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<3 Willow

Kratom is a nice thing. Too bad I vowed to never touch opiates again. Well, not too bad actually but it would be cool if I could just every so often feel that feeling again. I probably even could, I'm in such a vastly different place than I was when I was addicted. But it's not worth it to me to risk going back to where I was.
 
Don't do it xork.
It's way too easy to slip back into addiction. I think you and i were in similar places, addiction-wise.
Thought i could chip. I was wrong.
 
My inspiration. Just popped some Hydrocodone (30mg), ready to nod off. 10pm here. Probably going to stay up for a while and relax though.

I was lying on the couch and had a great euphoric feeling since I got my tolerance to zero and popped 15 earlier today. Very weird though, having only ever felt like that at 40mg, even at zero tolerance.

I've been having trouble walking today, needless to say.

Sometimes I think I prefer straight Codeine more than Hydrocodone. I've CWE'd all my Tylenol 3s and I've got 6 Norco left. I probably won't get more until the next time I see a doc and not again till the time after, but that is all in this month, so if I save I'll have a nice stash.

I feel like I'm not writing very well. Like what I say doesn't flow.

I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed this month. That's the main reason for the pain meds.
 
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Do you think that Man wants to die and if given immortality would invent death so as to achieve closure? #juststartrekthoughts
 
I'm still keeping the opiate receptors level with 4 mg suboxone a day. I hope to find a path to taper off, but for now god bless the system we have here in Murica that allows me to stay level with just a few bucks a month on state insurance and a decent sub program that includes valuable group meetings twice a month.
 
Had to- HAD TO- indulge in the amphetamine thing. Gosh. Darn.

I got some mushrooms, 5 g of subaerignosa dried. Gonna eat that fruity shit tonight :) bleat bleat
 
I'm almost jealous as I can't do any drugs any more as I'm on double probation (not about the amphetamines).
 
I am so fucked up, don't know what to do. Co stant suicidal thpughts. I feel like I'm not even thinking. Ah life why you so hard?.
 
Without trying to sound preachy, maybe you should lay off the drugs for a while dude? According to your posts in here you were on a handful of drugs just the other day, this can't be helping your mental state.

Apart from a moderate dose of benzo's or weed about once a week, I have been sober for the last couple of months after nine or so years of daily drug abuse. I can honestly say that I feel a lot better than I have for a long time. There is nothing wrong with taking drugs, but overdoing them will fuck with your head sooner or later. I understand you might be struggling with some addiction issues and giving up can be hard. All I am trying to say is you should consider trying to get clean for a while if you are having suicidal thoughts as often as you indicate on these forums.

I hope you find your way to a better place mate.
 
swilow said:
I am so fucked up, don't know what to do. Co stant suicidal thpughts. I feel like I'm not even thinking. Ah life why you so hard?.
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i don't want to preach either, hopefully you just need some sleep.

sending some [heart emoticon] swilow.

(the heart is cropping my post) :(
 
Thanks guys. I need a week or life of sobriety I think. Got some heavy shit happening, my older brother is locked up and out of his mind, on suicide watch. My mother and I had to sign his freedom away. He's in a private facility which is expensive as fuck but am happy to pay.

almost want to join him...

Hvis lyset tar oss.
 
I am really sorry to hear about your brother, I sincerely hope he will get the help he needs during his stay at the mental health facility and manages to get well.

It can be awfully hard to refrain from substance use in times of severe stress. If nothing else taking a break from psychedelics and dissociatives will probably do you a lot of good. I know tripping when I am in a bad headspace only makes things worse.

Best of luck dealing with all this dude, I know it can't be easy.
 
I think the hardest thing to do sometimes Swiloh is to just avert your gaze to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and then tell yourself that you don't need it. That's some heavy stuff man, but don't feel guilty. Providing the best help for him is all you can really do.

Just know you're being a good person.
 
You can try doing yoga with breathing exercises every day. It really helps clear out negative energy over time. Also healthy food and supplements, a detox might be good.
 
Sad to hear that swilow. Not really sure what to say as I'm in the same emotional boat. Well, life goes on as fucked up as it is I guess. I keep preaching that drugs are not the answer, as I keep taking ridiculous amounts of opioids and benzos. Hypocrisy at its best.
 
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