... And I am SO close to going back.
Listen, I buckled up well, weeks before going off I supplied myself with good amounts of Vitamin and Mineral supplements. The best and probably most expensive ones (i.e making sure I got Magnecium Citrate instead of Oxide etc etc) took all daily while tapering. I had also stockpiled shitload of Nitrazepam, Oxazepam and Klonazepam.
Now when I did quit, I of course became tired, but I did not get hit by the suicidal depression that always hit me before. It was so mild that I only took a bens when I spiraled down the thoughts of my unlucky love.
Now though... I am tired, tired as hell. More tired than I ever been.
I asked my mother how long she was tired when she quit the first time "took me 4 months before I could do something useful and another two months before all the yawning stopped". She also added "could have been because I've used more, and longer than you".
So my question is; how long can I expect this lethargy? It is crippling to a degree I CAN NOT AFFORD. The band is breaking through and every day I miss due to this is a risk of us missing this one time chance.
I can not find the strength to to "push ups", "take a jog" or any of that. I just wait til I get my old level of strentgh back to where I half-functioned at least. So I am seriously thinking of starting again;
List why not;
- My skin takes an enormous beating. I've always had a horrible back. No dermatologists has ever been able to understand or solve it (way before the drugs). But now it's red dots on my chests and entire arms so I can't wear other than long sleeves.
- The sweating. I sweat copiously as a person, always have been sweating more than the fattest guy you ever did see. And I'm more than skinny. Coupled with Venlafaxin/Effexor and speed I can't walk outside before my clothes are soaked.
List why;
+ My creativity has finally seen the light. I have learned so much more about hormonics, music in general. I have no problem improvising hit melodies on the spot.
+ I actually DO stuff!! I design our merchandise which the drummer always did. Of course he is crap at it and have no depth vision so I just downloaded Photoshop CS6 and learned what I needed in one night to smash him in the face and say "this is how we do it - we do it professionally, no room for amateurism"
+ I finally have the will to LEARN, to SUCK UP everything like spunge, to UNDERSTAND and find how things correlate.
+ I become so much calmer, harmonious and focused.
+ I do not dislike life.
------------------------
Basically that... The main reason I try to quit every week is because of my skin. It's so important to me.
But those + points are something I never have experienced in 28 years of my life. ADHD/ADD people say...
Yeah I did those examinations over a course of days, but with no wrong errors and an IQ of 152 they figured I did not have such issues and then bye bye.
Give me a reason not to start again. Give me a reason as to why an unhappy life with better skin and less sweat is better than a happy life where I come closer and closer to my dreams with a smile?
Listen, I buckled up well, weeks before going off I supplied myself with good amounts of Vitamin and Mineral supplements. The best and probably most expensive ones (i.e making sure I got Magnecium Citrate instead of Oxide etc etc) took all daily while tapering. I had also stockpiled shitload of Nitrazepam, Oxazepam and Klonazepam.
Now when I did quit, I of course became tired, but I did not get hit by the suicidal depression that always hit me before. It was so mild that I only took a bens when I spiraled down the thoughts of my unlucky love.
Now though... I am tired, tired as hell. More tired than I ever been.
I asked my mother how long she was tired when she quit the first time "took me 4 months before I could do something useful and another two months before all the yawning stopped". She also added "could have been because I've used more, and longer than you".
So my question is; how long can I expect this lethargy? It is crippling to a degree I CAN NOT AFFORD. The band is breaking through and every day I miss due to this is a risk of us missing this one time chance.
I can not find the strength to to "push ups", "take a jog" or any of that. I just wait til I get my old level of strentgh back to where I half-functioned at least. So I am seriously thinking of starting again;
List why not;
- My skin takes an enormous beating. I've always had a horrible back. No dermatologists has ever been able to understand or solve it (way before the drugs). But now it's red dots on my chests and entire arms so I can't wear other than long sleeves.
- The sweating. I sweat copiously as a person, always have been sweating more than the fattest guy you ever did see. And I'm more than skinny. Coupled with Venlafaxin/Effexor and speed I can't walk outside before my clothes are soaked.
List why;
+ My creativity has finally seen the light. I have learned so much more about hormonics, music in general. I have no problem improvising hit melodies on the spot.
+ I actually DO stuff!! I design our merchandise which the drummer always did. Of course he is crap at it and have no depth vision so I just downloaded Photoshop CS6 and learned what I needed in one night to smash him in the face and say "this is how we do it - we do it professionally, no room for amateurism"
+ I finally have the will to LEARN, to SUCK UP everything like spunge, to UNDERSTAND and find how things correlate.
+ I become so much calmer, harmonious and focused.
+ I do not dislike life.
------------------------
Basically that... The main reason I try to quit every week is because of my skin. It's so important to me.
But those + points are something I never have experienced in 28 years of my life. ADHD/ADD people say...
Yeah I did those examinations over a course of days, but with no wrong errors and an IQ of 152 they figured I did not have such issues and then bye bye.
Give me a reason not to start again. Give me a reason as to why an unhappy life with better skin and less sweat is better than a happy life where I come closer and closer to my dreams with a smile?
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