erica.smerica
Bluelighter
The effects of 4-AcO-DET are those that I am very familiar with as I have taken this material a number of times. My partner and I had the house to ourselves since our roommate was out of town, and this was our final night alone so we wanted to enjoy it for both the physical pleasures and the contemplation, or introspection, that psychedelics bring to our world. I am at a point in my life where I very rarely need to seek out psychedelics with purpose, because in an altered state purpose just comes to me. Each and every time I take such a material I learn and grow and I am provided with much wisdom. In fact, I believe unless one is in need of a specific therapeutic experience having explicit intent may limit the lessons that could be provided if one were more open-minded going in.
This journey, however, was incomparable to any other 4-AcO-DET trip that I have previously experienced. We took sixteen milligrams and began with evening with a soothing bath but I felt the compelling need to leave him in the bath and partake in some marijuana. So I relocated to the living room, put in a mixed CD that I had made, and put headphones on to fully immerse myself in the sounds. Upon my partner’s return, we both lied on our sofa and relaxed.
The trip was already pretty intense for us both but I decided that I wanted to do a nitrous oxide balloon, which kicked the already strong trip into high gear. Off in my own little world for quite some time, I decided to remove the headphones to see how my love was doing. I could sense something was not quite right between the two of us, although I dismissed it when he told me that he was absolutely floored. Snuggled up against his body I could feel tension between us. I became a brain, a distributed network of thought, and I could literally feel the neurons transferring information between one another and forming associations. Was I doing something wrong, was my partner unhappy with me, was I unhappy with my partner, why are we not making love? These are just a few of the thoughts racing through my head and the anxiety was becoming overwhelming. I again removed the headphones in an attempt to communicate with him, but this time I knew there was more to his story than he was telling me. He looked as though he was in pain and almost in tears. He began to tell me of the pain he was feeling for the people who will suffer from war, both the soldiers fighting and the civilians caught in the middle. The seriousness of his experience really affected my mood, and although I tried to comfort him there was nothing I could say or do to make things better. Thus, I suggested we move to the bedroom in hopes of exploring our bodies. After all, great sex always makes me feel better.
For a few minutes we were both really into touching and kissing and making each other feel very nice, but I could not seem to relax an the anxiety was really ruining the mood. We thought talking about things would make us feel better but alas, nothing seemed to work. I started thinking about what it would be like for the innocent civilians, women and children, who probably know that the only way they will ever live a life of freedom was to begin with war. I made an analogy by thinking of what it would like to be for them, imagining some vicious drug-lords entering a house and turning it into a major methylamphetamine lab. They do this just long enough to attract government attention, then pack it all up and escape right before the government viciously raids the house. For the people who will suffer in current Middle Eastern conflicts, this is what daily life is like. They gather in safe houses only to be forced into such situations by the totalitarian regime, and when this conduct attracts attention, their shelters are blown up. Of course I understand that this may be unintentional, but to me living a life in fear is not worth living. Although my partner’s skin against mine was making me feel the desire to play, the anxiety that I was feeling inhibited making love.
We had been tripping now for roughly four hours, and we were well beyond the peak when my partner suggested we watch some television and take a little Valium to relax. Of course, so much of what is on television these days is news about war, so we found a nice mindless show to watch and fell asleep shortly thereafter.
This trip was really special for me; it showed me that my emotions and mood states are strongly tied to my partner’s, which is not necessarily a good thing. I felt as though I had lost a bit of my independence and my own strength after his mood shifted. Albeit, contemplation was primarily focused on external events, I was able to deal with those feelings and introspect about how I respond when my partner is in a particular state of mind. As a graduate student strongly devoted to my studies, I find myself with little time to think about erica. I find myself spending much of my free time with my partner, and much less time practicing by myself. Not only did this trip bring empathy for those who are suffering, but also it taught me a valuable lesson about keeping relationships strong and healthy. There is him, there is me, and there is us – and it is crucial not to lose any one of those components for a partnership to be successful.
[ 09 February 2003: Message edited by: erica.smerica ]
This journey, however, was incomparable to any other 4-AcO-DET trip that I have previously experienced. We took sixteen milligrams and began with evening with a soothing bath but I felt the compelling need to leave him in the bath and partake in some marijuana. So I relocated to the living room, put in a mixed CD that I had made, and put headphones on to fully immerse myself in the sounds. Upon my partner’s return, we both lied on our sofa and relaxed.
The trip was already pretty intense for us both but I decided that I wanted to do a nitrous oxide balloon, which kicked the already strong trip into high gear. Off in my own little world for quite some time, I decided to remove the headphones to see how my love was doing. I could sense something was not quite right between the two of us, although I dismissed it when he told me that he was absolutely floored. Snuggled up against his body I could feel tension between us. I became a brain, a distributed network of thought, and I could literally feel the neurons transferring information between one another and forming associations. Was I doing something wrong, was my partner unhappy with me, was I unhappy with my partner, why are we not making love? These are just a few of the thoughts racing through my head and the anxiety was becoming overwhelming. I again removed the headphones in an attempt to communicate with him, but this time I knew there was more to his story than he was telling me. He looked as though he was in pain and almost in tears. He began to tell me of the pain he was feeling for the people who will suffer from war, both the soldiers fighting and the civilians caught in the middle. The seriousness of his experience really affected my mood, and although I tried to comfort him there was nothing I could say or do to make things better. Thus, I suggested we move to the bedroom in hopes of exploring our bodies. After all, great sex always makes me feel better.
For a few minutes we were both really into touching and kissing and making each other feel very nice, but I could not seem to relax an the anxiety was really ruining the mood. We thought talking about things would make us feel better but alas, nothing seemed to work. I started thinking about what it would be like for the innocent civilians, women and children, who probably know that the only way they will ever live a life of freedom was to begin with war. I made an analogy by thinking of what it would like to be for them, imagining some vicious drug-lords entering a house and turning it into a major methylamphetamine lab. They do this just long enough to attract government attention, then pack it all up and escape right before the government viciously raids the house. For the people who will suffer in current Middle Eastern conflicts, this is what daily life is like. They gather in safe houses only to be forced into such situations by the totalitarian regime, and when this conduct attracts attention, their shelters are blown up. Of course I understand that this may be unintentional, but to me living a life in fear is not worth living. Although my partner’s skin against mine was making me feel the desire to play, the anxiety that I was feeling inhibited making love.
We had been tripping now for roughly four hours, and we were well beyond the peak when my partner suggested we watch some television and take a little Valium to relax. Of course, so much of what is on television these days is news about war, so we found a nice mindless show to watch and fell asleep shortly thereafter.
This trip was really special for me; it showed me that my emotions and mood states are strongly tied to my partner’s, which is not necessarily a good thing. I felt as though I had lost a bit of my independence and my own strength after his mood shifted. Albeit, contemplation was primarily focused on external events, I was able to deal with those feelings and introspect about how I respond when my partner is in a particular state of mind. As a graduate student strongly devoted to my studies, I find myself with little time to think about erica. I find myself spending much of my free time with my partner, and much less time practicing by myself. Not only did this trip bring empathy for those who are suffering, but also it taught me a valuable lesson about keeping relationships strong and healthy. There is him, there is me, and there is us – and it is crucial not to lose any one of those components for a partnership to be successful.
[ 09 February 2003: Message edited by: erica.smerica ]
