27.5 days clean, need support, and ideas! Thanks! NO SLEEP

[poligurl]

I'm on day 27.5 and I can feel the pain, and I yearn for fake happiness that comes so quickly with a fix, it's in my mind so fresh. Look though, that's 0.08 years! Duration 39,847 minutes!!! I have an APP called "Quit That," and it shows minutes even! I love that! BIG help for me. Bluelight saved me through the first 14 days of 2 years of suboxone withdrawals. Far worse than any opiate withdrawal I ever went through guys! I weined down to 1mg, stocked up on immodium and benadryl and jumped off that cliff! I have now begun to stop sleeping, I've slept 2 hours in the past 6 days, and I'm pushing through! Vitamins, Netflix, and silently observing this site. I admit I have purchased some xanax on the streets! I am so ashamed, but it's not my drug of choice, I do not like them, but I'm beginning to see black dots, getting delirious here!




I MUST before I carry on ****Thank you all, and I'm not sure if this is where I post this, but you saved me from relapse during the first 14 days for SURE. Now that my profile is approved I can come back and tell you that the PAWS consist of (for me) and maybe someone can help me, and then one day someone can stumble on my post like I've done so many of yours and help someone else!




1. No interest in anything in which I just tell myself this is not real, a chemical problem, and I thank whoever my maker is for this healing feeling - instead of this sad/demotivated feeling.
2. No sleep (in which I just push through, yoga is my thing so that tends to oddly give me energy even though I do intense stand on your head type yoga! Weird!
3. Still sneezing 8 times in a row (will this end guys)??
4. Random (15 minute) bouts of the chills every other 4-5 days.... Is this in my head?
5. Then a small example of what used to be terrible bowel movements follow those, so the loose stool every other 4-5 days returns and I'm severly dehydrated again. THEN IT ENDS (please tell me I'll stop after all these days from having bathroom cleansings soon, and the chills will stop!?). OR, I coincidentally got some type of bowel food bug... It seems odd after so many days have these bowel movements.
6. HIVES! DO PEOPLE GET HIVES FROM DETOXING RANDOMLY? THEY COME AND GO!!!!!




See, the only time I detoxed before off of hard core opiates was when I tested positive for pregnancy. I detoxed just fine right away!!! 2 bad days and done! Somehow my body took it easier (even though it was 5.9 years of hard core drugs, and this time it's detoxing off long 2 years suboxone heck... far worse and stuck in system/detox was way longer - I think it's still happening - don't you? HELP!).....




A theory of mine was that pregnancy made me constipated so I didn't have the $hi*s!!!! I feel awful for taking OXIES for dental procedures after giving birth (5 months after!), which lead to 2 years of suboxone usage (worst drug ever in my opinion thus far) - I acquired it off the streets because I couldn't get help to take time off of work to detox, and I didn’t have health ins working two part time jobs - BUT, didn’t qualify for any state aid SO, I purchased buprenorphine & naloxone (Subs) 8mg strips continually

at the rate of >no prices< That hell of searching is OVER! YAY! One thing to be happy over right? But I can’t FEEL THAT HAPPY FEELING!!!!!!!! WHAT/? I KNOW IT’S something to be grateful for but I can’t FEEL grateful? I just think and think and think it!!! Pls tell me this gets better!

Thank you!

Truly,

Heather
Michigan Detoxin

 

[myloveishim]

Keep up the great work! It does get better! And everyday is a day closer to being even better.

Today is day 102 off everything!!! I was on opiates for 8.5 years. Took subs for almost 5 yrs of that. The last year plus I was banging dope. Then started the done clinic. When I jumped off, I was at 70mg done and at least .5H daily. I went cold turkey. Not even clonadine or Imodium. And I definitely still have days where I think about using but they are fewer and farther in between. NA/AA has been great for me. (I know it's not for everyone) but it's a great feeling to know I'm not doing this alone. I'm usually always around if you need someone to chat with. One of the mottos of our group is 'We can only keep what we have, by giving it away' and in my opinion talking with other addicts is exactly what I need a lot of the time.

 

[David Wooderson]

I jumped off at .25mg and still feel like shit.
I can empathize with how you feel not sleeping. I think that s the biggest trigger for me because even before pain, insomnia was my biggest problem and opiates and benzo's would allow me to sleep most of the day, and I loved that. It did interfere with my life but still nothing better in the world than waking up and taking a handful of pills and laying back down.
Today I got 3 hours of sleep and probably layed in bed for the same time trying to fall back asleep and could only think about pills. Better than regretful thoughts, but not by much.
Awesome job poligurl!

 

[Trying2Iso]

it takes a long time before that stuff subsides... no matter what addiction you're trying to break.
my cravings/lack of pleasure from daily activities didnt stop for at least 4 or 5 months after i stopped online gambling last year
and my addiction to adderall took even longer, altho that was exacerbated by my mental illness

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Stay strong
The symptoms should fade with time

 

[Erikmen]

I think you are doing great, congratulations for conquering your life back!

I´m going through lack of sleep, restlessness, but what really bothers me is having no motivation whatsoever, sadness and being tired all the time.

Coming down from 7 years of methadone.

Will my life ever be happy again?

I see that you have taken adequate steps to deal with almost all of your physical issues. Good for you!

 

[Kcwhite]

Congrats! I am starting a taper down from 24mgs this month. While its better than doing dope, it certainly has a high price for us to pay once it comes time to pay the piper. I'm hoping to be where you are soon enough. Now you can have your life back! I'm really happy for you

 

[JadeLA]

Sounds 100% Normal to me! You are going through the good ole PAWS! .....
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome...... this is different then the initial withdrawals! This lasts MUCH Longer! Reports of PAWS in users have been present for up to a YEAR! 12 Months! 365 DAYS!
A Year of Depression, Chills, Sneezes, Mood-Swings, Body Aches, Suicidal Thoughts, Un-Happiness, Lack of Sleep and much more.....We have been feeding our body drugs for years.....it's going to take a while for our body to recover and rejuvenate!
At 90 Days Sober from Heroine I was still going through intense withdrawals.....everything I listed above and leg pains that were out of this world! This led me to relapse

..the lack of sleep made me suffer the most.....without sleep the body is not functioning right....my depression was elevated....and I just wanted to sleep 8 hours for at least ONE night.....after 90 days completely sober I was getting about 1-3 hours of sleep MAX......I couldn't handle it...I wanted instant gratification since I was sober for 3 months! I relapsed on Vicodin to reduce my leg pains enough to sleep and to calm my thoughts and nerve enough to relax....Wasn't too long after that I was back on Heroin....

don't worry research PAWS! you are not alone! I still don't feel 100% today....and other addicts in recovery tell me I will never reach 100% ... like I was before I started using.....Drugs are one hell of a ride!

BTW Constipated = Any Opiates...When I was using heroin I wouldn't shit for weeks.....literally....and with suboxone the same.....The longer I used any type of opiates or anything acting on the opiod receptors such as Subs...was the longer I became constipated and I am talking no #2 for 10+ Days.....To the point where I lost track..."did i shit this week? I don't know I feel fine oh well!"

 

[neversickanymore]

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Exercise and Brain Neurotransmission
Neurobiology of Exercise
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. The Endorphin Factory
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. I worked all that out
exercise and sleep

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Diet & Neurogenesis


it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Managing depressive thinking
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share Something Positive from Your Day vs. It's All Around You
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 4 Infinite Chances in an Amazing World

Here is the mindfulness thread.
Anhedonia MEGA Thread

Keep rolling strong. your doing great. It gets better!!!

 

[JadeLA]

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Exercise and Brain Neurotransmission
Neurobiology of Exercise
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. The Endorphin Factory
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. I worked all that out
exercise and sleep

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Diet & Neurogenesis


it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Managing depressive thinking
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share Something Positive from Your Day vs. It's All Around You
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 4 Infinite Chances in an Amazing World

Here is the mindfulness thread.
Anhedonia MEGA Thread

Keep rolling strong. your doing great. It gets better!!!

Thank you for taking the time to post more information about PAWS!

 

[poligurl]

Thank u so much!

Keep up the great work! It does get better! And everyday is a day closer to being even better.

Today is day 102 off everything!!! I was on opiates for 8.5 years. Took subs for almost 5 yrs of that. The last year plus I was banging dope. Then started the done clinic. When I jumped off, I was at 70mg done and at least .5H daily. I went cold turkey. Not even clonadine or Imodium. And I definitely still have days where I think about using but they are fewer and farther in between. NA/AA has been great for me. (I know it's not for everyone) but it's a great feeling to know I'm not doing this alone. I'm usually always around if you need someone to chat with. One of the mottos of our group is 'We can only keep what we have, by giving it away' and in my opinion talking with other addicts is exactly what I need a lot of the time.

We can only keep what we have, by giving it away - I love this! Also, I may just have to take u up on that chat one day!!!! Thank you a million times over, this helps so much just having someone to look forward to replying to my issues.

Love,

Not so alone

 

[myloveishim]

And crazy as it sounds your response came just as I needed it most!! Been a rough few days but I am still fighting. And fighting clean I may add!!

 

[herbavore]

One thing that I think can really help when you are feeling separated from your feelings, when you feel like you "cannot" feel happy is to realize that happiness itself can become a craving. Think of it this way: using drugs to create a feeling of happiness made happiness itself a commodity that could be injected into your life at any given time regardless of whether anything in your life was truly 'happy'. Now, happiness has to come on its own, organically rising out of experiences that create it. It comes from you engaging with the world in a way that is pleasing to you. If your world is full of stress or empty of excitement you can turn your focus there. Think about everything from your environment to your relationships--are they healthy? Taking on your life as a creative project, something that you can tweak and change allows surprise to happen. Congratulations, poligurl and myloveishim--you are both doing great!

 

[myloveishim]

Wow! ^^ What an awesome way of looking at that. Thank you for that! Puts things in a new perspective

 

[pirates_]

its hard i quit methadone practically cold turkey i was clean for over 2 months. i relapsed..i felt so bad but i had been in w/d for months..n i slipped but i realized 2 things..1: i can get clean, and 2 relapse is part of recovery. im going back to methadone monday..and later on ill kick methadone again

 

[myloveishim]

Yes I agree it's hard to quit cold turkey. I was on 70mg and still .5H when I jumped off 3 months ago

 

[Erikmen]

Sounds 100% Normal to me! You are going through the good ole PAWS! .....
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome...... this is different then the initial withdrawals! This lasts MUCH Longer! Reports of PAWS in users have been present for up to a YEAR! 12 Months! 365 DAYS!
A Year of Depression, Chills, Sneezes, Mood-Swings, Body Aches, Suicidal Thoughts, Un-Happiness, Lack of Sleep and much more.....We have been feeding our body drugs for years.....it's going to take a while for our body to recover and rejuvenate!
At 90 Days Sober from Heroine I was still going through intense withdrawals.....everything I listed above and leg pains that were out of this world! This led me to relapse

..the lack of sleep made me suffer the most.....without sleep the body is not functioning right....my depression was elevated....and I just wanted to sleep 8 hours for at least ONE night.....after 90 days completely sober I was getting about 1-3 hours of sleep MAX......I couldn't handle it...I wanted instant gratification since I was sober for 3 months! I relapsed on Vicodin to reduce my leg pains enough to sleep and to calm my thoughts and nerve enough to relax....Wasn't too long after that I was back on Heroin....

don't worry research PAWS! you are not alone! I still don't feel 100% today....and other addicts in recovery tell me I will never reach 100% ... like I was before I started using.....Drugs are one hell of a ride!

BTW Constipated = Any Opiates...When I was using heroin I wouldn't shit for weeks.....literally....and with suboxone the same.....The longer I used any type of opiates or anything acting on the opiod receptors such as Subs...was the longer I became constipated and I am talking no #2 for 10+ Days.....To the point where I lost track..."did i shit this week? I don't know I feel fine oh well!"

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki

Exercise and Brain Neurotransmission
Neurobiology of Exercise
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. The Endorphin Factory
Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health, and Addiction vs. I worked all that out
exercise and sleep

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Diet & Neurogenesis


it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Managing depressive thinking
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share Something Positive from Your Day vs. It's All Around You
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 4 Infinite Chances in an Amazing World

Here is the mindfulness thread.
Anhedonia MEGA Thread

Keep rolling strong. your doing great. It gets better!!!

Perfect!!

 

[poligurl]

Keep up the great work! It does get better! And everyday is a day closer to being even better.

Today is day 102 off everything!!! I was on opiates for 8.5 years. Took subs for almost 5 yrs of that. The last year plus I was banging dope. Then started the done clinic. When I jumped off, I was at 70mg done and at least .5H daily. I went cold turkey. Not even clonadine or Imodium. And I definitely still have days where I think about using but they are fewer and farther in between. NA/AA has been great for me. (I know it's not for everyone) but it's a great feeling to know I'm not doing this alone. I'm usually always around if you need someone to chat with. One of the mottos of our group is 'We can only keep what we have, by giving it away' and in my opinion talking with other addicts is exactly what I need a lot of the time.

No imodium may have done u a favor. I bloated HUGE and my GUTS (4 lack of better words) swelled inside for 3 weeks. U r woman for doing this detox this way. Keep it up, you inspire! Approx. 55,900 minutes off this and I can feel it every second. It's hard not to turn to psychedelics or something due to insomnia but I feel that'll throw me out of my mind. I just need something to wear me out, I work out and just stare at the ceiling. I LOVE we only keep what we have, by giving it away!!!!!!

 

[poligurl]

Congrats man. Wow, 4 or 5 months. Keep me strong my friend, and I'll do the same! I'm here!!!!!

 

[d-nihl]

No imodium may have done u a favor. I bloated HUGE and my GUTS (4 lack of better words) swelled inside for 3 weeks. U r woman for doing this detox this way. Keep it up, you inspire! Approx. 55,900 minutes off this and I can feel it every second. It's hard not to turn to psychedelics or something due to insomnia but I feel that'll throw me out of my mind. I just need something to wear me out, I work out and just stare at the ceiling. I LOVE we only keep what we have, by giving it away!!!!!!

Poligurl, that's awesome you made it so far. AND your working out now. that's major, (hot baths and saunas still help too!) I was coming off of about the same thing and I didn't sleep, for I wanna say 2 weeks after I quit my DOC, but it was summer, and I got to go outside, work out A LOT, and within no time I was sleepin like a baby.

Im going through the same thing now, and you inspire me that you havnt relapsed..

Today is a week, and I think im going to finally start NA/AA myself, and start working out for real, day one off cigs for me also, I got a patch, but that's still a tough one..