1 month out from an extreme dose of MDMA and still feeling the effects

[whoisanon]

a few things first...i am a 36 y.o. male in good health. i have a great job and am generally a positive, outgoing person.

on feb 6th i took about gram of pure reagent tested MDMA. the next day i took another gram. i know now how stupid this was. it had been 15 or so years since i had taken MDMA and got my hands on some really pure stuff from silk road. i seemingly couldn't stop until it was gone. i was pretty damn jacked up. it felt good, but bad at the end. no freak out, but just out of it. i had light motor function issues and never lost consciousness.

the first couple of days after i had these really bad zaps in my head. they went away and then i felt about 95% normal. i was taking 5htp and still am. i was also drinking rather heavily to go to sleep and try to get my mind off of the zaps and weirdness. i was also smoking a good amount of weed for similar reasons. i have since stopped drinking and smoking. just trying to detox and see where that leads me. i plan on not drinking for a while and not smoking weed for a long time as well. i will never take MDMA again. i clearly can't control myself with it and can't be trusted with the substance.

i went a few weeks where i felt 95% normal. was doing pretty fine at work and felt i had dodged a bullet. life was going on.

then about 5 days ago i started getting anxious, out of myself feelings, can't concentrate very well and just feel unmotivated and shitty, but no zaps(thank freaking god). i finally went to my doctor and told him about what i had done. he gave me an ekg, took two blood samples and sent me home with some xanax. we are meeting again on monday to talk about the findings and next steps. my doc does not think that i caused any permanent damage to my brain and thinks that anxiety is just screwing with my head. it really feeds on itself and it is hard to break the cycle.

the xanax is helping a lot, but maybe it is just masking the issues. i have been a lightly anxious person in my life, but have never taken anything for it. i feel like my anxiety is a lot of the problem here with thoughts of wether or not this will ever go away. i am confidant it will, but the chance that it doesn't makes me freak out quite a bit. hard not to think about it. it really scares me.

i am very hopeful this ends in time, but at the same time am realistic that maybe it will not. my next step may be to see a neurologist for an MRI to see exactly what is going on up there. i do not want to do that tho. if i go that route i will probably seek a therapist's care as well. even if i make it through this, i think i may seek a therapist anyhow. it couldn't hurt to talk to someone about the trauma of this event.

things i am doing now are taking 5-htp, a multi-vitamin, and fish oil. i am trying to eat healthy and have yet to really start exercising again.

i am coming to this wonderful board to ask if people have had similar experiences with this measure of pure MDMA dose and snapped back to how they were before. anyone care to share their story?

i thank anyone who can come with a story, or advice, or just positive vibes for me to take in. i am not looking for a scolding from anyone, as i already know how very dumb i am for doing what i did. i have a fiance and a bright future. i am already down enough on putting that in jeopardy. i have been very candid with my girl and she is supportive of me. she is nothing short of awesome.

please know that i will update this thread with my progress, or lack thereof. i think it will be beneficial for others that have made the same mistake.

thanks for reading my post here; just writing this down seems helpful for me.

have a great day.

 

[Sublime947]

Things will get better. I can relate to your situation alot.

I too went on an MDMA binge over the summer last year, went through about half a gram of MDMA in two days. Along with rolling two weeks before that. I thought I was invincible to getting bad comedowns, thought I was special and ignored the warnings on bluelight of people getting problems from it. I actually used ecstasy to facilitate social behavior and become more likeable, because I am a pretty shy person. Abuse of E definitely makes anxiety way worse though if you don't use in moderation.

During the following 1-2 months I had horrible anxiety, extreme paranoia, and thought everyone was looking at me funny. My pupils were actually permanently black for a few weeks. It was awful. I was feeling terrible and hated everything.

But don't worry. With proper nutrition, exercise, and abstaining from drugs for a few weeks or months will definitely allow for your brain to recover. Fish oil and 5-htp are great supplements (just don't overdo the 5-htp it could cause heart problems). I am now feeling fine and still roll, but now I am wise enough to space it out every 1/2/3 months.

Don't worry man. You'll be fine, its not the end of the world. I would abstain from marijuana especially during recovery because it made my anxiety skyrocket....

Try not to get too dependent on the xanax and only use it if you REALLY REALLY need to. It will make anxiety worse in the long run.

Try not to worry too much, and just live life.

Hope this helps!

 

[whoisanon]

thank you for your reply; it brings a tear to my eye.

from reading around the net about xanax i have come to understand that it is not to be screwed around with or abused. ideally i would like to get a script for a month and try to taper off of it to see the effects. take it as needed. i will not abuse it. i have taken 1.25 mg today and i am feeling pretty even. got a lot of stuff done around the house and plan on going out tonight to a show with friends. doing normal things make me feel better. getting out of my house makes me feel better.

i will go to the gym tomorrow to run and lift. i really need to make it part of my schedule. it is now not about getting physically fit, but mentally. the body will just benefit from it i guess. when/if i get cleared up and back to normal i will continue the gym effort. i have always been a active person, but it gets tough in the upper midwest when it gets cold out to motivate to get to the gym. biking/running, which i normally do, are just not a an option for a cold weather wuss such as myself.

again, thanks for your reply. it means a lot.

 

[bit_pattern]

You had some pretty hefty doses there. Give it time and you'll get past it. In future, and I know that hindsight is 20/20, but in future try to only dose once or twice a night. Doing so much over multiple doses would have really burnt your synapses. It's not permanent, like your doctor said, but it will take a bit of time to recover. Don't be too hard on yourself, be gentle, accept that you've got some anxiety to get past but that you will eventually get past it

 

[whoisanon]

thanks for the reply and advice.

i would like to report that today i took no xanax and i felt pretty damn normal. it is the first time in a month that i was able to do much of anything at work. it felt freaking great to be able to converse with someone and focus on my work. it made my day; i felt in control again.

anxiety has subsided as my brain function has come back. i feel lucky.

there is still a light haze i can sense, but it is almost non-existant. i sometimes get a little weird feeling in my right eye, but not blurry vision. just a strange feeling.

i am going to continue to not drink or smoke weed, and will keep up the supplements i mentioned. i have yet to really exercise, but intend to get on that. always helps, regardless.

please, for the sake of the newly damaged folks out there, feel free to add your story of recovery here. the ones i was able to find on the net when i was in a psychotic state were very comforting. add to the pile, and maybe give someone else some hope. it does get better. brains are apparently pretty damn rugged.

i will update the thread again soon as i feel even better.

thanks!