100mg DXM + weed - Experienced - Unexpected Near Death Experience

[Grigore]

Last night - Unexpected Near Death Experience

22:40 - 100mg of DXM.
23:40 - I can feel it kicking in.
00:10 - Went to smoke about 0.2g of powerful smelling weed.

00:13 - Finished,was already high as fuck by the time I smoked the entire joint.
00:14 - Went to the bathroom,dilated pupils,couldn't stop smiling,peeing felt like having an orgasm,was literally shaking because it felt too good.

00:16 - Went to bed,all lights are off,I have white walls but suddenly,my entire room malevolently turns red.

Lost perception of time,this is where things go really downhill:

There was a very high-pitched ringing in my ears. --> I put my headphones --> Infected Mushroom --> Music sounds way too intense --> I remove headphones.
I couldn't tell if it was my heart beating,even if it wasn't,my heart was beating alarmingly fast.

My muscles would tense extremely hard (just like in rigor mortis stage) and then series of convulsions would start taking over my entire body with few seconds break between them.
I was telling myself loud: ''I'm just fine,I'm just fine,I'm just fine''. Until another STROOONG convulsion begun and I lost it.

The ringing in my ears stopped,I felt like an entity entered my body.I start hearing people talk inside my head in my mind's voice,people that I know,family members,important people that I've met.
This is when I knew that I'll die,so,I started praying to get another chance and things like that..you know,the things we do when we face death too early. #thingsyoudobeforedying

Woke up,almost fell asleep contemplating my death,ringing in ears violently started.
I felt like my head was exploding,I could easily touch my dilated veins on my head.

In this entire time,there was a feeling of impending doom,like,this was the sad agonizing end.

+7 hours later I wake up from my alarm.My muscles are still twitching and some muscles tense in a rather unnatural way.

+10 hours later - my weed+dxm high ends.

What on earth did I smoke and,could it have been just weed?
What happened to me,how could I react so fucking strong?
I've taken 800mg of dxm before without achieving such an intense effect.
Was I having a panic attack?

Thank you.

 

[Grigore]

Any nice person willing to share their opinion about this?
I need to know if what I've smoked was weed and why the trip was so intense.

 

[Neithman]

You got a panic attack

 

[Grigore]

You must be joking..a panic attack is this intense? I dont have words to describe how intense it was,are you sure about this?

 

[Kaleida]

No, this was not a panic attack. I don't know very much about DXM but I can tell you that much for certain. What you describe sounds almost more like a manic or epileptic reaction. DXM has been recognized in the medical literature as being an occasional cause of mania, I would look into it.

Note that it doesn't sound like you had a manic episode, but your experience sounds similar to manic symptoms that pass through hypomania (which can be very euphoric) all the way to psychosis (which is dysphoric and more schizophrenic). There is also thought to be an overlap in the chemical causes of mania and epilepsy, which could account for the convulsions.

 

[Grigore]

Hypomania..it perfectly describes me,I have it since a DXM binge that I've done last year.
I'm constantly switching between these 2 states:

1. hypomanic - talking fast,euphoric,enthusiastic,egocentric.
2. sad,empathetic,emotionally fragile,predisposed to cry from ''little things'',altruistic.

Is this some form of bipolarity?

 

[Kaleida]

That sounds like a textbook case of bipolar disorder, my friend. If that is the case then I would advise a lot of caution. Bipolar disorder, similarly to epilepsy, works through a kindling mechanism, which means that the more often you experience the symptoms, the more likely they are to happen again. In the case of DXM, the way that this would be expected to work would be that the reaction would become stronger every time you take it. Obviously, this could be very dangerous if the convulsions became stronger as well.

If that is how you feel then I would highly recommend you talk to your doctor about it. You may not need to be medicated if it's not getting in the way of your life, but it is the kind of thing you will want to get advice from a medical professional about at least. One thing I can tell you for sure is that serotonin reuptake inhibitors are something that should be avoided because they are known to be able to cause manic episodes, and DXM itself inhibits serotonin reuptake in lower than dissociative doses. This could very well be what caused this reaction in you. Cannabis is rarely associated with hypomanic reactions as well, so this could have made it even worse.

At the very least, I would be very hesitant to try DXM again, and if you feel that you absolutely must, please at least take a VERY low dose first (like a medical dose) to see whether or not the same reaction occurs again. This is the kind of thing you will want to treat very seriously. I would also recommend talking to others who use the same kinds of drugs you like who have bipolar disorder, to see how they react. I have heard that some dissociatives do not cause problems for people at all, so you may be able to find something to replace DXM if you still want to trip that way, though I would still recommend much caution.

 

[Grigore]

Since this experience that happened thursday,I've been taking 60mg of DXM every day,at 7 AM.
What I noticed is that in the morning I'm completely manic and in the night I end up being depressive and contemplate death.

What do you think will happen if I continue doing this? Will I become psychotic?
The problem is that I also have an addictive personality and I currently have a strong psychological addiction to DXM.
And another thing...high doses of DXM (600+ mg) make me want to go psychotic.They really determine to do anything just for the sake of going psychotic. What might cause this desire?

What's your opinion on this?

 

[Kaleida]

It is definitely possible that you will become psychotic if you continue to push yourself into mania. People in a psychotic mania tend to have delusions of being special, like they're on some kind of divine mission or something along those lines, so that is probably the kinds of things you would think. And while that alone may not sound like the worst delusions ever, remember also that people in this state of mind tend to do things like flushing their life's savings down the drain on ideas that they abandon as soon as their mania ends.... It's really not a good place to be in.

From what I have read so far, the people who end up hospitalized for DXM-induced mania often end up being so multiple times because they kept taking the DXM anyway. It's understandable why the desire is there.... It's a high, a strong high, and that's on top of the fact that the mania it induces is already a strong high in its own right. But that kind of high can really destroy your life if you let it.... You really don't want to be that guy that keeps showing up in the psyche ward every week because he couldn't help himself again. Your life will go into a downward spiral very quickly and your psychological condition will only get significantly worse.

As for the high doses of DXM, it likely just makes you feel that way because it is extremely stimulating to this part of you, so it pushes your mania response up to psychotic levels. That feeling of just wanting to go nuts is basically just a form of psychosis.... That's what makes people do things like the stereotypical running naked through the streets, they just want to be as free as they possibly can. Personally I think it just represents the maximum form of a human drive which can be stimulated through chemistry, one which throws all worries and cares out the window to the point that you don't even care about interacting rationally with the world anymore, you just run around doing what you want. Mania has a focus on this form of behavioral disinhibition as well, so that is likely what makes you extra sensitive to this response.

I'm not telling you to stop using drugs because I'd ignore a suggestion like that no matter what was happening to me, but I really do think you should stop taking DXM at least for the time being until you get yourself figured out, and in the meantime do some research to figure out drugs that would be safer for you to take. There are plenty of great highs out there.... I'm sure you can find some that won't harm you if you really want to.

But, in the end, it's your choice. And I have to reiterate that you should talk to a medical professional in at least some form.... I can give some advice but I'm not a doctor or anything, I just know this kind of stuff from life experience and reading around in my free time. I can tell you everything I know but I could still very well be missing some bits of critical information that you're going to want to know to make sure you have the best outcome.

 

[Grigore]

I can definitely see that you know what you're talking.I greatly appreciate your help.

I don't want to make you feel bad,but I think hope is lost for me because I'm too often manic and whenever I am,I can't change my mind about things: if when I'm manic I want to go nuts,I will do what I can to go nuts because that's what I feel like I should do.

When I'll go into the depressive state,I'll question why I am torturing myself,why do I want to be insane,why do I want to go through horrifying or life threatening experiences and after not finding the answer,I'll end up thinking that only by being altruistic and helping others I can be forgiven for becoming the monster that I usually am.

And then,after a certain event which has a positive emotional impact,I go back in the manic state.

And then..a certain event which has a negative emotional impact on me occurs and I'm back in the depressive state.

And so on...

So,all I want is to become psychotic and forget about everything or at least torture my mind a bit.

 

[Kaleida]

I do understand what you're getting at, I really do. You are free to do whatever you would like with your life, so make whatever decisions you see fit... but please know that what you want may not come as easily to you as you would hope, and you may have to continue to pay further for your desire to escape. Most people with bipolar disorder do not just snap and become permanently psychotic.... Even if the mania pushes to that degree, it will still come down into a depressive phase afterward. The psychosis may be a temporary fix at the beginning but it could just make what you're trying to get away from worse in the end.

The thing is, unfortunately, if this disorder is just naturally in you then it means you're going to be dealing with it for a very long time. I'm not saying that this makes it a good idea to push it further, but it does mean that you have time to experiment with it and see if that's what you really want to do.... It may be that if you keep pushing yourself into this eventually you'll find that it's just not doing the trick anymore, and you'll want to try another option. It may not seem likely now, but a lifetime is a very long time, with a lot of opportunities to change your mindset.... If that is the case, the only extra stuff you will have to deal with will be whatever extra symptoms you built up in yourself based on how long you continued to push it.

By all means, do what your heart tells you to do. If you are meant to change your mind then you will get there eventually. I will just tell you for now that no matter how bad it seems there can still be hope.... Bipolar disorder is certainly not easy to live with but if it's hit you that bad there are medications you can take as well and behavioral therapies that can help control your symptoms. A lot of people who suffer from the disorder while younger manage to find a routine that works for them, whether it's chemical or just making sure they avoid certain triggers or what have you, and then do not have symptoms again for a long time. A cousin-in-law of mine was diagnosed when she was younger and now she has only had one episode in the last twenty years.

Anyway, I am happy to help how I can.... I hope that you get all the answers you need and figure out what is best for you one way or another.

 

[Grigore]

Man you're such a lovely person,I actually feel guilty for talking with someone who's like the opposite of me.

At least in my subconscious,there is something that tells me I don't deserve to be helped or even to help myself make things better.

But... you determined me to wait some time,to simply take a break from DXM just for the sake of doing so,if I won't be anymore the victim of my own mind,that might be nice.

 

[alexvolume2]

I had a months long manic episode when I was taking approx. 400 mg DXM every day one summer. I had been using in this pattern for quite a while so the chemical built up in my blood enough to where it was like a light got switched on in my brain. I became completely manic, extroverted, spending lots of money, checked out a million library books that I read all at once, proposed to my girlfriend at the time in front of all of her co-workers, I thought I was psychic, and finally I became convinced my computer had been hacked and I unplugged it after I emailed MAPS saying how I discovered the antidepressant effects of cough syrup and how it could and would change the world.

I tried to re-create this mania but it never happened again even though I continued to abuse DXM daily for several years. My point is that it made me so manic that I was dealing with the fallout from poor decisions for a long time afterwards. I flourished during this time, but eventually became quite unhinged, making my life completely unmanageable. The depression caused by daily DXM use is very deep and hard to recover from as well.

 

[Grigore]

The DXM mania is soooo nice,it just seems unreal how good living on DXM can feel.
I haven't taken my daily 60mg of DXM dose for 2 days now and I'm still high,weird shit,my pupils are also dilated as fuck.

I'm happy. :D

 

[Kaleida]

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well, Grigore. I wish you all the luck in the world in continuing to move to a happier place in life. I am sure that at the very least you will feel much better about yourself if you are able to control your use of DXM rather than letting it control you.

And do not allow your mind to hold you down too much.... The world is not so black and white. People are not really good or bad, and I am no saint either. I have spent plenty of my life thinking that I don't deserve to be helped either, but that's nonsense. Everyone deserves to be helped if they really want to improve. How else is the world supposed to get to a better place?

Though again, as I have said, I do not qualify as a medical professional on these issues, please feel free to ask for advice again if you need it. I will tell you whatever I can to help.

 

[LostAtomsk]

I can definitely see that you know what you're talking.I greatly appreciate your help.

I don't want to make you feel bad,but I think hope is lost for me because I'm too often manic and whenever I am,I can't change my mind about things: if when I'm manic I want to go nuts,I will do what I can to go nuts because that's what I feel like I should do.

When I'll go into the depressive state,I'll question why I am torturing myself,why do I want to be insane,why do I want to go through horrifying or life threatening experiences and after not finding the answer,I'll end up thinking that only by being altruistic and helping others I can be forgiven for becoming the monster that I usually am.

And then,after a certain event which has a positive emotional impact,I go back in the manic state.

And then..a certain event which has a negative emotional impact on me occurs and I'm back in the depressive state.

And so on...

So,all I want is to become psychotic and forget about everything or at least torture my mind a bit.

I can't talk about DXM, but I've been in a long relationship with a girl diagnosed with borderline and bipolar disorder (they often go hand in hand).
Her emotional state was very much like the rollercoaster you describe: overly confident and happy at one point and within hours, running away, stealing medicine from her grandparents and doing all sorts of self-harm.
She's now medicated and has found a status quo in her life.

I can recognize the highs and the lows in your posts, but most of all, there's the middle ground where you're perfectly fine. At least, I can only base myself off of your posts. If I can offer you some advice: you need to be careful about the thought that you're too far gone to be remedied. This is simply untrue. What I've learned from my ex, is that she got so enamored by her on misery, it became her high. The only time she felt alive, is when she was doing self-harm or was caught up in drama. She liked to dance in her own misery. They felt like highs to her. Every time she had an episode of sorts, she came down really hard and every time this happened, she pushed herself further into her own mania.

She now fully regrets spending time and energy on convincing herself that she was too broken to fix, because it destroyed a lot of perspectives of lives for her, which are now much harder to attain for her. She lost relationships, family and friends over this. She became dependent on outside impulses, instead of finding change, happiness or stability within her. She the majority of her early twenties being confused, angry and bitter. Don't fall in love with your own misery, how alluring it might, it will eventually destroy you. As much as you want to convince yourself that self-destruction is a good thing, it is in fact and very selfish thing to do. When you're eventually left to your own devices and you witness the damage and destruction dealt to yourself and others, you'll find yourself kicking, screaming and begging to reverse it all.

Again, this is just what I experienced, being on the outside. Godspeed, good man.

 

[Grigore]

The only time she felt alive, is when she was doing self-harm or was caught up in drama. She liked to dance in her own misery. They felt like highs to her. Every time she had an episode of sorts, she came down really hard and every time this happened, she pushed herself further into her own mania.

Well,I'm facing the same problem,too bad I can't yet convince myself that I might not really want to do what I feel like doing because I'm too mad to even understand that something apparently bad for me is in most cases,bad. Take self harm for an example.

Talking about self harm... I had a friend,he was an introvert,just talked with him last week about living life with passion.He gave me a cigarette,he knew I was agitated,he was calm,just living the moment for the sake of it. 2 days ago he hanged himself,just returned from his funeral.

... I owe him a cigarette.

I feel like meeting him.But it's bad,but something tells me there is something good in every bad thing.

I promise myself I won't do it,but there is something bad in every good thing,just like in this promise.

I don't know what to do. But,I'm actually lying myself.

I still am...but I ''won't still be'' in this state,suffocated by my own madness and hate.
Maybe one day it will be time to give up and I won't blame it on fate.

Sorry everyone I think I went bananas,I'm going through some weird shit lately.

I need help.

 

[dopamimetic]

I don't know the truth, but messing with dissociatives (certainly DXM) can do some truly serious weird shit. I don't know if it's the dissociatives / DXM who opened the door that shouldn't have been opened, or if it are pre-existing conditions that get exacerbated with dissociatives in some individuals ... or it might be completely independent.

Just that I have been seriously suicidally depressed in my adolescence, then got introduced to DXM and it seemed to completely messed me up. I can't say if it was the DXM or not, and how I would be now if I hadn't ingested these silly cough capsules.. but I know that it triggered something. I have been mentally ill before though and I really can't say what's the cause and what's the sequence.

I don't know if it's genetically or not.. just that I have sort of glutamatergic over-activity now and ever since ... it would be entirely possible that this condition has existed before, because I was a 'weird' person before any drugs, but ... who will ever know... and I can only live like a normal human being now whilst on a NMDA antagonist.. I will have some neurological tests and possibly brain scans done in the near future, hopefully giving me some insights.

 

[Grigore]

I don't know the truth, but messing with dissociatives (certainly DXM) can do some truly serious weird shit.

I haven't experienced anything more bizarre than living on DXM.My lifestyle is dictated by DXM,my reality is viewed by DXM through me,I'm suffering severe depersonalization as I don't recognize myself anymore.

I feel very weird by even saying ''I''.

I left things undone,I decided to walk to certain people which had importance in my life and just ask them politely to let me stare in their eyes for a short period of time.

Today,I stared into my best friend's eyes and realized the 3 fundamental things between me and him:

1. He is frustrated because of me.
2. Deep in his soul,he is upset on me.
3. We know each other from somewhere. (not from this life)

Now,we concluded that I owe him something from another life or maybe he died because of me,so in this current life,I might die because of him and this might happen because he is very spiteful.

I have all the reasons to believe that I'm not insane but I'm asking you,am I missing something?

 

[Kaleida]

Grigore, I am sorry to hear that you are having such trouble, and I am very sorry to hear about your friend, and I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but if you believe you need help then it really is imperative that you talk to someone in person about it. Talking to people online can only get you so far.

All I feel I can really say about the rest is this: life can get very bizarre sometimes. If your sanity, or at least normal functioning, is truly compromised, then you may not be able to trust yourself completely to recognize it. If that's the case then the fact that you have a suspicion of it now is a blessing. If you want to try to get a handle on it, now is the time to do something about it. Your condition is not likely to improve otherwise.