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Quesions for heroin addicts

I

icelated

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 10, 2009
Messages
49
I am a father of a heroin addict. She we will 20 next month.
For what I understand a year ago she started smoking oxycontin. I guess the addiction got too expensive so she switched to heroin. Well, I didn't find out until it was too late. In this period of time she dropped out of college, and i had to take her car away( it was in my name luckily) so, she has nothing at this point.

anyway's, I tried to get her into detox, and she finally agreed to go, but didn't stay for more than 2 days. She was living with me at the time, and i told her if she cant stay clean she needs to move out. I got her on suboxone and she agreed to go into treatment. It was only a month program, and she graduated 2 weeks ago. However, as little as 4 days she was back to using.
Supposedly she said she thought she had power over her addiction and she just wanted to use.

While she was on suboxine, i found out she was still using heroin. Right there tells me she didnt want to quit. But why waist my time and money getting it for her?

After treatment she moved back home with her mom, but couldn't stay clean so she is staying with friends now. She claims she is on suboxone right now and will quit on her own, and that addicts relapse after treatment and it is no big deal.

It has been a rough year for us. We use to be best friends, and now we are almost enemies. I am really devastated over all of this.

She seems to think she can get some suboxine off the street and quit no problem. I have tried to talk her into going back into treatment just for the sake of having a month clean, but she dont want to again.

My questions are, do people ever overcome this addiction? I do understand she needs to want to quit on her own. I feel like she dont really want to quit. I dont know how many times she told me she is not using, just to find out she really is.
Do i need to stop pressuring her about it, and just let her be a junky and hit bottom? I just don't know what to do.
I feel like i am watching my daughter kill herself, and if she died i don't know how i could live with that guilt. :(

Any thoughts to this, is very welcome, good or bad.

thank you,

size_t
 
I am a recovering heroin addict,so here is my advice from what I and my mother have been through with my addiction. Hope its helpful.

I hate to say this to you, and I don't want you to lose all hope because as long as you stay in her corner no matter what(and i dont mean enabling her,but still loving her and not giving up)she may come around.

BUT...the reality of OPIATE addiction(which is really the king of all addictions)is that it has the highest relapse rate and many more people stay on/go back to heroin than actually stay clean. It's the truth. And the odds of staying clean are slim.

People spend their entire lives trying to stay clean. Hell, I only had 9 months of heroin addiction and I am struggling with my sobriety. I have been on suboxone and sober for 4 months, and it has been THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO IN MY LIFE.

The problem is, and what most parents don't want to hear, is that SHE HAS TO HIT HER BOTTOM BEFORE SHE WILL REALLY WANT TO GET CLEAN. Before I hit my bottom I had my friends and family begging and pleading with me to get clean and I refused until I had lost everything and everybody. She has to get to that point to really want to get help. And keep in mind that even if she does hit rock bottom and does go into treatment,don't be quick to think that she's gonna be clean forever.Because GETTING clean and STAYING clean are completely two different things.

Most addicts will tell you,and I feel this to be true myself...the REAL battle starts AFTER you detox. And the reality of how much you fucked up your life is RAW,REAL and IN YOUR FACE because now that you are sober and the drugs aren't clouding your mind, you really have to deal with your mistakes and issues and that can be enough to make you want to use.

But anyways, I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. If you have any more questions please don't hesitate to Private Message me. I know exactly where your daughter is at. I was that girl...and in many ways, even in my sobriety, I still am.

Addiction...a never ending vicious cycle. :(

Good luck and god bless.*hugs*
 
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Miss Hollywood pretty much hit all the nails on the heads but I want to add that you should not just leave her alone to do her own thing and "quit on her own." She may very well spiral further into the depths of heroin addiction is she feels that you have given up on her. Addiction is tricky, addicts are tricky, you are in an insanely tough position where the odds of succeeding are slim and the possibility of it driving you to insanity yourself is also very real.

You won't be able to force her to get clean, but I would do my best to monitor her situation, let her know that you love her and always will and you want to do whatever you can to help her but only if she is serious about it. Be a part of her life as much as she will let you, and if you see that she is getting really bad you can always intervene or be more coercive. But definitely let her know you are serious about her recovery and you will not stand by and watch her destroy her life.
 
when I was at my worst with heroin, nothing anyone said meant anything to me. at bottom, I had to find something inside myself to crawl out. no one could pull me out.

fast forward a couple decades and I had to stand back and let my 22 year old son fall down the pit over coke. I truly think it was harder for me to let him go and not follow my inclination to fix his problems than it was for me to crawl out of my heroin pit 25 yrs ago.

i'm just trying to say that you can't get your daughter clean; she has to and she has to really -want- to stop using.

best of luck to you and your family.
 
Thank you for everyone that has replied so far.
Miss Hollywood, Thank you!
This helps me realize what i am up against.

I do not know what to do anymore. I feel like i have lost her for good.
I think this is affecting me more than her. I have lost my will to live.
It is the hardest thing as a parent to see there only kid be a heroin addict.

Should i still be her friend, but not enable her? how could that help her hit her bottom?
wouldnt it be better if i told her i cant be there until she gets help?

She tells me she has only been a heroin addict for 6 months, and she will be ok. However, she smoked oxicontin for a year.
she tries to reassure me i am over reacting all the time. :(
but, I know she could O.D. at anytime and die and that freaks me out.

God bless
corey
 
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icelated-No problem!One of my goals in recovery is to help other people that struggle with addiction. You definately came to the right place!:) Bluelight is a place that active addicts,recovering addicts,and even non-addicts can come together and use their knowledge and experience to help each other understand addiction.

I am also my mother's only child. You sound a lot like my mother. Even though I am 25 years old,I guess you never stop being your parents "little girl." She was very scared for me when I was in active addiction and she still is scared for me because I have been struggling with my sobriety,especially lately.

But at the end of the day, her recovery is going to be UP TO HER. I know it's a hard reality to accept and you want to be able to save your daughter. But when people grow into adults,their choices whether they are right are wrong are their own to make. You are NOT OVERREACTING,and her addiction is a very serious thing.But you must remember...

There is no amount of love in the world that can conquer addiction.

You can love your daughter, but at the end of the day its going to be her decision if she wants help.

As much as it hurts,you need to get help for yourself.Go to Al-Anon meetings,and you will meet other family members of addicts. They will give you coping skills and a shoulder to lean on through all of this. You must rid yourself of your addiction to your daughters addiction, because it will kill you too....it already is. You need to tell your daughter that if she doesn't get help,that you WILL NOT LOVE HER TO DEATH(watch her kill herself). And the only phonecalls you will accept from her is one saying she wants to go into treatment.Don't give her money or enable her in anyway.

I'm sorry your going through this. Talking to other parents affected by addiction really helps me in understanding how my addiction has effected my mother and the people I love. :(
 
Miss hollywood,
I dont know how i found this place, i guess i got a good google search.
I pray you will stay clean. Dont give up, EVER
your mom must be very relieved right now? She can probobly sleep a little better too.
I dont know what you are going threw, i am not an addict, but i think you can beat this.

I have considered help for myself. My life is seriously taking a nose dive.
I know people tell me you cant let it affect you, but its not that easy.
They dont know the anger inside me. It's not only destroying her life, but my life also.


She tells me In her own words "chill out im fine. ive been a heroin addict for like six months im cool" and "you seriously need to start focusing on yourself, like your obsessed its weird"
Me wanting her clean is weird? me wanting to help her is obsessive? =( very sad.
I dont think she understands what i am going threw, and how this affects me, and the severity of things.

how can someone just chill out?

when she was staying with me, and i saw her high on heroin, it just broke my heart. She was sitting at the computer with her cell in her hands and nodding off. It is something i will never, ever forget.

corey
 
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Show her this forum! and what you have written here. She needs to know how she is aiding in your hurt.
 
Is there anyway she can get back on Suboxone? I feel there are people whose addictions merit being on a replacement medication for a lifetime. I'm not saying she is one of these people, but it sounds like she got off the Suboxone pretty quickly. Instead of sending her to a rehab, go to Suboxone.com and find a doctor with an outpatient program.

I was an IV heroin addict for two years, and if it weren't for Suboxone, I'd still be using today. I have been on Suboxone now for 14 months, and I am just now starting to feel like I may be ready to start tapering off this medication soon.

If it was her doctor that rushed her off of it, find a new doctor. She should be able to stay on Suboxone until she is ready to get off of it. Once she is on Suboxone, it would be a huge help if she would go to therapy and find out what has been driving her addiction.

And regarding her use of heroin while on Suboxone, I find that hard to believe. Suboxone works in a way that makes it impossible for someone to get high on any other opioids for around two days after their last dose of Suboxone. So, if she was still using, she must have stopped taking her Suboxone completely in order to get high again.

Good luck, and let us know how it works out.
 
I think the fact that your daughter has not been an addict for very long is actually something that works against her getting and staying clean anytime soon.

Think of it in simple terms of motivation. Her motivation for using is a VERY strong one. An opiate high is utter bliss. All her problems disappear and she feels wonderful. it works on a very fundamental level in your brain's pleasure center. Once somebody has experienced an opiate high, their instincts will always drive them to seek that high out again. Now what is her motivation for NOT using? It sounds to me like she did it just to please you.

An addict typically has to suffer some pretty terrible consequences before they become willing to get clean. We call it hitting a bottom. Until that happens and your daughter's thinking changes in a profound way, she's going to want to continue using. Why shouldn't she?

Perhaps she'll be the exception and beat the odds. But you should expect to be in for a long battle. It's hard to offer something in life that can replace the feeling you get from doing drugs.
 
Yes people can overcome opiate addiction. Whether they want to is another matter - & an important one.
 
I'm reading and typing this on a phone so I won't try to attempt to get out everything I want to say, but this forum can truly help both you and your daughter if you can get her here. Granted she will likely ignore the TDS forum like I did forever, but sooner or later you stumble upon it and start to realize that everyone here is the same and that you are not alone in this fight.

She is absolutely not "cool" on the inside like she tells you. She is insecure, hopeless, and absolutely scared to death. The problem is that the heroin makes those feelings go away almost instantly. Immediate gratification is a dangerous tool.

Your daughter is following the typical opiate addiction path. The majority of us worked our way up and up the ladder...mostly starting with vicodin, then percocet, then oxys, and when all those got too expensive, we move to heroin. This is the typical route; however, how long it takes for someone to fall off the top of that ladder and hit rock bottom is totally situation dependant. I was doing IV heroin daily for about 5 months after a 6 year long addiction to pharmeceuticals before it ripped my life out from underneath me. How long it will take for that to happen to your daughter is unknown, but I don't think there is anything you can do but let her fall.

I know it is hard but coming from a heroin addict, nothing you can do or say will stop her right now. The only thing she cares about is that next high...what it takes to get there and who she hurts along the way doesn't matter.

She will continue to minimize her addiction until she finally breaks down and realizes she can no longer live like this.

I wish you both the best. You seem like a great parent and I'm sorry that you are having to go through such a hard time. It really makes me think about what I did to my parents and how I always thought they were over reacting. Please stick around, reading what people have to say here can truly be a lifesaver.
God bless.
 
Interesting thread.
Makes me feel like shit for what I've put my parents through. You seem like an awesome dad, and everyone seems to have hit point here. She needs to hit a bottom, but why should she at this point? I used IV heroin for 6 months and for me that seemed like I could either :
A. Become a typical junkie, start selling my things, lose my car, job, school, etc. Everything was going downhill fast
or
B. I could take action and make myself sober, I haven't talked to any of my friends I used to do it with, etc. If it was put in front of me today I'd probably do it, after the withdrawals the cravings are wicked

But she's at that point where everything is about to start going downhill, she could end up in the hospital very soon, but that's not likely to change her. I've seen it happen all too much... she needs help.
 
^^^

We need to remember that everyone has a different rock bottom.

She seems like she was raised in a good family, had a supporting dad who gave her a car, got into college...etc.

As long as she was raised with a good set of standards this may play out in your favor.

Not to offend anyone here but just in my experience it seems that those that start with a lot might hit a proverbial rock bottom not much lower than where someone who grew up with a bad childhood and had very little even gets started.

Everyone has a different hell, and let's just hope that she's close to crossing that final line un her own realm of reason.
 
bow-viper1 said:
Is there anyway she can get back on Suboxone? I feel there are people whose addictions merit being on a replacement medication for a lifetime. I'm not saying she is one of these people, but it sounds like she got off the Suboxone pretty quickly. Instead of sending her to a rehab, go to Suboxone.com and find a doctor with an outpatient program.

I was an IV heroin addict for two years, and if it weren't for Suboxone, I'd still be using today. I have been on Suboxone now for 14 months, and I am just now starting to feel like I may be ready to start tapering off this medication soon.

If it was her doctor that rushed her off of it, find a new doctor. She should be able to stay on Suboxone until she is ready to get off of it. Once she is on Suboxone, it would be a huge help if she would go to therapy and find out what has been driving her addiction.

And regarding her use of heroin while on Suboxone, I find that hard to believe. Suboxone works in a way that makes it impossible for someone to get high on any other opioids for around two days after their last dose of Suboxone. So, if she was still using, she must have stopped taking her Suboxone completely in order to get high again.

Good luck, and let us know how it works out.
Click to expand...

If she doesn't want to be clean, then being on Suboxone isn't going to change anything. He already mentioned that she was on Suboxone and was still using anyway, which many, many addicts do.

I know because I was one of them. I was on Suboxone for a year and used heroin the whole time. The Suboxone was just a way for me to avoid being sick while I was in-between heroin binges, which usually lasted a couple weeks at a time and then I would get back on the bupe for a week or so. Then back on dope. Then back on bupe. Over and over and over....if you don't want to be clean, the Suboxone won't do anything and could only serve to actually enable you to use more.

Icelated - I feel for you. I recently relapsed hard on heroin after having 8 months clean, and I'm trying desperately to pull myself back out of it because I KNOW where it will take me. That's what's so fucked up about addiction, even knowing the inevitable destruction you're going to face as a result isn't enough to get you clean.

You should be able to find hope in the stories of those that have succeeded in beating this, though. Because there are plenty of people who have, so it is VERY possible for your daughter to overcome this. Unfortunately though, she sounds like the type who really needs to hit a heavy bottom. My bottom (when I got clean the first time) was just seeing how heavily my using was affecting those I loved and how bleak my future was looking as an addict; so I went to rehab and stayed clean for 8 months.

An unfortunate series of events involving the loss of a 4 year relationship and my family literally falling apart led me back into a dark place where I found myself using again, and I'm trying to pull myself back out of it. It's been a few months and it's just not fun anymore, I'm so burdened with guilt and shame it's unbelievable.

But anyway, that's my deal for another thread. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck icelated, I really do.
 
you wanting to help your child is not weird, it's not obsessive, and your daughter knows that. she is trying to minimize in her own mind the damage that she is doing to herself and to you by blocking out the reality of the situation with things like 'i'm fine' and 'you're overreacting.'
 
I haven't read any other responses, but here is my opinion:

I am a heroin addict and my mom is a lot like you. Force, force, force. She wants the best for me and thinks that she can fix all my problems.

She can't though.

Heroin is a HUGE demon. No matter how much I love my mom, it's near impossible to quit for her. I HAVE to find it within myself to quit.

Love your daughter...if she needs an ear or a shoulder, give it to her. Don't give her money or a car (if you know or suspect she is using). If she needs a place to stay and she is using, hook her up with a safe shelter.

DO NOT ALLOW HER TO WALK ALL OVER YOU.

She is an addict and SHE WILL DO SO IF SHE CAN.

Allowing it will only make her worse.
 
Thank you for all your replies and thank you for all your great words!
I read every single one, including th private one.
I wish the best for all of you.

My daughter claims she is taking the "STEPS" to getting clean by getting on suboxone and coming home this weekend to pass a drug test. I also understand suboxone dont show up on an opiate test?

she lives with her mom and her mom is a nurse so she has an endless supply of tests.

I had her a prescription for suboxin, but it became to expensive and 2 weeks into treatment she ran out and almost left. she has state funded insurance and i dont think they will pay for suboxone.? does any one know anything about this?

She was going to college to be an accountant while she was waitressing part time. well, she told them she had a problem and she was going into treatment, well they just recently took her back after treatment. Can addicts hold jobs? I feel like calling them and telling them the situation, but i dont want to upset her anymore. however, I know this job will provide money for her addiction. what should i do?

what are they things i should and shouldnt do to help her?

people tell me not to enable her, so when she called me yesterday to pay her phone bill i told her "NO".

I do not know if she is really ready to quit. so, as one poster put it saboxone might enable her to use. I spent over 1,000 dollars last time with doctors visits and 2 presciptions for suboxone to help her and it did nothing :(

I apologize for pouring my heart out on here, but this addiction is tearing my life apart. Everyday is very painful knowing she is hurting, and there is nothin i can do to help her. Everyday my thoughts are consummed by this addiction.
I feel like giving up hope, but i dont want to just sit back and let her die. Theres got to be something i can do to help her.
I feel so helpless. How can i live my life when she is in such a bad place? I dont know what she is doing to feed her addiction, and i can only guess its really bad things.

I do worry about her safety, just last week one of her friends landed in the hospital. It SCARES me to death to think about losing her. but, i feel like there is no good outcome from this situation. :(


I appreciate everything you guys have told me, i do feel a little better understanding this situation.

Corey
 
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Perhaps this is useless for you, but for me it helps to think about the unity of it all. Like if I think about my moms future death and how much I love her and all the time we have spent together and I don't look at her as the universe itself, but just the small little mind between the ears of that head, I will get terribly depressed.

But if I see it from the standpoint of hey, its life, people grow and people die, people have been doing all this crazy shit for a very long time and I just need to accept that pain and suffering are part of life, then I feel a lot better :)
 
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