've been taking. Anyway, it is THE most beneficial med I've every tried. I used to take drugs for anxiety, insomia, depression, you name it. Now I take one pill in the morning and all these symptoms are resolved. It is wonderful.
 
thank you all for the support, I have my testing appt with a local behavioral clinic doctor at 230 on Tuesday.
 
Mr-Tambourine-Man said:
I just find this topic so fascinating because I've known I was adhd since childhood but was always led to believe it was a very minor diagnosis. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder and now that I have a better understanding of adhd I do not believe I am bipolar at all. adhd is not schizophrenia, but now that I've gained some insight I understand that it has had a MAJOR impact on my life and minimizing it has been greatly detrimental. When you learn the symptoms and begin your medication and therapy (both of which are needed if you truly have adhd and aren't one of the countless misdiagnosed cases) everything will just click and you will go through your day constantly surprised by these little revelations, "OMG, that is why I do that!" For instance, there is an interesting symptom called hyperfocus. Ever noticed how you are off-the-charts good at certain things, insanely motivated when something interests you, yet utterly incapable and distractable in almost all other areas? Do you become obsessed with certain subjects? Do you thrive on controversy? You're not receiving enough dopamine and norepinephrine and your brain locks onto anything that gives it a boost of stimulation. That is why adhd individuals are so prone to addiction.
My doc knows I'm an addict. I believe it is important to be honest with your doctor, so long as they don't prescribe some Strattera bullshit. AND DON"T ABUSE YOUR MEDS! If you want them to work you must follow very strict protocol. Start with the lowest dose. I know you want the results to be instant and intense but if your medication is getting you high it will become very difficult to use it properly in the future. It you start low and slowly titrate up the medication will subtly weave its way into your life. I barely notice the effects of my Vyvanse unless I forget to take it.
Also, tolerance can be a bitch and it is important not to begin escalating your dose when it seems to stop working. Use Magnesium and/or a low dose of DXM to keep tolerance down (I don't take the DXM as it makes me spacey, but some people swear by it). On days when I need an extra push I take a tablespoon of baking soda. This will increase the effects by at least 50% (for me anyway).
I reccomend Vyvanse over any other med, as it is so smooth. No pronounced euphoria, which can be tricky for an addict, and no discernable crash. My appetite and sleep are completely unaffected. In fact, I sleep better. A full stomach will not decrease the effects. And if taken properly and with the right supplements, it really does last the advertised 12 hours. The absence of levo-amphetamines found in adderall does make it a bit less of a study drug (I'm now able to do homework and such, but I dont HAVE TO, HAVE TO, HAVE TO like I did on adderall). This also makes Vyvanse far less jittery and unpredictable than adderall or ritalin, which make me irritable and depressed as they wear off no matter how long I've been taking. Anyway, it is THE most beneficial med I've every tried. I used to take drugs for anxiety, insomia, depression, you name it. Now I take one pill in the morning and all these symptoms are resolved. It is wonderful.
Click to expand...

I feel like I am looking at a mirror

unreal.

thank you
 
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