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6 years clean all but weed 3 years but now starting to enjoy a little tramadol , but made me think...

Darksidesam

Darksidesam

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Joined
May 18, 2011
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Uk, London
So yeah all that time clean, ok weed 3 years without

But anyway
I live with so much anxiety.. im wasting years of my life honestly
Was considering taking mdma as a one off to help me with it.

Im sure the comeup will suck and i wont enjoy that part but the high will be well worth it and ill conquer some of that anxiety? i have this fear to try or do anything lol
I never had it before , i was a very naive, and reckless raver in the beginning
 
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Same, 12 yrs clean all but green. Having something to wake up in the morning, makes it something that no others worlds can achieve. You can break down your anxiety as why it's caused and usually by events in your life and then you go in auto-pilot thinkin well ''I should get a pill'' instead of talkin through. Come on, grab my hand.
 
Its just the distrust in people. Life treated me cruelly but i was never a bad person towards anyone because of it, all i have given is time patience and effort and all i have recieved is backstabbing, jealousy and harassment in many avenues of life , leading me to mistrust and appear paranoid. I dont really want to get high everyday or anything like that, like i said i had a long time of sobriety i just want to know if anyone else has conquered their anxiety with a hit of E or something just as a one off
 
I've never really had that experience with MDMA, I might have a nice time with it but the comedown always kicked my ass and I usually would end up feeling more drained than anything. I also struggle with anxiety, definitely haven't found any one off solutions though. I can understand your boredom and frustration, after a certain amount of time being sober you start to get antsy. I would be careful diving back into shit too much if you've been clean that long. I'm sure you're fine with the tramadol but just don't start diving in head first. Idk your reason for being clean, but speaking as an addict, life is just easier in general when I stay clean. That switch can get flipped real quick though where it is right back to getting high all/every day out of nowhere, so tread lightly.
 
i got clean for myself, just to see if i could improve my BPD . Whilst i agree with you on the mdma comedown as that midweek always hit me hard actually, im just hitting a brick wall ive made no further progress with my bpd in 6 years and i originally first tried drugs when i was 19 because i was very depressed and decided better to do that than get rid of myself , similiar scenario now unfortuntely
 
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As someone who also had BPD I can tell you hands down I’m always better sober but due to my EDS my pain is so bad I take oxy again but prescribed by a doctor so I consider myself clean still and I’ve been doing ok but I know I’m still better at relationships than anything completely sober but I had to make my own line somewhere on the middle but hold myself accountable to still go to therapy
 
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