Once I belived that I was invincible
I gave myself 8 hours...the feeling of immortality went away -- in a snap, in a second.
Shrug it off, you can't care when you're in the thick of it all. Right in the mix. Watching everyone in the room move at a thousand miles a second and you're stuck in your chair trying to keep breathing. Things come out of your mouth without you thinking about it. You just say things. Stupid things, and then very thoughtful things. Often time not so thoughtful.
You can watch. You can be the observer. Or you can go down in it and become everyone else. You have that edge. But only for 6 more hours.
But you always come down. That thought only leaves your mind at certian times. Its ever-present. This is exactly why you must maintain an "I don't give a fuck" attitude. that AND everyone around you who isn't doing it is trying to look down on you.
That's a secret... the only way to look down on someone who has been doing crystal is to catch them while coming down, or to catch them while cutting a line. When their hands are shaking and their teeth are clattering. Hell, throw in some body tremors. Because if you catch them while they're up
1) they won't care
2) they're better than you
No one I know wants to end up looking like that girl at the parties who's 90 lbs 5 foot eight inches tall and just kinda twitches. Her hair so ratty and sick that it's falling out. She's only 17. The minerals in her body have all been pushed out and behind that mask of makeup that is already smeared cause it can't cling to the skin anymore, and behind that small childs size shirt is a horrible mess of skin. Smelly, greesy, discusting skin. Sweating crystal-meth. Bruises and scars that are still open. No solid tone, and texture.
No one is willing to think that -they- could become -her-. eww, grose. No, they'll smoke pot. They'll eat that way. Weed makes you hungry right? Sure... sometimes. To a point that works -- to a point. And then they'll supplement with vitamins and minerals from GNC -- they'll find a way to live on meth.
Live On Meth.
It crosses your mind only while up. When you're down you hate it, and want to never go back, but you know that as soon as you are saine again and have your head back you'll go right back out and stand in the same crowded warehouse or club and do the same thing. Look at the same girl in contempt for bringing a bad name to tweakers across the globe.
Days
Hours
Weeks
Minutes
Months
You're still standing in the same room
But this time she's not there. Maybe she's...
Her spot in the corner is looking comfortable isn't it? ...
Give in to your dreams of glass.
------------
The following was not intending to make and of you think that I do meth enough to want to sit in that corner, or do meth very much at all. Or even think about it very much. Between posts that I have on this subject weeks will go by. Weeks in which crystal-meth does not cross my mind at all. Those weeks you do not see me. I don't post my everyday, every day. So I would like to say that you do not know me. Some of the really old bluelighters know me (well enough), but even then. They have a select version of my life. The rest of youhave a very narrow version of my life and existance thus far in life.
I don't know what tomorrow will hold, I cannot say how I will feel tomorrow, next week or in months to come. I am no fortune teller. Neither are you. You've never touched my palms, or my face... you cannot sat that you know anything about me.
You have touched a very very small, almost insignificant part of my soul. A part I can push out the door and wash away on a whim... That is how I grew up. I learned this horrible skill of always keeping my foot in the door. Always finding the exit BEFORE I enter the perverbial room. always.
This post is not about crystal-meth.
This post is not abot drugs.
This post is not about raves
This post is only about me -- fuck the rest.
Sorry, it's how I grew up.
Pyro
Just a kid.
I gave myself 8 hours...the feeling of immortality went away -- in a snap, in a second.
Shrug it off, you can't care when you're in the thick of it all. Right in the mix. Watching everyone in the room move at a thousand miles a second and you're stuck in your chair trying to keep breathing. Things come out of your mouth without you thinking about it. You just say things. Stupid things, and then very thoughtful things. Often time not so thoughtful.
You can watch. You can be the observer. Or you can go down in it and become everyone else. You have that edge. But only for 6 more hours.
But you always come down. That thought only leaves your mind at certian times. Its ever-present. This is exactly why you must maintain an "I don't give a fuck" attitude. that AND everyone around you who isn't doing it is trying to look down on you.
That's a secret... the only way to look down on someone who has been doing crystal is to catch them while coming down, or to catch them while cutting a line. When their hands are shaking and their teeth are clattering. Hell, throw in some body tremors. Because if you catch them while they're up
1) they won't care
2) they're better than you
No one I know wants to end up looking like that girl at the parties who's 90 lbs 5 foot eight inches tall and just kinda twitches. Her hair so ratty and sick that it's falling out. She's only 17. The minerals in her body have all been pushed out and behind that mask of makeup that is already smeared cause it can't cling to the skin anymore, and behind that small childs size shirt is a horrible mess of skin. Smelly, greesy, discusting skin. Sweating crystal-meth. Bruises and scars that are still open. No solid tone, and texture.
No one is willing to think that -they- could become -her-. eww, grose. No, they'll smoke pot. They'll eat that way. Weed makes you hungry right? Sure... sometimes. To a point that works -- to a point. And then they'll supplement with vitamins and minerals from GNC -- they'll find a way to live on meth.
Live On Meth.
It crosses your mind only while up. When you're down you hate it, and want to never go back, but you know that as soon as you are saine again and have your head back you'll go right back out and stand in the same crowded warehouse or club and do the same thing. Look at the same girl in contempt for bringing a bad name to tweakers across the globe.
Days
Hours
Weeks
Minutes
Months
You're still standing in the same room
But this time she's not there. Maybe she's...
Her spot in the corner is looking comfortable isn't it? ...
Give in to your dreams of glass.
------------
The following was not intending to make and of you think that I do meth enough to want to sit in that corner, or do meth very much at all. Or even think about it very much. Between posts that I have on this subject weeks will go by. Weeks in which crystal-meth does not cross my mind at all. Those weeks you do not see me. I don't post my everyday, every day. So I would like to say that you do not know me. Some of the really old bluelighters know me (well enough), but even then. They have a select version of my life. The rest of youhave a very narrow version of my life and existance thus far in life.
I don't know what tomorrow will hold, I cannot say how I will feel tomorrow, next week or in months to come. I am no fortune teller. Neither are you. You've never touched my palms, or my face... you cannot sat that you know anything about me.
You have touched a very very small, almost insignificant part of my soul. A part I can push out the door and wash away on a whim... That is how I grew up. I learned this horrible skill of always keeping my foot in the door. Always finding the exit BEFORE I enter the perverbial room. always.
This post is not about crystal-meth.
This post is not abot drugs.
This post is not about raves
This post is only about me -- fuck the rest.
Sorry, it's how I grew up.
Pyro
Just a kid.
