A friend just killed himself and I'm just needing someone to talk to.....

[buttershots21]

Just got the news last night that my husbands best friend since childhood hung himself. I have soooo many conflicting emotions going on right now and I'm having a hard time dealing with the whole situation. Sad because suicide is always sad and he was a good person. Mad as hell, for him doing this to his family and his friends. Stressed right out because my husband has lost his mind over this. I'm not good at being empathetic, I try, but it seems like my husband just goes to extremes with drama when it comes to bad things happening. I get it, he's sad, I'm sad, but he has just straight up lost it. And I have to be the one to get him through this. I don't have the patience for this kind of thing. My husband has needed counseling for years because of all the things that have gone on in his life. I kind of feel like this is just one more "poor me" he can add to his list. I know that sounds heartless, but that's how I feel. I lost my childhood friend a few years ago and got through it. I know everyone grieves differently and I'm trying not to group this with his past dramatics, but it's hard.

On top of everything else, my 7 yr old daughter just got kicked out of school for two days, and it could have been for an entire year, because on the one day I forget to go through her backpack, she found and took my Swiss Army knife to school. Not good with a zero tolerance policy blah blah blah. Overslept through the alarm, she dressed herself and the leggings had holes in them, couldn't wash the paint off her face from the night before. And I just had a CPS case denied over some bs. I hate CPS, one anonymous phone call and it's on. Totally unsubstantiated, just a chick trying to get even, but still a hassle, doesn't look good, and now all THIS. FML.

On the bright (Or dark) side, got my script filled today after going through 5 days of WD hell.

Thanks for listening, End Rant.

 

[stardust.hero]

Hey buttershots, so sorry to hear about your husbands friend. It is such an odd place to be when your partner loses someone important to them. The grieving process feels like it will go on forever.

What do you mean in terms of he has completely lost it? Is he acting reckless or dangerously?

 

[tripnotyzm]

That is terrible news.
It's bad enough when somebody close dies, but when they purposely take their own life, well, I think that is much more traumatic.
People handle these things differently. It may be easy for you to get past, but clearly it's damaged him, and I think it's completely normal and understandable for him to be 'losing it'.
If my best friend committed suicide I definitely wouldn't be grieving lightly.
Give him your support sounds like he needs it. No matter how much it annoys you, he's still dealing with the loss of a loved one and probably needs you more than anyone.

 

[Web]

You say "my" 7 year old... does your hubby not share parenthood responsibilities for the child? I only ask because it might help snap him out of this if faced with the reality of the here and now. Ya got kids to take care of, gotta put the grief on hold and handle up on yo' bidness. I'd lose my shit too if my bro killed himself... but I got things that need to be done, wether I am hurting or not.

 

[herbavore]

My family has been going through the grief of losing our son (and my other son's only sibling) this year. Here is what I have learned. Everyone grieves differently and it is very important to let that happen. You don't have to fix it, you don't even have to listen every time---but you should let him experience the grief. It is early and he is no doubt in shock and raw, raw pain, not to mention guilt. We all got pretty good at just letting each other "lose it" whenever we had to. This raw grief won't last forever but pressuring him to bottle it up probably will have repercussions in your relationship for years. Having said that, if you need support, either for your feelings or especially for help with household chores, parenting jobs etc, you should feel very free to ask for that help. Life does go on and things have to be dealt with--particularly the school/CPS issues. Would it be possible to bring up the issue of counseling again to your husband--maybe frame it as support for getting along with what has just happened.

 

[supbrehh]

a kid i grew up with hung himself two weeks ago. i know what your going threw but you should honestly be comforting you husband right now imagine what he is going threw i know people like that who seem to brag about all the hardships in their lives "me being one of them" but its just him reaching out your his wife you gota get in there and comfort him anyway stay strong

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I am so sorry to hear about this.

I know this is not an easy situation for you to be in.

 

[drzing]

I know it is hard to understand (impossible? maybe), but I have already had a good friend kill himself, he was a very intelligent person, someone I wouldn't expect to do it.
But sometimes I think with myself, whats the reason of working ourselves to death, or of living as much as possible? After all, we're all going to die sooner or later. At the same time, some people become depressed to the point where their neurotransmitters become depleted (specially when drugs are in the package), and it doesn't helps them wanting to get over it.
I do know it is hard to accept, but we have to respect peoples decisions, maybe he has found his relief in a way we are unable to understand.
I know that now it might not help much, but over time, it might make some sense.
Hope it helps a bit.

 

[Asclepius]

Am sorry you lost your fiend those years ago darlin'-be kind to you. .
You're a strong one don't deny it, don't bullshit yourself or anyone. If you need to change stuff do...just take time figuring out what you need to do to change.