Mental Health 1 month and still not feeling right

[goldenboy2008]

Hey everyone

I'm a 24 y.o male. I've been experimenting with all kinds of drugs for the last 2 years (shrooms/coke/speed/alcohol) but mainly xtc/mdma.
i started using it more often since last summer like twice a month, the last time being 2 months ago. It was quite a high dosis of MDMA (>350mg) the weeks after apart from the usual comedown and depression lasting 2-3 days i felt a bit off, spacey. nothing too serious but i thought it was better to slow down a bit and don't do any drugs till next summer.

But 1 month ago a friend of mine got some LSD , we thought that we could maybe give it a try. it was my first time i was a bit anxious although i already had some experience with shrooms before. at the time i was still feeling a bit off and spacey but i thought tripping on acid would make me forget about it.

Big Mistake. the first part of the trip was OK but it started to be unpleasant and i just wanted it to be over so i tried to sleep. i woke up and then i knew something was wrong: i felt dizzy, disoriented, i looked around my perception was still altered like i've been stuck in the last 5-10% of the trip.

A few days later it didn't go away so i went to see a GP that send me to see a psychiatrist. he asked me if i was hearing voices or felt like people watching me, it was not the case. He told me i got a drug-induced psychosis and prescribed me olanzapine (zyprexa) for 2 weeks. he was pretty confident and told me that it would go away but that i had to stay away from all drugs.

It has been 1 month now i still feel bad. i still got the following symptoms :

- HPPD (mainly visual snow/blurred vision/halos around objects)
- DP/DR (nothing seems real around me)
- delayed vision/perception (when i look around me it looks like my brain needs more time to understand what i'm looking at)
- dizziness
- sleeplessness (weird dreams and nightmares)
- anxiety
- depression
- lack of emotions

the zyprexa did help with the anxiety and sleep but it makes me feel tired.

i really need your help people its like being stuck in a nightmare and not waking up. i'm so depressed right now cause i think i did permanent damage to my brain .my situation is still the same 1 month later i asked the psychiatrist about supplements (5htp/omega3/multi/stjohnswort) he told me that it was not necessary and that the st johns wort could interact with the zyprexa. i want my life back

 

[budsnbars712]

I also believe that this is a case of anxiety/depression leading to obsessive thoughts. I am in a similar state (not as severe)...and I have never touched any of those drugs except alcohol. I have been smoking marijuana for ten years, and have also been on xanax daily for three years. Even weak drugs can affect the way you think big time...especially if you are aware of how you are thinking and live with the guilt and do it anyway. When you are aware, (which you clearly are) you begin to over-think the situation and start to compulsively obsess(as I do). For example: I came back from a vacation recently and was so overwhelmed coming back to life and drugs and reality that I nearly had a mental breakdown and almost considered checking myself into an institution of some sort....I put tremendous pressure on myself when I wake up and compulsively think about things, which is leading me to get off xanax and marijuana. And those are weaker drugs (maybe not xanax, but alcohol). I believe staying away drugs and WANTING to change your life will be the only way to change your situation/perspective. I stayed away from pychadelics as I also heard that going into the trip in an anxious state will just give you a bad trip...and then since you are overthinking, you are making the whole situation worse. I am aware of this myself, and still overthink and make the whole situation worse. I would also say seek more medical attention at this point like the GP or psychiatrist you went to...maybe 2nd opinions if they do not help. Try and change your lifestyle too as it will keep you busy and change your perspective and you won't be worrying as much...

 

[goldenboy2008]

thank you for your answers
anxiety is playing a big part for sure but the hppd is definitely there too. Drugs are like russian roulette one time you're ok the next time you might not be ok
i learned it the hard way :/

 

[Swimmingdancer]

I have had this happen to me before to a degree, getting "HPPD"-like symptoms, but it did go away eventually (or at least greatly subsided to the point where I don't notice it anymore, psychedelic drugs have altered my perception a little but I don't see that as a negative in my case).

I coped with it by trying to see it with a sort of objective fascination and not be distressed about it, as opposed to feeling upset or worried about it, if that makes sense? And not obsessing on "when will I feel normal again?" For me it was not really a big deal though, it didn't feel like a nightmare to me, so you're obviously having a tougher time with it than I did and look at it differently. Maybe you could try to work on the things you can control like how you think about and react to it though?

There are a few theories about it, one being that the drug usage may exaggerate/bring out a predisposition/sensitivity, another is that the drug use may have made you more aware of things, like it opened up sensory pathways that result in you being more aware of things like visual disturbances that you may have just not been noticed before the drug use.

What has your doctor said - have you complained about the Zyprexa not working well enough? I know that some doctors like to prescribe other things, maybe you could ask if there are any other options? Also sleep deprivation and stress greatly worsen it so it's important to do whatever you can to reduce the anxiety and get proper sleep. If you are anxious and not sleeping properly that could be snowballing and extending your issues.

 

[goldenboy2008]

i think the hppd is feeding my anxiety as i see it as a negative thing. maybe the dizziness is also coming from the visual disturbances. i've had visual snow for as long as i can
remember but it was always in a dark environment, now i see it also during the day and it's stronger during the night.
i told the doctor about the zyprexa he told me that increasing the dosage will make me only more tired and he thinks that it doesn't really make sense to put me on another medication.

 

[no_id]

Hey goldenboy, I suppose you are the same goldenboy as in psychonaut forum "Reduction des risques" part...

I hope your HPPD will subside... If you are predisposed to HPPD stuff, the rule is to never take hallucinogen again. Avoid anti psychotic too, they are known to worsen the issue.

At this time I abused some stimulant and like you I feel a bit off since 3 or a bit more weeks... It sucks... My mental ability are okay now (they wasn't at first), im just emotionnally somewhat blank... I hope it's not permanent stuff..

Ive had some of your symptoms, especially :

- DP/DR (nothing seems real around me)
- delayed vision/perception (when i look around me it looks like my brain needs more time to understand what i'm looking at)
- dizziness
- anxiety
- depression
- lack of emotions

+ brain fog

After a week or two, I was left with :

- minor DP/DR
- minor depression
- lack of emotions

so things can improve... Keep us updated...

I hope that at least DP/DR will subside for u, after that other symptoms will be probably far more manageable (DP/DR is imo the worst symptom of these stuff). I mean, visual disturbance is only perceptual problem, and since you can function in society or u can drive it's okay... But DP/DR is kind of stuff wich is really annoying 24/24 7/7, in addition it generally include depression (due to lack of connection with reality), anxiety and emotionnal anhedonia... One of the worst disorder on earth...

i went to see a GP that send me to see a psychiatrist. he asked me if i was hearing voices or felt like people watching me, it was not the case. He told me i got a drug-induced psychosis and prescribed me olanzapine (zyprexa) for 2 weeks.

Your psy is an idiot, your condition have nothing to do with psychosis. His prescription could aggravate your state.

 

[no_id]

ahhh I read in your presentation you like electronic music , you know what my worst fear is that these kind of trouble prevents me to enjoy my music (Ive turntable and stuff) and dull my creativity !!!
Anyway no drug for me in the 3 next month, I suppose you should do the same.

 

[THE_REAL_OBLIVION]

I've felt "broken" and had some degree of hppd for 4 years, the only thing that cured it was 3 years of clonazepam. If you look at what it is officially indicated for...well, it's about the only medication that's indicated for it. Clonazepam is different from other benzos because it's in the family of clobazam and clorazepate...weak benzos mostly used in epilepsy situations. HPPD is theorized to be resulting from seizures in the temporal lobes....clonazepam stops them and also the anxiety...but of course now i'm stuck trying to get rid of benzo usage. I used to be on 3mg of clonaz and 6 years later i'm 20mg of valium (used to ween myself off slowwwwwwwwwwly off benzos).

I know doctors don't like to script benzos, especially if you didn't get them on the spot, it means that one guy doesn't like them. Print out info about clonazepam and HPPD and bring all that to the appointment and remember the info in your head too, don't start reading all this stuff in front of him. Definitely do not act like it is the only option.

That DOB bad trip of mine fucked my life, albeit temporarily, mentally at least. My physical woes were also pretty extreme and I ended up on methadone due to uncaring doctors...that's also something else.

Doctors really don't like when you do not respond to the couple first things they script to you, they feel threatened by the uncommonality (sp?) of your problems. Don't take zyprexa if it is not doing anything, all it will do then is make you fat and diabetic in the long run. If he wants to up the dose, avoid that doctor like the plague.

 

[goldenboy2008]

Quick update it has been 2 months now, basically i'm left with mild hppd, dp/dr, and depression that gained in intensity but at least i can sleep now.
i'm still taking the zyprexa and started taking an ssri (cipralex) for the depression. it's hard to tell if my situation is improving it might be too slow
to be noticed.
how do benzos help? do they lessen the symptoms or do they make you not care about them?

 

[no_id]

Hey mate, benzo is actually the recommended stuff for HPPD and 'perhaps' dp/dr, especially clonazepam.
SSRI is ok for depression and perhaps for dp/dr but keep a look on your visual symptoms, since actual theory on HPPD say that SSRI can induce HPPD.
If zyprexa is ok for you keep it, but it's generally not a recommended stuff for HPPD (atypical antipsychotic are recognized for aggravating HPPD symptoms).

I think the stuff you should try fight the more (treatment option, etc...) is dp/dr... U can live with mild HPPD but from experience dp/dr is hard to deal with even if used to it.

Keep updated.