Working_Class
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2019
- Messages
- 513
I totally understand using drugs to perform at a high level at work, that had been my whole schtick for since forever really. Nothing wrong with taking 25$ worth of drugs to make a few hundred more bucks. Unless of course the whole process is killing you slowly or making you "soul sick". The money in itself can become a huge addition, and who doesn't need more money? Life is not cheap these days!
And the fixation (smoking) is definitely relatable. I used to drink heavily every day in traffic on the way home from work, partly because traffic in Vancouver can be an hour and a half, and partly because I was unhappy, and partly just because it was a regular daily habit. Like a reflex, put the tools away, lock the job box, dust off the clothes, get beer or gin, spark a joint, sit in traffic. Or the AM and lunchtime joint, and the after work joint, I never even particularly enjoyed the whole hiding my constant weed smoking, or the high, but I did it for some weird reason. A joint, a coffee and pounding as much high calorie food as possible in 30 mins, then back to work. It made me more forgetful, but very task oriented. I would avoid people and just work without stopping until the day was killed, soaked in sweat and dust, never dragging ass, always moving quickly whether I felt good or not.
Going back to the same job for a while in June I feel is going to be different. I've taken a year off and done a lot of side jobs, skimmed a ceiling for a friend (my first and last skim, it's such a bitch to get it looking perfect), worked at a chiropractic office as front desk while doing most of my philology and anatomy. I stayed busy and changed my habits. I suppose only going back to work will tell if I've really changed my ways or not, but I feel like the whole stepping out for a full year has let new priorities solidify. Like the financial commitment to being a student working part time, no more frivolous spending. Not even coffee, I don't buy food out and about anymore, I'll just wait until I get home to eat. No more morphine (that was my FAVORITE worktime treat, made work with my broken body so much easier), no more dope smoking morning noon and night. From a health standpoint and a financial standpoint, this has been a very productive year, and the little changes will accumulate in the form of better financial outcomes, better study habits, more responsibility and overall better health. All this translates to a better life nomatter how long or short the rest of it turns out, or which direction my academics and career take.
But it took a huge step back to get even to this point, where my only real use is sporadic minor doses for keeping productivity and motivation high enough. Ideally, I'd love to have a life where I could just keep it to weekends, or stay completely sober without making it a big deal like some of the members in the thread. It's like my ideal picture of what I'd like to work towards. Payday funtime, with the rest being business, studies and athletics.
Also, less drug use typically affords better progress in training. It's hard to set PR's between even using dexadrine, that medication doesn't make me feel good physically, but cognition and executive functions become markedly easier to organize. It's a trap and I hate it.
And the fixation (smoking) is definitely relatable. I used to drink heavily every day in traffic on the way home from work, partly because traffic in Vancouver can be an hour and a half, and partly because I was unhappy, and partly just because it was a regular daily habit. Like a reflex, put the tools away, lock the job box, dust off the clothes, get beer or gin, spark a joint, sit in traffic. Or the AM and lunchtime joint, and the after work joint, I never even particularly enjoyed the whole hiding my constant weed smoking, or the high, but I did it for some weird reason. A joint, a coffee and pounding as much high calorie food as possible in 30 mins, then back to work. It made me more forgetful, but very task oriented. I would avoid people and just work without stopping until the day was killed, soaked in sweat and dust, never dragging ass, always moving quickly whether I felt good or not.
Going back to the same job for a while in June I feel is going to be different. I've taken a year off and done a lot of side jobs, skimmed a ceiling for a friend (my first and last skim, it's such a bitch to get it looking perfect), worked at a chiropractic office as front desk while doing most of my philology and anatomy. I stayed busy and changed my habits. I suppose only going back to work will tell if I've really changed my ways or not, but I feel like the whole stepping out for a full year has let new priorities solidify. Like the financial commitment to being a student working part time, no more frivolous spending. Not even coffee, I don't buy food out and about anymore, I'll just wait until I get home to eat. No more morphine (that was my FAVORITE worktime treat, made work with my broken body so much easier), no more dope smoking morning noon and night. From a health standpoint and a financial standpoint, this has been a very productive year, and the little changes will accumulate in the form of better financial outcomes, better study habits, more responsibility and overall better health. All this translates to a better life nomatter how long or short the rest of it turns out, or which direction my academics and career take.
But it took a huge step back to get even to this point, where my only real use is sporadic minor doses for keeping productivity and motivation high enough. Ideally, I'd love to have a life where I could just keep it to weekends, or stay completely sober without making it a big deal like some of the members in the thread. It's like my ideal picture of what I'd like to work towards. Payday funtime, with the rest being business, studies and athletics.
Also, less drug use typically affords better progress in training. It's hard to set PR's between even using dexadrine, that medication doesn't make me feel good physically, but cognition and executive functions become markedly easier to organize. It's a trap and I hate it.
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