I'm addict to the meth.

[Thrax]

Today I took 80mg of meth with 3mmc, and now I take dose of meth again.

And I looking to buy it on the darknet.

I'm lost, I failed to crontol my impulsion, drug are like paraphilia.

Very hard to control it.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Although we cannot offer routes by which to source you posted on basically a goal, I think.
Do ya wanna control usage? Find something more worthy of your time as it is valuable and not to be exploited.
Maybe I'm talkin gibberish but I have found it sustainable and keep rent in the bank.

Very hard to control it

Nah nothing ever is easy that may be optimal for us.
Idk
All my best with this.
1

 

[neversickanymore]

Because of the potential of hyper sexuality resulting from meth and also paraphilia this psychological combination can be devastating. How are you accomplishing your desires?

 

[Madness]

@Thrax - great self awareness about your own addiction.

Feeling impulsive, out of control, unaware of our surroundings - I hate these things.

When I evaluate the emotional reason behind my usage it's easier to identify the root and take it from there.

 

[Thrax]

I think I understood why I become addict to those drug.

I've been always sad and alone. I never really find a good trusted friend.

All the professionnal exeprience I have tried have failed,


I don't fit in anywhere when I try to be myself I'm considered a freak.

The only person who really loves and accepts me is my mother, everyone else hates me and wants to see me dead, because I have paraphilias that disgust people. I won't mention them here, but I suffered from them when I was young and I'm ashamed of what I am.

I feel nothing but emptiness and sadness, all the people on this planet are evil and want to exterminate me.

Even drugs don't take away my depression any more, I'm called a drug addict and I'm ashamed of it, I feel weak and socially dead.

I pray every day that my family won't find out about my drug use, otherwise I'd really be lost for good.


But i'm lost didn't know what to do to feel better, i've tried everything.

 

[Thrax]

And I made the mistake of confiding in them on a social network, and they just laughed at me like I was their freak, i feel more bad and ashamed after.

I'm just socially stupid.

I've got nowhere to go and I'm with my mental problems and can't find any help.

 

[Thrax]

The drug is not the problem, it's me who only makes bad decisions.

I'm just stupid and all my ideas are bad.

 

[Madness]

@Thrax - no a bad person wouldn't be putting so much thought and energy into analyzing their behavior.

I am not saying you're flawless , but you seem a lot more self critical than most.

It doesn't help that the people you know demonize you. I too find that does not help in any way. In fact, it usually perpetuates the issue, making it worse, making me feel worse and either a). Depressed, or b). More likely to act out.

The fact that you're looking inward into yourself with depression says, to me, that you are not a "lost cause".

You may feel hopeless, but you're not helpless.

 

[Antares]

The drug is not the problem, it's me who only makes bad decisions.

I'm just stupid and all my ideas are bad.

Let's be totally honest about this though. While you probably have made bad decisions with drug use, the pull of the drug is insanely powerful. I don't think there are many people on this site that can honestly say they have never been unable to resist doing a drug they greatly enjoyed. We're all in that same boat, because it's crazy difficult to resist, especially when your life sucks.

Is it possible to meet people and just always keep the paraphilias a secret? I guess that's probably a crappy way to really connect people though, to always have to keep a secret. Maybe you can try to find support groups for people who have them. There probably isn't much chance that other people with similar paraphilias would judge you.

 

[Thrax]

Let's be totally honest about this though. While you probably have made bad decisions with drug use, the pull of the drug is insanely powerful. I don't think there are many people on this site that can honestly say they have never been unable to resist doing a drug they greatly enjoyed. We're all in that same boat, because it's crazy difficult to resist, especially when your life sucks.

Is it possible to meet people and just always keep the paraphilias a secret? I guess that's probably a crappy way to really connect people though, to always have to keep a secret. Maybe you can try to find support groups for people who have them. There probably isn't much chance that other people with similar paraphilias would judge you.

I'm condemned to live alone, hidden in secrecy, otherwise I'd be seen as a monster.
And I'm ashamed of what I am, it's been eating away at me all my youth and today I'm also a drug addict.

My brain must be severely lacking in dopamine, so it tries to get it through anything and everything.

But I hate myself, I feel weak in the face of these paraphilias, these addictions I've failed to master.

For most of the normal people, i'm only a freak to eliminate for there safety.