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How to address rude minority coworkers?

weekend addiction

weekend addiction

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 21, 2007
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The country with the world's most prisoners.
I'm a new employee at my job and I've been having a problem with one of my coworkers. I work at a restaurant that lacks diversity for the most part. We have an elderly, latina, lesbian female as a cook. She has been working there for a year. Currently all of the kitchen staff with the exception of the chef can't stand her. She is extremely rude and impossible to work with (by this I mean she is so busy being rude she doesn't have time to focus on her job). Me and another cook both agree that while we love our jobs if she's working we dread even coming in. Management has already talked to her and it hasn't done any good. I'm new and I can't risk losing my job. One of the main reasons I was hired was to work with her on Tuesdays. Is it even possible for a new employee to discuss issues they are having with a well-established employee that fits into so many PC check boxes as well?

Don't tell me to kill her with kindness by the way I've been trying for the past two months.
 
I don't see how this woman's ethnicity is of importance. Some people just be assholes, yo.
 
I understand why her ethnicity could be of importance in this particular situation....the OP is afraid and complaints they make will be viewed as racism, or afraid his supervisor will be afraid to address the problem for the same reason...As long as you focus on her behaviors and express how she's treating you without bringing up race it shouldn't be a problem....there's definitely some ultra-liberal douche-bags out there that will try to twist everything they can into a civil rights issue...Funny thing is, it's usually not the people that fall into a minority demographic...It's usually white people who are possessed of a certain form of overbearing moral vanity! they're just so much more open minded than everyone else!

I live in an apartment building that's all one bedroom apartments. It's mostly either single people or couples, there's not really enough room for families but there's a few couples with kids here. The building across the way is 2 bedroom apartments and it's only 100 dollars more, so IMO if you have kids you should rent one of those.

There's a Mexican family that lives on the floor underneath us who have 3 kids. Not only that, but every weekend they have a buch of family and friends over that bring all their kids with them and they hang out in the common yard area cooking. They put music on and really take over the whole common area. Their kids leave trash in the hallways and constantly crying and screaming. Their friends also take up all the parking spaces next to our building when they're here so I end up having to park in the parking lot for the next building over from my apartment!

I think it's pretty obvious why these people piss me off and it has nothing to do with their being Mexican...It's their complete lack of courtesy and regard for anyone but themselves! I tried to explain this to my girlfriends friends and she started talking down to me like I was being racist! So, I understand why you're afraid your complaints may be taken the wrong way! You're knew too, so you have to tread carefully no matter how you approach this situation..Just stick with the facts if anything, but if she's that much of an asshole you might not have to do anything at all, it might take care of itself if you're lucky!
 
Jerry Atrick said:
I don't see how this woman's ethnicity is of importance. Some people just be assholes, yo.
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This. The issue doesn't sound like a racial issue, just address the situation as you would with anyone else. It seems that over-thinking this and turning it into a racial issue when it really isn't is going to cause more problems than simply addressing it as it is.
 
^^ That's funny, nah. I know what you mean though. This is why I want to move back to Michigan. It's hard to get even a menial job here in South Florida if you are not bilingual. I won't get started on my Cuban neighbors with their backyard house parties starting at 9 pm with the music blaring from the backyard lasting into the wee hours.

It's not really an ethnic thing, like above posters have said. She sounds like a fucking bully and everyone is afraid of pissing her off. The only thing you can do is show up on your scheduled days, do your work and ignore the bitch best you can. Limit your interaction to "as needed" and don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her. If you're anything like me, remember if she gets cunty with you a dirty look goes a long way. No need to stoop to her nastiness verbally.
 
you aren't going to get any sympathy from the majority of people on here but I feel you bro

its not racist if its happens time and time and time and time and time and time......








again
 
I hear you shim, the topic should be "how to address nasty coworkers" period. The more they think they can intimidate you, the further it goes.
While you're going into work with knots in your stomach, she's having a good laugh. Chances are, you're not the first and since she rules the roost you're forced with putting up with it. Eventually, you might find a middle ground but for now just suck it up best you can. But don't kiss her ass. You're walking a tightrope but need the job.
 
weekend addiction said:
...I know the token n-word wins 90% of these kind of things. No one wants to fire a token.
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BlueHues said:
the OP is afraid and complaints they make will be viewed as racism
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i wonder why?

:\

on topic, you should address rude minority coworkers the same way you would address any rude coworker.

alasdair
 
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Has no one who posted in the "this isn't a race issue" vein stopped to think about the fact that maybe the OP doesn't know how to handle any unreasonably rude cooworker? I guess having your post reflect how PC and fair-minded you are is more important than actually trying to help the OP.

You could try to disarm her with sarcasm and taking what she says in stride. If you know she's gonna be a bitch you can already shield yourself emotionally from getting too upset before you even come to your shifts, and just try to use verbal judo to throw her craziness to the ground. Laugh it off when she huffs and puffs, say snide remarks in retaliation for her utter bitchiness. When she gets mad ask her why she's mad. If she directly insults you take a lighthearted jab back at her using ANYTHING but the racial/sexuality/age/gender thing. If you make her laugh you will gain some ground, and if you stand up for yourself, then you might differentiate yourself in her mind from all the other scared little PC whiteboys running around.

It's a you vs her problem, so getting your manager involved isn't going to solve anything. It'll just reinforce her image of you as a useless, scared, little whiteboy. I gotta stress the whole keep it lighthearted thing, because if you try to fight it out with her and you're genuinely angry, she wins. It helps to try to see things from her point of view. She might be this incredibly hard working person, but due to her age, she grew up in a period where her minority status probably played a much larger role in terms of her getting discriminated against than it does now. She seems like she has a chip on her shoulder. Your attitude is kinda strikes me like "racism officially ended in 1964, so now being a white young male is the new minority due to things like affirmative action." You sound too whiny and angry about the whole thing, like you have no perspective outside your own. If it gets directly insulting towards you, you can always just say "dont talk to me like that."

If you're not clever enough to successfully pull off the aforementioned advice then just go to work on lots of drugs and ignore her, or go work somewhere else. I mean, there's a million restaurants right?
 
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you guys are completely right in a perfect world.

but its not a perfect world and the bottom line is the ratio of minority shitty workers to caucasian shitty workers I've encountered is highly skewed and Im not gonna say which direction because "that's racist bro"
 
^I agree with this in part, which is why I took issue with all the responses starting and stopping with the whole "it's not racist" thing.
They offered no help to the actual problem at hand.

The way to deal with it, and not make it a race issue, is to treat the person like you'd treat a white peer whose attitude problem interferes with their work. Also, offer advice as to how to deal with anyone who is causing you problems perhaps.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
I don't see how this woman's ethnicity is of importance. Some people just be assholes, yo.
Click to expand...

What I meant was, some people are just assholes.

Like someone already said and what I should have said originally, the issue should not be what color her skin is but how rude her personality is. This woman needs to be treated like any other asshole regardless of her ethnicity.

I guess the OP has two choices. Confront her and call her on her shit or complain to management. Neither one will be easy but it would help to not use racist vocabulary in either situation.
 
yeah except it's NOT looked at as "just another race" by a lot of companies

they keep people around just to put up a front of equality

when if they were really concerned about being equal, they would look at everyone the same in the first place and act accordingly

and dude, a minority lesbian? she probably would have to stab someone to get fired
 
there's always going to be that kind of person where ever you go in life.

why don't you surprise her with a flower one day? try and win over her, become her friend. see where that takes you.
 
Ya you guys are right I'm just going to have to learn to deal with it and hope I can win her over somehow. Thank you for actually trying to help or sharing your experiences. For those who were suggesting I am racist I usually date black girls and my drug dealer is black. But I guess none of that matters because I don't see the world exactly how you do.
 
It happens that in some businesses there is minority favoritism, just like in others there is minority prejudice. On the other hand, I think it's possible to talk about it without using racial slurs, which, by the way, really make the OP's perspective look questionable.

OP, your biggest struggle is the fact that she has seniority. She's been there longer than you, and if she does her job well then being the new guy will work against you. I doubt her race plays a role.

If management has warned her but it hasn't done anything, then consider making another complaint. Just keep in mind that if no one but the new guy seems to have a problem with her, it will make you look like you don't have a very thick skin.
 
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