Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[uncle_jocko]

Hey everyone - it’s been quite a spell since I’ve posted here. First off, I hope everyone is doing well … I can’t believe the first month of the new year is almost over. In my mind, when I first got on this site, I would have over two months of being opiate-free by this time. But alas, that’s not the case. Currently, I’ve tapered to 7.5 mgs of oxycodone a day; which as you all know, is a relatively small dose. I take 2.5 around noon, and another 5 at night. I often mix my nightly dose with a rum and coke, although I’m trying to quit doing that. And one more thing, I’ve been attending PA (Pills Anonymous) meetings. The biggest setback, by far, has been going “off taper” on Fridays. I usually plow through the week rather well, and by Friday at the end of the teaching day … I’m over it! I simply want a strong drink mixed with about 15mgs of oxy and a soma. As you know, this does the trick, and I usually even follow it with a bit more. And then, I’m back to the taper on Saturday (although it often takes a few days to get back to where I was Thursday). PA has been good, but almost everyone in those rooms does not have good things to say about tapering. I’ve been calling one guy regularly, and he thinks I’m heading in the wrong direction. But then, I think to myself, “How can I be heading in the WRONG direction if I’ve gone from 40mgs a day to 7.5 a day in five months?” Sure, it’s a slow taper, but I’m definitely making progress. So, even though the meetings are pretty decent, there isn’t much support for a taper. I once read something that someone wrote on these forums: “If we make even the smallest of progress on our taper - even if it’s taking our dose 30 minutes later than scheduled … then we our making small victories”. That gives me strength, as opposed to someone telling me I’m moving in the wrong direction (even though he really is trying to help me). Again, I’m not making this guy out to be a bad guy - his point is that I HAVE to take the leap and just get off the pills altogether. I get that. But, I also have to acknowledge my progress - and I don’t agree with him that I’m moving in the wrong direction. Anyway, I'm open to anyone's feedback - I've missed you folks.

 

[EPL1]

I agree with you UJ, ANY progress is still progress.

Keep going with your taper, do what's good for you and don't let anyone else's negativity get to you.

I'm proud of you as I always am, and I am so happy to hear from you my dear friend.

You know my door is always open so to speak, if you'd ever like to chat feel free to pm me as always.

You're the best UJ!!!!

Much love and support to you,
hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Hey everyone - it’s been quite a spell since I’ve posted here. First off, I hope everyone is doing well … I can’t believe the first month of the new year is almost over. In my mind, when I first got on this site, I would have over two months of being opiate-free by this time. But alas, that’s not the case. Currently, I’ve tapered to 7.5 mgs of oxycodone a day; which as you all know, is a relatively small dose. I take 2.5 around noon, and another 5 at night. I often mix my nightly dose with a rum and coke, although I’m trying to quit doing that. And one more thing, I’ve been attending PA (Pills Anonymous) meetings. The biggest setback, by far, has been going “off taper” on Fridays. I usually plow through the week rather well, and by Friday at the end of the teaching day … I’m over it! I simply want a strong drink mixed with about 15mgs of oxy and a soma. As you know, this does the trick, and I usually even follow it with a bit more. And then, I’m back to the taper on Saturday (although it often takes a few days to get back to where I was Thursday). PA has been good, but almost everyone in those rooms does not have good things to say about tapering. I’ve been calling one guy regularly, and he thinks I’m heading in the wrong direction. But then, I think to myself, “How can I be heading in the WRONG direction if I’ve gone from 40mgs a day to 7.5 a day in five months?” Sure, it’s a slow taper, but I’m definitely making progress. So, even though the meetings are pretty decent, there isn’t much support for a taper. I once read something that someone wrote on these forums: “If we make even the smallest of progress on our taper - even if it’s taking our dose 30 minutes later than scheduled … then we our making small victories”. That gives me strength, as opposed to someone telling me I’m moving in the wrong direction (even though he really is trying to help me). Again, I’m not making this guy out to be a bad guy - his point is that I HAVE to take the leap and just get off the pills altogether. I get that. But, I also have to acknowledge my progress - and I don’t agree with him that I’m moving in the wrong direction. Anyway, I'm open to anyone's feedback - I've missed you folks.

 

[uncle_jocko]

I agree with you UJ, ANY progress is still progress.

Keep going with your taper, do what's good for you and don't let anyone else's negativity get to you.

I'm proud of you as I always am, and I am so happy to hear from you my dear friend.

You know my door is always open so to speak, if you'd ever like to chat feel free to pm me as always.

You're the best UJ!!!!

Much love and support to you,
hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Ash - thanks so much, my friend ... your words mean a lot. From a strict "12-Step perspective", I see this person's point (the guy in my pills program). Since I am addicted to opiates, I realize how crafty my mind can be. However, by going to meetings, keeping daily contact with others in the Program, and making steps in the right direction ... I feel like I'm making progress. For example, I was getting 120 10mg pills a month during August, and by this month, I'll get 45 5mg pills. That is pretty darn huge in my book. At the same time, I do realize that eventually, I'll have to jump off. And, one thing is for sure, those "Fun Fridays" that I've allowed myself have not done ANY good for my taper. But again, I've been going in the right direction ... so I have to give myself credit. I'm still not certain if I want the "Program" to be a major part of my life like it was for my 8 years of being sober - I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Anyway, thanks again, my friend!

 

[mtop2036]

Good job man. Don't let those guys at the group's get you down. You know if your doing the right thing, and to me it sounds like you are. Keep it up!

 

[Painful One]

Friends I found this and wanted to add it here for anyone struggling with alcohol. Interesting find. I wonder if it works with other addictions.

What if you could Forget to Want Alcohol? | The Sinclair Method
The method is simply to take an opioid antagonist, Naltrexone, 1 hour before drinking.
This blocks the reward systems, so after 3-4 months you no longer feel the need to drink.
The kicker is, that it only works if you drink alcohol when you are taking it.

Now, there are potential side effects. So do your own research before diving in.



[link to cthreefoundation.org (secure)]
From the website:
The Sinclair Method (TSM) is a treatment for alcohol addiction that uses a technique called pharmacological extinction—the use of an opiate blocker to turn habit-forming behaviors into habit-erasing behaviors. The effect returns a person’s craving for alcohol to its pre-addiction state.

TSM consists of taking Naltrexone or Nalmefene one hour before your first drink of the day for the rest of your life as long as you continue to drink. Naltrexone (or Nalmefene) chemically disrupts the body’s behavior/reward cycle causing you to want to drink less instead of more.

The Sinclair Method has a 78% long-term success rate.*

Studies have proven that TSM is equally effective with or without therapy, so patients can choose whether or not to combine TSM with therapy. The physical results will be the same.** Extinction usually occurs within 3-4 months.***

About one quarter of those on TSM become 100% abstinent. Those who continue to drink will have to take their medication prior to drinking for as long as they continue to drink.

 

[Painful One]

Hey everyone - it’s been quite a spell since I’ve posted here. First off, I hope everyone is doing well … I can’t believe the first month of the new year is almost over. In my mind, when I first got on this site, I would have over two months of being opiate-free by this time. But alas, that’s not the case. Currently, I’ve tapered to 7.5 mgs of oxycodone a day; which as you all know, is a relatively small dose. I take 2.5 around noon, and another 5 at night. I often mix my nightly dose with a rum and coke, although I’m trying to quit doing that. And one more thing, I’ve been attending PA (Pills Anonymous) meetings. The biggest setback, by far, has been going “off taper” on Fridays. I usually plow through the week rather well, and by Friday at the end of the teaching day … I’m over it! I simply want a strong drink mixed with about 15mgs of oxy and a soma. As you know, this does the trick, and I usually even follow it with a bit more. And then, I’m back to the taper on Saturday (although it often takes a few days to get back to where I was Thursday). PA has been good, but almost everyone in those rooms does not have good things to say about tapering. I’ve been calling one guy regularly, and he thinks I’m heading in the wrong direction. But then, I think to myself, “How can I be heading in the WRONG direction if I’ve gone from 40mgs a day to 7.5 a day in five months?” Sure, it’s a slow taper, but I’m definitely making progress. So, even though the meetings are pretty decent, there isn’t much support for a taper. I once read something that someone wrote on these forums: “If we make even the smallest of progress on our taper - even if it’s taking our dose 30 minutes later than scheduled … then we our making small victories”. That gives me strength, as opposed to someone telling me I’m moving in the wrong direction (even though he really is trying to help me). Again, I’m not making this guy out to be a bad guy - his point is that I HAVE to take the leap and just get off the pills altogether. I get that. But, I also have to acknowledge my progress - and I don’t agree with him that I’m moving in the wrong direction. Anyway, I'm open to anyone's feedback - I've missed you folks.

Hey my friend,
I missed you! So happy to hear from you!

My feedback on that is you are doing just fine. Just take this at your own pace. It is progress. Slowly but surely.
It is dangerous to just "take the leap" because it could land you back at 40 mg a day easily. That is a proven fact.
Don't let anyone tell you how to do this. This is your personal journey and you do it your way.

It is not imperative for you to even give up the tiny amount you are getting by on as long as you get those binges under control. Even with those, they are not huge so no risk of overdosing.

If I may ask though, why did you add in the soma?

Keep to positive people who make you feel good about yourself is also my advise. People don't need to know everything and sometimes their idea of help is not helpful. Lol!

Big hugs!

 

[mtop2036]

Today is my second day at .5 with my subs. Didn't sleep much the night before, eyes watering, can't stop sneezing/yawning and just feel down. But I know I'll adjust in about 5 days or so. Just keep on telling myself if I can't deal with being sick from a taper I'll never get off.

I went from .75 to .5 which was down a third. Maybe next deal instead of going down to .25(half) to .37 then .25. Idk, it's gonna be hard either way.

 

[Painful One]

Today is my second day at .5 with my subs. Didn't sleep much the night before, eyes watering, can't stop sneezing/yawning and just feel down. But I know I'll adjust in about 5 days or so. Just keep on telling myself if I can't deal with being sick from a taper I'll never get off.

I went from .75 to .5 which was down a third. Maybe next deal instead of going down to .25(half) to .37 then .25. Idk, it's gonna be hard either way.

Good job! You will adjust. It gets better after the first two days. Still not great but not as bad.
You can do this. Take slightly more if needed. Make smaller cuts if needed. This doesn't have to be torture.
Take your time. You are doing great! I'm really proud of you. I know how hard it is.

I have been up the last few nights too because I have had to cut my MS Contin dosage down to 60 mg a day from 75 mg a day - well some days this month were 90 mg a day- so I don't run myself short on medication.
It is not comfortable I know.

Hang in there my friend!

 

[EPL1]

You're doing just fine honey. Also, post more, I miss you around here.

Love,
your friend always,
Ash.

Ash - thanks so much, my friend ... your words mean a lot. From a strict "12-Step perspective", I see this person's point (the guy in my pills program). Since I am addicted to opiates, I realize how crafty my mind can be. However, by going to meetings, keeping daily contact with others in the Program, and making steps in the right direction ... I feel like I'm making progress. For example, I was getting 120 10mg pills a month during August, and by this month, I'll get 45 5mg pills. That is pretty darn huge in my book. At the same time, I do realize that eventually, I'll have to jump off. And, one thing is for sure, those "Fun Fridays" that I've allowed myself have not done ANY good for my taper. But again, I've been going in the right direction ... so I have to give myself credit. I'm still not certain if I want the "Program" to be a major part of my life like it was for my 8 years of being sober - I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Anyway, thanks again, my friend!

 

[dopiejay]

Hey how is everyone doing? Still trying to get relief from my anxiety and depression. Still trying to get relief from my pain as well. My old counsellor is going to vouch for me and tell the doctors I'm not a drug abuser. She's been helping me with my mental health issues for a long time. She knows I'm not a drug abuser and she also knows I'd never lie to her. Appointment next Friday... sigh wish me luck.

 

[Painful One]

Hey how is everyone doing? Still trying to get relief from my anxiety and depression. Still trying to get relief from my pain as well. My old counsellor is going to vouch for me and tell the doctors I'm not a drug abuser. She's been helping me with my mental health issues for a long time. She knows I'm not a drug abuser and she also knows I'd never lie to her. Appointment next Friday... sigh wish me luck.

I wish you more than luck.
I wish you hope, faith, and Love!

May you fall into the right hands to care for you!

 

[Painful One]

It has been a battle here.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Most likely this fucking menopause b.s and almost bleeding to death every month is taking a major toll on me. Honestly don't know if I'm going to make it much longer my friends.

Not giving up! I need sleep. I can't believe how 1 mg clonazepam and 10 mg ambian is only putting me down for maybe 3 hours and the dreams are still coming through that! My sleep disorder thing is out of control. I need to be elephant tranquilized

 

[mtop2036]

It has been a battle here.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Most likely this fucking menopause b.s and almost bleeding to death every month is taking a major toll on me. Honestly don't know if I'm going to make it much longer my friends.

Not giving up! I need sleep. I can't believe how 1 mg clonazepam and 10 mg ambian is only putting me down for maybe 3 hours and the dreams are still coming through that! My sleep disorder thing is out of control. I need to be elephant tranquilized

Sorry to hear that. Being a guy I don't know anything about menopause.

But what do you think is keeping to up at night? Is it pain, to many thoughts, some other condition? As im sure you know the best thing is to try to find the underlining issue.

But I know that's so much easier said then done, I've had bad insomnia my whole life and I'm still not sure what's causing it.

Ever had a sleep study done?

 

[EPL1]

Hello stranger,

But seriously dj, stop being such a stranger. ; )

I think that's awesome, it's always a good idea, if medical professionals aren't meeting your needs, to have someone go with you, or vouch for you, whether that's a supportive family member or another professional. I'm so happy you're doing that.

I wish you the best and I want an update asap.

Much love my friend,
Ash.

Hey how is everyone doing? Still trying to get relief from my anxiety and depression. Still trying to get relief from my pain as well. My old counsellor is going to vouch for me and tell the doctors I'm not a drug abuser. She's been helping me with my mental health issues for a long time. She knows I'm not a drug abuser and she also knows I'd never lie to her. Appointment next Friday... sigh wish me luck.

 

[EPL1]

Aww that sucks PO.

I'm praying for you, that the pain stops and you can sleep. When do you see your dr again? Mention the bleeding and the disordered sleep if you haven't.


Much love,
Ash.

It has been a battle here.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Most likely this fucking menopause b.s and almost bleeding to death every month is taking a major toll on me. Honestly don't know if I'm going to make it much longer my friends.

Not giving up! I need sleep. I can't believe how 1 mg clonazepam and 10 mg ambian is only putting me down for maybe 3 hours and the dreams are still coming through that! My sleep disorder thing is out of control. I need to be elephant tranquilized

 

[EPL1]

Wow mtop you're doing great,

Maybe taper down more slowly to minimize the shitty wd symptoms. No matter what though we're all here for you. You can do this. Proud of you.

Here if you need anything,
your friend,
Ash.

Today is my second day at .5 with my subs. Didn't sleep much the night before, eyes watering, can't stop sneezing/yawning and just feel down. But I know I'll adjust in about 5 days or so. Just keep on telling myself if I can't deal with being sick from a taper I'll never get off.

I went from .75 to .5 which was down a third. Maybe next deal instead of going down to .25(half) to .37 then .25. Idk, it's gonna be hard either way.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thoroughly psychologically tortured. Feeling anxiety relief, body in shock. Fuckin can't take this anymore and it's only getting worse. I don't want to quit. I'm in way too deep this time nearly died again and I don't know what spirits or energies bother looking out for me these days as this is a lost soul here. Running out is agony. Wish I had what I did to begin with.
Coming out of withdrawal it takes a while my body took a serious hit and so did my mind and I've had no time to think straight, skipping doctors appointments my pain management and anxiety taper both. Couldn't get out of bed unless I wanted to pace at near light speed the fuck was I supposed to do show up like that. Couldn't drive a car.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Feels like a nightmare. I'm just waking up from it and getting healthy. Skipping doctors appointments isn't good. Was in hell at the time and it's not like they are helping much. They forget I have to transition from short to long acting benzos so I find myself taking just a little less of them and getting hooked on kpins and not even a 6 months taper after 6 years it's just stupid. Plus the agreement is I have to call a psych ward give them my information and tell them exactly what drugs I am taking in those amounts. That is literally insane I could be committed or some shit. I'm not doing shit. I was doing fine tapering off before just kept running out I need to network better and get a job not waste my time talking to supposed professionals who have no idea what they're doing. Although my pain doc is chill and has always given me the candy even when I was caught red handed nodding in the office. Totally sucks I had to bail on that appointment but benzo zombies can't do much.

 

[ShroomySatori]

It's not all bad though, just had a rough patch with the anxiety meds worst one yet. Was in hell for sure. Burning alive, fuckin tortured. Whatever though - that's life as drugstore cowboy here.

I am making some last minute decisions, I need to get back into a pain clinic and on opiates one way or another asap I can't take the pain anymore it's the whole reason I fucked my whole entire life with these benzos. I need the painkillers more medicinally always have. I need my oxy's and if I'm only on etizolam I can get a higher dose prescribed for sure they would never know I was taking it and I never admitted to abusing opiates at all. Ever. And they don't even know what this etizolam shit is so as long as I stay far, far away from my doctor and forfeit the klonopin after hustling one more script to hold me then I'm good. It sounds like junkie behaviour but really I'm doing what is best for my future. Welcome to health care in this country. I am left to take care of myself, or accept treatments that are downright ignorant.

So I stocked up like mad and tapering down slowly, taking it easy. I just don't need their shit to do that if that's all they are doing for me and there are all these drug addict admission stipulations. I feel a calling to back off on this because if I don't I will be a known addict if I'm not already. I could just say the meds didn't work for now or something if it was really short term. Leaves my options open and keeps me away from a narcotic blocker. I want my fuckin oxy's back not many. I only want 10mg a day. 15mg was too much. I'm used to nothing, and something is better than nothing that's for sure. 10mg would be too much right now for me I haven't taken them in over a year I'd start with half a perc every 6 hours and I'm sure my doc would be chill with that. I just gotta make sure I can still get an appointment after bailing. I already called apologizing and explaining.

 

[mtop2036]

Hey shroomy glad to see you post again, was worried about you man.

You said you almost died, would you mind sharing what you meant by that? Did you have a seizure? And if you don t want to share, no problem, I realize it's gotta be personal.

You also said you don't want to quit anymore and that you missed some appointments. What's your plan now? You still gonna taper or just continue you take them? Either way be safe and don t hesitate to go to the e.r if you're feeling bad. Being judged for having an addiction isn't fun, but don t let that stop you from going in. Your life is more important than someones judgment.

And I know it may not seem like it right now but you can beat this and it is possible to live a happy sober life if that's what you want.

Good luck my friend and be safe.