i want to introduce myself with this story, mainly focussing around my paranoia and the changes it has made in my life. Don't judge me based on the first dew lines, but rather read the reasons behind my paranoia and the eventual realisations I have made thanks to my experiences.
Ive been smoking pot for the last year, I got into it in South Africa with my mates. I had the best time :D Laughing about mindless shit, appreciating the forest or the particularly comfortable riverbank we'd found.
When I got back to Aus, I smoked with some mates Id met here at uni. It became less of an experience and more an average part of my life. I began developing severe paranoia over the last three months when smoking pot.
I began analysing everthing I was doing in a negative light, imagining everything I was doing was gay. More along the lines of what I perceived to be gay, thanks to the deeply seated social stigmas bred into me D: This included imagining that I listened to say, Blues and country or knew what clothes suited my personal look made me "gay". It became so bad that I had convinced myself that I was indeed gay, based merely on the behavioural parallels that I saw rather than, say, my sexual orientation.
There are two sides to this story, not everything belongs to the Dark Side.
My paranoia got so bad that I would withdraw completely from the situation I was in. This mainly occurred around groups of people where I would begin feeling that I wasn't interesting or that they would be judging me to be gay based on what I was wearing etc. Once I faced these paranoias and talked openly what was going on inside my head, my mind would clear, my face would light up with the biggest smile you have ever seen and life couldn't be better. The sensations a more personality-grounded person might experience while stoned were suddenly mine, I could talk and laugh without fear of judgement and walk throught the streets without giving a shit whatever people thought of me.
Basically, what I am trying to say is this: without weed and without paranoia I would never have realised that life was worth living the way I wanted to live. I might come across as a douche, but I that couldn't be further from the truth.
Thanks for listening, if I meet anyone of you and am still smoking I will offer you a cone and a smile, if Ive quit the least I can do is a beer
Ive been smoking pot for the last year, I got into it in South Africa with my mates. I had the best time :D Laughing about mindless shit, appreciating the forest or the particularly comfortable riverbank we'd found.
When I got back to Aus, I smoked with some mates Id met here at uni. It became less of an experience and more an average part of my life. I began developing severe paranoia over the last three months when smoking pot.
I began analysing everthing I was doing in a negative light, imagining everything I was doing was gay. More along the lines of what I perceived to be gay, thanks to the deeply seated social stigmas bred into me D: This included imagining that I listened to say, Blues and country or knew what clothes suited my personal look made me "gay". It became so bad that I had convinced myself that I was indeed gay, based merely on the behavioural parallels that I saw rather than, say, my sexual orientation.
There are two sides to this story, not everything belongs to the Dark Side.
My paranoia got so bad that I would withdraw completely from the situation I was in. This mainly occurred around groups of people where I would begin feeling that I wasn't interesting or that they would be judging me to be gay based on what I was wearing etc. Once I faced these paranoias and talked openly what was going on inside my head, my mind would clear, my face would light up with the biggest smile you have ever seen and life couldn't be better. The sensations a more personality-grounded person might experience while stoned were suddenly mine, I could talk and laugh without fear of judgement and walk throught the streets without giving a shit whatever people thought of me.
Basically, what I am trying to say is this: without weed and without paranoia I would never have realised that life was worth living the way I wanted to live. I might come across as a douche, but I that couldn't be further from the truth.
Thanks for listening, if I meet anyone of you and am still smoking I will offer you a cone and a smile, if Ive quit the least I can do is a beer
