Addiction Strong After Years of not Using

[DaemienRising]

Hello,

I am relatively new so I apologize if this is in the wrong forum or if it has been discussed.

I have tried many drugs but my mistress is meth. I am in love with the ritual of smoking and the high makes me feel both powerful and at peace with myself.

I starting using various drugs in college 11 years ago and discovered meth about 4 years later. At my peak I was living with a dealer who packed the bowl anytime I asked. What great trips into paranoia we had. For various reasons I have not used anything for the past two years except for occasionally drinking. I met a great guy; I decided to get serious about my profession, and it is not readily available in the Northeast.

I stopped doing all drugs cold turkey but to this day I still fantasize about my return to the pipe. Most of the decisions I make revolve around finding a balance between heavy use and maintaining a life. I found a place with few windows so paranoia would be less of an issue. I work 6 incredibly flexible part time jobs so I could take the time off to binge if I wanted and never miss a beat. As soon as I am out of this relationship I plan to go into regular periods of insane binging.

What I am wondering is, if anyone out there has been without drugs for a number of years and find that the drugs are still controlling your life?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Tommyboy]

Good question. I would say that the majority of the people that attend AA/NA regularly are still being controlled by drugs. Drugs are contolling a major constant in there life.

 

[MySecret]

In my honest opinion I have purposely let myself become addicted (ranging from months to several years at a time) to several different types of drugs and purposely quitting cold turkey. I have always been strong willed and successful and I believe that addiction does not truly exist and others may have different opinions. However, the body will become accustomed to a substance and rely on it and after stopping usage, the body will portray many side effects that one would experience in withdrawals, but as long as one keeps a strong mind that they are a human and in control of oneself, while respecting the substances being used, one can successfully lead a normal life. I have gone through withdrawals myself but I have always told myself "this too shall pass" and keeping a promise to myself has kept me from letting myself go.