Stimulants I think I've gone too far with the adderalls

[toomuchspeed]

First off, let me tell you about my situation..

A little over a year ago (it's been 16 months now) I got a prescription for adderall. It was so easy to get, too easy in fact. I went to a psychiatrist, said I had ADD, talked a bit, and eventually left with a prescription for adderall. Since then I been getting refills. My doctor trusts me fully and has no idea that I have a major problem.

When I started out, I never thought I would get addicted to the stuff. In fact, I read all the stories and thought "well I'll never be like that." This was 16 months ago. Today, I reread those same stories, and they're frighteningly similar to what happened to me. I'm sure that's happened to most of you addicts / ex-addicts here. You originally thought "Well I'm not dumb enough to get addicted to this crap" and a few months/years later.. your situation turns out to be exactly what you said you wouldn't do. I doubt too many people say "well, I'm going to throw my life away and make myself feel like shit all the time by getting a drug addiction". (and those who do are usually suicidal or something).

Hell, I abused opiates for a few months and decided just to stop because it's causing too many problems. But now that I've experienced amphetamines, I would have to say it's WORSE, much worse.

By the way, if you haven't tried speed (amphetamines, prescription or not, meth, etc) I would encourage you NOT to. I would give anything to have never tried it. Because what will happen, especially if you have constant easy access to the stuff is you will get addicted.

So anyway... I'm going to keep the story short because it's exactly the same as every other sob story coming from someone who abused adderall for a year or so. Felt great the start, lots of energy, awesome. Effects started diminishing, still felt great. Just needed it to focus. Now it sucks. I'm not looking for sympathy, sympathy isn't going to do me any good. I want to know where I am and how bad it is and what I can do. Either way, drug addicts don't deserve any sympathy. It was my choice to use the shit, it was me who fucked myself over. Nobody put a gun to my head and told me to take the pill, snort it, or whatever.

I read this thread:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=461215

I have feelings from several different stages there.

What I'll do is describe my feelings / what effects I have from the drug:

If I STOP USING:
- I'm utterly useless. I don't want to get out of bed, leave the apartment, or do anything. Dirty dishes pile up, garbage piles up, I won't do laundry and half the days I'm too lazy to even shower
- Can't sleep, but when I finally do sleep I can't pull myself out of bed
- Taking the break doesn't even help with the tolerance. In fact, it seems like it makes things worse. When I restart using it takes me a few days to start feeling OK again


When I just start using again after a break:
- I feel like shit, not quite as bad as on the break but still pretty bad
- Can't eat ANYTHING. I eat ice cream and drink soda like it's punishment just so I'm not killing myself
- There's a mental fog over me. I don't have the sharpness/clarity that it's supposed to give me
- Very little motivation to do anything, even with decent doses
- Shakes, sweats, headaches, etc..
- It's almost as if I dropped all the tolerance to the negative effects, and none of the tolerance to the positives

After using for a few days:
- The anorexia effects start wearing down a bit and I can resume eating something
- I can get myself motivated -- but it takes HOURS of "preparation" to do so (aka, a few hours sitting there with a pill crusher and a straw while cursing the fact that I ever did this shit)
- The mental fog is lifted a little bit, but I'm nowhere near as sharp as I was before
- Sleep cycles are still pretty fucked up, but more normal then when I'm taking a break or right after I restart

At this point I can still get euphoria from it, but I have to take a LOT, more then I can on a regular basis (both on prescription limitations and the fact that I'm afraid to do it)

My usage history: (My prescription has been 60 mg / day for mostly the entire time)

First few months: 10 - 20 mg when I wanted to get high
Next few months: 40 mg to get high, 10 - 20 mg / day maintenance doses
At this point I lost my job so my usage pattern changed (NOTE: I did NOT lose my job BECAUSE of the drug use, it was the other way around. I hated my job so much and I was going to quit but it became bearable if all I did at work was get high and goof off... which is exactly what I did. I spent a few months at work completely loaded on opiates, then started blowing adderall in the conference rooms once I quit that).
Next few months (we're around months 8 - 11 or so here): around 40 mg / day. 100 mg / day when I went out.
At this point I started a new career (I won't go into it since it would identify me). It requires me to be very sharp and be up long/strange hours.
For the last 6 - 7 months: anywhere from 60 - 140 mg / day for 3 - 6 days, then a break for a few days/a week. I think this cycle has really fucked me up because the breaks are doing more harm then good now. In this time span I have pulled all nighters a few times as well.

Now, before I ask for advice, I'm going to state the obvious. Obviously the BEST thing for me to do is to stop for at least a few months, right now. Unfortunately, that's not practical. Any of you that have had an addiction where you need the drug to function probably know this. It's not always possible to just quit life for 3 months and lay around and do nothing.

So, I want to know..
- How bad is my current situation? How much damage have I done so far?
- How much longer can I continue taking this stuff and have it be effective? (I intend to continue using until I have the opportunity to take a SERIOUS break from it). I'm going to continue to take 60 - 100 mg on days I need to, and probably instead of taking a break take a 20 - 40 mg maintenance dose on the other days, since not taking any basically makes me a zombie.
- How long of a break would I need to take for it to actually reduce the tolerance a meaningful amount? (I KNOW it'll never be as good as the first few times again.. I'm realistic about what to expect)
- What can I do on breaks / during use to speed up recovery? I've read a bit about L-tyrosine, but I don't know if I should be taking that WHILE using.

At this time, I do NOT believe I can stay clean forever. There's ALWAYS going to be that thought "this would be so much better if I was amped up right now" in my head.

 

[hydrochron]

Well it's quite obvious that your on adderal haha. I couldn't read most of that.

It can stay effective forever, if you use it the right way, but even then your tolerance will keep going up. Of course after a couple of days in a row it will stop working eventually.

I hate to say this, but the only real answer is to quit for about 3 months. That will give your body enough time to repair and heal. The feeling like you cant do anything feeling will go away after awhile. At least take a month off. Sorry my advice is so simple but that's the answer to all your problems, and when you start up again try taking the least amount needed.

Peace

So yeah take a break, and keep taking vitamins.

 

[toomuchspeed]

Well it's quite obvious that your on adderal haha. I couldn't read most of that.

It can stay effective forever, if you use it the right way, but even then your tolerance will keep going up. Of course after a couple of days in a row it will stop working eventually.

I hate to say this, but the only real answer is to quit for about 3 months. That will give your body enough time to repair and heal. The feeling like you cant do anything feeling will go away after awhile. At least take a month off. Sorry my advice is so simple but that's the answer to all your problems, and when you start up again try taking the least amount needed.

Peace

So yeah take a break, and keep taking vitamins.

I should rephrase. How much longer will it be effective with doses of 100mg a day or less at the rate I'm going?

 

[hydrochron]

About 3 days until you go to sleep. Once you go to sleep if you try again it shouldn't work well at all. But if you take a 3 day break after that you should be able to start up again. If that's your goal to go and go as much as possible.

 

[toomuchspeed]

no no, I avoid pulling all nighters.

In fact, my sleep cycle is far more normal while using then when i'm not.

 

[toomuchspeed]

Oh, and let me make it clear that I'm not using lame excuses to continue using.

I use because I'm addicted and I know that.

I think about how much I hate myself for doing what im about to do every time I stick that straw up my nose, but I do it anyway.

 

[*=Regulator=*]

So, I want to know..
- How bad is my current situation? How much damage have I done so far?
- How much longer can I continue taking this stuff and have it be effective? (I intend to continue using until I have the opportunity to take a SERIOUS break from it). I'm going to continue to take 60 - 100 mg on days I need to, and probably instead of taking a break take a 20 - 40 mg maintenance dose on the other days, since not taking any basically makes me a zombie.
- How long of a break would I need to take for it to actually reduce the tolerance a meaningful amount? (I KNOW it'll never be as good as the first few times again.. I'm realistic about what to expect)
- What can I do on breaks / during use to speed up recovery? I've read a bit about L-tyrosine, but I don't know if I should be taking that WHILE using.

At this time, I do NOT believe I can stay clean forever. There's ALWAYS going to be that thought "this would be so much better if I was amped up right now" in my head.

I'm not a 'speed expert' so take this with a grain of salt.

1 - In terms of 'damage', you have obviously gotten yourself seriously addicted to this drug and are taking high doses so it will take you at least a few months to recover. I don't know if you've done permanent damage to your brain - someone else will need to answer that one. However, the general consensus on addiction to most substances is that the brain will slowly recover back to full funcitonality given enough time.

2 - Not sure about that one but as you've said yourself, you've had to consistently increase your dose to get the same effects. I don't see why that would stop now unless their is a ceiling where taking more just won't do anything for you. Probably more likely is that you'll have to keep taking more and more to achieve similar effects.

3 - No idea how long you need to stop to reduce your tolerance but if it's anythign like opiates, even a week will help but you'll find yourself back at that same tolerance level very, very quickly once you start using agian.

4 - Google will help with some answers here. I've personally found exercise to be critical in overcoming withdrawal form opiates and I'm sure it's the same for speed. It gets the endorphins going and also tires you out. Can't help with your question about L-tyrosine.

Is there any chance you could begin a very, very slow taper? Maybe take 5mg less every week and see if that helps get it under control.

Good luck and I hope you can hang in there until you have enough time to detox properly.

 

[Dirk_Diggler]

As with anything unnatural, your body will attempt to "rewire" itself to make it less sensitive to whatever substance it is you are putting into it. In layman's terms, this means with time the pleasure will diminish. Seems your brain doesn't want you to have fun unnaturally.

And even natural substances can cause down-regulation of your brain's reward system. Morphine, even though naturally produced in your body (in minute quantities) will, over time, cause your opioid receptors to become less sensitive to the drug, requiring more and more of it to produce the same effects.

It is unclear, however, it these changes are permanent. Being an avid drug user most of my life, I can say that my brain is permanently changed. I mean 15mg of morphine will never do what it used to. And 90mg of Adderall, once euphoric as all get out, will never again provide that level of euphoria.

It's a give and take.

 

[cj]

I abused the fuck out of amphetamines 4-5 years ago and my tolerance has never reset it still takes 40mg of adderal to feel anything so I wouldnt bank on lowering tolerance in a week. You need to quit your not gonna get positive effects without switching to dex amp or meth.

 

[toomuchspeed]

like i said -- taking a week off makes things WORSE. All the positive effects remain the same as before i took the break, all the problems come back as if there was no tolerance.

The extended release dose wouldn't help me. All adderall XR does is release half of the dose immediately and half 4 hours later. Taking 15 IR mg now and 15 mg 4 hours from now is the same as taking 30 XR mgs now.

I also cannot bring up the issue of abuse with the psychiatrist, because all that's going to happen is I'll get cut off.

If I had the luxury of quitting cold turkey and being able to lay around for a few months feeling like shit and not doing anything productive, that's what I would do. Unfortunately that's not the case.

The problem is, I need to use just to get the motivation to pick up the trash and throw it out. I will literally do NOTHING if I'm not using. I'll keep saying to myself "I'll do it tomorrow" and you know how THAT goes...

I've seen far too many stories of "addict goes to doctor for help, doctor thinks 'oh shit, this guy's gonna get me into trouble,' and just says sorry, no more drugs for you" to take that chance. Because all that's going to happen is I'll get cut off by that doctor, then end up making a bunch of appointments to find a new one to prescribe and be back in the same boat. This is a problem I have to solve myself.

I (currently) DO have the willpower to do a proper detox, unfortunately the realities of life, such as having bills to pay don't allow me to lounge around and do nothing for that long.

I don't think tapering off this shit would work. I already feel like shit even with the large amounts I'm taking now. Taking less wouldn't do anything for me.

The biggest puzzle to me right now is why taking breaks hurts more then it helps, anyone have any insight on that? It would be great if week long breaks actually helped, because I can do those on a regular basis.

 

[hydrochron]

Taking breaks hurts more then it helps because it's called withdrawals my dude, forgive me for being blunt but your going to have to stop being a bitch about it and ride out the withdrawal. You will have to take at least a month off, 3 being ideal.

However you can just keep going, there's tons of people that only stop to eat and sleep. I would suggest quiting, maybe try tapering like you said. But in reality your going to have withdrawal effects like your going in slow motion and cant do crap.

Work out excercise, let your body repair. And you will be more then happy you did.

Peace

 

[swap]

Some supplements that usually help would be vitamin C or one of those fizzy vitamin packs. Other supplements usually for withdrawals but may be helpful while using would be thiamine and/or niacin.
At your doses I would drink at least the normal suggested daily amounts of water maybe more.
Also make sure to eat a balanced diet.
The best way to reduce your desired dose is to quit for extended period of time, but that is easier said than done. XR might help too.

 

[lovechild89]

Well I say try not taking any for 21 days. I believe 21 days is the time taken to make or break a habit, after that, it'll probably be easier. It's difficult to stop something you've become reliant on to function and you'll actually have to have the drive to quit yourself.

Have you tried taking a psycadelic like mushrooms or lsd?
mushrooms can help you overcome addictions I think. They are what helped me quit smoking.

Good Luck friend

 

[Vriess]

Well I would stop railing them if I were you. They last way longer when you eat them and you don't end up chasing that high as much.

 

[stray cat]

i understand you feel like you've got a major problem--and maybe you do, i guess it's subjective--but I really don't perceive this to be as out of control and awful as you think it is, if that makes you feel any better or anything. essentially, if i understand correctly, you are prescribed 60/day and sometimes you take up to 100/day, but generally you still sleep, make yourself eat, etc. you do notice that your tolerance has increased, which is natural, but besides that, i'm having trouble understanding what the major problem you are having is... is it that you just do not want to be reliant on a drug every day to function? i understand if that's the case, and if so, the answer is just to basically stop taking it for a few weeks. you'll be able to start making yourself do things without it (even though it sucks at first-but it can and will get better), and if you do not want to become dependent on adderall to function properly after some break period, my advice is just not to take it. get support, etc.

if you plan to continue taking it, though, then i'm not quite understanding what the big deal is though. many people are prescribed 60mg/day, and i have several friends prescribed 90mg/day at least. you are taking a prescribed medication, and it is going to have some side effects. weigh them against what you believe to be its benefits (do a cost/benefits analysis), and decide whether the negatives outweigh the positives. if not, my advice is to stop abusing it by insufflating or taking way more than you are prescribed and stuff like that. i would take a few days off and resume at your prescribed dose, spacing it out over the day. try that for a couple weeks. if you think you might need to be prescribed more, talk to your doctor. i know you read on here a lot about points where it may become neurotoxic, but again, you and your doctor can determine whether the positive effects outweigh the risks and negatives in your specific case. it is definitely not unheard of to be prescribed more than you are. do u think you really have add/adhd? were you able to function prior to being prescribed? do you really want to continue to take it? are its good effects overshadowed by its negatives? those are some things you might want to ask yourself... good luck [i may edit this some after i read it when i get home- on mobile device right now, so hope it makes sense]

 

[toomuchspeed]

Taking breaks hurts more then it helps because it's called withdrawals my dude, forgive me for being blunt but your going to have to stop being a bitch about it and ride out the withdrawal. You will have to take at least a month off, 3 being ideal.

However you can just keep going, there's tons of people that only stop to eat and sleep. I would suggest quiting, maybe try tapering like you said. But in reality your going to have withdrawal effects like your going in slow motion and cant do crap.

Work out excercise, let your body repair. And you will be more then happy you did.

Peace

I understand that there's withdrawals, those days i expect to suck. The thing i do NOT understand is why it's worse when I just get back onto it. It should be great when I just restart it, instead it's terrible, then it gets better after a couple days of being on it (which is not what it was like when I took breaks 6 months ago. My first use after taking a break was always great)

eric, i've taken breaks as long as 10 days without any improvement. I need to take a much longer break then 2 - 3 weeks.
The problem is I cannot function without it.

No I haven't tried shrooms or LSD, and I'm not going to. First of all those aren't going to help me get things done, and the last thing I need right now is more drug problems on top of what I already got.

I also do NOT have ADD, I lied to get the prescription.

 

[NotQuiteAnonymous]

it is terrible when you take adderall because you are unhealthy. You need sleep, exercise, and a proper diet for your body to be able to utilize adderall properly...i binge on them too but i sleep and eat better than you...ice cream and soda? Dude wtf...do you like shitting root beer floats or something?!

Soda with HFCS is terrible for u. if it has caffeine chances are ur going thru caffeine w/d and adderall w/d at the same time.
Do u smoke cigarettes too? Caffeine/Adderall/Nicotine w/ds are rather nasty.

Eat before taking Adderall and take it orally.

Please stop putting them up your nose...it is such a waste!

if u only need to be awake maybe something like Provigil is best for you.

if u notice you are retaining water ON adderall, your other symptoms may be related to some type of kidney disfunction/damage and you shouldn't take it again without medical tests.

 

[toomuchspeed]

you know what, I think that's it. When I'm on WDs I actually eat worse then when I'm on the stuff. So when I'm going back on the shit my body's more tapped out then when I stopped because of that.

I eat the ice cream because it's one of the few things I can get down without gagging and I NEED the calories. With a lot of solid food I can take about 1 bite before I just sit there staring at it feeling sick. The most fucked up thing is I'll be starving (my stomach will be hurting from the hunger) but I can't eat.

I don't retain water, I'm always dehydrated as hell.

 

[NotQuiteAnonymous]

have u considered drinking Ensure?

 

[Pegasus]

As said before, the body adjusts to all psychoactive drugs over time, especially when they are used relatively often. You're not going to get the same effects that you once had, and will probably only get decent effects from the drug with fairly infrequent dosing.

I'd use as little as possible for now. You may still be able to enjoy the drug some from here out... It doesn't sound like you're getting much from the drug now, so you may not have much choice but to cut way back if you are to get anything positive from it.

Good luck.