Blog A tl:Dr on one experience with auditory hallucinations

[deficiT]

Potentially triggering verbiage regarding stimulant use;

Believe other posts like this exist, but this was more me processing these issues I've dealt with sober and high. It is prevalent in the community and can be deadly, it would be interesting to try and verify different motifs and themes in these hallucinations, and how many people are effected.

I've been coming down again,

Inevitably you'll get the jaded narrator laughing at your dumb shoes

While you shuffle up and get the mail

Pants falling off your skinny ass

My personal favorite phase of delusion(jury still out though on this one because it's still kinda real) is the Truman show shit. Like these mfers next door and out back are that worried about me. I mean, I'm definitely not the only mild mannered "addict" in town. I'm definitely the friendliest and best looking though take that shit to the bank though.

I wish it was simple as just it's not real. I just can't accept it. Because some hints still have distinct possibility.

kCobain said it best "just cz you're paranoid don't mean they aren't after you" and of course I feel like expressing this has obliterated any fragment of security I had. And the little douche telling me to say fragment instead of speckle makes me hate again. He was right though.

Impending feelings of mega shit fucking me hardfastsoon. Not immediately but I feel I've neatly fallen into a trap of my own poor design. Could be my imagination. Could be totally real. If ya ain't hear from me next Thursday or something, someone tell wifey "mfer I told you so" (this delusion has nothing to do with me passing btw). It's fucking damaging putting her through this but she has been the Sun and and we love each other. She's got her shit and I've got mine.

I've found over the years when the jaded narrator seeks to strip me apart while I'm driving, it is very cathartic to just fucking lay into him with some real grandiose biting shit.

i found it helpful to just keep talking and being goofy happy round the house, cause either you're neighbors are fucking with you or they ain't, so I'm just goonin in my house anyway. But I definitely made it clear we could resolve the issue as I passive aggressively played comfortably numb at them so that's why I consider this particular fella a big ole coward.

Not sure if the talking shit will help, I definitely felt better until the threats escalated.

Headphones w/ loud music life-saving at times.

I was only dealing with this rarely recently until crystina sat on my face again. After we wrassled quite some time, she will be out the house for most permanently as I again manage. you can literally just eat the stuff and have a good functional day with sleep at the end but it's just so much better to rip it up your nose every 20 mins, roast it like hick pookie, or send fatal bacteria to your heart slowly through an arm shank.

It's been stupid but somewhat more manageable than in the past. Really just worried about persecution I guess. Which isn't exactly invalid because of my status as user of various... well ya know. Of course some dumb neighbor kid is reading what I'm writing cause my phone's compromised and he's talking a couple yards away.

Silence and environmental noise become so much in the brain.

persistent or recurring auditory hallucinations are devastating at times, as the sufferer must basically deny what they know is true. These delusions destroy people in this community every day. Sadly we watch it live and slow.

and it's really difficult for me to write this as I'm sure it sounds a bit nuts but I'm completely cognizant and just kinda waiting to see if any bad shit gonna happen

I want to help anyone dealing with problems like this, please contact me, your slightly less cool BL galpal, or another trusty head if you are getting distressed. It is really hard to trust another when you can't trust your own mind, but I insist in understanding the inner workings of the people I find fascinating in BL, and I refuse to allow this shit to suck me in.

I know there are some older threads but I think this is a far reaching topic and it would be nice to work out some kind of 1-5 concern level for how to best handle those with acute delusions so they don't hurt themselves or others, if that doesn't already exist.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I’ve never had highly structured auditory hallucinations that got more complex as they went on. However, when high on meth I frequently hear my name being called in voices I recognize. Usually when i am alone in my room at 3 AM.

sometimes it makes me get up to go see if the person needs my help.

 

[deficiT]

I have had similar things to that while sober, pretty mild but can still feel creepy.

The episodes I've had on stims have been particularly grueling. Decided for me I just can't do em like that anymore. Unless it's something to take orally maybe twice a day to get work done, that's cool.

If m-amp was actually used in the dosages it was made for, orally, people would be having waaaay less problems. But going on benders with gs is just so wasteful imo and just leaves you crashed.

I had another bad one last night, and I just can't handle it anymore. Being unsure of what's real is terrifying and it gets scary.

If I had gone through the amount I had rationally I wouldn't have needed addys for a month or so.

 

[Jabberwocky]

If I had gone through the amount I had rationally I wouldn't have needed addys for a month or so.

it’s certainly very moreish

 

[deficiT]

Now that I've slept a bunch and ran out of drugs, I'm stuck in a worthless zone wondering if any of it has been worth it. I've found that usually after periods of feeling very real delusions, the accompanying depression/shame/embarrassment is overwhelming.

Especially since this one included me fighting with the spouse. At this point I wish she would just leave me alone to my dumb shit, but I know she never will. And it feels like I'm just hurting her with this but she won't go away. And I need her. I don't know.