DreamsAreFree
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2003
- Messages
- 161
This was written the day after my 1st experience with 5meodmt
approx 10-12mg 5meodmt (15mg weighed by friend a few days earlier, not all came out of the gelcap, and there's still a little unvaporized oil in the screen) All times are approximate (obviously)
T -3:00
I had been working an aggresive schedule at work all week (about 70 hours in 4 days) and had just finished the impossible schedule with incredibly positive results. I knew I wouldn't have to work for a few days and that I would finally be able to spend some time with my dog, R, whom I love very, very much. I was on top of the world. (Today is a good day to die!) I ate a light dinner smoked a little herb for relaxation. My regular research partner/sitter was asleep in the other room and thought to myself, "I *really* want to try that 5meodmt!"
I considered running the computer's audio recorder as suggested by many people. (I would later understand why.) But I decided it was too distracting. (I need a quieter fan )
I had prepared a glass pipe with one brass and one steel screen, and dumped most of the contents of a 15mg gelcap my friend had given me for letting him use my scale. I lay back in the recliner and inhaled the (not unpleasant tasting) vaporized fumes for what seemed about 3 seconds. I reached over to put down the pipe and the effects were noticible before the glass touched the table.
The feeling of everything, sound, light, touch, love, beauty - all senses of perception were synthesized into one feeling and it all came rushing past me at an incredible rate as I exhaled the smoke.
Sounds were no longer distinct. Though I knew the music that was playing on the stereo just moments before, I could no longer comprehend it in the same way. A slight tunnel vision set in and I could only see dark around the edges of my vision.
I didn't get the feeling of death, but I didn't feel my body any longer. There was an incredible sensation, a loss of sense of body and sense of self. I don't know if my eyes were open or closed, I don't recall seeing or hearing or feeling anything for a number of minutes.
"WOW....! This is incredible...", I heard myself say.
Keep Breathing... [said the calm voice in my head]
That's one thing I can remember from many previous posts I've read, and from others experiences, just remember to keep breathing and you'll be allright.
T+0:15
As I felt myself consciously take a breath and was starting to become aware of my body, R licked my hand. I had obviously made her extremely uncomfortable and worried about me. I tried to reassure her that everything would be okay. Only at that time had I worried that I
may have died for a moment. I glanced at the clock, 15 minutes had passed without my paying any attention to the concept of time.
I was no doubt back from that initial (definitely ++++) rush and was settling into the rest of the experience.
The fact that I had made my R worry was immeidately realized as an absolute truth. There was no doubt that our two minds had connected, but not in the usual way. I know R loves me and I love R very much, but there was no doubt that she and I were feeling *exactly* the same thing. Reading each others minds? A little like that, but so very much deeper. I apologized out loud for scaring her so badly, for exposing her mind to what I was feeling without any way for her to prepare, and promised her I would never do that to her again. That set off a 5 minute bout of anxiety trying to make sure that she knew I was okay, and that we were okay and that everything would be okay in a little while. Unfortunately, I think I freaked her out a little more by doing this, but everything(?) depended on making sure she knew that I knew that she knew .... that we loved each other. I *had* to know she understood.
I started trying to turn off all lights, flashing muted tv (I thought I turned that off?), every form of outside stimulation, so that only me and R could be in the dark, quiet room together. I heard my housemate , S, get up. She heard me desperately calling my dog, "please, please, please come here, right now, right now, right now." She thought I was talking to her, I told her I was talking to R and that I had tried some of the 5meodmt and needed R to help me through the anxiety I was feeling. She tried convincing R to come to me to help me through this.
... now that S had awoken, I needed our pack all together. Her and me and R. I was so concerned that if we didn't all share an empathic moment together, that the this chaotic part of the trip would never end. I would be like this until I was able to share that empathic moment with someone I truly love. S reassured me that it was the effect of the 5meodmt and that it would be all over soon. I told her I turned off the TV, but that the lights just keep flashing and flashing. She assured me that the TV had not been turned off, only the sound and that she could see the flashing too.
T+0:30
With her comfort, I felt a warmth rush from my head to my toes and felt I was able to start analyzing everything with some sense of rationality.
Here's the bits and pieces of what I remember saying to S -
ME - You have to do this stuff with the ones you love, otherwise it'll never end.
S - What will never end?
Me - This part of the trip.
S - What's it like?
Me - I've heard people say this before, that you have to be with people you know and trust and communicate well with when you do this stuff. And you want to record your thoughts, because you just talk and talk and talk and talk... You have to be with someone you love because love is the most important thing in the world right now. Do you undertstand what I mean?
S - I think so
Me - No. You *really* have to understand, and you have to convince me.
S - I do.
Me - I know I'm just being silly, that it's just the drug. And I know I love you, and I love R, and R and you love me. And I just hear myself saying the same things over and over again. I feel so silly. But it's really important that you show my so much empathy and love to me right now.
S - Don't worry. I'm right here for you.
The same warm rush, like a warm wave, came over me, and suddenly, I knew i didn't want to be separated from her for the next part of the trip. I was able to sit up, stand up, turn on the lights, roll cigarettes for her (I haven't had one in over a year), there was no loss of coordination. Sounds were unaffected, but there were still some really strong visuals. Tracers and rainbow threads connecting everything. Lots of waviness to everything, like surface tension in the air, or like that scene in the movie "Contact" when she visits the other world and touches the air and everything ripples like water.
I feel really dehydrated and stand up to get a glass of water. I offer S one too. Then I realized that she can't leave me right now. S accompanies me to the kitchen. We hug.
I'm warning S that it could be a long night. I know the effects are only supposed to last a couple of hours, but I've got a sense that if I wake up tomorrow and she's gone, I'm gonna freak. We open up the futon and bring out a couple of pillows. I make sure she knows that *love* (such an inferior sounding word for the feeling) is what makes this trip feel so good, that I don't necessarily think sex is what I'm after, just warm love and companionship. Definitely the theme for this substance. The sense of euphoria is almost overwhelming when you just give in to the feeling of the love that surrounds.
T+0:45
I accompanied S onto the deck to just be with her and walk with her about the experience. I was a little concerned about the lingering effects of the substance. Would I be able to claim mental stress from my work pushing me so hard, that I just snapped.
S and I talked about previous out of body experience I have had on LSD many years ago, and how this was similar in a way. Like a good stong ++++, the mental change that occurs is permanent. I remember after my first LSD trip 20 years ago, I knew that I had changed, but definitely for the better. This experience I also knew would have similar lasting effects. As one research partner of mine had said, "You can never look at people the same way again."
T+1:00
I could feel the effects coming in waves of decreasing energy. Just when I would think it was ending, the visuals and deep thoughts would start to take over again. I would smoke a little cannabis every once in a while to help relax in the experience. I had a couple puffs off a cigarette, I think maybe just to share the experience with S. We continue talking about the effects. I try explaining that it is hugely empathic. (S - "How so?") You realize how connected you are by those rainbow threads to everything in the universe, love, light, sound, animals, plants trees, rocks, water, fire, earth, air, time ... everything. Not like you can jump from one soul to another, but that you are a part of everything.
Still feeling pretty dehydrated. can't get enough water. Had my first cigarette in over a year. Not too satisfying and I'm not worried about starting again. My last 2ci trip taught me to be aware/careful of addicting substances.
I chose Europe '72 for the soundtrack of the remainder of my experience.
T+2:00
I realize the effects are definitely dimininshing, no more worries about the never-ending trip. I assure S that she can go to bed anytime she wants. She stays up another hour just to make sure.
Feeling that same excitement as I'm trying to describe how incredible the trip was. Pacing back and forth as I try to find the right words. I explain am interested in doing it again. Making sure the set and setting are exactly perfect.
T+3:00
Nearly baseline once again, getting a headache. A couple of ibuprofins and another big glass of water before heading off to bed.
Next morning I woke with a tremendous headache. (Probably from dehydration) But otherwise am still glowing from the experience and feeling quite empathic toward R still. Not that it is a bad thing.
Retrospect -
Definitely not a recreational or fun experience. Set and Setting probably have *everything* to do with the results of your experience. No matter how prepared you are, nothing can truly prepare you for an experience like this.
A sitter might be a good idea for the first time with this stuff. Definitely need to be with people you know and love. You don't want to have any unresolved feelings toward the people you experience this with.
Don't fight the feeling. I felt I would only stay anxious if I was worried about the effects of the 5meodmt. Once I accepted it, there was an incredible euphoric feeling that washes over you.
I have read somewhere that 5meodmt and dmt are produced in the brain upon death, and I think that this lesson of acceptance may be involved in Near Death Experiences.
I would highly (no pun intended) recommend having a way to record your trip, especially those first things you say when you become aware of your own mind. There is obviously an important lesson to be learned from this substance, but it will require a few journeys to understand it more completely and to be able to express it in words.
approx 10-12mg 5meodmt (15mg weighed by friend a few days earlier, not all came out of the gelcap, and there's still a little unvaporized oil in the screen) All times are approximate (obviously)
T -3:00
I had been working an aggresive schedule at work all week (about 70 hours in 4 days) and had just finished the impossible schedule with incredibly positive results. I knew I wouldn't have to work for a few days and that I would finally be able to spend some time with my dog, R, whom I love very, very much. I was on top of the world. (Today is a good day to die!) I ate a light dinner smoked a little herb for relaxation. My regular research partner/sitter was asleep in the other room and thought to myself, "I *really* want to try that 5meodmt!"
I considered running the computer's audio recorder as suggested by many people. (I would later understand why.) But I decided it was too distracting. (I need a quieter fan )
I had prepared a glass pipe with one brass and one steel screen, and dumped most of the contents of a 15mg gelcap my friend had given me for letting him use my scale. I lay back in the recliner and inhaled the (not unpleasant tasting) vaporized fumes for what seemed about 3 seconds. I reached over to put down the pipe and the effects were noticible before the glass touched the table.
The feeling of everything, sound, light, touch, love, beauty - all senses of perception were synthesized into one feeling and it all came rushing past me at an incredible rate as I exhaled the smoke.
Sounds were no longer distinct. Though I knew the music that was playing on the stereo just moments before, I could no longer comprehend it in the same way. A slight tunnel vision set in and I could only see dark around the edges of my vision.
I didn't get the feeling of death, but I didn't feel my body any longer. There was an incredible sensation, a loss of sense of body and sense of self. I don't know if my eyes were open or closed, I don't recall seeing or hearing or feeling anything for a number of minutes.
"WOW....! This is incredible...", I heard myself say.
Keep Breathing... [said the calm voice in my head]
That's one thing I can remember from many previous posts I've read, and from others experiences, just remember to keep breathing and you'll be allright.
T+0:15
As I felt myself consciously take a breath and was starting to become aware of my body, R licked my hand. I had obviously made her extremely uncomfortable and worried about me. I tried to reassure her that everything would be okay. Only at that time had I worried that I
may have died for a moment. I glanced at the clock, 15 minutes had passed without my paying any attention to the concept of time.
I was no doubt back from that initial (definitely ++++) rush and was settling into the rest of the experience.
The fact that I had made my R worry was immeidately realized as an absolute truth. There was no doubt that our two minds had connected, but not in the usual way. I know R loves me and I love R very much, but there was no doubt that she and I were feeling *exactly* the same thing. Reading each others minds? A little like that, but so very much deeper. I apologized out loud for scaring her so badly, for exposing her mind to what I was feeling without any way for her to prepare, and promised her I would never do that to her again. That set off a 5 minute bout of anxiety trying to make sure that she knew I was okay, and that we were okay and that everything would be okay in a little while. Unfortunately, I think I freaked her out a little more by doing this, but everything(?) depended on making sure she knew that I knew that she knew .... that we loved each other. I *had* to know she understood.
I started trying to turn off all lights, flashing muted tv (I thought I turned that off?), every form of outside stimulation, so that only me and R could be in the dark, quiet room together. I heard my housemate , S, get up. She heard me desperately calling my dog, "please, please, please come here, right now, right now, right now." She thought I was talking to her, I told her I was talking to R and that I had tried some of the 5meodmt and needed R to help me through the anxiety I was feeling. She tried convincing R to come to me to help me through this.
... now that S had awoken, I needed our pack all together. Her and me and R. I was so concerned that if we didn't all share an empathic moment together, that the this chaotic part of the trip would never end. I would be like this until I was able to share that empathic moment with someone I truly love. S reassured me that it was the effect of the 5meodmt and that it would be all over soon. I told her I turned off the TV, but that the lights just keep flashing and flashing. She assured me that the TV had not been turned off, only the sound and that she could see the flashing too.
T+0:30
With her comfort, I felt a warmth rush from my head to my toes and felt I was able to start analyzing everything with some sense of rationality.
Here's the bits and pieces of what I remember saying to S -
ME - You have to do this stuff with the ones you love, otherwise it'll never end.
S - What will never end?
Me - This part of the trip.
S - What's it like?
Me - I've heard people say this before, that you have to be with people you know and trust and communicate well with when you do this stuff. And you want to record your thoughts, because you just talk and talk and talk and talk... You have to be with someone you love because love is the most important thing in the world right now. Do you undertstand what I mean?
S - I think so
Me - No. You *really* have to understand, and you have to convince me.
S - I do.
Me - I know I'm just being silly, that it's just the drug. And I know I love you, and I love R, and R and you love me. And I just hear myself saying the same things over and over again. I feel so silly. But it's really important that you show my so much empathy and love to me right now.
S - Don't worry. I'm right here for you.
The same warm rush, like a warm wave, came over me, and suddenly, I knew i didn't want to be separated from her for the next part of the trip. I was able to sit up, stand up, turn on the lights, roll cigarettes for her (I haven't had one in over a year), there was no loss of coordination. Sounds were unaffected, but there were still some really strong visuals. Tracers and rainbow threads connecting everything. Lots of waviness to everything, like surface tension in the air, or like that scene in the movie "Contact" when she visits the other world and touches the air and everything ripples like water.
I feel really dehydrated and stand up to get a glass of water. I offer S one too. Then I realized that she can't leave me right now. S accompanies me to the kitchen. We hug.
I'm warning S that it could be a long night. I know the effects are only supposed to last a couple of hours, but I've got a sense that if I wake up tomorrow and she's gone, I'm gonna freak. We open up the futon and bring out a couple of pillows. I make sure she knows that *love* (such an inferior sounding word for the feeling) is what makes this trip feel so good, that I don't necessarily think sex is what I'm after, just warm love and companionship. Definitely the theme for this substance. The sense of euphoria is almost overwhelming when you just give in to the feeling of the love that surrounds.
T+0:45
I accompanied S onto the deck to just be with her and walk with her about the experience. I was a little concerned about the lingering effects of the substance. Would I be able to claim mental stress from my work pushing me so hard, that I just snapped.
S and I talked about previous out of body experience I have had on LSD many years ago, and how this was similar in a way. Like a good stong ++++, the mental change that occurs is permanent. I remember after my first LSD trip 20 years ago, I knew that I had changed, but definitely for the better. This experience I also knew would have similar lasting effects. As one research partner of mine had said, "You can never look at people the same way again."T+1:00
I could feel the effects coming in waves of decreasing energy. Just when I would think it was ending, the visuals and deep thoughts would start to take over again. I would smoke a little cannabis every once in a while to help relax in the experience. I had a couple puffs off a cigarette, I think maybe just to share the experience with S. We continue talking about the effects. I try explaining that it is hugely empathic. (S - "How so?") You realize how connected you are by those rainbow threads to everything in the universe, love, light, sound, animals, plants trees, rocks, water, fire, earth, air, time ... everything. Not like you can jump from one soul to another, but that you are a part of everything.
Still feeling pretty dehydrated. can't get enough water. Had my first cigarette in over a year. Not too satisfying and I'm not worried about starting again. My last 2ci trip taught me to be aware/careful of addicting substances.
I chose Europe '72 for the soundtrack of the remainder of my experience.
T+2:00
I realize the effects are definitely dimininshing, no more worries about the never-ending trip. I assure S that she can go to bed anytime she wants. She stays up another hour just to make sure.
Feeling that same excitement as I'm trying to describe how incredible the trip was. Pacing back and forth as I try to find the right words. I explain am interested in doing it again. Making sure the set and setting are exactly perfect.
T+3:00
Nearly baseline once again, getting a headache. A couple of ibuprofins and another big glass of water before heading off to bed.
Next morning I woke with a tremendous headache. (Probably from dehydration) But otherwise am still glowing from the experience and feeling quite empathic toward R still. Not that it is a bad thing.
Retrospect -
Definitely not a recreational or fun experience. Set and Setting probably have *everything* to do with the results of your experience. No matter how prepared you are, nothing can truly prepare you for an experience like this.
A sitter might be a good idea for the first time with this stuff. Definitely need to be with people you know and love. You don't want to have any unresolved feelings toward the people you experience this with.
Don't fight the feeling. I felt I would only stay anxious if I was worried about the effects of the 5meodmt. Once I accepted it, there was an incredible euphoric feeling that washes over you.
I have read somewhere that 5meodmt and dmt are produced in the brain upon death, and I think that this lesson of acceptance may be involved in Near Death Experiences.
I would highly (no pun intended) recommend having a way to record your trip, especially those first things you say when you become aware of your own mind. There is obviously an important lesson to be learned from this substance, but it will require a few journeys to understand it more completely and to be able to express it in words.
