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Abusive relationship help?

Plurple

Plurple

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2015
Messages
63
To start off, I'm a 20 year old woman. I am trysexual at its best. I love the woman figure, and I think it's heavenly, but I'm very picky with women in general. So, I've stuck to heterosexual for years.
My current partner and I have been together for a year and a half. Been living together for about 6 months. He is totally anti drug, but I smoke weed like it's my job, I love tripping and MDMA. It honestly blows my mind he things I'm sober and not doing something.
He has a lot of depression issues and he uses video games as his outlet. He often ignores me and plays his games talking to his friends. Hardly any sex drive, never tells me I'm beautiful. Just not much really. I feel like I've just had him around because I was scared of being lonely.
Recently we got into a fight. He broke two consoles and controllers, walked out the door with a razor blade, and I walk out after him in a shirt and panties. It's 30°f outside and we're walking down the road, I'm freezing and crying, and he's screaming at me picking apart my every little flaw. Tells me I'm stupid, worthless, etc. We get about a mile down the road and he acts like he's about to cut himself. I grab his belt and the razor, threw the razor and held on to him. He grabbed my throat and slapped me as hard as he could. Bloodied, cold, and crazy I drag him home and tell him to go the fuck to sleep. I stay up all night and just process things.

After a recent trip I took I fell out of love with him. Thing is he has no family or friends. Family is dead and he just shut himself out from the world. I can't just kick him out. He has no where to go.

If you where in my situation what would you do? How would you handle it?
 
Abuse is like addiction it grows and grows the more you feed it ... the lows make the highs higher, thing is just like a drug user you wont put down this relationship until your ready to, so now you need to decide is your empathy for him greater than the love and respect you have for yourself ? I hope not
 
He may have no where to go right now... but he's a grown ass adult. He hit you. Like, no. Kick his abusive ass out and wish him goodluck. You do not treat a woman like that. Once he crosses that line, it's only going to get worse. You probably know this...

Just tell him he has 5 days to pack his shit up and find a place. I mean, that's being generous, honestly, I would give him like a few hours. That's just not acceptable.
 
xotabox said:
Abuse is like addiction it grows and grows the more you feed it ... the lows make the highs higher, thing is just like a drug user you wont put down this relationship until your ready to, so now you need to decide is your empathy for him greater than the love and respect you have for yourself ? I hope not
Click to expand...

I hope not either.

Mysterie said:
@^ qft, you deserve better OP.
Click to expand...

Yes you surely do!
 
If you need any assistance with this, you can always call the Crisis Hotline. Since he did have the razor blade out with possible intent to use it, you've got plenty of grounds to get him hospitalized so he can get the help he deserves (or needs, for those "gentlemen" here who think I'm sympathizing with him).
 
Thank you for posting, it's so hard to be honest and get help in this type of situation. You're brave and strong for reaching out.

Please, for your OWN safety, get rid of him. It's NOT your responsibility to look after him. (He managed before he met you, he will again). He doesn't deserve your kindness!

This is how abusive relationships always seem to go hun. From personal experience- verbal abuse, then "just a bit, so maybe it was a one off" bit of physical, to it getting worse and worse.. Don't make the same mistake I did- take pity on them/ accept their bullshit + "apologies"! (My crazy ex had no living family or friends either, so despite all the warning signs, I let him stay with me... and even forgave him after he put me in hospital- worst mistake I've ever made. Still paying for the consequences 5 years on. ) I don't wanna freak you out, but your gut reaction is right- he's terrible for both your short and long term mental and physical heath.

You deserve to be happy in life and not have to deal with this bullcrap.

Please message me if you want to talk with someone who gets it. Look after yourself and focus on your main priority- you! x
 
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Thank you guys for your support and input. I greatly appreciate it.
Looking back on the whole situation a couple days before he sat and picked at all of my flaws. Made me wonder if it had been on his mind for a while. What do you guys think?
 
No need to overthink this or dwell on it. He needs to go the rest is trivial at this point.
 
If you do end it, get your shit out beforehand and don't fuck about with discussions.

Was in a shitty relationship recently, broke up with her while under the influence of alcohol and my car was parked at her place. She blew the fuck up and her roomies took me to the pub to talk it out. Came back and 3 tyres slashed. Dodged a bullet, but fuck damn, don't be there too long and don't argue that shit out.

If you leave, just go.
 
You haven't done anything wrong, honestly. He's just hating himself and taking it out on you. No need to over think what was on his mind before the incident. Nothing justifies his behaviour.
I know it's incredibly hard, but you must get rid of him. (is there any friends/ family that could help support you do it? )
As the above poster said, it's not good to try and discuss (the abuse) with him, from experience- it's won't help, they will lie and try and rationalise their behaviour.. if you're an empathetic person (and you are), it makes me more confusing and hard to deal with.. Please feel free to message me if you want more help/ advice. x
 
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Plurple said:
Thank you guys for your support and input. I greatly appreciate it.
Looking back on the whole situation a couple days before he sat and picked at all of my flaws. Made me wonder if it had been on his mind for a while. What do you guys think?
Click to expand...

For someone to attack you for all your "flaws", they must be a pretty hateful person. It definitely sounds like he was thinking about all your flaws, and maybe even spending his free time "hating you". That's a scary thought. You do not want to be living with this person. You do not want to be around this person. You do not need this person in your life.
 
I'm holding up pretty well actually.
I talked to him and let him know how I feel about the whole situation. I told him I just didn't want this anymore and that he had a month to get out and I was being more than generous.
I realize now that even though he was there, I was alone. I didn't really have anyone to talk to except myself, he was a physical thing more than anything. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells when I tried to say anything that wasn't related to what he was interested in. I wanted to sit and talk about the world and how things work and yada yada yada. All he wanted to talk about was videogames, and I felt like I was boring to him.

Needless to say I'm just trying to recoup from the whole ordeal. It's been physically and mentally draining for me.
I wish the few friends that I had in my life would talk to me and get me out of the same house for a little bit. That's not making this situation any easier on me :/
 
Plurple said:
To start off, I'm a 20 year old woman. I am trysexual at its best. I love the woman figure, and I think it's heavenly, but I'm very picky with women in general. So, I've stuck to heterosexual for years.
My current partner and I have been together for a year and a half. Been living together for about 6 months. He is totally anti drug, but I smoke weed like it's my job, I love tripping and MDMA. It honestly blows my mind he things I'm sober and not doing something.
He has a lot of depression issues and he uses video games as his outlet. He often ignores me and plays his games talking to his friends. Hardly any sex drive, never tells me I'm beautiful. Just not much really. I feel like I've just had him around because I was scared of being lonely.
Recently we got into a fight. He broke two consoles and controllers, walked out the door with a razor blade, and I walk out after him in a shirt and panties. It's 30°f outside and we're walking down the road, I'm freezing and crying, and he's screaming at me picking apart my every little flaw. Tells me I'm stupid, worthless, etc. We get about a mile down the road and he acts like he's about to cut himself. I grab his belt and the razor, threw the razor and held on to him. He grabbed my throat and slapped me as hard as he could. Bloodied, cold, and crazy I drag him home and tell him to go the fuck to sleep. I stay up all night and just process things.

After a recent trip I took I fell out of love with him. Thing is he has no family or friends. Family is dead and he just shut himself out from the world. I can't just kick him out. He has no where to go.

If you where in my situation what would you do? How would you handle it?
Click to expand...

This relationship sounds completely toxic, and neither of you seem happy. It also just seems like you guys are very very differnt, beyond the recent physical abuse. I honestly think you need to leave him as soon as possible. I understand thats not always easy when you live with someone, I lived with an emotionally abusive man for over a year and it took me month to plan my exit but I was also living states away from any family.

You def need to get out though, figure out what you need to do to leave, if you have family to stay with, stash some money if you need, then go. You will be so much happier.
 
Yay!! :D I'm so glad to hear you're doing better. Well done for being so strong, setting him straight! :)

You're right btw, feeling alone, when you're with someone, is definitely a bad sign. It's honestly lovely, stressfree, peaceful, chilled, awesome etc when you can find someone you can be yourself 100% around, it makes all the crappy relationships worth it. :P

Haha, I had an ex who would only talk about videogames. Another who simply hated talking about anything deep, (ughh at this. the universe is so fascinating, how does someone not care about anything in it?!) :|

I hope you do give yourself enough time to recuperate.

It's really hard finding people who understand things they haven't experienced. Please remember, you're not alone <3. People (can) and do suck at understanding, but I promise not everybody is like this.

Give yourself some self-mclovin :) Keep posting :) (Plz do msg me if you're ever bored and wanna talk. I'm kind of going through the same damn thing at the moment, it makes me want to pull my hair out!). If not, try and remember there's plenty of cool, nice, chilled people here (and in real life), who'd be lucky to have you in their lives. you just gotta go find em.

Btw, you don't need to rely on friends to get out. (I thought that too). I'm not saying, go raving by yourself, (lol), but if you venture out to new chilled, fun places that YOU like, you will end up meeting new, often like minded people.
(I know it's hard doing this at first, but it's sooo worth it. :) I used to have savage agorophobia, social anxiety. Since I started going out (without my douche ex), I've met so many lovely, awesome people. It's making it so much easier to cope and deal with not being tied to a relationship (especially in the holidays!).
x
 
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Oh, I know I don't need friends to go out or anything like that, it's just nice to have someone that I'm already comfortable with around. I have anxiety too, just never really medicate for it. So, I try to find other things to cope with it, and it just so happens the 2 or 3 good friends I have are just that. I'm just kinda bummed out they haven't been talking to me much since cold weather hit. I've been trying to go on as many hikes as possible with my pups, garden, write, draw, and get on my pole(I love to pole dance) as much as I can to distract myself from that. I even made the goal to go vegan(erm we'll see about that...)
I guess I'm just trying to get back in touch with myself, and start caring about myself again...
 
he has set a precedent if you accept this behaviour it will happen again.

will you stay with him for 20 years just cos he has no-one?

i would kick him out
 
Oh he's definitely out. He's got his stuff boxed up and ready to go. This situation was a lot more lengthy and difficult because he lives under the roof I pay for (he helped out with it when he lived here).
He has until January 10th to get his booty out of here.
 
I even told someone earlier that was complaining about her boyfriend calling her a sult. I told her "That's when a boyfriend turns to an ex, have some respect for yourself. Because he obviously has none for you."
Geez I wish I would have listened to my own words a long time ago.
 
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