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3 Days Clean

lozgod

lozgod

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 29, 2010
Messages
715
ok. Update on where I been. A week ago I had my appendix taken out. Went through all pain scripts in days due to tolerance. Woke up Sunday with nothing.

Actually I have like 12 suboxones but I decided I want to be free. Looking back at my posts on here I been losing my mind over this addiction. I want out. I'm waking up taking valium. Going back to sleep. This has been my pattern the last 72 hours. I am in pain from losing my appendix but I can deal with it. I C/T before. It took about 5 days to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I should have 2 more days left if history repeats itself.

I did have a few Tramadols to help with the RLS. Not much, like 5 or 6 over the last 3 days. My only fear is they denied me the real withdrawal experience or delayed it and I am only one day in to it. Hard to say but point is I have a desire to be free and more than enough valium to sleep off the worst of it.
 
Good luck, hopefully you'll be out of withdrawals soon.
 
You can do it man. Good luck. I'm in the same boat basically if that gives you any solace. Except I've been taking .5mg of bupe a day off and on when I start to feel paws rear its ugly head. Remember detox is only half the battle, or less. But you CAN do it.
 
Yeah keep it up.You are already more than half way throuh it it will only start gettin better.
 
Like everyone has said.. You can do it :) withdrawls are difficult yes but always remember once a addict always a addict. Dont trade one drug for another either just stay clean and sober life will get soo much better! I'm getting clean also :) im smoking weed so i can fail out-patient to get sent to in-patient considering its 13k with insurance and 0 if i pee dirt and flunk out-patient.
 
hey man great job uve come a long way. From reading ur other threads it seemed 2 me like u wer loosing hope in ever getting clean. Now ur talkin the right way keep it up man!!!
 
I got about 12 suboxones screaming my name so I can feel normal again. RLS is over. Yawning and tearing is over. Just the depression and malaise is SOOOOOOOOOO strong.
 
5 days gone

I had my appendix removed 2 weeks ago. Last couple days one of my incisions started hurting. Turns out it was infected. Antibiotic and perc 5/325 was scripted. Addict in me couldn't say no.

Ironic thing was about 2 hours before going to the ER I took a 2mg piece of suboxone to help with the lethargy. Didn't block the perc. Felt it, felt so good I drove an hour to find a 24 hour pharmacy to fill my script.

I am not a 17yo kid that lives at home. I continue using I lose my car, home, everything I work hard for. I got to beat this. More importantly these pills have robbed me of feeling joy, love, financial freedom, so much. For some reason I still have a love affair with them.

I am finally getting the desire. Just a couple of weeks ago I created a thread saying I graduated from popping pills to shooting dope. That thread was to help a newbie to the pill world but it helped me see how insane I was by the responses of the posters in the thread. As harsh as they were they may end up saving my life.

I want out. It won't be painless. It won't be easy. I spent the last 3-4 years living what I thought was a good time but what was really perpetual withdrawal with occasions of great highs.

I googled stories of vietnam vets coming home after using 80--90%pure No.4 heroin and kicked when they came home. There are litterally probably a million NA members with decades clean from heroin and other opiates. It can be done.

Shit, I did it when I lost everything in 08. I did it to get it all back. Now I got it back and am trying to lose it again.

I do not know the topic of this thread. Just ranting. Considering suboxone but scared to death reading the PAWS when people jump and methadone is another option but again it is putting off the inevitable for a longer drawn out withdrawal one day.

5 days man. I was there. I was only feeling the malaise and depression. Maybe this short 2 day use (which is all that 20 5mg percs is going to last for me if I strectch them out) my not set me back that far.

I guess the good in this is I am finally tired of it. I am powerless over this addiction and my life is unmanagable. I guess the next step is to come to believe there is a power that can restore me to sanity.

Clean or not I am taking my ass to an NA meeting. I know there is a lot of anti NA sentiment on this and most other boards but one thing I know is I see more relapsers online than in NA meetings. I myslef once had 2 years clean in NA when cocaine was my DOC. I know people with 1-40 years clean from all kinds of drugs.

I know my dad doesnlt have a lot of years left, my sister thinks I am the greatest person in the world even if I choose the life of a scum bag junkie, on my BDay my facebook page was flooded with happy bday wishes. People care about me. Trith is I am not a no good junkie. I am a person with a diseae called addiction. It is time to get treatment for it.

I am ready to get help. I no longer want to reside in the dark side. I am ready to see the light. I am asking a God whom I do not believe in for the strength to make this happen. As they say in NA we get clean or die. The BL Shrine is full of people that quite possibly be laughing and enjoying time with their loved ones if they would of made the choice I am ready to make.

God help me. God help us all.
 
lozgod, you are making a really courageous and admirable decision in seeking out treatment. I think NA is a great idea, and it's definitely worth a try. Best of luck man <3

I'm going to merge this thread with your previous thread entitled "3 days clean" because it helps people to keep a better track of discussions on the same subject. You can use the same thread to add to discussion on getting clean and it helps people with the same issues to see the process that you're going through to get help.

There is also the Blogs function of your profile in which you can post journal-type entries, even every day if you want to. That might be of use to you in your journey to sobriety.

Good luck man, let us know how you're going <3
 
Thanks for the merge. Makes sense. Hopefully this thread has a heppy ending.
 
loz: your fight is really inspiring.

When I first read your post, "3 days clean," it was my 3rd day too.
Also the day I ended up relapsing. (my dr automatically had my rx refilled, and the pharmacy accidentally filled it double the dosage ... how could I say no 8) ) ...
but you're at a point I'm not yet ~ you realise that your life really needs a real solid change AND YOU ARE DOING IT. *that* is what is inspiring most of all: your honesty, and your courage.

thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone, and that maybe I really can quit, no matter how many times I end up relapsing in the process. And you can too.

<3
 
Relapsed. Never got my ass in any meetings. Until I am ready to surrender and go back to NA I ain't getting clean. I believe the program works. just dont have the nuts right now.
 
Hey loz - just want you to know I'm pulling for you man. It is not easy getting out of addiction - I've been trying off and on for the last 5-6 years. Last year, when I hit ANOTHER rehab (4 times now), I finally got into a good rehab (and I guess I was really ready, and sick of being in the addiction) - and I listened to the counselors/shrink. I really felt like they had my best interest in mind, and I knew that for the past 6 years everything I could think of to try was just not working. I'm an alcoholic/addict for 14 years or so, my brain is wired to use and drink, more not less.

So - the rehab told me that for someone like me, a poly-substance dependent user, that I should go into a recovery home. For 9 months. Not an easy decision, scary in fact, but it was the best decision I made in the past 14 years. This was a well known, long standing, recovery home - a good, safe, sane and sober environment. I made a lot of good friends (quite a few who are still clean and sober) - and it was what I needed. Gave me structure, accountability, and a nice long period of time to be sober and start to figure out what I needed to do to live a `real` life - not the one of avoiding through using. Living with a bunch of guys who know exactly what I'm going through helps to.

Now, I got out of the home, had saved up some cash, and moved into a place of my own. And promptly relapsed. However, I had a good taste of living sober compared to how I live when in `the disease` and after 6 months I'm clean - again. Plus now I have a solid network of friends who have my back, when I want to be sober. Which I do now, again. This time, maybe for longer than last years 10 months.

Meetings are meetings - some suck ass, some are good. It takes time to find the ones you fit with. Forget the bullshit that doesn't work for you, and take what's good and use it. Don't worry about not believing in a `God` - for the time being just know that others believe in something that works for them, so you can follow their lead. I lean more towards Buddhism than my Christian upbringing, but I believe there is something greater than me that is also a part of me (and everyone and everything else.) Prayer and meditation can be used by anyone, I know they help me when I try.

I hear you being worried about losing the car/house/stuff. My situation is grim right now, trying to sell everything I have to make rent for next month, job situation is... well, jobs are a bitch to get right now. But I'm 3 weeks clean from opiates and pot, and 8 days clean from booze - so at least I have a fighting chance to get back up on my feet. I'm sober, my life is fucked and a little bit scary, but it's MY life, I'm happy to have it and I want to make something of it.

So anyways - we didn't get into our positions overnight and life won't turn perfect overnight either. Do what you have to do for yourself to be well, happy and whole, and all that.
 
JayJohnson said:
Hey loz - just want you to know I'm pulling for you man. It is not easy getting out of addiction - I've been trying off and on for the last 5-6 years. Last year, when I hit ANOTHER rehab (4 times now), I finally got into a good rehab (and I guess I was really ready, and sick of being in the addiction) - and I listened to the counselors/shrink. I really felt like they had my best interest in mind, and I knew that for the past 6 years everything I could think of to try was just not working. I'm an alcoholic/addict for 14 years or so, my brain is wired to use and drink, more not less.

So - the rehab told me that for someone like me, a poly-substance dependent user, that I should go into a recovery home. For 9 months. Not an easy decision, scary in fact, but it was the best decision I made in the past 14 years. This was a well known, long standing, recovery home - a good, safe, sane and sober environment. I made a lot of good friends (quite a few who are still clean and sober) - and it was what I needed. Gave me structure, accountability, and a nice long period of time to be sober and start to figure out what I needed to do to live a `real` life - not the one of avoiding through using. Living with a bunch of guys who know exactly what I'm going through helps to.

Now, I got out of the home, had saved up some cash, and moved into a place of my own. And promptly relapsed. However, I had a good taste of living sober compared to how I live when in `the disease` and after 6 months I'm clean - again. Plus now I have a solid network of friends who have my back, when I want to be sober. Which I do now, again. This time, maybe for longer than last years 10 months.

Meetings are meetings - some suck ass, some are good. It takes time to find the ones you fit with. Forget the bullshit that doesn't work for you, and take what's good and use it. Don't worry about not believing in a `God` - for the time being just know that others believe in something that works for them, so you can follow their lead. I lean more towards Buddhism than my Christian upbringing, but I believe there is something greater than me that is also a part of me (and everyone and everything else.) Prayer and meditation can be used by anyone, I know they help me when I try.

I hear you being worried about losing the car/house/stuff. My situation is grim right now, trying to sell everything I have to make rent for next month, job situation is... well, jobs are a bitch to get right now. But I'm 3 weeks clean from opiates and pot, and 8 days clean from booze - so at least I have a fighting chance to get back up on my feet. I'm sober, my life is fucked and a little bit scary, but it's MY life, I'm happy to have it and I want to make something of it.

So anyways - we didn't get into our positions overnight and life won't turn perfect overnight either. Do what you have to do for yourself to be well, happy and whole, and all that.
Click to expand...

I had 2 years myself. At point in recovery I was jobless, homeless, and even went to jail and didn't use. It wasn't until I became successful my addiction reared its ugly head again. I started making probably 6 or 7 times the money I ever made and I couldn't handle the success. I felt like God. Started drinking and smoking weed again, then the 10mg percs, then someone turned me on to 80s. Now its been 4 years of "you got to control the drugs dont let them control you" and online research to kappa antagonists and ultra low dose naltrexone and all this other bullshit because I'm so fucking intelligent. I need to get clean and stay clean. I know NA works for me. I been in a recovery house too for the second 9 months of my 2 years. Got the job, the apartment and same story but all these years later I still aint made it back.
 
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