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30 Days

D

deucer8888

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
15
Looking for facts, not judgement please..

I’d been on Suboxone for roughly 3 years at about 2-4 mg a day. Decided a month ago I was over it. Being somewhat educated on this since I’ve used half my life, I knew sub withdrawals were a long battle. Trying to get as much time as I could, I snagged 15 days worth of 30s.. ya I still got sick from a combination of the two but imo bought myself 15 days of sub getting out of my system.

Still trouble sleeping, restless leg mostly at night but not terrible. Sleeps always the last to come back. Appetite has returned and I’m totally fine. Few sneezing episodes a day bla bla.. lack of energy tied to PAWS and lack of sleep I’m sure.

I found 1 of the 30s left in my truck somehow. I’ve searched and searched but cannot get a clear answer. There is no way one 30 puts you back in withdrawal, right? I’ve heard of the kindling effect but this doesn’t sound right..

Anyone have any real answers here? I’ve moved and don’t have any access to shit but as I said I want it but not to start over.
 
IMO?
Toss the 30, dude.
If ya on maintenance please do not jeopardize this.
I cannot say whether or not taking the 30 will fuck with your plans but can say that to stay strong ond toss it will make it easier for you in the long run regarding controlling use/abuse of drugs whatever form they may be.
Use some self control and it will serve you well. It has for me and many others I just want you to get stronger and spend what "life force" you have on something more worthy than a pill, ya know?
Hope the best in this and also hope to see more posts that show more confidence in self.
One love
 
i agree. i doubt it would put you back in full wd, but i am pretty certain it will begin the psychological cycle anew, which has a very high possibility of leading you straight back into the sauce. after all you've come through, is it worth that risk for a single 30?
also -- 30mg of oc is significant opioid activation without tolerance.
 
Thanks for the replies. Both of you.

I know you’re both right, addiction is just nuts isn’t it.?

I’m sitting at roughly 30 days off Suboxone and 15-17 days off the short acting 30s.
 
I think part of it is me being just tired and worn out from 30 days of detoxing the subs. As mentioned, I’m removed from acute withdrawals by quite a bit of time, but it’s the lack of sleep, just overall lack of energy, boredom etc etc
 
deucer8888 said:
but it’s the lack of sleep, just overall lack of energy, boredom etc etc
Click to expand...
I remember kicking opioids and benzos years ago and wont lie... I do occaionally dabble maybe once a year from the sheer boredom. This is why I suggest using this time to "better" the life/lives of others around you as it is a great way to "grow" and keeps one occupied.
My experience with daily drugs was when I passed the dope mans house to get food for my cats. It was a struggle to make that decision but this was a huge point in my recovery... it not only made me feel better about myself but the action made the ones I loved more healthy which began a cycle of gaining strength.
Yes... I do get bored as hell at times but after years of "growth" can look back with tears in my eyes at how such a small thing has made such a huge difference on my current mindset. I no longer feel chained and burdened, broken and desolate and have friends that give rather than take.
Not perfect but a lot better off now than where Inwas regardless of the occasional breakdown of how I perceive the world around me.
My state of mental health is not the greatest fwiw but have found that there is a time and place for all things when one uponna time it was everything all the time.
What am I saying...?
Choose the battles that present themselves and 99% of the time you will come out on top... even if it is not obvious.
BTW... anyone or anything around you ATM that you can give a hug to and show your love?
 
6am-64-14m said:
I remember kicking opioids and benzos years ago and wont lie... I do occaionally dabble maybe once a year from the sheer boredom. This is why I suggest using this time to "better" the life/lives of others around you as it is a great way to "grow" and keeps one occupied.
My experience with daily drugs was when I passed the dope mans house to get food for my cats. It was a struggle to make that decision but this was a huge point in my recovery... it not only made me feel better about myself but the action made the ones I loved more healthy which began a cycle of gaining strength.
Yes... I do get bored as hell at times but after years of "growth" can look back with tears in my eyes at how such a small thing has made such a huge difference on my current mindset. I no longer feel chained and burdened, broken and desolate and have friends that give rather than take.
Not perfect but a lot better off now than where Inwas regardless of the occasional breakdown of how I perceive the world around me.
My state of mental health is not the greatest fwiw but have found that there is a time and place for all things when one uponna time it was everything all the time.
What am I saying...?
Choose the battles that present themselves and 99% of the time you will come out on top... even if it is not obvious.
BTW... anyone or anything around you ATM that you can give a hug to and show your love?
Click to expand...
I hear you man and appreciate you even taking the time to respond. I’ve had it for three days so I’ve been winning the “driving past dope man’s house” battle.

You obviously know the game as do I. I obviously want out or I wouldn’t be at day 30. I’ve even done a few ketamine treatments. I don’t know if they’re hurting or helping.

My only child died in the hospital at 2 months old this June so I’m just fucked in the head man
 
deucer8888 said:
My only child died in the hospital at 2 months old this June so I’m just fucked in the head man
Click to expand...
This rips me, brother. Truly. This really upsets me to the core of my being. I didnt mean to bring this out and my apolgies.
I never had children. And most times thankful for it. The way things are seem so cruel and hurtful.
Silver lining...? The child will not have to endure all the BS we have had to and bypassed the abuse and other hateful actions that happen more and more these days.
There really isnt a lot I can say on this matter except that if the little one didnt have to endure what I had to as a child he/she blessed beyond our comprehension. Maybe you understand where I am coming from.
I knew I was going to pay for being in this H&R forum but feel it may not only help me get past my "issues" but also others as well.
There is no comfort that I can offer other than a shoulder to cry on if you dont mind me crying on yours.
I do want you to know that my empathy is real and will be here either through private msg or in open forum.
Yeah... I cry for the state of our world and humanity and sometimes it is soul crushing to take on this role that some say "is not mine to bear"... if not mine then whos?
<3
 
6am-64-14m said:
This rips me, brother. Truly. This really upsets me to the core of my being. I didnt mean to bring this out and my apolgies.
I never had children. And most times thankful for it. The way things are seem so cruel and hurtful.
Silver lining...? The child will not have to endure all the BS we have had to and bypassed the abuse and other hateful actions that happen more and more these days.
There really isnt a lot I can say on this matter except that if the little one didnt have to endure what I had to as a child he/she blessed beyond our comprehension. Maybe you understand where I am coming from.
I knew I was going to pay for being in this H&R forum but feel it may not only help me get past my "issues" but also others as well.
There is no comfort that I can offer other than a shoulder to cry on if you dont mind me crying on yours.
I do want you to know that my empathy is real and will be here either through private msg or in open forum.
Yeah... I cry for the state of our world and humanity and sometimes it is soul crushing to take on this role that some say "is not mine to bear"... if not mine then whos?
<3
Click to expand...
No need to apologize. You didn’t bring it out. He went in for surgery that went well then the hospital messed things up. He suffered a month. So did we.
 
My drug use skyrocketed from loss of those that were closer to me than actual family.
I am nearing 57 and shit still haunts me at times.
Was on many Rx-ed drugs for decades and found that after getting off them that nightmares tapered off and so did a lot of other issues. Took about 3 yrs to get decent sleep back post cessation but less nightmares, less night sweats, no more "striking out" while sleeping and less waking in extreme panic states.
Trauma is a bitch. This may have nothing to do with anything here other than taking control of our own "treatment" may be healthier in the long run than trusting those who "know" what is best for us.
Does the girl have a name? I only ask as it may help me to associate this loss with a more healthy mindset. I know this may seem selfish to ask but who else is there to talk this out with?
This is fresh and dont want to make light of it. I even talked to my wife of 27yrs about this situation and she feels it is important that I distance myself from this cause she knows how far I can get lost in loss.
If you feel like I am too into this I get it but all ya gotta do is tell me to back off and I will.
I am no stranger to loss and it may be my ultimate undoing but something will be I just want some insight into this phenom as it is a very strong influence in my life and wish to come to terms with it for many reasons.
Only my best
 
6am-64-14m said:
My drug use skyrocketed from loss of those that were closer to me than actual family.
I am nearing 57 and shit still haunts me at times.
Was on many Rx-ed drugs for decades and found that after getting off them that nightmares tapered off and so did a lot of other issues. Took about 3 yrs to get decent sleep back post cessation but less nightmares, less night sweats, no more "striking out" while sleeping and less waking in extreme panic states.
Trauma is a bitch. This may have nothing to do with anything here other than taking control of our own "treatment" may be healthier in the long run than trusting those who "know" what is best for us.
Does the girl have a name? I only ask as it may help me to associate this loss with a more healthy mindset. I know this may seem selfish to ask but who else is there to talk this out with?
This is fresh and dont want to make light of it. I even talked to my wife of 27yrs about this situation and she feels it is important that I distance myself from this cause she knows how far I can get lost in loss.
If you feel like I am too into this I get it but all ya gotta do is tell me to back off and I will.
I am no stranger to loss and it may be my ultimate undoing but something will be I just want some insight into this phenom as it is a very strong influence in my life and wish to come to terms with it for many reasons.
Only my best
Click to expand...
I don’t wanna put you in a bad spot brother
 
deucer8888 said:
I don’t wanna put you in a bad spot brother
Click to expand...
My spot is the same always. Since birth. We can only hope to ease our troubles and shoulder the weight of this together.
My only hope/dream is to elevate and lend a hand to crawl our way out of the condition that we have dug ourselves into on this planet in any way possible. This is the only way I can see to break the chains that divide us and keep us locked in the dungeon of solitude.
You can only help me with this endeavor... it is the only way I see to make progress; to help shoulder our burdens.
It will make us a stronger and more able to fight the darkness upon us.
Please I need you as much as you may need me to accomplish this.
Together we stand; divided we fall.
Fuck separate and conquer this has been a tactic for way too long and must be done away with to move ahead.
Just some thoughts.
 
I am here for a reason.
My hope is that this reason is sustaiable and fruitful.
:hear4t:
 
aw much love to you OP. my anniversary of my fire injury/3rd degree burns absolutely fucks me up/sends me into PTSD/dissociative backslides every single year. I can only imagine what you go through with that experience. The fact that you are engaging with this process and insightful enough to understand the reasons why you have some of these patterns puts you way ahead of the game. ---- get some ultra low dose naltrexone so at least if you do ever slip it won't muss up your receptors and send you back down the path.
 
deucer8888 said:
Any idea when energy levels start to return? I’m working and I even went golfing yesterday but man it felt like I was swinging an axe not a golf club
Click to expand...
In my experience the more physically active you can be the quicker the rebound. This is of course in regard to the opioid issue.
Staying active seems to "rewire" our mental/physical being from previous states.
How long? This I cannot guess as we all have other factors in play that would shorten or prolong the recovery.
My personal experience is that further influences will also have an impact on ups and downs of it all.
Swing that axe like ya mean it, brother, and chop those issues with relentless abandon. ;)
 
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