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Moved in a flat with boring flatmates

L

laVoix

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
76
Gosh, are they...yes they are...

I just recently moved to another town and now I am living with some erasmus students, man are they boring!!

Been here for a week, we share the same flat, most of the time they're invisible.
The guy nextdoor is a cool guy, when I came the first day at least he knocked to great me and say hi. He's some Brit, he claims he's busy so spends most of the time locked in his room. So might be really justified.
The girl of European descent nextdoor is a real pain, didn't even want to speak our common language, but played the Miss Englishwomen from the day one speaking only 'Englishc" (probably wants to practice and use me as a practice tool since I speak better than her). I barely know why she is around at all cuz she hasn't disclosed anything and is locked inside her room 99.99% of the time, just rushing to the bathroom and back once in the evening.

I leave the door of my room open on purpose all the time to see if she'd get a clue and come say 'hi' at least, but no, the bitch is passing by like a ghost 10 times over days, and she is a future manager, omg??
I started singing on purpose in my room hoping that somebody will at least come and tell me to shut up, but no, it's all dead silence.

They study the same uni but dunno if they fucked. Seems a bit odd.

The third person is also a girl with some psyvhotic disorder. She is petrified whenever she is going around and that's usually around 5 am since she works 2 jobs and I guess is sealed.

Why fths are people so complicated?
It could be all very easy, like 'hi, what are you doing?', me 'come and sit on my bed', she 'Ok, what you're up to?'...:P

Can't really get it. Only to start drinking alone. Or move flats.
 
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Wow, that's actually the ideal living situation for most people. Other tenants pay an equal share yet you get the run of the place and don't have to put up with any drama. They're also students which means tons of studying almost all the time especially when midterms/finals are close. Could also be that they just want to keep the relationship at a roommate level and not a friend level. Sounds like typical student life to me. Are you also a student, or working, unemployed?
 
That sounds awesome! They're quiet, mind their own business. What's not to love? Go hang out with some friends!
 
wizekrak said:
Could also be that they just want to keep the relationship at a roommate level and not a friend level. Sounds like typical student life to me. Are you also a student, or working, unemployed?
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And why someone would like to keep a roommate level relationship??

Btw I am studying here also, but with good organization.....
 
Yeah, that's totally what I was like with my flatmates. Quiet. Never talked to them. Well, I was polite. But we were never friends. We chatted on occasion like "how's class" or "how's work going", that kinda thing. But never to any extent. Not that they were bad people ... I just didn't want to be friends with them. I'm not the most social so I like to just chill out by myself in my room and not have to worry about interacting with others all the time. I mean - I do that during the day (at work and previously at school) so I like to relax at home.

You've just gotta hang out with friends outside of your house. Go out. Go to their house. Invite them over. Go to clubs, bars, restaurants, whatever. You don't have to be best buddies with your flatmates.
 
If you want to get to know them better maybe you should pursue them instead of waiting for them to come to you. If not find some friends in the area.
 
The responses so far seem to be what you'd expect from introverted people socializing in an online forum (no offense intended). I disagree that the situation is ideal. Saying, "go hangout with friends" only works if you have them already. The OP just moved to a new place. If everybody moved to a new place with all new people and nobody was open or friendly or engaging, and attempts to get to know others were met with quiet indifference and evasion, everyone would be isolated and lonely. We ought to at least acknowledge the people we're living with and try to get to know them a little, rather than implicitly dismiss them as unworthy of attention by ignoring them from the start like they're passersby on the street. Asking "what's up?" and having friendly chit chat isn't imposing on somebody else's business, it's how we determine our relationships with new people -- people who could end up being friends if we give them the common courtesy of a chance. It only takes a few minutes to figure out if you've got things to discuss or not. Why turn down the possibility of making nearby friends or engaging with somebody outside our safe easy little social bubbles? That IS boring.

OP, I recommend you roommate shop for friendlier company and then move. Your flat mates sound cold.
 
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Sounds like you want to live in a more communal household rather than the living situation you are in now where everyone minds his or her own business. In past living situations I would be annoyed when housemates just hide in their rooms, but now I feel differently. I have a couple housemates who live in the downstairs of the house and I NEVER see them. I guess the rent is paid on time, so that is what matters. Since they never make appearances, there are no messes to be seen, which is what gets me in a tizzy. One of them never uses the kitchen, which is a bit odd, but maybe she has a microwave in her room?

But I prefer not to see them, as I like to be alone a lot.

Maybe your housemates are introverts also? Doesn't mean they are boring, just means they are busy and need alone time.
 
There's just too much risk invovled in trying to get to know roommates because if it doesn't work out (or you find that you really hate them) then you're whole living arrangement "aka home" is screwed up...

The same logic applies when I turn away from trying to get co-workers. I give my co-workers nothing and look for nothing in return. I could work where I work for ten years and nothing would change.

It the classic, don't shit wear you eat.
 
psood0nym said:
The responses so far seem to be what you'd expect from introverted people socializing in an online forum (no offense intended).
Click to expand...

I am an introverted person, yes. But so are his flatmates. They clearly don't want to make friends with him (not because he's a bad guy or anything, just because of their personalities). If the OP is an extroverted person, then he should have no problem going out and making friends. There are many ways to make friends - he doesn't have to become friends with his flatmates. They are not cold or rude or anything. The OP should just look into other ways of making friends. It seems like he is an outgoing guy so it shouldn't be difficult for him to get out there and meet people.
 
Hah yeah, lots of people would be happy to have that kind of living situation I think. I mean personally I get your frustration because my flatmates need to be people I can have intense late-night talks and movie marathons with blablabla, but quiet can also be really nice as well. Just take advantage of the silence to invite your own friends over a lot and hang out with them instead!

Plus if they're Erasmus students I'm assuming you probably won't be living with them for more than a few months anyway?
 
llama112 said:
I am an introverted person, yes. But so are his flatmates. They clearly don't want to make friends with him (not because he's a bad guy or anything, just because of their personalities). If the OP is an extroverted person, then he should have no problem going out and making friends. There are many ways to make friends - he doesn't have to become friends with his flatmates. They are not cold or rude or anything. The OP should just look into other ways of making friends. It seems like he is an outgoing guy so it shouldn't be difficult for him to get out there and meet people.
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I see what you're saying, except for that during 99 percent of human history it wasn't possible to survive and live an introverted lifestyle. The luxury to withdraw inside ourselves and hide away from others is a freak occurrence in human nature made possible only by modern convenience. That fact should be instructive insofar as it informs our default attitudes towards strangers. It is not OK to ignore others who live beside us without warrant. Be friendly.
 
LilbabiC said:
If you want to get to know them better maybe you should pursue them instead of waiting for them to come to you. If not find some friends in the area.
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Exactly. ^


This whole "leaving your door open" thing is NOT going to work with people who are comfortable doing things on their own. I suggest you knock on their door and ask them if they want to go to x place to eat or get coffee. You also said something about university? If you're a student ask them if you can study with them and show you some cool places to study.
 
i understand what you mean.

i've had that before and its lame

if your going to shit in the same bowl and leave hair in the bath you might as well chat a bit outside of your room.

what you need is a living room with a tv...
 
I understand what you are saying. I am an only child so growing up I was always alone at home unless I had friends over.
I now live in a house with 6 other people. Some have come and gone, but a few have been here since I moved in, and we are all close.
I enjoy having my time to myself. My room is connected to the living room where the television, kitchen is. So i can hear all that goes on in those rooms. At times it can get loud and a bit annoying, but i pay less rent because of it.
BUT
It is nice to come home sometimes and have someone to hang out with, have a drink with, play some video games with, shoot the shit with.
And it is also nice to come home and be able to have my alone time, or share it alone with someone I have brought over (gf or friend, whatever)

It sounds like you're trying to get to know them, which is good. But if they dont want to take the bait, or never make an effort to get to know you, then it sounds like they just arent looking for that kind of relationship with a person who is 'just a roommate'.

Good luck!
 
I'm an extrovert, but I still think it'd be a great living situation because, to me, it'd get boring seeing these people all the time if you got to know them. What if you get to know them and find out you don't like them? If you have friends outside your home, you have the choice to come and go (karma karma karma karma karma chameleon), therefore limiting boredom.
 
psood0nym said:
I see what you're saying, except for that during 99 percent of human history it wasn't possible to survive and live an introverted lifestyle. The luxury to withdraw inside ourselves and hide away from others is a freak occurrence in human nature made possible only by modern convenience. That fact should be instructive insofar as it informs our default attitudes towards strangers. It is not OK to ignore others who live beside us without warrant. Be friendly.
Click to expand...

99% of humans aren't extroverted. There are people who are and aren't.
I'm not saying that people should be rude.
I'm just saying that he doesn't have to be best friends with his flatmates. Can't he find somewhere else to go? NONE of my flatmates wanted to be friends with me. It doesn't mean anything. They had their own friends and I have my own friends. Not wanting to make friends with your flatmates is perfectly fine and *normal*. If you really want to make friends, try expanding your horizons and go besides your two or three flatmates. That will give you a MUCH higher chance of meeting people. In fact - go to a place where people like to be social. That will give you an even better chance to meet people!
 
^

I dunno... maybe it's not a perfect comparison, but I've always been friends/bros with my fellows in the barracks. It's hard not to be and its weird if someone is not social with everyone else in there. It makes them seem untrustworthy and shit, and makes you not wanna work as a team. etc.
 
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