Ganj
Bluelighter
This was the most bizarre and unexplainable psychedelic experiences of my life and borders on delusional if it wasn't for its unwavering consistency.
Recently I took a 1mg 25i blotter and had the most traumatic and damaging trip of my psychedelic career. I had not tripped in months and took a tab sitting in a flat bored with sober people who didnt trip nor where they close friends; a terrible setting.
To absorb as much of the tab as possible I sat with my saliva in my mouth not speaking or swallowing for maximum absorption for 45 mins. Although accompanied by the usual edgy paranoid anxiety ridden feel of 25i the first 2 hours of the trip went fine. Then my anxiety got the best of me and everything kind of spun out of control. I found myself linking a cognitive thought to a piece of geometry I was seeing on the veil over your vision you get while tripping to what I was physically looking at. I felt myself almost fading out of reality, loosing contact with my visual field. My reaction was to jump up on my feet in some vague attempt to get myself back in the real world. I then started having a mild anxiety attack. It felt like I was seconds away from something going dreadfully wrong, when I realised it never was going to I placed it down to anxiety and realised I was safe.
I retreated to a friends flat, put on some music and for a while managed to regain control of the trip with my friends help. At this point I was getting full blown standard visuals and some audio distortions (morphing, breathing, melting, faces in walls and multiple tracers etc.) Then the panic came back and I decided I needed the help of an advanced tripper and arranged to meet a friend about 40 minuites away.
The walk was the most destructive and painful experience I have ever had. It started off with a serious over analysing of my own thought patterns and way of thinking and I came to various untrue conclusions about how I had been an outsider from the world my entire life and had never really been happy or normal. I did nothing but worry as think and think about how I think and react to the world. I then started to go partially colour blind as the colour from my vision slowly seeped out of the world until almost everything was black white or grey. Shortly after the fibonacci obsession started.
I was presented with this image. A very complex wiry spiral with multiple endless spirals coming off it at various points in the veil over my vision. I had seen this before but never so clearly. I started linking everything to this spiral, and I mean literally everything. I realised all my thought patterns followed this downward sequence. Then started noting that absolutely everything links down to the Fibonacci sequence. Very suddenly no matter where I looked, everything was an endless spiral. The grass twisted up into this shape, the branches on trees did the same. This seriously started to worry me and the more I worried about it the more everything I saw twisted up into spirals. If I followed a thought process for long enough The bottom half of my vision was simply a mirror of the top yet completely distorted and twisted up into a spiral. Suddenly every concept, thought, potential action and everything I saw was simply a spiral.
At this point I just felt completely broken. Absolutely snapped in half that my mind was utterly destroyed. I closed my eyes and surprise surprise I was met with nothing but a vast infinitely complex net of spirals wiring off each other. This image that I could not get out of my head then started manifesting itself in my sense of touch. It had sharp twisted edges and I could feel it ripping my body to pieces like the feeling of a thousand tiny spiralled needles cutting me up.
The only way I can describe the last part of the walk is as if life is simply a program being run by my mind and all the files were corrupt and had lost of their information. These spirals where the binary and all the individual files had lost their uniqueness and were replaced with the most basic level of programming, these bloody spirals.
When I finally met my friend for a small period it felt like everything would be ok. He gave me a hug, his coat, some chocolate, vitamin C and a drink then took me on a walk up a mountain to ride the trip out. This in some ways helped my panic, but for the next few hours this delusion remained just as strong. Everything I thought felt or saw was simply linked to the Fibonacci sequence although I actually with the help of my friend got some insight into the potentional cause of this:
Having general anxiety I have a nasty habit of worrying and cannot simply sit in a comfortable situation and be at piece I have to be stressing over something. I also have a nasty habit of breaking everything down and seriously over analysing situations. I thought perhaps I had simply broken down any thing and everything down to its base level and the result was the same consistency in everything. Any advice or tips my friend gave me I simply de constructed down to a base level, questioning everything and unable to talk about anything without slowly moving through a thought process that ultimately ended in me linking it to these endless spirals.
Up until I went to sleep 16 hours after dosing that night the vision of spirals everywhere was present although It significantly tapered down around the 12 hour mark. I woke up the next morning almost instantly looking for spirals withiout even intending to and thank the heavens there were none and I was more or less back to normal apart from some considerably worse de-realization and brain fog then before hand. Since this happened my anxiety which was completely bearable has completely skyrocketed and is slowly going back down. I am currently a nervous wreck and cannot sit still or relax in the slightest.
I am not too sure how this trip went so disastrously wrong, but it is clear than currently I am in no headspace what so ever to be messing with psychedelics especially full agonists like nbomes. Under the influence of benzos in a while I am going to take a very small dose of confirmed LSD in a hyper controlled situation and go from there as I believe a positive psychedelic experience can really clean up the mess made by bad ones.
I hope this was in interesting case, perhaps someone can provide some insight?
Set and setting were far from optimal but I was with nice people and if this kind of thing can happen at all then I am extremely wary of psychedelics. I do place this mainly down to the specific chemical (although I have taken in many times before in significantly higher doses no problem.) Just another idiot messing with things he doesn't have the head for I guess :/ Going into a trip aware that I have anxiety was poor decision making, such a shame as I was really interested in getting back into PD's after a long break.
Recently I took a 1mg 25i blotter and had the most traumatic and damaging trip of my psychedelic career. I had not tripped in months and took a tab sitting in a flat bored with sober people who didnt trip nor where they close friends; a terrible setting.
To absorb as much of the tab as possible I sat with my saliva in my mouth not speaking or swallowing for maximum absorption for 45 mins. Although accompanied by the usual edgy paranoid anxiety ridden feel of 25i the first 2 hours of the trip went fine. Then my anxiety got the best of me and everything kind of spun out of control. I found myself linking a cognitive thought to a piece of geometry I was seeing on the veil over your vision you get while tripping to what I was physically looking at. I felt myself almost fading out of reality, loosing contact with my visual field. My reaction was to jump up on my feet in some vague attempt to get myself back in the real world. I then started having a mild anxiety attack. It felt like I was seconds away from something going dreadfully wrong, when I realised it never was going to I placed it down to anxiety and realised I was safe.
I retreated to a friends flat, put on some music and for a while managed to regain control of the trip with my friends help. At this point I was getting full blown standard visuals and some audio distortions (morphing, breathing, melting, faces in walls and multiple tracers etc.) Then the panic came back and I decided I needed the help of an advanced tripper and arranged to meet a friend about 40 minuites away.
The walk was the most destructive and painful experience I have ever had. It started off with a serious over analysing of my own thought patterns and way of thinking and I came to various untrue conclusions about how I had been an outsider from the world my entire life and had never really been happy or normal. I did nothing but worry as think and think about how I think and react to the world. I then started to go partially colour blind as the colour from my vision slowly seeped out of the world until almost everything was black white or grey. Shortly after the fibonacci obsession started.
I was presented with this image. A very complex wiry spiral with multiple endless spirals coming off it at various points in the veil over my vision. I had seen this before but never so clearly. I started linking everything to this spiral, and I mean literally everything. I realised all my thought patterns followed this downward sequence. Then started noting that absolutely everything links down to the Fibonacci sequence. Very suddenly no matter where I looked, everything was an endless spiral. The grass twisted up into this shape, the branches on trees did the same. This seriously started to worry me and the more I worried about it the more everything I saw twisted up into spirals. If I followed a thought process for long enough The bottom half of my vision was simply a mirror of the top yet completely distorted and twisted up into a spiral. Suddenly every concept, thought, potential action and everything I saw was simply a spiral.
At this point I just felt completely broken. Absolutely snapped in half that my mind was utterly destroyed. I closed my eyes and surprise surprise I was met with nothing but a vast infinitely complex net of spirals wiring off each other. This image that I could not get out of my head then started manifesting itself in my sense of touch. It had sharp twisted edges and I could feel it ripping my body to pieces like the feeling of a thousand tiny spiralled needles cutting me up.
The only way I can describe the last part of the walk is as if life is simply a program being run by my mind and all the files were corrupt and had lost of their information. These spirals where the binary and all the individual files had lost their uniqueness and were replaced with the most basic level of programming, these bloody spirals.
When I finally met my friend for a small period it felt like everything would be ok. He gave me a hug, his coat, some chocolate, vitamin C and a drink then took me on a walk up a mountain to ride the trip out. This in some ways helped my panic, but for the next few hours this delusion remained just as strong. Everything I thought felt or saw was simply linked to the Fibonacci sequence although I actually with the help of my friend got some insight into the potentional cause of this:
Having general anxiety I have a nasty habit of worrying and cannot simply sit in a comfortable situation and be at piece I have to be stressing over something. I also have a nasty habit of breaking everything down and seriously over analysing situations. I thought perhaps I had simply broken down any thing and everything down to its base level and the result was the same consistency in everything. Any advice or tips my friend gave me I simply de constructed down to a base level, questioning everything and unable to talk about anything without slowly moving through a thought process that ultimately ended in me linking it to these endless spirals.
Up until I went to sleep 16 hours after dosing that night the vision of spirals everywhere was present although It significantly tapered down around the 12 hour mark. I woke up the next morning almost instantly looking for spirals withiout even intending to and thank the heavens there were none and I was more or less back to normal apart from some considerably worse de-realization and brain fog then before hand. Since this happened my anxiety which was completely bearable has completely skyrocketed and is slowly going back down. I am currently a nervous wreck and cannot sit still or relax in the slightest.
I am not too sure how this trip went so disastrously wrong, but it is clear than currently I am in no headspace what so ever to be messing with psychedelics especially full agonists like nbomes. Under the influence of benzos in a while I am going to take a very small dose of confirmed LSD in a hyper controlled situation and go from there as I believe a positive psychedelic experience can really clean up the mess made by bad ones.
I hope this was in interesting case, perhaps someone can provide some insight?
Set and setting were far from optimal but I was with nice people and if this kind of thing can happen at all then I am extremely wary of psychedelics. I do place this mainly down to the specific chemical (although I have taken in many times before in significantly higher doses no problem.) Just another idiot messing with things he doesn't have the head for I guess :/ Going into a trip aware that I have anxiety was poor decision making, such a shame as I was really interested in getting back into PD's after a long break.
