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I remember first time, I was 13 had a brother in law was a biker. I was scared to death, almost crying. He said dont be a pussy put your arm on the table. Closed my eyes. Ten seconds later, knew with absolute certainty that I'd do this every chance I got for the rest of my life lol.
 
Atelier3 said:
Especially when they learn the cravings are psychological rather than physical.
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if you mean what i think you do, i think its more that you learn the cravings are causing you more pain that they're worth if that makes sense. i knew cravings were psychological and before i was totally addicted i couldn't work out why people couldn't just sit through the 20 minutes where you're desperate to get more once you run out. once i got super hooked the cravings i felt for crack were the most intense thing i've ever experienced, like someone screaming in your ear but its inside your head so you can't just cover your ears or hum a tune or something. proper proper white knuckling. then i took some time off cos i had to travel for a family event and i realised just how painful my life was because of that desperation. when i got home i was still an absolutely awful crackhead doing anything for a fix but when i couldn't score it didn't feel phyiscally painful and just like constant torment anymore, i just accepted i couldn't score and that i was doing everything i could to get more ASAP.

also guys i don't know how you injected coke without brown or some sort of downer in your system, just sounds stressful.
 
wudbutcher said:
I remember first time, I was 13 had a brother in law was a biker. I was scared to death, almost crying. He said dont be a pussy put your arm on the table. Closed my eyes. Ten seconds later, knew with absolute certainty that I'd do this every chance I got for the rest of my life lol.
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Sorry, but that brother in law biker of yours was a fuckin child abusing piece of shit...
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Sorry, but that brother in law biker of yours was a fuckin child abusing piece of shit...
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Lol, maybe so, but closest to a dad as I had man. Learned value of hard work and love of two wheels from him. Matters not, he died this year.
 
I know I sound like a preacher on lot of my posts, but I know how shit like that early on can derail a person.
 
chinup said:
if you mean what i think you do, i think its more that you learn the cravings are causing you more pain that they're worth if that makes sense. i knew cravings were psychological and before i was totally addicted i couldn't work out why people couldn't just sit through the 20 minutes where you're desperate to get more once you run out. once i got super hooked the cravings i felt for crack were the most intense thing i've ever experienced, like someone screaming in your ear but its inside your head so you can't just cover your ears or hum a tune or something. proper proper white knuckling. then i took some time off cos i had to travel for a family event and i realised just how painful my life was because of that desperation. when i got home i was still an absolutely awful crackhead doing anything for a fix but when i couldn't score it didn't feel phyiscally painful and just like constant torment anymore, i just accepted i couldn't score and that i was doing everything i could to get more ASAP.

also guys i don't know how you injected coke without brown or some sort of downer in your system, just sounds stressful.
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I think it's a difference in personality traits, whether genetic or environmental when young. I never liked downs, nor drinking, unless it was to crash. Once I heard the train though, I was hooked.
 
As I said in other posts, I managed a good life in spite, or maybe because of my introduction. Not whining, but earliest memories on were as bad as you can imagine. Drugs allowed me to walk among the earth people. Have often thought maybe I should write a book. Surely a couple people would read
 
wudbutcher said:
As I said in other posts, I managed a good life in spite, or maybe because of my introduction. Not whining, but earliest memories on were as bad as you can imagine. Drugs allowed me to walk among the earth people. Have often thought maybe I should write a book. Surely a couple people would read
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I'd read it tbh. Still think your BIL was a cunt though...
 
I'm very grateful to all you faceless friendly folks on this site, lol. It's nice to talk, or type, to someone. For that I'm grateful.
 
So what's your story Fubar? I see you're old like me, gotta have some goodies to tell. My limit for today, any more and the dreams start.
Spit it, no rude comments, on my word
 
wudbutcher said:
So what's your story Fubar? I see you're old like me, gotta have some goodies to tell. My limit for today, any more and the dreams start.
Spit it, no rude comments, on my word
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Nah, I'm probably the most boring drug addict you're ever likely to meet. Took the usual course: cannabis - psychedelics - speed - heroin - crack. 20 years on the opies, one near fatal OD, wife, 2 kids, 10 years off the needle, struggling with booze, addicted to BBW porn and searching for real MDMA. Fuckin Norman Normal me...
 
wudbutcher said:
I think it's a difference in personality traits, whether genetic or environmental when young. I never liked downs, nor drinking, unless it was to crash. Once I heard the train though, I was hooked.
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to me the not injecting coke without smack was nothing to do with the fact that i like downers (cos i really do) but that because the intensity of the rush would be a little too much if it didn't have something to smoothe it out. i was able to smoke crack without needing brown right there with it. tbh it just stresses me out just thinking about it, and i've spoken to other people who were massively addicted to stimulants but found injecting coke too intense to be 100% pleasurable til i told them they needed some dark in there. i completely believe that you were fine without it but it just boggles my mind.
 
chinup said:
to me the not injecting coke without smack was nothing to do with the fact that i like downers (cos i really do) but that because the intensity of the rush would be a little too much if it didn't have something to smoothe it out. i was able to smoke crack without needing brown right there with it. tbh it just stresses me out just thinking about it, and i've spoken to other people who were massively addicted to stimulants but found injecting coke too intense to be 100% pleasurable til i told them they needed some dark in there. i completely believe that you were fine without it but it just boggles my mind.
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Boggled mine too man. Me and my dealer used to sit at table playin Peruvian roullette. Fix each others shot see who folded first. 2 K4's to crash after, only downs i ever shot. Awful nauseau if my head raised above my heart lol. Downs your doc? Is it because of physical crave or just general preference?
 
yeah downers are my DOC- i spent 16 years addicted to downers and 18 months addicted to stimulants. my initial goal of drug taking was just to make myself unconscious all the time. the idea i could be conscious but feel good, except raving at mdma, didn't really occur to me. probably for the best, i can be a functioning addict on downers but crack destroyed me within 6 months.
 
also since i got into recovery i've never craved crack, only heroin. and more recently benzos but that's cos i consider them less 'off limits' than heroin which is ridiculous cos i think i was addicted to them for just as long as opiates. i have had the odd euphoric recall about crack but cos of how quickly and comprehensively it took away my humanity i haven't wanted it.
 
my longest meth run was in 2016. 384 days, min 1/2 gr daily. ran my business, fam everything. then life happened and lost everything. I still have business associates that can't believe I am a Tweaker lol. I believe I'd like the Op/ fent at this point, tired of thinking lol.
 
wudbutcher said:
my longest meth run was in 2016. 384 days, min 1/2 gr daily. ran my business, fam everything. then life happened and lost everything. I still have business associates that can't believe I am a Tweaker lol. I believe I'd like the Op/ fent at this point, tired of thinking lol.
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I need to stop saying life happened. i fucked up, badly.
 
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