34-Empathy
Bluelighter
Hello,
My name is Jack. Im going to start with saying the truth.
I have had great experiences with drugs and also very bad. sorry if this story seems long. but I want to get it out to new and experienced users.
i guess my first experience was with booze. ( I live in the U.K ) Me and 4 friends brought 10l of white lightning" and i drank 1.5-2.0l and was drunk. I wasnt sure if what I know now and " drunk " to be what was high. and spent most of the night asking myself and others. it was new to me. Great and fantastic. It was so new to me and amazing. The next morning I felt like hell. My head was throbing and I felt sick.
Within 5 months I tried weed( Now I know people say about stains, but i tried skunk, the more potent strain "
I felt great, it was spacey with some depressent effects. i got paraniod at some stages.
I only tried weed twice before i was 16
the day my G.C.S.E's finished ( a U.K qualification )
I smoked weed again and loved it. no paranoioa, no depression no nothing! i felt happy and relaxed. I love it!
at 17 I tried E, speed and coke. but never did them often
I smoked it for another 3 years every day. till I joined a band. I then stopped smoking it everyday.
but just after this i descovered Mephedrone. Realizing I could do this daily with no sleep was amazing!
I Would do 8-9 days at a time without sleeping while holding a job down.
my work became the least important thing in my life.
for the next 18 months my life would deteriorate. I would be late for work/not turn up. my relationship with a girl would turn into nothing. I was lieing constantly. it was horrible. I knew I had an addiction but never sorted it. I would continue.
2010:
I met a guy called, lets say "J" he sold research chemicals online after the mephedrone ban. he introduced me to MDPV( from an illegal supplier) and said you could smoke it. this really interested me.
I was on MDPV and other drugs for months before i got told about Benzo's.
I allways said I would never try Benzo's because of the addictiveness. but hey I did. I got offered 10mg od Diazepam to calm my Tourretes down in front of new people. I took it and felt great! all my anxiety was gone! i had nothing to worry about.
I used it every now and then for the next 6 months, then my nan died. this was horrible for me, she showed me the music I now love and had such an impact on my life. ( I will always remember her ) I was high on diazepam when she died, she died infront of me in hospital of lung cancer ( not from smoking but due to the treatment she had 30 years pria) it was so hard on me, i lost someone I was so close to. It hurt like hell. I would do anything to see her again for 5 minutes.
As you probably guessed I did untold benzo's from this point on. I was using between 400-700mg of diazepam a day along with other Benzo's when I could get them. my life became a cycle. I would wake up do 100mg diazepam i saved from the night before, have a strone coffee. get dressed, leave the house and go buy 500-800mg of diazepam, and if I was lucky 560mg Temazepam. I would then get home take all of them and sit of front of the T.V and feel depressed as I had stole from family or friends to get what I thought was needed.
my life was in a cycle. I wasnt happy and I wasnt sad. I was in a trap, something I thought would never end.
In January my what at the time was a girl friend was planning to come over. before this i went to a mates to which i had 100mg etizolam and 1g of etaqualone delivered. i did all of iome. the bus normally takes 50 miniutes, but was 5hours late. I have no memory of the hours inbetween.
I got home and argued with her about her cheating on me. and the relationship ended.
I thought my world was over.
my life went forward as much as it could till I went to detox for the first time.
I was positive in detox, but it failed in the end. I went back on benzo's.
My life was crap till this year 9 weeks ago, I went to detox and completed it. I am now clean. Im as happy as I want to be.
I wish this story would help anyone who just started addiction and hope this gives them an idea of whats about to happen.
J
My name is Jack. Im going to start with saying the truth.
I have had great experiences with drugs and also very bad. sorry if this story seems long. but I want to get it out to new and experienced users.
i guess my first experience was with booze. ( I live in the U.K ) Me and 4 friends brought 10l of white lightning" and i drank 1.5-2.0l and was drunk. I wasnt sure if what I know now and " drunk " to be what was high. and spent most of the night asking myself and others. it was new to me. Great and fantastic. It was so new to me and amazing. The next morning I felt like hell. My head was throbing and I felt sick.
Within 5 months I tried weed( Now I know people say about stains, but i tried skunk, the more potent strain "
I felt great, it was spacey with some depressent effects. i got paraniod at some stages.
I only tried weed twice before i was 16
the day my G.C.S.E's finished ( a U.K qualification )
I smoked weed again and loved it. no paranoioa, no depression no nothing! i felt happy and relaxed. I love it!
at 17 I tried E, speed and coke. but never did them often
I smoked it for another 3 years every day. till I joined a band. I then stopped smoking it everyday.
but just after this i descovered Mephedrone. Realizing I could do this daily with no sleep was amazing!
I Would do 8-9 days at a time without sleeping while holding a job down.
my work became the least important thing in my life.
for the next 18 months my life would deteriorate. I would be late for work/not turn up. my relationship with a girl would turn into nothing. I was lieing constantly. it was horrible. I knew I had an addiction but never sorted it. I would continue.
2010:
I met a guy called, lets say "J" he sold research chemicals online after the mephedrone ban. he introduced me to MDPV( from an illegal supplier) and said you could smoke it. this really interested me.
I was on MDPV and other drugs for months before i got told about Benzo's.
I allways said I would never try Benzo's because of the addictiveness. but hey I did. I got offered 10mg od Diazepam to calm my Tourretes down in front of new people. I took it and felt great! all my anxiety was gone! i had nothing to worry about.
I used it every now and then for the next 6 months, then my nan died. this was horrible for me, she showed me the music I now love and had such an impact on my life. ( I will always remember her ) I was high on diazepam when she died, she died infront of me in hospital of lung cancer ( not from smoking but due to the treatment she had 30 years pria) it was so hard on me, i lost someone I was so close to. It hurt like hell. I would do anything to see her again for 5 minutes.
As you probably guessed I did untold benzo's from this point on. I was using between 400-700mg of diazepam a day along with other Benzo's when I could get them. my life became a cycle. I would wake up do 100mg diazepam i saved from the night before, have a strone coffee. get dressed, leave the house and go buy 500-800mg of diazepam, and if I was lucky 560mg Temazepam. I would then get home take all of them and sit of front of the T.V and feel depressed as I had stole from family or friends to get what I thought was needed.
my life was in a cycle. I wasnt happy and I wasnt sad. I was in a trap, something I thought would never end.
In January my what at the time was a girl friend was planning to come over. before this i went to a mates to which i had 100mg etizolam and 1g of etaqualone delivered. i did all of iome. the bus normally takes 50 miniutes, but was 5hours late. I have no memory of the hours inbetween.
I got home and argued with her about her cheating on me. and the relationship ended.
I thought my world was over.
my life went forward as much as it could till I went to detox for the first time.
I was positive in detox, but it failed in the end. I went back on benzo's.
My life was crap till this year 9 weeks ago, I went to detox and completed it. I am now clean. Im as happy as I want to be.
I wish this story would help anyone who just started addiction and hope this gives them an idea of whats about to happen.
J
