xdrc
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2022
- Messages
- 156
Substance: 2C-E HCl (2,5-dimethoxy-4-ethylphenethylamine hydrochloride)
Dosage: 13.8 mg (directly on an analytical balance, not calibrated)
Purity: homogenous on TLC, sharp melting point
Age: mid-20s
Weight: ~ 60 kg, a bit underweight
Previous experiences: a couple of psychedelics (mostly phenethylamines), various entactogens, stimulants, this and that. Earlier experiences with 2C-E at 10 mg, 16 mg and 12 mg p.o.. 12 mg experience was greatly amplified by d8-THC consumption.
This is an experience from May 2024. Some notes were kept in English. Months later (September 2024), I wrote down a report in German. A few details had to be reconstructed from memory, as the notes were incomplete. As such, the report may not be fully accurate. I have decided now (January 2025) to translate the German report back into English. The original English notes were glanced at to restore some of the original commentary.
Preface:
To understand the report, context is important. Approximately 9 months earlier, I had a very challenging experience with 25E-NBOH. In my arrogance, I had taken 1200 µg of pure 25E-NBOH HCl sublingually. This decision was because commercial tabs were marketed as such, and all existing experience reports seemed manageable to someone with my experience. My material, however, was not the commercial tabs, but the pure compound crafted with care and accurately dosed pre-dissolved in vodka. That 25E-NBOH experience culminated in my calling the emergency services. I had perceived troubles in moving my fingers and traced those issues back to vasoconstriction. This resulted in a panic attack and I attributed all kinds of weird body signals to toxicity. In retrospect, while I believe 1200 µg of 25E-NBOH to be too much, I think it was still a somewhat physically safe dose for a healthy person. I'm unsure if sensitivity, commercial tabs being underdosed/impure or greater absorption due to pre-dissolution were the culprit. Nor do I care to find out by continued experimentation.
Since this experience, most of my trips resulted in reliving this experience. Psychosomatic symptoms lead to my fingers being perceived as immobile, my nails blueing, and my hands looking like "they are dying" upon inspection. However, I was on a good track until a 2C-D experience in January gave me worrisome bodily signals again. In this case, there was the perception of fainting. This is why I sought refuge from psychedelics in stimulants and entactogens. Unfortunately, my usage patterns turned anything but healthy, a trend that continued towards the end of 2024. Additionally, I had not told my girlfriend about the accident with 25E-NBOH before this 2C-E experience. This has been addressed and resolved in the meantime.
On the day of the experience, I found myself in the laboratory entirely demotivated. No direction, no pointers, no passion. It felt appropriate to try and resolve those issues with the aid of a chemical. A real kick in the ass would surely help me find my passion towards psychedelics again. And it may help get rid of the shit stimulants. The latter surely did not help my state of well-being, or rather, lack thereof. I decided not to waste time and get out the big guns: 2C-E. The almighty, king of phenethylamines. In a balancing act of "not too much" (as I was in an isolated location, away from help's reach) and "not too little" (to allow for the appropriate amount of reset), I chose 14 mg. 13.8 mg fell on the scale. Good enough. Normally, I'd consume such quantities volumetrically, even with the laboratory scale. But I had enough trust in the scale - or worst case, the universe - guiding me. It took quite some resolve to down the solution. After adding it to a glass, the 2C-E waited about 20 minutes to be dissolved in water. If I had thought it possible to transfer it back to its little brown glass vial without losing any of the "sacrament", I would have done it. But wasting this substance is akin to blasphemy, even though I know the magic spells to materialise it.
Trip report
I haven't tidied up the laboratory. I'm not sure what to do with myself. All I felt was a need to trip. It drew me towards 2C-E, the most remarkable material of them all. I could have chickened out and used a shortie, like 2C-B or 2C-D. But deep down I feel a cleansing is needed. Almost on a whim, I have weighed out 13.8 mg 2C-E. And so it lay in the glass, undissolved, with much debate about whether to do it. Longing for a cleansing was induced by my mom. She remarked on me wasting away. Her stating of the truth turned me hostile towards her, an expression of self-hatred. Laziness. Lack of productivity. Depression.
15:59 (T0:00)
I ingested 13.8 mg 2C-E HCl dissolved in water, p.o.. My stomach still felt full of garlic noodles 2.5 h prior. Normally, I wouldn't consume a phenethylamine on a full stomach, but the idea to trip was quite spontaneous. And it is late already. I hope it will not be too uncomfortable.
I set myself a couple of goals.
16:09 (T0:10)
With closed eyes, I see an interesting mandala turning to the music. This is no surprise. Earlier this day, while procrastinating, I tried working on a mandala-based desktop background. Also, I frequently see random images with closed eyes. My stomach hasn't settled down from the garlic spaghetti. I don't think the 2C-E will help. Maybe it will turn out okay though.
16:18 (T+0:19)
There definitely is a lightness in my head. Up to + Shulgin rating scale.
16:22 (T+0:23)
I realise today's anger at my mom comes from my being unhappy with being in a depressed mode of just existing, doing nothing productive. Her pointing out the blatantly obvious was too much for me. As they say, attack is the best defence. (It is not.)
16:27 (T0:28)
No matter what, the lab must be cleaned up tomorrow. No starting of any projects. Just cleaning it up. So it is squeaky clean and nice. To use it without the chaos holding me back. I should no longer waste my time being depressed and unable to start anything due to the lab resembling my poor mental state. I must get my life back under control, in order. In the future, I must learn to work on stuff and clean up in parallel. Probably some of my barrier towards working in the lab comes from me being sceptical of psychedelics currently. Maybe this trip will resolve it with major catharsis. I would be immensely grateful if it did.
16:45 (T0:36)
I'm definitely on some kind of climb. This is going to be a strong experience. Remember to surrender. I am tired of always isolating myself due to this interest in psychedelics. Not much use seems to come out of it. I've lost the belief that they are truly helpful. Due to the chemistry, I'm digging myself into a deeper hole with no way out. Is there truly insight at the end of it? Can I scrape happiness and contentment from the bottom of a beaker? Waves of nausea are overcoming me. I may have to puke today.
When sober, I thought I was lacking a psychedelic trip, thus the depression, thus the longing for the entactogens. But it should be quite clear that a soul shouldn't have an empty space due to the lack of a psychedelic. Yes, a psychedelic experience may rekindle fires, and bring back clarity... but it's not what the soul is truly requiring.
My writing seems to be impaired by the psychedelic. I will have to see what comes out of it when I'm sober again. For now, I'll just let the thoughts flow with my hands on the keyboard. It feels nice to type to the rhythm of the music. Closed eyes. I'm so glad I learned touch-typing.
That makes me happy. Nice CEVs. Sort of like a rhythm game. My mood is getting better now. Maybe a psychedelic may really be what I missed, what I needed. Maybe not. Probably not.
If I'm not loving myself, I can't love anyone else. So I should work on myself. To appreciate myself more again. I hope I'm able to achieve this. I need to. To show love to the people around me again.
16:57 (T0:58)
I feel light and clear. Nausea is gone. The flowing visuals remind me of 2C-D. The wooden door is waving. I really like this room my parents built. Lots of light, lots of wood, a decent amount of plants. A cosy couch. A good stereo. Downstairs the laboratory. Outside a garden. The psychedelic chemist's dream - if it wasn't for the neighbours, or this shit finally legal. Still, I'm grateful and fortunate to have all these opportunities in life. It's not going to get better.
The nausea returned again.
17:30 (T1:31)
I get back to my laptop after taking a shower. Under the shower, I got angry at my self-chosen misery. The paranoia, having to keep my mouth shut. I could no longer ignore the very real possibility of this hobby landing myself behind bars. Despite not harming anyone but myself. I don't sell. I don't give away. I make, consume, write reports. The isolation when being asked at work, what I've done during the weekend. The inability to share my passion with anyone but a few people from the internet. I realised I needed to stop. Now. The chemistry. The self-isolation. I need to meet again with my friends. Even if they have nothing to do with drugs.
My current consumption of drugs is way too high. I need to tone it down again. I think I can - I should - keep three weeks between any consumption. Regardless of which compound. Clarity of mind is the most important. Clearly, I don't need frequent psychedelic resets, cannabinoids are unnecessary too. The stimulants are very clearly harmful.
"Forecast Fascist Future (IQU Remix)" by "of Montreal" is playing. It's heavy on me right now.
17:38 (T1:39)
I am "dissolving" into the music. The mind quiets down, the visuals freeze, I become the music. Quite an experience.
17:47 (T1:48)
Music sounds incredible. As if I were in a sphere of sound. I haven't yet had the opportunity to experience this on 2C-E, as the previous settings were without much music. Still, the bodyload is absolutely gnarly. Tension, stomach aches, nausea. But the experience itself - I get into it more and more. It feels absolutely fantastic. I truly needed this kind of psychedelic reset. The call was right. Listen to your mind. 2C-E would be the perfect compound, if it weren't for the absolutely horrific bodyload. Even if that is part of the charm for the little masochist in me.
Birds are chirping outside to the song "Brisa del Desierte" of "Los Natas" inside. It all feels perfect. I feel truly in unity, gentle peace, with everything. I feel at peace with the universe
18:18 (T2:19)
While I previously thought of 2C-E as enigmatic, merciless and neutral, perhaps even hostile - it feels benevolent now, actually. The power is still immense.
18:32 (T2:33)
Somewhere, sometime, during the trip, I deleted my Reddit account and DuoLingo. Tidied up my phone. No dumb, time-wasting social networks, nor this dopamine-based self-fooling of a "language" learning application. The previously toned down nausea has returned and is harsh.
My girlfriend sent me a message. I'm not sure if I should message back, tell her that I'm on a strong trip. I'm not even sure if I am even able to communicate. Well, I'm able to write here, so I should be able to message her too. Nevertheless, I decided against it. Neither do I want her to worry - the distance is too big for her to help me if things get too intense. Nor do I want to say nothing about the trip and get caught up in a normal conversation I hardly feel capable of handling.
I find it interesting how the text here relates to nothing of what I am feeling during the experience. The psychedelic experience truly is ineffable in a way. It's just so hard to catch with words. Although it's certainly not fully impossible. I'm just lacking the talent.
Without a timestamp, added after the fact:
The experience turned physically ruthless. I'm writhing in pain. I'm incapable of doing anything but laying down on the couch, covering myself with a blanket and letting it occur. Multiple times I have to convince myself that roughly 14 mg 2C-E are a sensible, reasonable dosage of 2C-E and physiologically absolutely safe for a healthy person. I surrender to the storm, I persist. Frequent glances at the PsychonautWiki Journal app show me I still have quite some time on the plateau. Maybe I shouldn't have tripped. It feels like I have trouble moving my fingers. I don't dare looking at them, knowing fully well they'd look dead to me, scare me. At some point, I find myself over the toilet bow in an attempt to get over the nausea by puking. I'm almost able to puke but don't get it done.
19:21 (T3:22)
I want to live long and healthy for my girlfriend and this is why I will stop doing all drugs!
From here on out, fully without notes, reconstructed.
19:40 (T3:41)
The many excruciating side effects make me reconsider the physiological safety of psychedelic phenethylamines. But I'm sure that many of the effects are purely psychosomatic. Gosh, what I'd do for some ondansetron. 2C-E truly shines with its complexity, and the visuals... But the bodyload is torture. I am reminded of my 25E-NBOH experience. The 2C-E play with me. They emulate the 25E-NBOH visuals: a sort of chromatic aberration, a colourful accentuation of all edges, cycling through all colours of the rainbow. Kind of like a kitschy gaming room full of RGB lights.
I still spend all of my time under the blanket on the couch, despite it being late spring. What other options do I have with all the nausea? Besides, I wouldn't want the neighbours to see me confusedly walking back and forth through the windows. Again and again, I dive into the music, get absorbed by it. Mentally, I am getting swirled through the room by it, dissociating.
Now and then I open the journal application, check the time and realise how unmercifully slowly the pointer passes over the plateau.
20:30 (T4:31)
It actually feels like I'm making a slow and gradual descent. My mind is no longer mercilessly controlled by the harshness of the 2C-E. I walk across the house to the other window. The sunset I'm watching is beautifully painted, marvellous. As if it was part of The Lion King. The nausea is at an acceptable level, but the body is still quite far away from any state resembling pleasantness. What kind of stupid idea to take 2C-E on a full stomach. Grand delusions.
21:00 (T5:01)
I'm chatting with an internet friend I very much respect, and with which I share my passion for the chemistry of psychedelic phenethylamines. Even though it will still be some time till the trip is fully over, I'm over the hump and some aspects of myself were communicated to me in an impressive manner. I joke that perhaps the most important realisation is not taking 2C-E 2.5 h after a big meal.
21:39 (T5:40)
It's completely dark outside. I've turned the couch into a bed, got into my pyjamas, I feel grateful for having tripped in such a beautiful room, that I have the chance to do chemistry, all the good things in my life. I send that friend a picture of the room and he acknowledges the pleasantness of it. My stomach is still cramping a bit from time to time. I comment that with "fuck making psychs, ondansetron next target compound."
In the meanwhile, I was able to answer the messages of my girlfriend, even though my answers appear a bit clumsy to me. I should be more open about my drug consumption. But it's hard, as I'm not even honest about the motivation and safety of my adventures to myself sometimes.
22:40 (T6:41)
I wish my girlfriend good night. I no longer feel tripped out, so I don't worry about my messages seeming off.
23:00 (T7:01)
I chatted with a few other people. Despite the heavy experience, I feel somewhat accomplished for having "weathered" the trip. The mantra to surrender to the experience no matter what was helpful. When it got too intense and I became afraid, I just let the trip take over me - and it helped.
The quality of the music is still amplified by the residual action of the 2C-E.
01:00 (T09:01)
At about 01:00 AM, I took off my headphones and went to sleep. I had no trouble falling asleep.
Next day:
Heavy headaches. I'm unable to tidy up the laboratory. At some point during the afternoon, I was able to bear the headaches enough to catch my bus back home. In the evening, the headaches were slowly getting better.
The following weeks:
I was not able to exercise more, or to keep my hands off the drugs. During one of my solo-rolls on 4-FA, my girlfriend had an emotional breakdown and called me to come over. So I went to her place, talked with her, and in turn talked about my stimulant escapades and also the 25E-NBOH. All my worries about not telling were absolutely stupid, she showed much compassion. Still, the abuse went on with 3-FA, then mephedrone, then again a batch of 4-FA in November/December... Even though 2C-E is extremely impressionable, it does not enable change automatically. What a bummer.
About the trip report and 2C-E:
I'm not entirely happy with the trip report. Maybe it is due to the inaccuracies from writing it up so much later. That's the issue with psychedelics - as soon as the trip becomes interesting, the ability to write it down live decreases too. Also, the trip report does not entirely capture the brutality of the 2C-E, neither mentally nor bodily. In a way, it's more about me than 2C-E, but that's kind of the point of a trip, isn't it?
A bit of masochism is part of the package. I also think that 2C-E with its bodily torture lends itself to trips focusing on the fragility and vulnerability of health and life, ageing. Just read chapter 15 - Tennessee and chapter 40 - Mortality in PiHKAL to get what I mean.
To conclude, I'd like to end with a quote from PiHKAL:
"Several people have said, about 2C-E, “I don’t think I like it, since it isn’t that much fun. But I intend to explore it again.” There is something here that will reward the experimenter. Someday, the full character of 2C-E will be understood, but for the moment, let it rest as being a difficult and worth-while material."
Dosage: 13.8 mg (directly on an analytical balance, not calibrated)
Purity: homogenous on TLC, sharp melting point
Age: mid-20s
Weight: ~ 60 kg, a bit underweight
Previous experiences: a couple of psychedelics (mostly phenethylamines), various entactogens, stimulants, this and that. Earlier experiences with 2C-E at 10 mg, 16 mg and 12 mg p.o.. 12 mg experience was greatly amplified by d8-THC consumption.
This is an experience from May 2024. Some notes were kept in English. Months later (September 2024), I wrote down a report in German. A few details had to be reconstructed from memory, as the notes were incomplete. As such, the report may not be fully accurate. I have decided now (January 2025) to translate the German report back into English. The original English notes were glanced at to restore some of the original commentary.
Preface:
To understand the report, context is important. Approximately 9 months earlier, I had a very challenging experience with 25E-NBOH. In my arrogance, I had taken 1200 µg of pure 25E-NBOH HCl sublingually. This decision was because commercial tabs were marketed as such, and all existing experience reports seemed manageable to someone with my experience. My material, however, was not the commercial tabs, but the pure compound crafted with care and accurately dosed pre-dissolved in vodka. That 25E-NBOH experience culminated in my calling the emergency services. I had perceived troubles in moving my fingers and traced those issues back to vasoconstriction. This resulted in a panic attack and I attributed all kinds of weird body signals to toxicity. In retrospect, while I believe 1200 µg of 25E-NBOH to be too much, I think it was still a somewhat physically safe dose for a healthy person. I'm unsure if sensitivity, commercial tabs being underdosed/impure or greater absorption due to pre-dissolution were the culprit. Nor do I care to find out by continued experimentation.
Since this experience, most of my trips resulted in reliving this experience. Psychosomatic symptoms lead to my fingers being perceived as immobile, my nails blueing, and my hands looking like "they are dying" upon inspection. However, I was on a good track until a 2C-D experience in January gave me worrisome bodily signals again. In this case, there was the perception of fainting. This is why I sought refuge from psychedelics in stimulants and entactogens. Unfortunately, my usage patterns turned anything but healthy, a trend that continued towards the end of 2024. Additionally, I had not told my girlfriend about the accident with 25E-NBOH before this 2C-E experience. This has been addressed and resolved in the meantime.
On the day of the experience, I found myself in the laboratory entirely demotivated. No direction, no pointers, no passion. It felt appropriate to try and resolve those issues with the aid of a chemical. A real kick in the ass would surely help me find my passion towards psychedelics again. And it may help get rid of the shit stimulants. The latter surely did not help my state of well-being, or rather, lack thereof. I decided not to waste time and get out the big guns: 2C-E. The almighty, king of phenethylamines. In a balancing act of "not too much" (as I was in an isolated location, away from help's reach) and "not too little" (to allow for the appropriate amount of reset), I chose 14 mg. 13.8 mg fell on the scale. Good enough. Normally, I'd consume such quantities volumetrically, even with the laboratory scale. But I had enough trust in the scale - or worst case, the universe - guiding me. It took quite some resolve to down the solution. After adding it to a glass, the 2C-E waited about 20 minutes to be dissolved in water. If I had thought it possible to transfer it back to its little brown glass vial without losing any of the "sacrament", I would have done it. But wasting this substance is akin to blasphemy, even though I know the magic spells to materialise it.
Trip report
I haven't tidied up the laboratory. I'm not sure what to do with myself. All I felt was a need to trip. It drew me towards 2C-E, the most remarkable material of them all. I could have chickened out and used a shortie, like 2C-B or 2C-D. But deep down I feel a cleansing is needed. Almost on a whim, I have weighed out 13.8 mg 2C-E. And so it lay in the glass, undissolved, with much debate about whether to do it. Longing for a cleansing was induced by my mom. She remarked on me wasting away. Her stating of the truth turned me hostile towards her, an expression of self-hatred. Laziness. Lack of productivity. Depression.
15:59 (T0:00)
I ingested 13.8 mg 2C-E HCl dissolved in water, p.o.. My stomach still felt full of garlic noodles 2.5 h prior. Normally, I wouldn't consume a phenethylamine on a full stomach, but the idea to trip was quite spontaneous. And it is late already. I hope it will not be too uncomfortable.
I set myself a couple of goals.
- Whatever psychedelic storm may come to me - SURRENDER to it.
- Find out what is up with this depression.
- Remove the entactogens from my life if I can't handle them.
- Visiting a place of psychedelic magic, regaining trust.
- Try to write a trip report alongside.
- Help me find a way to live healthily and exercise again.
16:09 (T0:10)
With closed eyes, I see an interesting mandala turning to the music. This is no surprise. Earlier this day, while procrastinating, I tried working on a mandala-based desktop background. Also, I frequently see random images with closed eyes. My stomach hasn't settled down from the garlic spaghetti. I don't think the 2C-E will help. Maybe it will turn out okay though.
16:18 (T+0:19)
There definitely is a lightness in my head. Up to + Shulgin rating scale.
16:22 (T+0:23)
I realise today's anger at my mom comes from my being unhappy with being in a depressed mode of just existing, doing nothing productive. Her pointing out the blatantly obvious was too much for me. As they say, attack is the best defence. (It is not.)
16:27 (T0:28)
No matter what, the lab must be cleaned up tomorrow. No starting of any projects. Just cleaning it up. So it is squeaky clean and nice. To use it without the chaos holding me back. I should no longer waste my time being depressed and unable to start anything due to the lab resembling my poor mental state. I must get my life back under control, in order. In the future, I must learn to work on stuff and clean up in parallel. Probably some of my barrier towards working in the lab comes from me being sceptical of psychedelics currently. Maybe this trip will resolve it with major catharsis. I would be immensely grateful if it did.
16:45 (T0:36)
I'm definitely on some kind of climb. This is going to be a strong experience. Remember to surrender. I am tired of always isolating myself due to this interest in psychedelics. Not much use seems to come out of it. I've lost the belief that they are truly helpful. Due to the chemistry, I'm digging myself into a deeper hole with no way out. Is there truly insight at the end of it? Can I scrape happiness and contentment from the bottom of a beaker? Waves of nausea are overcoming me. I may have to puke today.
When sober, I thought I was lacking a psychedelic trip, thus the depression, thus the longing for the entactogens. But it should be quite clear that a soul shouldn't have an empty space due to the lack of a psychedelic. Yes, a psychedelic experience may rekindle fires, and bring back clarity... but it's not what the soul is truly requiring.
My writing seems to be impaired by the psychedelic. I will have to see what comes out of it when I'm sober again. For now, I'll just let the thoughts flow with my hands on the keyboard. It feels nice to type to the rhythm of the music. Closed eyes. I'm so glad I learned touch-typing.
That makes me happy. Nice CEVs. Sort of like a rhythm game. My mood is getting better now. Maybe a psychedelic may really be what I missed, what I needed. Maybe not. Probably not.
If I'm not loving myself, I can't love anyone else. So I should work on myself. To appreciate myself more again. I hope I'm able to achieve this. I need to. To show love to the people around me again.
16:57 (T0:58)
I feel light and clear. Nausea is gone. The flowing visuals remind me of 2C-D. The wooden door is waving. I really like this room my parents built. Lots of light, lots of wood, a decent amount of plants. A cosy couch. A good stereo. Downstairs the laboratory. Outside a garden. The psychedelic chemist's dream - if it wasn't for the neighbours, or this shit finally legal. Still, I'm grateful and fortunate to have all these opportunities in life. It's not going to get better.
The nausea returned again.
17:30 (T1:31)
I get back to my laptop after taking a shower. Under the shower, I got angry at my self-chosen misery. The paranoia, having to keep my mouth shut. I could no longer ignore the very real possibility of this hobby landing myself behind bars. Despite not harming anyone but myself. I don't sell. I don't give away. I make, consume, write reports. The isolation when being asked at work, what I've done during the weekend. The inability to share my passion with anyone but a few people from the internet. I realised I needed to stop. Now. The chemistry. The self-isolation. I need to meet again with my friends. Even if they have nothing to do with drugs.
My current consumption of drugs is way too high. I need to tone it down again. I think I can - I should - keep three weeks between any consumption. Regardless of which compound. Clarity of mind is the most important. Clearly, I don't need frequent psychedelic resets, cannabinoids are unnecessary too. The stimulants are very clearly harmful.
"Forecast Fascist Future (IQU Remix)" by "of Montreal" is playing. It's heavy on me right now.
17:38 (T1:39)
I am "dissolving" into the music. The mind quiets down, the visuals freeze, I become the music. Quite an experience.
17:47 (T1:48)
Music sounds incredible. As if I were in a sphere of sound. I haven't yet had the opportunity to experience this on 2C-E, as the previous settings were without much music. Still, the bodyload is absolutely gnarly. Tension, stomach aches, nausea. But the experience itself - I get into it more and more. It feels absolutely fantastic. I truly needed this kind of psychedelic reset. The call was right. Listen to your mind. 2C-E would be the perfect compound, if it weren't for the absolutely horrific bodyload. Even if that is part of the charm for the little masochist in me.
Birds are chirping outside to the song "Brisa del Desierte" of "Los Natas" inside. It all feels perfect. I feel truly in unity, gentle peace, with everything. I feel at peace with the universe
18:18 (T2:19)
While I previously thought of 2C-E as enigmatic, merciless and neutral, perhaps even hostile - it feels benevolent now, actually. The power is still immense.
18:32 (T2:33)
Somewhere, sometime, during the trip, I deleted my Reddit account and DuoLingo. Tidied up my phone. No dumb, time-wasting social networks, nor this dopamine-based self-fooling of a "language" learning application. The previously toned down nausea has returned and is harsh.
My girlfriend sent me a message. I'm not sure if I should message back, tell her that I'm on a strong trip. I'm not even sure if I am even able to communicate. Well, I'm able to write here, so I should be able to message her too. Nevertheless, I decided against it. Neither do I want her to worry - the distance is too big for her to help me if things get too intense. Nor do I want to say nothing about the trip and get caught up in a normal conversation I hardly feel capable of handling.
I find it interesting how the text here relates to nothing of what I am feeling during the experience. The psychedelic experience truly is ineffable in a way. It's just so hard to catch with words. Although it's certainly not fully impossible. I'm just lacking the talent.
Without a timestamp, added after the fact:
The experience turned physically ruthless. I'm writhing in pain. I'm incapable of doing anything but laying down on the couch, covering myself with a blanket and letting it occur. Multiple times I have to convince myself that roughly 14 mg 2C-E are a sensible, reasonable dosage of 2C-E and physiologically absolutely safe for a healthy person. I surrender to the storm, I persist. Frequent glances at the PsychonautWiki Journal app show me I still have quite some time on the plateau. Maybe I shouldn't have tripped. It feels like I have trouble moving my fingers. I don't dare looking at them, knowing fully well they'd look dead to me, scare me. At some point, I find myself over the toilet bow in an attempt to get over the nausea by puking. I'm almost able to puke but don't get it done.
19:21 (T3:22)
I want to live long and healthy for my girlfriend and this is why I will stop doing all drugs!
From here on out, fully without notes, reconstructed.
19:40 (T3:41)
The many excruciating side effects make me reconsider the physiological safety of psychedelic phenethylamines. But I'm sure that many of the effects are purely psychosomatic. Gosh, what I'd do for some ondansetron. 2C-E truly shines with its complexity, and the visuals... But the bodyload is torture. I am reminded of my 25E-NBOH experience. The 2C-E play with me. They emulate the 25E-NBOH visuals: a sort of chromatic aberration, a colourful accentuation of all edges, cycling through all colours of the rainbow. Kind of like a kitschy gaming room full of RGB lights.
I still spend all of my time under the blanket on the couch, despite it being late spring. What other options do I have with all the nausea? Besides, I wouldn't want the neighbours to see me confusedly walking back and forth through the windows. Again and again, I dive into the music, get absorbed by it. Mentally, I am getting swirled through the room by it, dissociating.
Now and then I open the journal application, check the time and realise how unmercifully slowly the pointer passes over the plateau.
20:30 (T4:31)
It actually feels like I'm making a slow and gradual descent. My mind is no longer mercilessly controlled by the harshness of the 2C-E. I walk across the house to the other window. The sunset I'm watching is beautifully painted, marvellous. As if it was part of The Lion King. The nausea is at an acceptable level, but the body is still quite far away from any state resembling pleasantness. What kind of stupid idea to take 2C-E on a full stomach. Grand delusions.
21:00 (T5:01)
I'm chatting with an internet friend I very much respect, and with which I share my passion for the chemistry of psychedelic phenethylamines. Even though it will still be some time till the trip is fully over, I'm over the hump and some aspects of myself were communicated to me in an impressive manner. I joke that perhaps the most important realisation is not taking 2C-E 2.5 h after a big meal.
21:39 (T5:40)
It's completely dark outside. I've turned the couch into a bed, got into my pyjamas, I feel grateful for having tripped in such a beautiful room, that I have the chance to do chemistry, all the good things in my life. I send that friend a picture of the room and he acknowledges the pleasantness of it. My stomach is still cramping a bit from time to time. I comment that with "fuck making psychs, ondansetron next target compound."
In the meanwhile, I was able to answer the messages of my girlfriend, even though my answers appear a bit clumsy to me. I should be more open about my drug consumption. But it's hard, as I'm not even honest about the motivation and safety of my adventures to myself sometimes.
22:40 (T6:41)
I wish my girlfriend good night. I no longer feel tripped out, so I don't worry about my messages seeming off.
23:00 (T7:01)
I chatted with a few other people. Despite the heavy experience, I feel somewhat accomplished for having "weathered" the trip. The mantra to surrender to the experience no matter what was helpful. When it got too intense and I became afraid, I just let the trip take over me - and it helped.
The quality of the music is still amplified by the residual action of the 2C-E.
01:00 (T09:01)
At about 01:00 AM, I took off my headphones and went to sleep. I had no trouble falling asleep.
Next day:
Heavy headaches. I'm unable to tidy up the laboratory. At some point during the afternoon, I was able to bear the headaches enough to catch my bus back home. In the evening, the headaches were slowly getting better.
The following weeks:
I was not able to exercise more, or to keep my hands off the drugs. During one of my solo-rolls on 4-FA, my girlfriend had an emotional breakdown and called me to come over. So I went to her place, talked with her, and in turn talked about my stimulant escapades and also the 25E-NBOH. All my worries about not telling were absolutely stupid, she showed much compassion. Still, the abuse went on with 3-FA, then mephedrone, then again a batch of 4-FA in November/December... Even though 2C-E is extremely impressionable, it does not enable change automatically. What a bummer.
About the trip report and 2C-E:
I'm not entirely happy with the trip report. Maybe it is due to the inaccuracies from writing it up so much later. That's the issue with psychedelics - as soon as the trip becomes interesting, the ability to write it down live decreases too. Also, the trip report does not entirely capture the brutality of the 2C-E, neither mentally nor bodily. In a way, it's more about me than 2C-E, but that's kind of the point of a trip, isn't it?
A bit of masochism is part of the package. I also think that 2C-E with its bodily torture lends itself to trips focusing on the fragility and vulnerability of health and life, ageing. Just read chapter 15 - Tennessee and chapter 40 - Mortality in PiHKAL to get what I mean.
To conclude, I'd like to end with a quote from PiHKAL:
"Several people have said, about 2C-E, “I don’t think I like it, since it isn’t that much fun. But I intend to explore it again.” There is something here that will reward the experimenter. Someday, the full character of 2C-E will be understood, but for the moment, let it rest as being a difficult and worth-while material."
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