Recovery 7 Days Clean, How to Make it Last?

[jpack84]

Hello,

I am now 7 days clean and am just getting inklings of that feeling of being able to get my life back in order. Does anyone have any tips or tricks for maintaining this? What did you do or has worked for you after getting over the worst of the withdrawals?

I was about 5 years of pretty high doses of hydromorphone and fentanyl. Countless attempts to get off but 4 or 5 major ones trying many different strategies with this one finally getting me to this point. Everything in my mind is saying there's not a bloody chance I'll ever use again but know how easy it can be to slip back.

What has worked for you post acute withdrawals??

 

[bdaver]

Time and faith. Knowing that things will get worse before they get better. But things will get better. Not being complacent. Just because you made it this far doesn't mean you can do it the same way again. It will be worse the next time and worse the time after that and so on.

Me, 56 days after CT off Oxy and Benzos in high doses for five years.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

I definitely second bdaver's time and faith. I'd add to that preparation! In the past few years I have tried countless times to quit., but the vast majority of time I was stuck in a cycle of relapse-sober up-relapse-sober up that was interminable. I'm only a month clean now and I'm still on a low dose of subutex, but I'm doing better now that I have in almost a year. Be prepared for the PAWs! It will come. Mood swings, depression, memory/cognitive problems etc. You may be blessed with only minimal symptoms or it may be severe, but you have to mentally prepare yourself for it and the cravings as if you don't have a plan in place for your weak moments then it's all too easy to fall back into your old coping methods. Get to know yourself and try and reflect on the old excuses you used to use to relapse/continue to use drugs. For me a big one was always "well if sobriety feels this shitty then fuck it I'm just going to use". I've now learnt to dispute this thought - "How I feel now is unpleasant, but it's not unbearable. This isn't representative of how I feel most of the time or how I'm going to feel forever, and if I wait it will pass". This has gotten me through many cravings in the past month and during particularly stressful times with bad cravings just the mantra of "I can handle this" has let me resist for long enough for my saner mind to prevail.

Learning this kind of thought disputation has been invaluable. It's one of the techniques I've learnt in SMART recovery, which I can't recommend enough. I'd highly suggest finding a local group and giving it a try - imagine AA/NA but substitute God for science-backed evidence-based techniques. If you are not an agnostic/atheist or have any religion in you then by all means give AA/NA a try, but despite my best efforts I was never able to manufacture the faith in God required for the 12-steps so SMART worked better for me. It's not so important whether its SMART or 12-step or whatever that you use, what's important is you're trying something and have some kind of structure and support system in place to help you.

I've also been helped massively by exercise. My financial situation doesn't yet allow me to join a gym, so I forced myself to go running in a park near me. At first it was horrible - I could barely manage 3 minutes and felt like I was dying because I was so unfit. However, I stuck with it, making myself just run a minute more each time I went, and my fitness started to improve and I learnt to love the "runners high" that came with it. Meditation has also been great - the practice in dismissing your thoughts and focusing on your breathing ends up crossing over into dismissing using thoughts easier and also puts me in a unique head space afterwards where I just feel better and more clear-headed.

That's the thing with sobriety though, all of this takes time. We are so used to the instant fix of taking our DOC and having everything feel better that doing these healthy things that take some time to implement and feel the benefits of can feel like an uphill struggle at first, but I'm certain we can find the light at the end of the tunnel if we just persevere.

 

[jpack84]

Thank you both bdaver and Rio Fantastic for your responses. Not being complacent is one is something I've had an idea of but never put some serious thought into. For the past 8 days now I've been holed up in my bedroom and for the past few days things have steadily been improving but today feeling more of the emotional effects periodically breaking down into tears. As terrible as this feels it's a damn sight better than not too long ago and I should acknowledge that, not be down on myself for ending up where I am now.

Preparation too, things around me have been getting rather disgusting. I can only go on so long like this and need to start planning for the future which is something I've been avoiding. Unfortunately a group isn't an option for me but have heard of SMART recovery and will definitely be looking into and reading up on it.

I can't thank you both enough for your responses. I know it's the most stupid way to do this but I've very much been going through this alone for circumstances i'll not get into. Just feeling like I'm actually speaking to and having someone respond has been super emboldening.

Now to force myself up and around the block a time or two.

 

[Jabberwocky]

you're doing well to have got 7 days in. you gotta start somewhere!! i couldn't get any time clean at all til i went to rehab so am amazed by anyone who can. i've now been in recovery 9 months and apart from 1 week long lapse stayed clean.

the advice you got above is all really good. i'd add that you are using for a reason- even though it doesn't feel like it anymore, drugs are doing something for you. you need to do some work on yourself to find out what drugs are doing for you and decent drug free alternatives- you'll probably need a therapist for that.

get all the help you can- i've just started a job but before that my recovery involved activities every single day, with a therapist, drugs services, NA (i think its more important you go to A mutual aid group than any particular one). these people will know what you're going through to a greater or lesser extent and be able to give you some expert advice personalised to your situation.

emotionally things will be up and down for you for a while but eventually they will smooth out. good luck.

 

[jpack84]

chinup, I did have a very long road of about a year of taping down before the point that I jumped completely. At my peak it was 20mg of fentanyl a day and/or 80+mg of hydromorphone a day snorted or IV. I was able to taper down to 2 mg of suboxone, then a few days of methadone, then cold turkey. If I hadnt been able to reduce my intake so much over the past year and a bit, there is no chance I could have done this alone or without the help of detox/rehab.

I really appreciated the suggestion about getting to the reason I was using. What got me started is no longer there but it's something that will no doubt be a part of my life again and what sustained me and caused continue heavily fluctuations in my use is still there and needs be be dealt with. Going forward and having strategist will be next on what I'll start writing to myself about.

If anyone has suggestions for groups on the internet that might have something resembling a meeting? Or something similar that would be kind. My village is remote and of only about a 1000 people, there is what could be called an AA (no NA) meeting that will sometimes materialize but it's not structured and more of a social thing. There's also no therapist within the village outside the school councilor who i may not speak to about this even if I thought she was qualified.

Im mentioning this above because I am really shying away from support and meetings, not that I dont think they're not for me or not a good idea. I would actually think id get a lot out of them it's just my location doesn't allow such a thing.

For everything everyone has had to say, many thanks again. I have read and re-read every word you've written and really taken it to heart.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

chinup, I did have a very long road of about a year of taping down before the point that I jumped completely. At my peak it was 20mg of fentanyl a day and/or 80+mg of hydromorphone a day snorted or IV. I was able to taper down to 2 mg of suboxone, then a few days of methadone, then cold turkey. If I hadnt been able to reduce my intake so much over the past year and a bit, there is no chance I could have done this alone or without the help of detox/rehab.

I really appreciated the suggestion about getting to the reason I was using. What got me started is no longer there but it's something that will no doubt be a part of my life again and what sustained me and caused continue heavily fluctuations in my use is still there and needs be be dealt with. Going forward and having strategist will be next on what I'll start writing to myself about.

If anyone has suggestions for groups on the internet that might have something resembling a meeting? Or something similar that would be kind. My village is remote and of only about a 1000 people, there is what could be called an AA (no NA) meeting that will sometimes materialize but it's not structured and more of a social thing. There's also no therapist within the village outside the school councilor who i may not speak to about this even if I thought she was qualified.

Im mentioning this above because I am really shying away from support and meetings, not that I dont think they're not for me or not a good idea. I would actually think id get a lot out of them it's just my location doesn't allow such a thing.

For everything everyone has had to say, many thanks again. I have read and re-read every word you've written and really taken it to heart.

Are you really living in such a remote location that there are no groups/meetings of any kind within a reasonable distance?? it's just if you live somewhere where you could access dealers then you probably could also access groups of some kind. Anyway, SMART also does online meetings. I haven't tried them myself, but I've heard good things about them.

 

[jpack84]

Are you really living in such a remote location that there are no groups/meetings of any kind within a reasonable distance?? it's just if you live somewhere where you could access dealers then you probably could also access groups of some kind. Anyway, SMART also does online meetings. I haven't tried them myself, but I've heard good things about them.

Yeah, about a two hour flight to the next closest bit of civilization. An internet connection and the forethought to plan a few days ahead was all the access I ever needed.

 

[jpack84]

Day 17 and I'm still struggling and battling every moment of every day but the semblances of being 'normal' again are beginning to feel true for the first time in years and years. There are, and I suspect always will be moments, where I don't think I can do this, that I won't be successful and I come back to this thread and re-read every word everyone has written.

I can't thank all of you enough, all your words have been invaluable to me getting to this point and forward.

 

[Jabberwocky]

well done!!! it will get easier. it kinda goes up and down but the general trend is up, though i personally had some really long downs that i thought would never end. they did though they kicked my fucking ass. you've done really well.

i've never done one but there are online NA meetings. there may also be therapists who can do sessions over Skype. if you like reading, i've read some books which i can't say helped me get clean (i couldn't read a page when i was using!!) but may give you some insight into addiction and treatment. the realm of the hungry ghosts by gamer mate, and the biology of desire by, i think, a guy called marc lewis, are both excellent. also chasing the scream by johann hari is an interesting account of the drug war. i like reading and these books have helped me reinforce the view that i'm not a bad person, that i ended up in an unfortunate situation whereby my brains rewards system was totally fucked, and that recovery is possible. keep at it.

 

[jpack84]

well done!!! it will get easier. it kinda goes up and down but the general trend is up, though i personally had some really long downs that i thought would never end. they did though they kicked my fucking ass. you've done really well.

i've never done one but there are online NA meetings. there may also be therapists who can do sessions over Skype. if you like reading, i've read some books which i can't say helped me get clean (i couldn't read a page when i was using!!) but may give you some insight into addiction and treatment. the realm of the hungry ghosts by gamer mate, and the biology of desire by, i think, a guy called marc lewis, are both excellent. also chasing the scream by johann hari is an interesting account of the drug war. i like reading and these books have helped me reinforce the view that i'm not a bad person, that i ended up in an unfortunate situation whereby my brains rewards system was totally fucked, and that recovery is possible. keep at it.

I've read and listened to everything by Johann Hari and really identified with nearly everything he's said, just loved it. I couldn't agree more with the fucked up reward cycle you get yourself into. I think that is my biggest struggle at the moment. Everything I'm doing is to just get through the next hour, the next day, I have no purpose or passion in my life anymore. I never would have said drugs were my passion but they were everything. I now have find or rediscover something to ignite a bit of anticipation or excitement, something to look forward to that doesn't have a lot of expectations attached to it. As nothing works out exactly as you imagined or planned and that's ok and to be expected.

Thank you for the suggestions though, I'll give those others a read too, I haven't heard of them before.