TDS Please help... Impure meth rewired my brain.

[Crownblend]

About two months ago I made a terrible mistake. To make a long story short, here's what happened. I was at the gas station one night, on August 10th. I looked down as I was pumping gas and I saw a little blue pinchy. I noticed that there was some kind of white substance in the bottom of it. Being the fool I am I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I took it home with me. That night I ended up smoking the substance. Yea, yea I know I was just begging for problems. I didn't think this through, obviously. I live in the Midwest, so this was a very bad idea. The substance looked like white goo, I had done meth before but it was always extremely pure stuff. I had never encountered anything like this shake n bake crap. Being the fiend I am I loaded it into the pipe I made, and melted it down. After it melted I waited to see if it would crack back, and it did. I then proceeded to smoke this crap, that I found next to a garbage can at the gas station. It was a very bad decision, one that I now regret. It was only a small pipes worth! but obviously enough to rewire my brain.

After I smoked it, I began feeling the effects. They were unpleasant to say the least. I was definitely feeling something, but it was not the usual euphoria and intense rush that I was used to. I then proceeded to have the worst time of my life, and did not sleep a wink that night. My whole body was shaking violently and I was scared that I had indeed just smoked poison. I began calling every friend I could think of, trying to explain to them the situation and what I had done. I didn't get a hold of any one, since it was the middle of the night. I took a warm shower and tried to make the extremely unpleasant high go away. I felt psychotic. I was indeed out of my mind. The next day I did not sleep the entire day. I felt neurotic, I was on edge. I began having a strange tension headache that originated in the back of my head and moved down my neck. This headache ended up lasting over two weeks. I only slept maybe an hour the following night, even after popping 4 Benadryl and a few milligrams of Xanax. My body was still twitching and moving on its own, I felt like I had fried my brain. I was extremely shaky and suffering Parkinson's like symptoms. I was having freak out moments, and did not feel like myself.

I am writing this because it is now almost two months later and I still have not returned to normal. I feel deeply psychologically disturbed, and I am afraid this damage may be permanent. I am an avid marijuana smoker, and I can't seem to even smoke weed any more, without going straight back into a psychotic, anxious, paranoid, manic state. I am afraid I may have rewired my brain. I need ganja, it is like my medicine. I am a recovering Heroin addict, and marijuana saved my life when I got clean over three years ago. I had four really close call heroin overdoses, and got clean after my last time through rehab strictly smoking marijuana. For the past two weeks I haven't smoked weed, because it was triggering these psychotic episodes. I have been taking lots of high quality vitamins and supplements in attempts to restore my health. Nothing is really working. I feel like my brain is changing, I don't feel like the same person. I do have a history of mental illness, but I've never felt like this in the past. That shit I smoked that night is still lingering with me, and I'm afraid this won't go away. I will never touch meth ever again as long as I live, I just hope I can come back to normal.

I guess I got what I deserved. Lesson learned I just wish I didn't have to learn like this. I guess I'm just wondering if any of you have ever had a negative reaction to smoking impure meth, or if you have any insight for me. Will I come back to normal? Or will I be brain damaged for good? I only took about 4-5 big hits of this stuff, but I guess that was enough to really do some damage. The shakiness has got a lot better, I'm pretty sure Glutathione and a few other good vitamins and supplements have helped that quite a bit. The headaches pretty much completely went away, after about a month. What I'm worried about is the schizophrenic like episodes I've been having lately, and I just don't feel like myself. I am also concerned with how I react to marijuana. In the past, smoking always made me very relaxed and stoned. Now it seems to have the opposite effect, and it makes me freak out. I am thinking about getting an MRI of my brain done to check for any brain abnormalities. I've been hesitant to do so because I almost just don't want to know. Any words of wisdom/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 

[ad lib]

Hey crown,

You mention you have a history of past mental illness, do you mind sharing? Also, does mental illness run in your family?

Have you seen a doctor about this yet?

 

[RedRum OG]

too bad its been so long, i wouldve given yourself a drug test just to see what drug it really was.

its possible like said above, its a latent mental illness presenting itself

i think its likely some drug you arent familiar with, though i have no idea what it could be.

chances are time will heal you, just give it more time. there are tons of stories of psychedelics or stims causing people to feel like this for a long time, but eventually get better wiht long periods of sobriety

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Crownblen.. welcome back to Blue Light and I'm sorry you are experiencing this. But I think I at least know what you should explore with you doctor. It appears to me you are expiring a dystonia drug reaction to the substance you consumed. here are some links to explore this good possibility. I hope this helps

Drug Induced Dystonia

>here<

>here<

>here<

>here<

I hope these help and i wish you the very best in your recovery

 

[Crownblend]

This was definitely meth. It melted down and recrystallized just like meth. It gave me a meth high. It was just so impure and riddled with so many impurities from the crude method in which it was manufactured. I have a history of manic depression, ADHD, conduct disorder, etc. I don't really believe in mental illness though, I'm pretty sure everyone has some "mental illness" but it's just very misunderstood and mistreated in western society. I went to a neurologist when I was having the headaches, and he thought they were from a black mold exposure that I went through last year. I bought an older home and was remodeling it, I was living there for about six months when I became extremely ill from black mold that we discovered in the house. The headaches went away, but the meth induced psychosis has not. I'm afraid to tell anyone about this, I'm pretty ashamed that I smoked something that I found on the ground, in the Midwest of all places. It was my first experience with this nasty hillbilly meth known as "shake n bake."

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey I would not be ashamed.. i would instead focus on the fact that seeing a proper physician about this could allow you to recover or successfully treat this. I dont think there will be anything lost if you dont tell this person that you found it on the ground at gas station. so you may just tell them that you smoked something you were under the impression was meth and just tell the story from their. But why lie to a dr thats trying to help you.. probably just better to man up and spill it strait.. I could tell some stories about some of my friends who thought they found drugs. I have seen some people smoke some pretty interesting stuff out of the carpets they had just picked through.. when that compulsion hits we just do insane things.. its just part of what we used to do.

I would not even consider letting a little bruised pride and the fear of a little embarrassment prevent me from seeing someone to heal or find relief .. don't beat yourself up and make an appointment for a good dr that specializes in this sorta thing.. you really have nothing to fear and nothing to loose but allot to possibly gain.

Addiction is tough and I'm so sorry you found that fold.. but its done and its nothing to be embarrassed about... time to do the best thing for you and that is definitely to go into a good dr and say hey doc you know what I did something that i'm pretty embarrassed about but hey I'm a intelligent and amanzing guy, so here's what happened, here's whats going on.. can you please help me feel normal again?

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I have never used crystal but I have been told from people who have and read that the withdrawal from it and getting back to normal after using it can take awhile. Go to see a doctor or medical professional and tell them what happened. You will not get in trouble for it, and they should know. In the mean time do not use any drugs including herb or even caffeine. Also look into sobriety groups and do what your doctor suggests. Good luck.

 

[Crownblend]

I'm starting to feel a little better, it's coming slowly. I've just been trying to remain positive and put good things back in my life. This last year has been very rough for me. I purchased my first home in July 2012 and was living there for about 6 months when I became extremely ill from a black mold problem in the home. I ended up selling the place, but remained sicker than I've ever been for another 5 or 6 months until I finally found the right treatment. As of today, I have still not fully recovered. I'd say about 80% of the symptoms are gone, and I am grateful to have made it this far. I don't know if this has something to do with why I had such a bad reaction to the impure meth I found, I could see that being a definite possibility. I still haven't told my physician about this incident, but plan too. I've been going to an acupuncturist here in town and I told her about it, but didn't get much feedback from her. I think she was just disappointed more than anything. I've been doing a lot of meditation and yoga, and I've been taking detox baths in Epsom salts and baking soda. I've been continuing to take the Cholestyramine, the drug that was used to help me get over the mold sickness. I've also been taking quite a few vitamins and supplements. I still feel really whacked out and I've been having strange freak out moments and suicidal and homicidal thoughts, but for the most part I am doing better than I was. I have been offered some extremely high purity meth since, but of coarse turned it down. I will never touch that evil shit ever again. Hopefully my body and soul will recover.

 

[neversickanymore]

Thats good to hear Crown.. I hope and pray that your recovery continues and takes you to complete health. Thank you for the update and like you said stay positive and keep them coming

 

[rammingstone422]

So. So happy to hear your comming around man. I had a bad acid trip that messed me up pretty bad for YEARS afterward and Ive suffered with panic disorder since. Were in what id like to call the "boat"..people like me and you have a latent dispostion for mental disorder and it kinda seems as though you suffer the same as i. Anyhow my point being. Be very careful with heavy drugs. Use them sparsley. Happy to hear about quitting meth though. That will mess you up the worst. Ive seen normal well adjusted people develop paranoid schizophrenia permanently from their meth use. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Ps..i still smoke weed. Drink and take xanax..just say no to horseshit and no to the white. Youll be alright.

 

[tricomb]

Never consume unknown substances! I doubt it was even meth. I hope you get better soon.

 

[Crownblend]

Okay, it's been about eight months since my "incident." I figured it was about time to do an update. Since August 10th 2013, when I made the terrible decision to smoke something I found on the ground in a little blue baggie at a gas station, my life has changed drastically. I have basically become completely anti-social, I don't even stay in contact with my "best friends" anymore. I have developed a Parkinson's like tremor, and it has been getting worse lately. I haven't used any hard drugs since that night. Lately I have been smoking cannabis and drinking beer to try to alleviate some of the symptoms. I feel like I will never be the same. I am not the same. I can't believe what one time smoking "unfinished" shake-n-bake meth can do to ya. I am such an ignorant piece of shit for doing that, and I guess I deserve what I get. It's just really depressing. I had always had the highest purity "red-phosphorus" methamphetamine or "ice" before this incident, which in a way, made me naive. I was unaware of the abomination that is shake-n-bake meth. I have got enrolled in college since the incident, and I am currently enrolled in three classes. I am trying to get my mind active, and save what little brain function is left. Since the "incident," I have developed a terrible memory loss. I cannot retain information for the life of me. It has made school extra hard for me, but I am proud to say at this moment I have all A's. I don't even know where to begin with telling you all how much this one incident has affected my life, I could write for days about this. I just really want to get some feedback from all of you reading this. Has anyone else out there had experiences with "unfinished" or extremely impure meth? I know this was meth, I used meth many times prior to this blunder, and I should have known to not touch that poison. It was definitely produced by an amateur, probably some hillbilly idiot who just watched Breaking Bad for the first time. I can't believe I was desperate enough to try smoking it. This incident just goes to show you the power of addiction. Please give me some feedback here, I am so lost and so distraught over this incident, I hope I didn't completely ruin my brain and life.

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

I hope I didn't completely ruin my brain and life.

I can assure you that you did not. You did some damage psychologically for sure, and maybe some actual damage, but you're not broken forever.

Staying drug free and keeping busy is probably the best thing you can be doing.

 

[_DankOpiAmp_]

It is probably a combination of black mold illness and psychosomatic symptoms. One exposure to a drug doesn't do what you are saying. The mold is likely to be doing all of it. Someone correct me if I am wrong but I am pretty sure shake and bake cannot melt or recrystalize at all and will just burn do to impurities. Due to differing melting points and possible combustability , an impure product would not behave the way you said that stuff did. People do not smoke low quality product.

 

[Flotzam]

Hang in there dude, I'm bipolar too, and I've had some pretty hellish experiences from the combination of drugs and my condition. Sometimes, these things can take a long time to improve. I think the guy that mentioned dystonia was on to something. Last year, I developed akathisia from the combination of meth and abilify, which is an antipsychotic. Both of these act on dopamine receptors. Akathisia causes the inability to stop moving, as well as extreme dysphoria. It was horrible, worse than heroin withdrawal. I actually went back on heroin to try to escape from it, but it would come back as soon as the heroin wore off, and even got worse. I also had tremors, and random muscle twitches called myoclonus. This went on for months until I ran out of money, and did not resolve until about 5 days after I stopped the heroin. I can remember sobbing and pacing back and forth, convinced I would be trapped in this state for the rest of my life, that I had finally fucked myself for good, and that I deserved it for always taking risks. Suddenly, this calm washed over me; it was literally like flipping a switch. I had some residual numbness, but it improved after a few weeks, and now I feel better than I've felt in years.

I suspect you may have picked up some stimulant type research chem like MDPV, and overdosed because some are much stronger than meth per mg, and blockaded your dopamine receptors. Are you taking any antipsychotics by any chance? These can cause a reaction like you described. Definitely see a doctor, and I would avoid all drugs and alcohol, including weed, until you get better.

Don't ever say you deserve this, because you don't; nobody deserves to suffer like that. You are human and you made a mistake, you learned a lesson, and you deserve to get better. Don't give up and start thinking this is permanent; you can get through this.

 

[Crownblend]

Thanks everyone for your responses, this was definitely shake-n-bake meth.

I am a fairly experienced drug user, although this was my first time encountering this terribly impure product. It is becoming more common in my area, although I live in a city where the dying art of red phosphorus/iodine method has made its mark. It doesn't seem to be popular in any other part of our state. There's a lot of old school tweakers in this town. The city I live in has had a very bad meth problem since the mid 90's. Most of the cooks in the area stick with that method, since it produces an extremely pure product. Prior to this experience, my only encounters with meth were with this extremely pure product. Believe it or not, prior to this experience I somehow viewed meth as something that was relatively safe to dabble in from time to time.

Wow. Have I learned a thing or two. I won't touch another mind-rotting stimulant as long as I live. Unless it's caffeine from Coffee or a natural stimulant like ginseng. I will never touch meth, crack, coke, adderall, any pharmaceutical for that matter ever again. I could tell it was shake n bake because I saw little silver looking specs in it, which I'm assuming was unreacted lithium. It was also wet, which was an indicator that it was "unfinished" product. There was plenty of good indicators that should have told me it was no good. It did recrystallize, "crack back", I always checked dope out before I smoked it. It didn't move in the bowl, usually when you rock the pipe the dope will move in the pipe, but this stuff didn't. I can't believe I finished the whole bowl of it, that shit messed me up bad. I just hope I can repair some of the brain damage that occurred, and get back the quality of life I had before.

I have been trying all kinds of nootropics, as well as different supplements for brain health, a few that I feel have been helping are: Krill Oil, although I have also been taking Perque EPA/DHA Guard every day as well, Astaxanthin, CoQ10, Artichoke Extract, Acai, Cayenne, Lion's Mane Mushroom, Turmeric (Curcumin), Perque Life Guard, Choline, Acetyl-L-Carnitine, Milk Thistle, Toxiguard (Modifilan Brown Seaweed Extract), Limu Moui, Blueberry IQ, and a few others I can't think of right now. I just ordered up some new ones too. If anyone know of any good ones for neurogenesis, please let me know. I’m taking some other supplements for the black mold exposure as well that have been helping.

I've also completely changed my diet, and eat all organic and mostly raw. I have found that exercise has been helping a lot. I can literally feel my brain like rebuilding itself after a vigorous workout. I am taking three college courses as well and I feel like that is helping. I need to get out more and try to be more social, I went out a few times and even went on a date since "the incident" and had issues with my speech, when I've never had problems with it prior to the shake n bake. I also felt very anxious and out of place. I just did not feel right. I feel like there was a significant amount of brain damage that was done, I can tell I'm not as smart as I once was.

My attention span is worse than ever. My memory has also been declining. As well as my cognitive functions. I know it’s from that shit I found on the ground. I’ve read that it takes 6 to 12 months of meth abstinence for the biochemical changes in the meth users' brains to reverse. Hopefully in time I will regain my composure. I know I would’ve got sucked into meth really bad again if it wasn’t for this. So in a way, maybe it is good I had this negative experience. Maybe I would've got busted next time and ended up in prison. Who knows. All I know is that I will definitely never touch meth ever again. It is pure concentrated evil. It will rape your soul and leave you an empty shell.

Take it from me kids, never touch meth. Or crack heroin. Heroin almost killed me four times. Thanks to Narcan, and a miracle or four, I'm still here. I was addicted to coke and crack for years as well. And I've experimented with just about everything.. I've done all the good stuff, and unfortunately, all the bad stuff. My favorite substance of all time is DMT. I love Ketamine and Psilocybin as well. And some good lucy from time to time. If I could do it all again, I'd stick to weed, booze, and hallucinogens. Don't do anything that messes hard with your dopamine. It is too precious.

Thanks to everyone for your replies, it was just a really shot incident that could’ve easily been avoided on my part.

 

[_DankOpiAmp_]

If your state continues to get worse than it is obviously not the one off meth exposure. Black mold causes every symptom you listed. Magic shake n' bake chemicals aren't lingering in your head making you get more brain damage after the fact but spore can contaminate the air permanently in a building with mold.

 

[Crownblend]

This is true. I have been starting to think that sleeping on my contaminated mattress is making me sick. I got rid of pretty much all my belongings from the moldy trailer, with the exception of my clothes, (which I feel are also contaminated to some extent.) I have purchased a lot of new clothes, and am in the process of getting rid of all the moldy clothes. I bought a new mattress like 2 or 3 months before I moved out, and it cost me $700 so I wasn't about to throw it out and get a new one. I now feel that this is my only option. For those of you that have never heard of mold sickness.. check it out.. I had no prior knowledge of mold before I got sick from it. If I would have known about it, I would have taken it more seriously. I knew there was mold in the place I bought, and I was planning on fixing it up. It made me sick quicker than I could've ever imagined. It was unreal.. I'm not exaggerating, it was frikken' unreal. I was sicker than I have ever been in my life. Prior to the mycotoxin exposure, I felt like I was somewhat invincible. I have lived through 7 drug overdoses, 4 of which were Heroin overdoses, I lived through a terrible car accident where I went off the road and flipped my car a dozen times and landed upside down in a creek 40 feet below. Sometimes, I honestly can't believe I'm alive, and for that I know there is a higher power. But yeah, it turns out I have some dreaded genetics that predispose me to mold illness.. 25% of the population has this certain HLA genetics.. it basically means that once the mold toxins are in your body, your body doesn't recognize them as invaders, and therefore does not create the necessary antibodies needed to rid the mold toxins from the body.. and most of these "mycotoxins" are neurotoxins, so that could explain some of the symptoms that I've been experiencing. All I know is that I'm still right here, givin' blood, keepin' faith, I'm still right here.. Gonna wait it out..

 

[Crownblend]

I know mold could be a contributing factor to this, but I am positive that the meth did some serious brain damage. If you have never heard of Methamphetamine Brain Damage, you might want to check it out. Especially if your a user. It is real, and cannot be denied. This meth I smoked was extremely impure, and I know it is hard to believe, but I feel like I suffered some significant brain damage from this one time use. Like I mentioned above, I have used meth in the past many times, and never had this sort of negative reaction. This was the first time I used meth since I was exposed to the black mold, so yes, the mold could be playing a huge role in what I'm experiencing. I can almost differentiate the damage done by the two, though. The meth has made me very erratic, almost psychotic, I fly off the handle so easily, I feel like I have no self-control anymore (I can't control what comes out of my mouth, sometimes my actions as well) and I am suffering from almost Parkinson's-like symptoms, which is commonly associated with Methamphetamine brain damage. I know it can take 6 to 12 months to the brain to somewhat return to normal, so I guess I will report back on August 10th to let you all know how I'm doing. If you have any knowledge or personal experience with Meth or meth related brain damage, please, I want to hear about it! Thank you everyone, I appreciate the support during these strange times.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey crown,, sorry you are still struggling.. what have you been doing to try and rahab your brain?