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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Cheshire_Kat

5-MeO-DMT -- Second Try -- HELL!

P

perpetualburn

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 24, 2003
Messages
30
Ok, so my parents go out, and i decide i'm going to take another hit of the infamous 5 meo. I get my handy lightbulb vaporizer, and measure out a good 20mg of the stuff on my Tanita, DOUBLE, what I took last time. I figure, the last hit i took was just an awful bodyload, where i just wanted it to end but i was still aware of myself and could recognize the shit i got myself into..so this time it had to be heaven, right?

So, i start vaporizing this little devil, except, when i inhale, there's so much more that it's really harsh on my lungs. I don't care, i inhale and try to hold it in as much as possible. Before I can even get to a good 30seconds, i start to feel it coming up. I crawl into my bed after discarding of my lighter and vaporizer. I can only describe the following experience as sheer hell.

I'm writing this a whole 5minutes after the whole experience and i still don't know if it was a dream or not. When people say ego death in all these trip reports, I imagined a heavenly bliss, rapture state, but what i got was total and complete hell. So, inhale it, and right away the effects start to happen. I start to feel a horrible body load, but, again, try to convince myself, "it'll be over in 5 minutes, it'll be over in 5minutes" Well, that mantra when right out the fucking window. I was totally sucked of anything. I didn't feel any pins and needles in my body anymore, I didn't feel anything. Like, my heart rate probably sky rocketed, but i don't even remember feeling it. IT came on so fast.

This is Ego death, but it was far from pleasant. I remember starting to run my hands over my face again and again, and then i started to scream, really scream, like you'd except some suffering soul to scream. I wasn't even aware of my screaming until i asked my brother 20min later if was actually screaming or not. Again, i didn't know if this was a terrible nightmare, or if i the dmt i had taken was real and i really had gone through this terrible agony. I don't know how anyone could have a good experience with this stuff. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It's worse than anything physical someone could do to you. I can't even utter how horrible it was. I lost my grip on the world. I had put on some prog metal for ambience, but i couldn't even hear it, or see anything. I was in a void. In the begining, all i could think was "OMG, i just KILLED myself, THIS is the END"

Then, of course, the effects grew and grew until i was totally wiped out of existence and thrown into the inner rungs of hell. I'm in no way exaggerating or anything. I always think when i read trip reports that the people are just making things up to hype up the drug, but I took a precisely measured 20mg. I wanted to see angels, all i saw were demons. I can't really remember anything else, but i would strongly recommend that no one ever do 5 meo dmt. I don't know if was just my body's chemistry, but even if one could have a great experience, the risk of something like this happening at the higher dose is not worth it.


[Added spacing -Splatt]
 
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Appreciate the report, hope you're feeling a bit better. I experienced what you described, with dpt. But it lasted for hours and hours. People react horribly differently with the stuff. It can be a wonderful breakthrough journey (ive heard few with 5meo) or utter hell. The slightest change pre-trip of your mood, attitude, anything could have done this. This stuff isn't to be joked around with and I'm glad you came out relatively okay, with a major ass kicking.
 
Sometimes people wait a while to write their trip report. What was once a horrible nightmarish hell of a trip could now be extremely introspective without the hellish description. I personally have written a trip report in which I smoked salvia while under the influence of LSD, it was a hell of a time. I experienced much what you experienced. I didn't scream, I seemed completely tame to my friends... just pickin through a trash can. However my mind was far off in a very different place but very similiar at the same time. Afterwards I was scared shitless and I wanted to run far away. Now that I look back on it, my trip was extremely introspective.

Kinda went off but yea any form of DMT is intense, maybe some more preparation, better state of mind, something will help in the future? I wouldn't stop experimenting with just one breakthrough experience. Thats just my .02
 
I'm sorry that you had to find out the hard way... But this is exactly what 5-MeO-DMT did to me, minus the screams and the void. Just a horrible body load, and death. Physical death? I'm still not sure. I think I really did die that day but something brought me back. My pulse doubled, my respiration near tripled, I started sweating and then... ping, dead. A few seconds later, I was back... not something I'll be repeating any time soon. But 20mg of 5-MeO-DMT is quite a bit, and if I had to estimate (I didn't have a scale at the time), I did somewhere near that dose on MY experience with "death".
 
I took the sat's today. There was a passge on memory. We have a totalitarian ego where we focus ourselves in each of our memories, but that's irrelevant. We subconciously block out the bad parts of our memory. We try to make ourselves look perfect to ourselves and to others. I'm 100% sure that during my trial with DPT that I would NEVER do it again. Looking back now I might. But I realize now that I blacked out the worst parts of it, and that when I do it next time, I'll be like you fucktard why'd you do it again! You knew it'd be like this! I'll be in the most horrifying situation ever, crying, screaming, thrashing, vomitting, pleading with god to stop it. The next day I'll be like, it wasn't THAT bad, it was "interesting." And the cycle continues.
 
Once again it should be pointed out that psychedelics like DMT and 5-meo-DMT aren't known for their pleasant properties. Glad you did make it out alive... Did you eyeball your dose?

Its experiences like this that can teach about our true fragility and the suffering that others do experience in other parts of the world...

All the best. :)
 
like i said before it was a precisely measured 20mg, but the thing is, i was completely content before i took it. I didn't have any lingering bad thoughts or anything. I even meditated like 10min before, so i don't know how taking it again would produce different effects..it took me to a place where the only thing that existed was fear..As far as i'm concerned i would rather really die, than go through that again. Now, i'm still curious about regular DMT, so maybe there's still hope.
 
Thanks for sdharing, glad you're feeling better.
Maybe you went into the mindstate the incorrect way. If you are looking for fun/recreational psychedelcis, this is not it. This is pretty much the most psychedelic/intense you can get.
 
Actually, I would call your experience "Purgatory";).

"Heaven" with 5-MeO-DMT is whatmany people here describe (bliss...etc.).

"Hell" with 5-MeO-DMT is what the minority describe (including myself). It is simply TOO MUCH body load... painfull...but no ego death or anything. Just pure body load. And not a hint of psychedelic action (I don't mean just visuals... even the mind is stuck in a loop of "oh shit I want this crap to end!!")

You seem to have had a taste of both at the same time ;) lol.
 
Yeo=p...sounds like my experience. I just feel that if u can't let go of yer mind deep inside, you won't be able to during your trip because its too intense and too short lived.

And even though I felt utter hell during my trip, after it was over it i wondered why i freaked out the way I did.

I think it's just about letting yourself go before and during the trip/
 
People mention the "letting yourself go" part often. I am not completely sure of how accurate this is to all situations.

I did not really "freak out" on 5-MeO-DMT. I just found it extremely hard on my body and could not see any other effects present other than this body load.

How can you let yourself (mentally) go when something is so focussed on painfully gluing you to your body? ;)

I know that at least I personally have no problem letting go, since I have an obsession with death and a lot of experience in spiritual and occult work. I was able to let go on the beautiful DPT and on Cannabis. I think 5-MeO-DMT just "works" for some people and "doesn't work" for other. Who knows. Maybe its enzymes. lol.
 
I find uncomfortable body loads (at least with 5-MeO-DMT) to be due to mental difficulties with the effects of the drug. Many people become nauseated or anxious when the effects are too strong and try to show the user something that they are uncomfortable with.
 
Let's just put it this way, T. McKenna once referred to 5-Meo-DMT and DMT as the "power & the glory", in that order. He said, and I agree, that 5-Meo (the power) is not particularly visual but very intense in its own way. DMT (the glory) on the other hand is most intensely visual w/ much less body load than its 5-Meo cousin.
 
man, i can't believe it has been over a month already. I think i linger on the memory too much. Oh well, i stupidy ordered more of the stuff, since i threw it all away right after my last experience without even thinking. I'm gonna work my way up slowly until i find the breakthrough dose. Hopefully i'll be better able to handle it this time.. i was able to to let go when i had a relapse a few weeks after the trip so maybe i'll have the same luck again. I dunno, i think you have to welcome death and just not care.. you can't go into the experience "wanting" bliss or something, just forget about everything and let it take you. Also, i think i'm gonna have to put something over my nose so i don't smell it.. it's not a bad smell, it's just i don't want to associate the smell with a bad experience.
 
perpetualburn said:
Oh well, i stupidy ordered more of the stuff, since i threw it all away right after my last experience without even thinking.
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^^ I've done that before too. It can be a shameful feeling. :(

I gently urge you to consider whether you are trying again because you saw the potential there for a meaningful experience, or if it's only because you've read other people's good reports and are convinced if you try it enough times, it will finally be good for you too.

I'm not saying you definitely won't break through eventually and have a great experience, but from others' reports who had a bad time their first time, I think it's unlikely. Some people just don't like 5-MeO-DMT.

Don't let all the 5-meo cheerleaders around here pressure you into doing something you don't really like. ;) (no offense, cheerleaders)
 
^^^ LMAO :D

Agreed, though. I have a feeling that I personally will never break through - at least with smoking. It seems like increasing the dose (up to 20mg smoked) only increased the body load and actually decreased any psychedelic potential.
 
I used to have horrible experiences on mushrooms after my first few ecstatic trips, it was always much too intense for my liking (and I do like my trips intense). I always went back to it because I thought that it was something that I needed to work through, and it has rewarded me in then. My mushroom trips are still extremely intense (even when I do a small amount I trip very hard) but they are by far the most profound and beneficial trips I've ever had.
 
One thing with ego death the that you need to do to enter beyond the hell into a neitherwaking nor non-waking nirvana, is that you must let go. Meditation can help prepare for such detatchment, but once you get into it. There is no turning back, trying to fight it off with create feedback loops that will spiral your anxiety, therefore sending you into a terrifying/anxious state.

Good luck with the rest of you experiments. Hope you find that state you are looking for. :)
 
I don't see why everyone is taking such high dosages. I take 8mg, I give 8mg to others, and we all breakthrough at that dosage. 20mg? You don't need that much.
 
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