10 Ways to Know That You Are Addicted

[CrimsonQueen]

1. No matter how poor and broke you are, you somehow always manage to come up money for drugs even if it means eating canned beans for a month.
2. You say things to yourself like: ¡®If only I¡¯m on (meth/speed), I could concetrate better; or ¡®If only I¡¯m rolling, I would be more sociable.¡¯
3. You insist that you are NOT addicted and everything is in control
4. Your face is gaunt, you are losing weight, and you look like a walking corpse.
5. Family and friends pull you aside to have a private talk with you, telling you that YOU NEED HELP.
6. You still insist (and manage to convince yourself) that you are NOT addicted.
7. You panic, have bizzare mood swings, and there is no relief until you get it.
8. You want it now. You want it bad.
9. You inject water or air, or chop up salt or panadol pills and snort it
10. You daydream about it and push all other possiblites and consquences out of your mind
Some bluelighter has this as his signature:
¡°If you try me
You will buy me
If you buy me
You will use me
If you use me
You will abuse me
If you abuse me
I will own you¡±
Here¡¯s what my boyfriend said to me last night:
¡°You know, when I was young, I read in a book that said: ¡°Drugs doesn¡¯t harm you. It only harms the people who loves you.¡± I didn¡¯t understand it then, but I think I understand it now.¡±
No, I am NOT ADDICTED!
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tried to save myself but myself keep slipping away

 

[:: sTAr kiTtEn ::]

#11... you keep saying "never" & always find an excuse to do it...
"i will never roll on any day besides friday or saturday" but then monday comes around....
"i will never pay more than $15 for a pill" but then at the rave, yours wasn't strong enough & you REALLY REALLY need another....
"i will never steal to have to pay for this habit" & then not only do you steal to get the money, but you sleep with whatever sleazy dealer will promise you some if you just give him some....
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*p*l*u*r*
love love, love life, & love yourself :D

 

[CrimsonQueen]

*sighs*. How true, how true, star kitten.
Stealing...desperate for money...
Getting sleazy in hope of scoring some free drugs...
Excuses, justification...
Welcome to the world of addiction.

 

[Roches]

its counterproductive for me to say im not addicted
instead i embrace it - i like it. crackhead pride.
it's not like im gonna stop
so i might as well not be ashamed of what i do.
though i guess theres still sometimes some shame. like this weekend, i blacked out for an hour (twice) and was acting really wacked... the second time on the subway.. was scarin my friends cause they didnt know what was goin through my mind...so at the party everyone was askin me if i was ok and i didnt know why...
then the whole next day they tried to stop me from doing any more drugs but i was fiendin for it real bad... wouldnt talk about anything else... they actually held out all day.. once i got more i did it and went home, passed out, woke up, wrote a test, fucked it up, went home, did some benzos so i could deal with my failure, went to the next class faded and falling asleep, went home, passed out, woke up at 5 am, and here i am now. with a lab report due at 1 pm.
the thing is, i love this kind of life--wacked, i know, but i do. i keep gettin told i need help but i know thats not gonna work, so i dont try... right now like i said i got a report due at 1 and im trying to think of a way to fuck myself up.. cause damn i really want something.. now.. anything.. just to feel different..

 

[Aja909]

Sounds like me

 

[Ketamike]

"...to numb the pain of consciousness." -- can't remember who said that

 

[jungle_addict]

I guess its really surreal to realize that you're not the only one goin through this shit, cuz you start to feel like it's just your own little world, and nobody knows how you feel or what motivates you to do it, whatever it is you do. But generallt, we all do it for the same reasons, it makes life easier (for a while), it helps us escape (can you really escape what's only in your own head) and if I'm lucky it'll help me to forget what I had to do to get it (the lack of self respect alone is enough to drive me to do it: over and over). But I don't care anymore Because today i s Wednesday 9:24, I have not used drugs for the last 26 hours, I feel an unescapable feeling of reality that I haven't felt in over a year, and I'm doing it on my own. Who knows I might fail, It's very likely that I will, but I didn't today, I accomplished what I had to do. Hopefully tomorrow I will too. Even though It's the biggest party night, and there is gonna be a mind blowing party that I could go to. Where I will probably get totally twisted. Or I could keep my sliver of self respect i gained today and go spend some time with a friend who is trying to be strong like me, and be there for him and let him be there for me like we both want him to. I'll just have to see.
Just remember that a drug is not a problem unless it makes life difficult for just one person

 

[CrimsonQueen]

the meth; the meth,
the meth is burning!
i don't need no meth let the bloody meth burn
Burn! motherfucker, burn!

 

[angel_girl8]

i used to daydream all the time about life and things i would do in the future like becoming a designer or journalist or movie star, and living a glarmorous lifestyle, and having a nice house, and getting married and having lots of children blah blah blah
now i spend most my time thinking about drugs...

 

[HeKtiK]

'9. You inject water or air, or chop up salt or panadol pills and snort it' -- I don't know about water, but injecting air will kill you!
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"We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-coloured uppers, downers, screamers, laughers ... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls...Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can."

 

[Bry Guy]

ANGEL- do u still dream about getting anice house, nice car or do u JUST think about taking DRUGS??cuz if thinking about it NONSTOP then it is a problem..what drugs are u into??just curious..

 

[angel_girl8]

BRY GUY - its not a problem, i can handle anything. into e (my fav), speed, k, acid, weed and i think i am going to try coke soon - everyone i know is into it and have recieved a lot of offers. no i don't think about drugs only, just a lot. at the moment i have to decide what i want to be 'when i grow up' and i don't know what to do, i would just like to party

after this year i have decided to put an end to all this naughtiness and concentrate on some serious studies.

 

[CrimsonQueen]

angelgirl - I use to think about other things too, university, school, relationships, ambitions; glamorous professions and fufiling lives, but it seems that now the majority of my focus and my energy goes into thinking about drugs and how to get it...drugs, money, parties...money and drugs and money and drugs..

 

[:: sTAr kiTtEn ::]

i've stopped doing pretty much everything. the last time i did....
x... a month (forever)
coke... 4 months
ritalin.... a month
any other perscription.... a month & a 1/2
but i feel like i don't fit in anymore. i'm so distanced from everyone i used to chill with because i know that i'll just go straight back if i do. this godawful lonliness is making me crave & need the drugs, because i miss all my friends.
i dunno... it probably sounds ridiculous, but its almost like i'm into the culture, but afraid of the people in it because i know i'll start drugs again.... & i want to so i can get over it & be friends with them again. i dunno....
money & drugs... money & drugs.... <- accurate description of addiction
------------------
*p*l*u*r*
love love, love life, & love yourself :D

 

[pinkcat]

Yep, sounds like my boyfriend. Money and drugs are all he thinks about now

 

[sexystar]

Sigh. I think I am leaning towards addiction. I always took drugs with "precaution" rather...but today at work...in the back of my mind...all I could think about was getting K...and that was the only thing I was letting myself think about. Now i'm home with no K at all...and I can feel myself losing it inside, but yet trying to balance it out also. Bleh, I sound nuts =)

 

[angel_girl8]

crimsonqueen - *sigh* its awful isn't it :/

 

[tathra]

if you find out from your lawyer specifically what drugs you'll be tested for while your on probation, just so you'll know what you can do and not get busted for doing...
i hate being a fucking addict. i feel so pathetic. i never knew i was so weak.
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>laugh, and the world laughs with you. cry, and you cry alone.
>as long as there are things on this earth that bring happiness, there will be people who use and abuse these things
icq: 6909172
aim: tathra san

 

[brooksraver]

I've been in and out of some type of rehab for the last 8 years. i know thoes signs pretty well and for me i get this feeling nervousness kind of, you feel alone and you know that if the people who are tellng you to stop had any idea what it's like to live in this fantasy world they wouldn't ask you to leave. you can have so many people around you that care about you and at the same time you're not comfortable in your own skin you just want to hide and i know drugs don't take away the feelings forever but it's so easy to convince yourself that you're different and it's okay for you
and that lifestyle is so much fun, even when you feel like you're going insane you think about all the shit you've done and make yourself beleive it was worth your compromised values
[This message has been edited by brooksraver (edited 28 November 2001).]

 

[Coke Head]

my personal favorites....
"ill never smoke crack"
"ill only smoke it once"
"only on fridays"
"only on weekends"
etc.... ive made about 100000 different excuses