psychedelixxx
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2012
- Messages
- 26
I have long wanted to write a trip report on my 2c-E experience that I had about 6-7 years ago, as it continues to remain the most profound experience I have ever had on any psychedelic drug. Please bare with me on recalling the details in chronological order as it was some time ago and a lot of the experience is difficult to put into words, but I will do my best! I also cannot recall the dose that I took, but I know that it was quite a heroic dose for 2c-E which is notorious in it's ass kicking ways.
Disclaimer: The boyfriend in this story is now an ex-boyfriend, we had a very turbulent, problematic relationship at the time (although not on this specific day) and I should not have been doing drugs with him in that state. I also had met up with my father earlier that day whom I had not seen in years and had a lot of emotional baggage with him, so that may have also affected my mental state in this trip.
So, the original plan for this trip was for my sister to drop my boyfriend and I off at the boardwalk in Daytona Beach. We would take the drugs, have a fun trip, and then get picked up and brought home by my sister once she was off of work later that night. Neither my boyfriend nor I had cars at the time and his apartment was a 20 minute drive away. So, we took the 2c-E and hung out at the boardwalk for MAYBE two hours before we quickly got bored and decided it would be best if we just started walking to his apartment rather than waiting for my sister to pick us up. Let me remind you this is a 20 minute drive, therefore a three hour walk!! His dose had already started to kick in, but mine was nowhere to be found due to the large meal I had eaten a few hours beforehand. We walked for about an hour and the longer that we walked the more I thought that my trip was just never going to happen, and the more that I didn't even want to trip anymore. Right as those thoughts began entering my head, I began seeing movement in inanimate objects and feeling the effects. When we stopped at a gas station to grab a water, I really started to feel it and could hardly speak to the cashier.
So we walk for about 20 more minutes and my bf begins to get very paranoid about all of the cops passing us on our walk. I try to convince him that there is nothing suspect about two people walking on a sidewalk down the street but he isn't convinced and says that we should move over to the beach. (The beach and road run adjacent in the direction we were heading). By this point, we are both really feeling the effects of the 2c-e and it is getting dark. We walk on the beach for about 30 minutes before more paranoia hits and we want to head back to the road to see how far we had left, as there are no landmarks on the beach to tell. Somehow, we get stuck on the beach. Whenever we tried to find the road, we ran into a hotel gate or dead end. It was dark and we couldn't see, in addition to all of the fractals forming and colors morphing before our eyes. We started to panic but eventually did find the road and tried to call a friend to take us the rest of the way home, but to our dismay we could not form the words to give her our location and hung up instead. Finally, we reach the bridge leading back to the mainland where my bf's apartment was. As we're walking over the bridge, the rocks beneath the bridge near the water turn into stacked corpses before my eyes and everything becomes very, very eerie. The paranoia and anxiety is at an all time high, but I am not yet having what I would classify as a "bad trip", although this is alarming to me. I try not to look at them as we cross the bridge. At this point it is pitch black outside and the palm trees are glowing various neon colored stripes, swaying in the wind along with all of the buildings. Everything is vibrating and humming.
At last, we are at the stairs up to his apartment door where I proceed to have a 10 minute mental battle with myself due to the fact that his mother was home. I could not stop laughing for some reason, and then got paranoid that she would wonder why. Then I convinced myself that there is nothing weird about laughing, but then realized that there IS if you can't explain your laughter to someone. I went back and forth with these thoughts for a full 10 minutes with my bf before we realized she was likely sleeping anyway and we went inside. We went to his room and the entire mood shifted. Reminder - we had just walked 10 miles in 3 hours on 2c-E and were both physically exhausted but not quite able to grasp what exhausted felt like while tripping.
At this rate, I was peaking pretty hard. We sat down on his bed to listen to music and he pulled up windows media player which has moving visuals that move with the beats in the music. I began to see these visuals come out of the screen and float in space in front of me. Suddenly, I had to throw up. I went into the bathroom and threw up violently, and then went back to the bed to watch the visuals more. This repeated for about 4 more vomit sessions, before I finally stopped puking and the next thing I know my boyfriend and I are kissing. He said something along the lines of "I love you so much i'll kiss your puke" which is absolutely disgusting but at the time I thought I had never felt a more genuine love. The visuals on the media player began to morph into DNA strands and molecules, they floated up above me and surrounded me in bright blues and yellows. I kept chanted "humans are weird" and fell into a strange, euphoric trance. This is where my ego began to dismantle. I think, for the majority of the trip, I was talking to myself and not my boyfriend, but it felt like all of the answers to the questions of life were being presented to me. It also felt like I was learning why our relationship was so awful. I can't explain what exactly I was learning or feeling, but I remember saying over and over again things like "this is what i've been waiting for" and "why did you take so long to tell me this?". My boyfriends ex who had been an issue in our relationship showed up in the room and I smiled at her and she nodded at me as if some spiritual understanding between us transversed. Then, everything sped up and it was as if everyone I had ever met was flashing before my eyes along with every celebrity and person that I have not met that has had an impact on me. One person would show up, and I would try to speak to them only to have my words spoken back to me through their mouth. This repeated, person after person after person. I was talking to myself, i was becoming them and they were becoming me. I remember at one point saying "I am Marilyn Manson" (he's my favorite artist, this is silly I know lol) and truly felt in my soul that I was all of the people that I was seeing. My mothers physically abusive ex-husband showed up and I said "I hate you" to him, but I was saying I hate you to myself. I felt connected with everything, and then I was nothing.
Everyone dissipated, and the walls in the room fell down and I could see the apartment pool from my boyfriend's bed where everyone I was seeing had moved to. I remember saying "let's go to the pool" and then answering myself, "You're already there". As I was going through these thoughts in my head but speaking them out loud, my boyfriend who was very confused was trying to tell me that we could not go to the pool at 2:00am and that we would wake his mom. He also started crying when I said "I hate you" thinking that I was talking to him. Back in my head, though, I was becoming nothing. The 2c-e was taking me through these loops and tearing my ego to shreds. It took me through random phrases that I had always said like "gatorade tastes like flavored sweat" among other things that I would say in my every day life, and I would repeat them in a loop over and over again until I forgot what words were. It was overwhelming me with people until I became noone, overwhelming me with objects and phrases until they became nothing, and I lost all sense of self and it was the most euphoric, glorious feeling I had ever felt. I truly felt like I was the universe, yet there was no "I". It just WAS. I cannot explain ego death, there are not enough words in the english language to truly describe it. But other trip reports have done a better job.
Now, the problem was that my boyfriend was terrified of me and thought that I was stuck in this trip and getting psychosis. He couldn't feel or see what I was experiencing. I remember while my ego was being shredded taking my tunnels out of my ears (i have gauged ears) and throwing them, telling him I don't need material things anymore. I remember taking off all of my clothes and grabbing scissors to cut my hair off because I didn't need those things either, for I was nothing (thankfully he stole them from me - he also said that i bent over backwards into the mirror with them and smiled...can't explain that one). My boyfriend was crying hysterically thinking he needed to take me to a hospital, and his crying kept ripping me out of ego death and back into reality full force, and then the drug would bring me back to ego death over and over in an excruciatingly painful loop. Each time i'd come back to reality, things were different. At one point there were brightly colored rainbow feathers everywhere, glowing around me. I said out loud "but i'm not gay". This was a REALLY dumb thing to say, can't explain that one either as I am not homophobic at all. Things began to take a dark turn each time i'd get thrown back into reality, and became more and more painful. I realized just how terrified I was of my boyfriend deep inside, as his body was inflate and become bigger towering over me, his fists red, veiny, and huge and I could literally see his blood boil transparently through his skin. My bf had anger issues and I believe this was my fear of him becoming violent and abusive towards me portraying itself. I began to cry and begged him to please not hurt me, and then i'd snap out of it for a second and see him as he normally is, crying and wondering why I thought that.
He thought it would be a good idea to open his laptop and let me use facebook, to see normal things and hopefully bring me back to a normal mental state. My father whom I hadnt seen in years but visited earlier that day had posted tons of photos of me and the family that they took earlier and that I hadn't seen before, so when i saw them for the first time while tripping I was convinced that they were fake and it totally mind fucked me. I became very suspicious of facebook and it didnt help bring me back to normalcy at all. I then started going to the fb pages of random men I had previously had flings with saying things like "wow he's cute, but he is no you" to my boyfriend. I'm sure this did not at all make him feel better. Finally, I laid down and stared at my chipped red nail polish and saw demonic faces in them laughing at me. I started at my thumb for what felt like an eternity and suddenly snapped out of it. There was no gradual come down - it was like a light switch. I heard my boyfriend say "whats wrong with your thumb?" and then everything looked normal again. I looked over at him and he was sobbing, confused and scared and I at the time could not remember 70% of what had happened and asked him why he was crying. He cried harder, and kept asking me how I could not remember what had happened. This led me to believe that I had done something terribly wrong to him, but I just didn't know what.
Our relationship was WEIRD for a few days, we are no longer together obviously but that was the craziest trip of my life that I really wish I had gotten to experience alone and truly surrender to the ego death rather than getting thrown back into reality every 20 minutes due to someone else's crying. I probably left out a lot of details but I had no idea what ego death was before this trip, and was only able to identify it after reading other trip reports. I would like to one day do 2c-E again, but it is slightly scary. I think my next trip like this will be on ayahausca which I hear is much gentler.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_2ce
substancecode_phenethylamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
Disclaimer: The boyfriend in this story is now an ex-boyfriend, we had a very turbulent, problematic relationship at the time (although not on this specific day) and I should not have been doing drugs with him in that state. I also had met up with my father earlier that day whom I had not seen in years and had a lot of emotional baggage with him, so that may have also affected my mental state in this trip.
So, the original plan for this trip was for my sister to drop my boyfriend and I off at the boardwalk in Daytona Beach. We would take the drugs, have a fun trip, and then get picked up and brought home by my sister once she was off of work later that night. Neither my boyfriend nor I had cars at the time and his apartment was a 20 minute drive away. So, we took the 2c-E and hung out at the boardwalk for MAYBE two hours before we quickly got bored and decided it would be best if we just started walking to his apartment rather than waiting for my sister to pick us up. Let me remind you this is a 20 minute drive, therefore a three hour walk!! His dose had already started to kick in, but mine was nowhere to be found due to the large meal I had eaten a few hours beforehand. We walked for about an hour and the longer that we walked the more I thought that my trip was just never going to happen, and the more that I didn't even want to trip anymore. Right as those thoughts began entering my head, I began seeing movement in inanimate objects and feeling the effects. When we stopped at a gas station to grab a water, I really started to feel it and could hardly speak to the cashier.
So we walk for about 20 more minutes and my bf begins to get very paranoid about all of the cops passing us on our walk. I try to convince him that there is nothing suspect about two people walking on a sidewalk down the street but he isn't convinced and says that we should move over to the beach. (The beach and road run adjacent in the direction we were heading). By this point, we are both really feeling the effects of the 2c-e and it is getting dark. We walk on the beach for about 30 minutes before more paranoia hits and we want to head back to the road to see how far we had left, as there are no landmarks on the beach to tell. Somehow, we get stuck on the beach. Whenever we tried to find the road, we ran into a hotel gate or dead end. It was dark and we couldn't see, in addition to all of the fractals forming and colors morphing before our eyes. We started to panic but eventually did find the road and tried to call a friend to take us the rest of the way home, but to our dismay we could not form the words to give her our location and hung up instead. Finally, we reach the bridge leading back to the mainland where my bf's apartment was. As we're walking over the bridge, the rocks beneath the bridge near the water turn into stacked corpses before my eyes and everything becomes very, very eerie. The paranoia and anxiety is at an all time high, but I am not yet having what I would classify as a "bad trip", although this is alarming to me. I try not to look at them as we cross the bridge. At this point it is pitch black outside and the palm trees are glowing various neon colored stripes, swaying in the wind along with all of the buildings. Everything is vibrating and humming.
At last, we are at the stairs up to his apartment door where I proceed to have a 10 minute mental battle with myself due to the fact that his mother was home. I could not stop laughing for some reason, and then got paranoid that she would wonder why. Then I convinced myself that there is nothing weird about laughing, but then realized that there IS if you can't explain your laughter to someone. I went back and forth with these thoughts for a full 10 minutes with my bf before we realized she was likely sleeping anyway and we went inside. We went to his room and the entire mood shifted. Reminder - we had just walked 10 miles in 3 hours on 2c-E and were both physically exhausted but not quite able to grasp what exhausted felt like while tripping.
At this rate, I was peaking pretty hard. We sat down on his bed to listen to music and he pulled up windows media player which has moving visuals that move with the beats in the music. I began to see these visuals come out of the screen and float in space in front of me. Suddenly, I had to throw up. I went into the bathroom and threw up violently, and then went back to the bed to watch the visuals more. This repeated for about 4 more vomit sessions, before I finally stopped puking and the next thing I know my boyfriend and I are kissing. He said something along the lines of "I love you so much i'll kiss your puke" which is absolutely disgusting but at the time I thought I had never felt a more genuine love. The visuals on the media player began to morph into DNA strands and molecules, they floated up above me and surrounded me in bright blues and yellows. I kept chanted "humans are weird" and fell into a strange, euphoric trance. This is where my ego began to dismantle. I think, for the majority of the trip, I was talking to myself and not my boyfriend, but it felt like all of the answers to the questions of life were being presented to me. It also felt like I was learning why our relationship was so awful. I can't explain what exactly I was learning or feeling, but I remember saying over and over again things like "this is what i've been waiting for" and "why did you take so long to tell me this?". My boyfriends ex who had been an issue in our relationship showed up in the room and I smiled at her and she nodded at me as if some spiritual understanding between us transversed. Then, everything sped up and it was as if everyone I had ever met was flashing before my eyes along with every celebrity and person that I have not met that has had an impact on me. One person would show up, and I would try to speak to them only to have my words spoken back to me through their mouth. This repeated, person after person after person. I was talking to myself, i was becoming them and they were becoming me. I remember at one point saying "I am Marilyn Manson" (he's my favorite artist, this is silly I know lol) and truly felt in my soul that I was all of the people that I was seeing. My mothers physically abusive ex-husband showed up and I said "I hate you" to him, but I was saying I hate you to myself. I felt connected with everything, and then I was nothing.
Everyone dissipated, and the walls in the room fell down and I could see the apartment pool from my boyfriend's bed where everyone I was seeing had moved to. I remember saying "let's go to the pool" and then answering myself, "You're already there". As I was going through these thoughts in my head but speaking them out loud, my boyfriend who was very confused was trying to tell me that we could not go to the pool at 2:00am and that we would wake his mom. He also started crying when I said "I hate you" thinking that I was talking to him. Back in my head, though, I was becoming nothing. The 2c-e was taking me through these loops and tearing my ego to shreds. It took me through random phrases that I had always said like "gatorade tastes like flavored sweat" among other things that I would say in my every day life, and I would repeat them in a loop over and over again until I forgot what words were. It was overwhelming me with people until I became noone, overwhelming me with objects and phrases until they became nothing, and I lost all sense of self and it was the most euphoric, glorious feeling I had ever felt. I truly felt like I was the universe, yet there was no "I". It just WAS. I cannot explain ego death, there are not enough words in the english language to truly describe it. But other trip reports have done a better job.
Now, the problem was that my boyfriend was terrified of me and thought that I was stuck in this trip and getting psychosis. He couldn't feel or see what I was experiencing. I remember while my ego was being shredded taking my tunnels out of my ears (i have gauged ears) and throwing them, telling him I don't need material things anymore. I remember taking off all of my clothes and grabbing scissors to cut my hair off because I didn't need those things either, for I was nothing (thankfully he stole them from me - he also said that i bent over backwards into the mirror with them and smiled...can't explain that one). My boyfriend was crying hysterically thinking he needed to take me to a hospital, and his crying kept ripping me out of ego death and back into reality full force, and then the drug would bring me back to ego death over and over in an excruciatingly painful loop. Each time i'd come back to reality, things were different. At one point there were brightly colored rainbow feathers everywhere, glowing around me. I said out loud "but i'm not gay". This was a REALLY dumb thing to say, can't explain that one either as I am not homophobic at all. Things began to take a dark turn each time i'd get thrown back into reality, and became more and more painful. I realized just how terrified I was of my boyfriend deep inside, as his body was inflate and become bigger towering over me, his fists red, veiny, and huge and I could literally see his blood boil transparently through his skin. My bf had anger issues and I believe this was my fear of him becoming violent and abusive towards me portraying itself. I began to cry and begged him to please not hurt me, and then i'd snap out of it for a second and see him as he normally is, crying and wondering why I thought that.
He thought it would be a good idea to open his laptop and let me use facebook, to see normal things and hopefully bring me back to a normal mental state. My father whom I hadnt seen in years but visited earlier that day had posted tons of photos of me and the family that they took earlier and that I hadn't seen before, so when i saw them for the first time while tripping I was convinced that they were fake and it totally mind fucked me. I became very suspicious of facebook and it didnt help bring me back to normalcy at all. I then started going to the fb pages of random men I had previously had flings with saying things like "wow he's cute, but he is no you" to my boyfriend. I'm sure this did not at all make him feel better. Finally, I laid down and stared at my chipped red nail polish and saw demonic faces in them laughing at me. I started at my thumb for what felt like an eternity and suddenly snapped out of it. There was no gradual come down - it was like a light switch. I heard my boyfriend say "whats wrong with your thumb?" and then everything looked normal again. I looked over at him and he was sobbing, confused and scared and I at the time could not remember 70% of what had happened and asked him why he was crying. He cried harder, and kept asking me how I could not remember what had happened. This led me to believe that I had done something terribly wrong to him, but I just didn't know what.
Our relationship was WEIRD for a few days, we are no longer together obviously but that was the craziest trip of my life that I really wish I had gotten to experience alone and truly surrender to the ego death rather than getting thrown back into reality every 20 minutes due to someone else's crying. I probably left out a lot of details but I had no idea what ego death was before this trip, and was only able to identify it after reading other trip reports. I would like to one day do 2c-E again, but it is slightly scary. I think my next trip like this will be on ayahausca which I hear is much gentler.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_2ce
substancecode_phenethylamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
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This was very well-written and I enjoyed it. 2C-E is such an incredibly powerful psychedelic, it's like the other 2C-Xs in some ways but it also goes infinitely deeper, like a black hole. I wonder what makes the ethyl group on there SO MUCH more powerful than anything else? It's one of life's mysteries as far as I'm concerned. I certainly love 2C-E though. I have most of a gram, I use it in 12-14mg doses sometimes on hikes and stuff but I want to go deep again soon. The second time I ever used it, I took 18mg orally and had a complete ego death and moved backwards in time, went beyond oneness into the void, was so terrified I thought about killing myself, and ultimately was left with the most profoundly shattering yet beautiful and amazing experience of my life.