A restless night

[jones-in_J]

So I'm off probation in like 5 days... well that's the last date I have to go to at least

I know that my life is 1000x better now that I'm off doing drugs like I was a year ago, I have a nice new car, a really good job.. no girl in my life but hey at least I'm not unhally like I was with my ex for 2 years

I've been really happy without drugs (except kratom once in a while but off of hard drugs no more smack, crack, opana every day.. you guys get the picture)....

except now that there's like 5 days left tonight for the first time I can't sleep-at all. I keep thinking about drugs and fucked up stuff from the past and the good times from the past.. shitty how this far down the line drugs can control you so much still

Anyway I've been tossing and turning all night and decided to write this.. maybe someone has been thru the same thing and can give a few words of wisdom who knows

 

[pally pete]

For some of us i just think we are wired up this way.

I had an unhealthy interest in drugs way before i even indulged, i mean i was trying to learn and educate myself from the age of about 10 or 11, i didnt fist try any drugs until the age of 14 (Cannabis, LSD etc) And ever since then ive been on and off the wagon with various substances, more recently in the past 2-3 years benzos and occassionally opiates, but Benzos have been my biggest downfall.

Im now 32, 33 next month and still battling this addiction, even before i discovered Benzos and Opiates i was a weed and MDMA fiend throughout most of my 20's yet in all my years of drug abuse i managed many periods of abstinence, yet still somwhere in the back of mind they have been there, and when it comes to sleepless nights and/or troubled times or boredom they are the first thing that come to mind.

This is what worries me the most, will i ever escape the grip/facsination of drugs??!!

Sorry if my post was'nt inspirational.

 

[zzz101]

Yeah man, it does get like that. And it IS addiction.

You know what you'll be getting into. You could if you want to go down that road. Some people can handle it and not keep doing it, most can not.

It definitely is addiction though. would be a bad decision. Especially if you're constantly thinking about it. maybe hold off for even longer amount of time if you happen to want to get high. But kratom is great