Interesting read, ya. The 10 tips do kind of come across more like 10 steps in a way, but I can definitely associate with some of this.
3. Try to stay in the present.
Reliving the past can be addictive. It gives you the opportunity to do it again and respond differently. To fight back instead of submitting; to speak your mind instead of silencing yourself. It also allows you to possibly understand better. What happened? Where did you go wrong? What should you have done?
That's a big one for me. I do this all the time, and to my detriment. It is addictive and no matter how many times a person relives the past, as long as that piece of the past was not a good one, there's no possible way for the mental recreation to really feel good. Or even alright. Exploring the "what-ifs" and such might be able to help people *learn from the past*, but that's much different than simply reliving painful memories.
4. Stop telling the story.
It may seem like another way to understand what happened; or maybe it feels helpful to hear someone say you didn’t do anything wrong and you don’t deserve to hurt. In all reality this just keeps you stuck right where you are: living your life around a memory and giving it power to control you.
I'm in two minds about this. I see what the author is getting at, but at the same time I think it's important to share stories of hardship with new people you meet. Especially if learning from your past led you to become who you are in the current moment. Perhaps if you're telling the story just to come off as a victim, then it's not a good exercise. But in other situations, I don't think a blanket rule like this is a good idea.
6. Stop playing the blame/victim game.
Maybe you were a victim. Maybe someone did horrible things to you, or you fell into an unfortunate set of circumstances through no fault of your own. It still doesn’t serve you to sit around feeling bad for yourself, blaming other people. In fact, it only holds you back. You can’t feel good if you use this moment to feel bad about another person’s actions.
The only way to experience happiness is to take responsibility for creating it, whether other people made it easy for you or not. You’re not responsible for what happened to you in the past but you’re responsible for your attitude now. Why let someone who hurt you in the past have power over your present?
Okay, that I like. That is a good point! Much easier said than done, of course, but it does make rational sense.
8. Reconnect with who you were before the pain.
It’s not easy to release a pain identity, particularly if you’ve carried it around for a long time. It may help to remember who you were before that experience–or to consider who you might have become if it hadn’t happened. You can still be that person. That person who doesn’t feel bitter or angry so frequently.
I think this is difficult for people who have not been happy their whole lifes. I think this point is geared toward people who fell into a bad situation abruptly. For someone like me, who's felt unhappy for a very long time, telling me to this would be akin to telling me to start playing on swingsets and such. Sure, that might be great fun for an afternoon or so, but it's not exactly functional advice for the adult I am. So I don't think this one applies to everyone.
