This is my first time posting and hopefully don't do anything wrong. I just really need to get this out right now because I've never felt like this and time is going insanely slow.
About two years ago I started taking oxy 30mgs. For like 4 months I would only take 1 at night and sleep and feel great. Then I went up and up until I was doing like 4 a day. This went on for about a year there was times when I couldn't get it for a day and it sucked, it was really bad but not like how I feel now which I'll get into. I actually was able to quit twice for about two weeks and a month total. The biggest problem is my brother is the one who got me hooked and we live together so whenever one of us breaks the other does too because I guess we weren't strong enough at the time to be around it. My habit was steady at 4 a day and my brother was the one with all the connections, I usually just paid because I had a very good job that I ended up losing because of this. Anyway, he came home one day with little stamp bags and said it was the pills crushed up, I believed him and that's really what he thought the guy lied to him we had no idea what heroin looked like at all. Anyway, after about a month of use we realize that we've been doing heroin and find out that we can pay about 3x's less than the pills so we started just getting that. I was steady at 10per day for about a year. I always snort and never went to the needle. Fast forward to about 100days ago I lost my job me and my brother are almost out of stuff and about out of money. My parents knew that my brother did this but not me. If my mom knew both of her kids did this it would destroy her inside that's the reason her first marriage failed. Our father was majorly hooked when we were younger. So we have no money and are running out of stuff and my brother gets my mothers card and starts taking money out of her account for about two weeks total. It's crazy what you'll do to your family to get your drug. So he gets caught and takes the full blame and my mother sends him to rehab in Arizona for 6months. He's there for 30 days and gets clean but was having a terrible experience with the people there so my mother gets him home for a week to send him to the new place. While he's home I cave and tell him I have some bags and he breaks after 30days clean just about 2 a day for the week he's home. Although, while he was there I was lying to him saying I was clean even though I wasn't. I'd get off for a couple days then be back on. Now it's time for my brother to go to this new place in California for 60 days. It's costing my mother over 25k to send him there for help. At this point I really want to get clean and have a few times where it's been hard, I thought it was death but as I realize now it wasn't. So my brother is at this facility in California and meets this kid that is about 22yo and drives a brand new Audi and has a house in the Carolinas and Hawaii. While he's there the kid is telling him he made most of his money from the deep web getting stuff on there so he has fentanyl nose spray sent to the rehab center and obviously my brother tries it and says it's amazing. Long story short the kid says I'm going to hook you up with something about two days before he gets caught and kicked out. I end up with 50grams of fentanyl (China white) that I didn't even know I was going to get and almost threw out a couple of times. I've read on here how dangerous that stuff was and wanted to get off anyway. So I'm feeling sick and stupid and break out a tiny line of this stuff. When I tell you I've maybe nodded once or twice off dope this stuff would get me every time. It was amazing. So my first week I have this I'm doing about 5 very tiny lines per day I've never dealt with anything this strong. Fast forward to me doing 20+ big ass lines per day and still not getting the nod as bad ass I did. A friend of mine tried one line and he's deep into this and it has him nodding. Which brings me to today and I'm sorry for spelling and everything I'm hurting bad. I'm out, ran out about 4am last night and have a couple strips of sub but also had like 30bags of H so I figured I'd finish off the H slowly and then get clean. It's now 4:35pm and I've been going through the worst hell of my entire life. Granted I've sniffed like 8 bags in a row and it's doing nothing. I've read that fent has a very short half life and you can take a sub shortly after doing it. Btw this fent was all in powder. Although, I feel like I screwed myself because I did all this H that's not helping me get through this at all. I don't get it could my tolerance be that high from the 70 days I did that stuff!? The bones in my legs are vibrating, my nose is so stuffed up I'm getting major anxiety attacks because I'm having an extremely hard time breathing, my stomach is all over the place I've been pukeing up nothing for hours. I've always been able to take a suboxone about 12hours after my last use and it would work, I wouldn't even feel half as bad as I do now and I would take it and be fine. Now I believe I fucked myself because of doing the bags I can't take suboxone right? Even though I feel worse than I have in the past? I've been home alone and for the past week and will be for the next coming up. Sitting here alone feeling this bad is making me go nuts. I hope everything I wrote is ok and even legible because I'm just typing as fast as I can on my phone and not proof reading anything. Basically has anyone been in a similar situation as me where the drug you take isn't helping!!? And what should I do. I almost can't even imagine getting worse than I am so can I take the sub!? Again this site has been a godsend for me in the past I've been on it so many times. I'm finally typing something myself and hope I'm not breaking any rules or even have this in the right spot. I'm losing hope, time is taking forever!!! I need some advice, anything?
And I've said this before but if I can get out of this I'm done. My brothers been clean for 60 days and I want to be clean with him when he gets home next week.
About two years ago I started taking oxy 30mgs. For like 4 months I would only take 1 at night and sleep and feel great. Then I went up and up until I was doing like 4 a day. This went on for about a year there was times when I couldn't get it for a day and it sucked, it was really bad but not like how I feel now which I'll get into. I actually was able to quit twice for about two weeks and a month total. The biggest problem is my brother is the one who got me hooked and we live together so whenever one of us breaks the other does too because I guess we weren't strong enough at the time to be around it. My habit was steady at 4 a day and my brother was the one with all the connections, I usually just paid because I had a very good job that I ended up losing because of this. Anyway, he came home one day with little stamp bags and said it was the pills crushed up, I believed him and that's really what he thought the guy lied to him we had no idea what heroin looked like at all. Anyway, after about a month of use we realize that we've been doing heroin and find out that we can pay about 3x's less than the pills so we started just getting that. I was steady at 10per day for about a year. I always snort and never went to the needle. Fast forward to about 100days ago I lost my job me and my brother are almost out of stuff and about out of money. My parents knew that my brother did this but not me. If my mom knew both of her kids did this it would destroy her inside that's the reason her first marriage failed. Our father was majorly hooked when we were younger. So we have no money and are running out of stuff and my brother gets my mothers card and starts taking money out of her account for about two weeks total. It's crazy what you'll do to your family to get your drug. So he gets caught and takes the full blame and my mother sends him to rehab in Arizona for 6months. He's there for 30 days and gets clean but was having a terrible experience with the people there so my mother gets him home for a week to send him to the new place. While he's home I cave and tell him I have some bags and he breaks after 30days clean just about 2 a day for the week he's home. Although, while he was there I was lying to him saying I was clean even though I wasn't. I'd get off for a couple days then be back on. Now it's time for my brother to go to this new place in California for 60 days. It's costing my mother over 25k to send him there for help. At this point I really want to get clean and have a few times where it's been hard, I thought it was death but as I realize now it wasn't. So my brother is at this facility in California and meets this kid that is about 22yo and drives a brand new Audi and has a house in the Carolinas and Hawaii. While he's there the kid is telling him he made most of his money from the deep web getting stuff on there so he has fentanyl nose spray sent to the rehab center and obviously my brother tries it and says it's amazing. Long story short the kid says I'm going to hook you up with something about two days before he gets caught and kicked out. I end up with 50grams of fentanyl (China white) that I didn't even know I was going to get and almost threw out a couple of times. I've read on here how dangerous that stuff was and wanted to get off anyway. So I'm feeling sick and stupid and break out a tiny line of this stuff. When I tell you I've maybe nodded once or twice off dope this stuff would get me every time. It was amazing. So my first week I have this I'm doing about 5 very tiny lines per day I've never dealt with anything this strong. Fast forward to me doing 20+ big ass lines per day and still not getting the nod as bad ass I did. A friend of mine tried one line and he's deep into this and it has him nodding. Which brings me to today and I'm sorry for spelling and everything I'm hurting bad. I'm out, ran out about 4am last night and have a couple strips of sub but also had like 30bags of H so I figured I'd finish off the H slowly and then get clean. It's now 4:35pm and I've been going through the worst hell of my entire life. Granted I've sniffed like 8 bags in a row and it's doing nothing. I've read that fent has a very short half life and you can take a sub shortly after doing it. Btw this fent was all in powder. Although, I feel like I screwed myself because I did all this H that's not helping me get through this at all. I don't get it could my tolerance be that high from the 70 days I did that stuff!? The bones in my legs are vibrating, my nose is so stuffed up I'm getting major anxiety attacks because I'm having an extremely hard time breathing, my stomach is all over the place I've been pukeing up nothing for hours. I've always been able to take a suboxone about 12hours after my last use and it would work, I wouldn't even feel half as bad as I do now and I would take it and be fine. Now I believe I fucked myself because of doing the bags I can't take suboxone right? Even though I feel worse than I have in the past? I've been home alone and for the past week and will be for the next coming up. Sitting here alone feeling this bad is making me go nuts. I hope everything I wrote is ok and even legible because I'm just typing as fast as I can on my phone and not proof reading anything. Basically has anyone been in a similar situation as me where the drug you take isn't helping!!? And what should I do. I almost can't even imagine getting worse than I am so can I take the sub!? Again this site has been a godsend for me in the past I've been on it so many times. I'm finally typing something myself and hope I'm not breaking any rules or even have this in the right spot. I'm losing hope, time is taking forever!!! I need some advice, anything?
And I've said this before but if I can get out of this I'm done. My brothers been clean for 60 days and I want to be clean with him when he gets home next week.
