Substance: 4-ho-met
Dosage: ~27mg
Age: 17
Sex: Male
Set&Setting: home, cloudy afternoon, alone, excited
Introduction.
Once the idea of drugs in general came into my mind. I thought that it can’t be so bad if so many people take them, if there are religions formed around them. ( that one is actually stupid )
Then I’ve made some research about the weed. Decided to try it. Didn’t wanted everyone in class to know that I am taking drugs, so I have asked one of my friends. (if I’ve asked one in class, he would probably tell everyone else and it wouldn’t go quietly, as no one would expect me to take drugs. They know about me as much as I want them to know. So that’s not much...) So he asked one of his friends, it seemed to be ok, but that guy was too stoned to actually remember where to come or what to take, so it didn’t worked out.
I’ve kept on browsing the net. absorbing every single article I’ve found. I’ve got really fascinated about it, effects and the neuro-biological aspect. After some time I’ve found about tryptamines. Was kinda suprised that they sell them in shops. Decided to try 4-ho-met first. Someone advised me to take higher dose for the first time, so I will have better experience. ( son of a bitch but he was actually right )
So I’ve ordered it home. Told my parents that these are chemicals I need for my pyrotechnic stuff. ( I’ve been making some fireworks, firecrackers and smoke petards, so I’ve also had pretty accurate scale ) They were kinda suspicious that the package costed so much and was so small. But as they have seen it lying in the middle of my desk, in most visible spot, they have probably decided that if those were drugs, I would hide them. And thats what I wanted to achieve...
Preparation
Ok, it is happening. Householders just left. I will be alone for about 24 hours. I was waiting really long for this. Just can’t sit in place because of excitement. I’m taking out package, collecting all the items. Scales, piece of paper to help count off the dose, another one to write stuff, pen, phone, ear-piece, tea to kill the taste. Not sure if there will be any, but if so, I guess it won’t be good. Everything is on table in front of me. I’m trying to measure the dose. Hands are shaking, heart rate goes up. Done. More or less accurrate. I’m trying to calm myself, but it seems impossibile. Everything is ready.
Intoxication.
Excitement grows. I’m quickly taking it. Bitter, unpleasant taste. Heart beats very fast. I think I’m shaking. I’m telling myself: It is done. Can’t draw back now. Remember, whatever will happen is just a chemical reaction in your brain. It will wear off. Relax, just let it do its thing. Drinking some tea to kill the taste. Checking time, it’s 11:35 a.m. Noting it on the paper. I’m extremely shaking. I’m scared, excited and waiting for unknown. I’m impatiently looking around the room. Nothing happens. Only 5 minutes passed. I fell like it takes ages. Waiting just kills me. I’m thinking that I will die from excitement before it even starts working.
It is alive!
I felt something strange in my left ear. Not sure what it was, some sort of sound, maybe just my blood pressure went up. I stare at the sofa. I’m shaking, sweating, I feel overwhelmed. I hear weird sound. It feels like it comes from my brain. It just sets really dark mood. Psychedelic would be good word to describe it. I notice, that shapes on my sofa start moving slowly. I would never believe anyone who told me that. Effects start increasing really fast. My world is destroyed. There is nothing that I know. Everything is different. I don’t feel safe. Everything I knew before just doesn’t apply here. Wall are not walls, static is not static. I do not notice any color changes, but I’m impervious to light. I quickly notice that it is not good idea to stare at light bulb and I pick up a book lying on table, opening it on random page. I am just amazed by what I see. Letters are getting bold, then thick, then bold again, rotating a little, changing their positions a bit, moving bit from the book, into my direction. All of the above together. It is incredible. So realistic. I just see fucking letters dancing there. I would never expect that. I’m trying to stare at one point, close one eye, move fast through the words, to see what will happen, to get a better idea how does it work. I only notice that if I do not blink, effects get stronger. I put the book away.
Under the sea.
I’m stunned by what I see. Everything floats, forms into shapes. Light is very strange, sets everything in strange mood. I fell all wet. Everything looks wet. I notice puddle on the floor. First I think what could I’ve spoiled, but then I realize it is probably the illusion and it would be best for me to not move from my armchair. Everything is covered in some sort of layer, on which all shapes move and form each other. From time to time, when I breathe out, everything fades out, shapes stop moving, they fade out. Everything stops. Everything dies. No movement. No voice. No feelings, nothing. It feels like not a single atom is moving, like if temperature was absolute zero. I feel cold. Breathe feels like it was the last one before death. It is terryfying and beautifull. But then it starts moving again.
It is time.
I had no idea how much time passed. The only note I’ve made was when I were taking the substance. Later I just didn’t felt like doing it. I didn’t see any point. I felt like I was suspended in the void. The was no past, there was no future. I had sometimes problem with remembering anything, or forming longer thoughts. I’ve turned on TV. Watching it helped me realise how fast time is passing.
I have seen the Lord.
I’m not a believer. But I saw someone, or something. It was shadow on the wall. It had shape of a woman. I’ve decided that it is Gaia. For no reason honestly. Like you wouldn’t want to meet Gaia for yourself... Even if you wouldn’t you get the point. She wanted to show me something. I’ve seen pictures, like slides, but I don’t remember what they represented. I have had this feeling that she is still there even few days after that.
I’m a monster.
I look at my hands. They are reddish, wet, shaking. They feel strange, like they weren’t mine. Hair starts moving, it floats like a drop of rain on the car window. Then I see veins forming into octahedrons, connected with each other with a little vein. Then they change from veins to scars. Everything floats. I feel like I am inside mother’s womb.
Mission: Toilet
After some time I am starting to feel more comfortable with all of this. I feel urge to go to toilet. I don’t want to. I’m feeling good where I sit. Or more like lie twisted in armchair. But I decide to stand up. It feels strange, bit imbalanced proportions. I realize if all of this is happening in my brain, I might be able to controll what I see. I try to move walls with my mind, to change shape of the room. Feels like it worked, room got thiner for a while. I don’t know why I stopped doing this. Shapes start growing out of the floor, going on the walls. I don’t have problems with walking. It seems bit unnatural, but it works. I go to the toilet. Urine bursts unexpected. Feels weird. After few minutes of staring on the wall in front of me I realized that I’ve probably finished doing what I came here for. I go wash my hands. I look at the mirror. I am stunned. I look extremely exhausted. Shapes formed from veins and scars start showing themself on my face. Points starts floating. I turn on a tap, form my hands to get some water to wash my face. I’m stunned again. I feel like water is going through my hands. I see water going from tap, and then under my hands. ( it just floats around hands, but I don’t know that there ) I’ve got bit scared. I am scared to close my eyes. I’m scared of things that I could see. But I close them, wash face. Now I am scared to open eyes, to see all the world floating, but I do it after a while. ( haven’t seen any CEV’s for the whole trip ) I go back to my armchair rocket.
Unwanted call.
Suddenly phone starts ringing. I don’t like that. Who is that? What he wants? I don’t want to talk with him! Stop calling! It still rings. I take the phone without answering. It is my friend. I do not want to speak with anybody. I want to turn it off. But how to turn it off? What to do for it, so it stops ringing? Noise is annoying, can’t focus. What to do? Then I’ve pulled ear-pieces out of the phone. I’m terrified. Why it still rings? I pulled ear-pieces out. What happens? Why it doesn’t stop? What the hell did this drug do to my brain that it changes every basic rule in my world? I decided to pick it up and imitate that I am not there. ( btw, red button was near the green one, why the hell I didn’t knew how to use it? )
I am you, you are me.
Main effects just wore off. I’m on drop. ( or however is it called in english ) There is still some floating. I feel wonderfull, lightweight, happy. Everything is beautifull. It feels like a great change from what I experienced untill now. I feel fulfilled. I feel like I was the one with everything around me. I fell this unity. I have never felt so good in my entire life. If this is how methadon users feel I need to take it some day...
I have felt urge to do something. Anything productive. I’ve cleaned everything I’ve brought, changed water for animals, gave them food. Set up fireplace. I felt connection with every single item. At first I was sad that I have to put this beautifull, transforming log into the fire. But then I realised the log was created for that. I felt happy that I can help it achieve its destiny.
They are watching you.
It was over. Everything went back to normal. I was sad. I don’t know why, but my mood changed completly. It was dark, everything was still, not moving, no one was there. I even started crying. Just like that. Then I got this weird paranoia. I was scared to close my eyes, because I was expecting to see something. When I closed them I was scared to open them, to face the world. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve went downstairs back to my tripping place. It was strange to see it again, normal way. I felt extremely unsafe. I’ve spent all night fighting with my mind and felt asleep about 4-5 a.m.
Retrospection.
This was the best thing I have ever experienced. Both hell and heaven. It is long time after it and I’ve still got a lot things to think about. It was my first, and best trip. It fucked me up for a while, but also gave me back the will to live.
Dosage: ~27mg
Age: 17
Sex: Male
Set&Setting: home, cloudy afternoon, alone, excited
Introduction.
Once the idea of drugs in general came into my mind. I thought that it can’t be so bad if so many people take them, if there are religions formed around them. ( that one is actually stupid )
Then I’ve made some research about the weed. Decided to try it. Didn’t wanted everyone in class to know that I am taking drugs, so I have asked one of my friends. (if I’ve asked one in class, he would probably tell everyone else and it wouldn’t go quietly, as no one would expect me to take drugs. They know about me as much as I want them to know. So that’s not much...) So he asked one of his friends, it seemed to be ok, but that guy was too stoned to actually remember where to come or what to take, so it didn’t worked out.
I’ve kept on browsing the net. absorbing every single article I’ve found. I’ve got really fascinated about it, effects and the neuro-biological aspect. After some time I’ve found about tryptamines. Was kinda suprised that they sell them in shops. Decided to try 4-ho-met first. Someone advised me to take higher dose for the first time, so I will have better experience. ( son of a bitch but he was actually right )
So I’ve ordered it home. Told my parents that these are chemicals I need for my pyrotechnic stuff. ( I’ve been making some fireworks, firecrackers and smoke petards, so I’ve also had pretty accurate scale ) They were kinda suspicious that the package costed so much and was so small. But as they have seen it lying in the middle of my desk, in most visible spot, they have probably decided that if those were drugs, I would hide them. And thats what I wanted to achieve...
Preparation
Ok, it is happening. Householders just left. I will be alone for about 24 hours. I was waiting really long for this. Just can’t sit in place because of excitement. I’m taking out package, collecting all the items. Scales, piece of paper to help count off the dose, another one to write stuff, pen, phone, ear-piece, tea to kill the taste. Not sure if there will be any, but if so, I guess it won’t be good. Everything is on table in front of me. I’m trying to measure the dose. Hands are shaking, heart rate goes up. Done. More or less accurrate. I’m trying to calm myself, but it seems impossibile. Everything is ready.
Intoxication.
Excitement grows. I’m quickly taking it. Bitter, unpleasant taste. Heart beats very fast. I think I’m shaking. I’m telling myself: It is done. Can’t draw back now. Remember, whatever will happen is just a chemical reaction in your brain. It will wear off. Relax, just let it do its thing. Drinking some tea to kill the taste. Checking time, it’s 11:35 a.m. Noting it on the paper. I’m extremely shaking. I’m scared, excited and waiting for unknown. I’m impatiently looking around the room. Nothing happens. Only 5 minutes passed. I fell like it takes ages. Waiting just kills me. I’m thinking that I will die from excitement before it even starts working.
It is alive!
I felt something strange in my left ear. Not sure what it was, some sort of sound, maybe just my blood pressure went up. I stare at the sofa. I’m shaking, sweating, I feel overwhelmed. I hear weird sound. It feels like it comes from my brain. It just sets really dark mood. Psychedelic would be good word to describe it. I notice, that shapes on my sofa start moving slowly. I would never believe anyone who told me that. Effects start increasing really fast. My world is destroyed. There is nothing that I know. Everything is different. I don’t feel safe. Everything I knew before just doesn’t apply here. Wall are not walls, static is not static. I do not notice any color changes, but I’m impervious to light. I quickly notice that it is not good idea to stare at light bulb and I pick up a book lying on table, opening it on random page. I am just amazed by what I see. Letters are getting bold, then thick, then bold again, rotating a little, changing their positions a bit, moving bit from the book, into my direction. All of the above together. It is incredible. So realistic. I just see fucking letters dancing there. I would never expect that. I’m trying to stare at one point, close one eye, move fast through the words, to see what will happen, to get a better idea how does it work. I only notice that if I do not blink, effects get stronger. I put the book away.
Under the sea.
I’m stunned by what I see. Everything floats, forms into shapes. Light is very strange, sets everything in strange mood. I fell all wet. Everything looks wet. I notice puddle on the floor. First I think what could I’ve spoiled, but then I realize it is probably the illusion and it would be best for me to not move from my armchair. Everything is covered in some sort of layer, on which all shapes move and form each other. From time to time, when I breathe out, everything fades out, shapes stop moving, they fade out. Everything stops. Everything dies. No movement. No voice. No feelings, nothing. It feels like not a single atom is moving, like if temperature was absolute zero. I feel cold. Breathe feels like it was the last one before death. It is terryfying and beautifull. But then it starts moving again.
It is time.
I had no idea how much time passed. The only note I’ve made was when I were taking the substance. Later I just didn’t felt like doing it. I didn’t see any point. I felt like I was suspended in the void. The was no past, there was no future. I had sometimes problem with remembering anything, or forming longer thoughts. I’ve turned on TV. Watching it helped me realise how fast time is passing.
I have seen the Lord.
I’m not a believer. But I saw someone, or something. It was shadow on the wall. It had shape of a woman. I’ve decided that it is Gaia. For no reason honestly. Like you wouldn’t want to meet Gaia for yourself... Even if you wouldn’t you get the point. She wanted to show me something. I’ve seen pictures, like slides, but I don’t remember what they represented. I have had this feeling that she is still there even few days after that.
I’m a monster.
I look at my hands. They are reddish, wet, shaking. They feel strange, like they weren’t mine. Hair starts moving, it floats like a drop of rain on the car window. Then I see veins forming into octahedrons, connected with each other with a little vein. Then they change from veins to scars. Everything floats. I feel like I am inside mother’s womb.
Mission: Toilet
After some time I am starting to feel more comfortable with all of this. I feel urge to go to toilet. I don’t want to. I’m feeling good where I sit. Or more like lie twisted in armchair. But I decide to stand up. It feels strange, bit imbalanced proportions. I realize if all of this is happening in my brain, I might be able to controll what I see. I try to move walls with my mind, to change shape of the room. Feels like it worked, room got thiner for a while. I don’t know why I stopped doing this. Shapes start growing out of the floor, going on the walls. I don’t have problems with walking. It seems bit unnatural, but it works. I go to the toilet. Urine bursts unexpected. Feels weird. After few minutes of staring on the wall in front of me I realized that I’ve probably finished doing what I came here for. I go wash my hands. I look at the mirror. I am stunned. I look extremely exhausted. Shapes formed from veins and scars start showing themself on my face. Points starts floating. I turn on a tap, form my hands to get some water to wash my face. I’m stunned again. I feel like water is going through my hands. I see water going from tap, and then under my hands. ( it just floats around hands, but I don’t know that there ) I’ve got bit scared. I am scared to close my eyes. I’m scared of things that I could see. But I close them, wash face. Now I am scared to open eyes, to see all the world floating, but I do it after a while. ( haven’t seen any CEV’s for the whole trip ) I go back to my armchair rocket.
Unwanted call.
Suddenly phone starts ringing. I don’t like that. Who is that? What he wants? I don’t want to talk with him! Stop calling! It still rings. I take the phone without answering. It is my friend. I do not want to speak with anybody. I want to turn it off. But how to turn it off? What to do for it, so it stops ringing? Noise is annoying, can’t focus. What to do? Then I’ve pulled ear-pieces out of the phone. I’m terrified. Why it still rings? I pulled ear-pieces out. What happens? Why it doesn’t stop? What the hell did this drug do to my brain that it changes every basic rule in my world? I decided to pick it up and imitate that I am not there. ( btw, red button was near the green one, why the hell I didn’t knew how to use it? )
I am you, you are me.
Main effects just wore off. I’m on drop. ( or however is it called in english ) There is still some floating. I feel wonderfull, lightweight, happy. Everything is beautifull. It feels like a great change from what I experienced untill now. I feel fulfilled. I feel like I was the one with everything around me. I fell this unity. I have never felt so good in my entire life. If this is how methadon users feel I need to take it some day...
I have felt urge to do something. Anything productive. I’ve cleaned everything I’ve brought, changed water for animals, gave them food. Set up fireplace. I felt connection with every single item. At first I was sad that I have to put this beautifull, transforming log into the fire. But then I realised the log was created for that. I felt happy that I can help it achieve its destiny.
They are watching you.
It was over. Everything went back to normal. I was sad. I don’t know why, but my mood changed completly. It was dark, everything was still, not moving, no one was there. I even started crying. Just like that. Then I got this weird paranoia. I was scared to close my eyes, because I was expecting to see something. When I closed them I was scared to open them, to face the world. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve went downstairs back to my tripping place. It was strange to see it again, normal way. I felt extremely unsafe. I’ve spent all night fighting with my mind and felt asleep about 4-5 a.m.
Retrospection.
This was the best thing I have ever experienced. Both hell and heaven. It is long time after it and I’ve still got a lot things to think about. It was my first, and best trip. It fucked me up for a while, but also gave me back the will to live.
You're not a bad writer, either.