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Absence of Spirituality

Thanatos

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As a young drug user, I used to profess my spirituality openly and with great bravado. All you have to do is look at my user name to see that at one point I most definitely felt some sort of connection, especially to vedic law and dharma.

Now as I have grown a few years older, and more or less regressed in my studies and become more jaded, I am unable to even contemplate the idea of 'spirit' or anything relating to meta-physics or non applicable philosophy.
I'm curious, has anyone else gone through a similar experience? Or possibly just grown out of the idea of mysticism, the void, etc? This is a pretty open ended thread to be honest, I'm just looking for your guys experience and thoughts.

Ps. Rangrz get your ass in here!
 
Hi. Rangrz is my fiance and he just showed me this thread... ok.. why is it always vedic law and dharma? I have had this precise experience. About 3 years ago I started doing meth, and I noticed "connection" with a number of things, like Hindu imagery and other mysticisms, psychedelic/otherworldly experiences, shamans, alchemy and metaphorical abstraction. I neglected my studies completely (at the time I was enrolled in Immunology, Anatomy, Pharmacology and Physiology. I withdrew from all those courses just before the exams on medical grounds.) The idea of a spirit or immortal soul made science seem pointless. I even wanted to bang a guy with Aspergers because of his alchemy tats. Then I started hanging out with more science-minded people. (This was after I stopped doing meth). A physicist, engineers, my brother who is studying chemistry, and have been actually doing my school work. I actually feel more "connected" now that I'm developing my intelligence and learning things in my field. and remembering how science is actually more beautiful and awe inspiring than any mysticism. I felt like that in high school and at that time I was 100% agnostic then.

Straight up, I think mysticism has great imagery, but it's more like art to me now than any sort of world view. I think the reason why people on drugs attach to spiritual things is the same reason anyone else does, an innate fear of one's mortality. Science doesn't absolve us of that like spirituality does, but instead it gives us a lot of insight on how to interact with the realm we inhabit and perceive. Engineering, medicine, technology, etc. make our experience more complex and intricate and I think more worthwhile than merely to speculate about other realms or states that we may or may not inhabit sometime in the future, or may or may not exist. We can use science to search for evidence of things currently unknown, but the results will *probably* (as in probabilistically, by observation and inference) not correlate with the contemplations of shamans or scriptures, and historically have contradicted them. The more advanced science I learn, the more I wonder how I ever could have believed DMT would allow me to communicate with dead souls even though there was no evidence whatsoever. Actually I do know why, it was from being on too much drugs (meth, cannabis, psilocybin, LSD), and my evidence evaluating abilities were absent.

I will still go to a Catholic Mass or a monastery and still want to bang alchemy tats guy, but purely for aesthetics.
 
Ok. Vedic law begins with moral principles like Yama and Niyama :

Ahimsa ~ Nonharming
Satya ~ Truthfulness
Asteya ~ Nonstealing
Brahmacharya ~ Nonexcess
Aparigraha ~ Nonpossessiveness

Saucha ~ Purity/Cleanliness
Santosha ~ Contentment
Tapas ~ Self-discipline
Svadhyaya ~ Self-study
Ishvara Pranidhana ~ Surrender

Is this the type of morality that resonated with you in the past? The Vedas teach spiritual practice. If you were unable to take hold of the emotional experience you had when you began entheo drugs, you gave up one critical period where you could have developed a habit of spiritual practice easily. But people begin practice at all points of their life, so of course all is not lost. And you are looking for something as evidenced by your thread here. Better to ask.. When you felt spiritual, did you feel compelled to DO something (or not do something)?

Mysticism is the search for the Great, by the small. It's nothing epic but happens constantly. I don't know what the void is.

In pursuit of science, ak feels connected as she's unfolding her dharma. Dharma can be anything. My dharma of the last 10 years was to dissolve my substance dependency. It wasn't a gooey, shiny "mystical" thing, it was just what I had to do.
 
Well before I became a user of psychedelics I was a firm agnostic, leaning toward atheism. My goal while using psychedelics and dissociatives was to attain the state of moksha, I meditated daily whether or not I was sober.
I had a handful of overwhelming psychedelic experiences, ie 600 mcg LSD and 50mg insufflated 2C-T-2, and 70mg 4-HO-MET along with 50mg insufflated DPT and basically lost my mind after I met the aliens. Tbh I still haven't integrated those trips and it scared me away from anything related to Hinduism, Buddhism, or anything remotely mystical/spiritual.

I was raised by my father as a humanist/pantheist and I am a man of science. In fact I was on track to go into the medical field before I abused psychs to such a great extent. Now I am a self admitted GABAergic addict, and I'm having trouble finding anything spiritual or meaningful in the world, other than empirical science. I recently dropped out of school due to my addiction and financial problems, to give a little context.

My only belief that remains is my firm belief in science, especially astro-physics and cosmology. Could it be that I never truely had the belief in any 'spirit' and my adolescent mind just trapped me into a lie? I am nearly 21 but have about 120 trips under my belt. Meditation seems useless now, my mind is unable to cope with the silence of dzochen...

Rangrz and you are engaged akautomics? Congrats! I'm super happy for you guys. Rangrz is one of my favorite posters of all time lol
 
Thanks for sharing.

As you know very well then, moksha means liberation. It can't be achieved with substances :D You were doing meditation. I guess you have begun that samskara (karma) and you will have to return to that path one day!

Check out research on the science of meditation. You yourself said it "seems" useless... fair enough to have that feeling. You must know that research has found otherwise. Maybe you aren't ready to meditate. Ok. Try some yoga to bring your body and mind back into sync with each other. Love yourself. Don't hyperfocus on your GABA and the trips. What you think, you are.

In other news, you are still an adolescent. Your brain is not fully developed for another year or two.

edit: a hearty familial LOL that you think you "were" on a successful academic path and now all is lost. Dear one, you were never defeated. Take this mindset and trash it. At your age I also thought I was "behind" because of a year off school, some failed courses, and similar issues you described. Now I am 29 and I realize that time was in fact (like you, now) on my side. Take firm determination that you are strong, healthy, and capable.
 
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Yoga is a science. It's nothing to be afraid of. It is simple exercises that stretch and contract the glands of the body. The glands regulate hormones.
 
^ thank you cohesion. I truely appreciate the advice. I need to get out of my head and just live. It's not working being so hyper focused on my problems, and masking them with coopius amounts of sedatives, psychs, and heroin.

I honestly feel like im less intelligent than I was when I was 16. Maybe I need to get back into judo/jujitsu and aikido. I feel like I've lost my 'center'. I know this is going off topic, so everybody should feel free to make this thread about the subject rather than myself?
 
You're welcome <3

Pick one or the other.. aikido or jujitsu? Look into local classes. When does the next begin? Do that. Don't think too much.
 
I'm curious, has anyone else gone through a similar experience? Or possibly just grown out of the idea of mysticism, the void, etc? This is a pretty open ended thread to be honest, I'm just looking for your guys experience and thoughts.

Yes.

I followed science and rational thought vigorously when i was younger, i would analyze everything. At some point with psychedelics i realized there was no empirical answer to my questions which lead me down the path of philosophy which would later lead towards mysticism and religion, and the similarities that connect them all. I found my answer through the absence of an answer, or rather coming into contact with the void.

This created an existential crisis which has re-orientated my entire attitude of life to focusing on 'right now'. In a sense it's changed my direction from introverted to extroverted, focusing on reality, daily routine, interactions with people, achievable goals, travel and everything action-orientated. I avoid all philosophical conversations when their brought up, and i quickly lose interest in discussions that are outside of reality.

Makes me laugh, years ago i was the exact opposite and now im just tired of it. Whats happening right now is of far more value to me.
 
You're welcome <3

Pick one or the other.. aikido or jujitsu? Look into local classes. When does the next begin? Do that. Don't think too much.

Well I did aikido as a child until I was 12-13 but I enjoy submissions and throws much more. Maybe being a chronic pain patient had got me hyper focused in the negative aspects of my life. I think I may do both, so long as I don't need knee surgery again or excacerbate my spondylolysis.


^ that sounds like a very similar situation and mindset to what I'm going through. I just toss philosophical/spiritual discussions to the side. What helps you focus on the real world, while still being able to contemplate the unknown?
Great responses guys, I'm very thankful!
 
I think you (OP) and the others in here have all reached the same point. I think a lot of people do. It's where you get a glimpse of what is there but a part of you realizes that in order to complete the journey you have to actually do something. People give up because they either don't know or can't see how to go about that, and/or a part of them inside realizes that it will be annihilated if they do go all the way. It's very common amoungst psychedelic users to believe they've gone all the way or there's nothing more to be had, so they fall back to old patterns or take up a new paradigm that does not involve trying to face the truth (which begins to happen when you poke around with psychedelics). Becoming fascinated with science is a common one, or engaging with a religious thing that involves some wooly paradigm that involves no real action.

I see a parallel with the "hippy" turned yuppie baby boomers: They all got high, thought they were going to change the world after their psychedelic mystical voyages, then they came down, got scared, got a job, and became the very thing they thought they were rebeling against. Now they're old and going to die soon, and they are no closer to solving the mystery than they were 30 years ago.
 
(Yes, Ak is my bb.)

So, I showed this thread to Ak, because earlier that day, we had a discussion about this topic..sort of...I was just noting that the cannabis and psychedelic community frequently make their drug use and wanky spiritual ideas a huge part of their self-identity. Like, think how many people constantly discuss the virtues of their drug choices and otherwise display and make it a big part of their self brand. Entheo, your user name is a perfect example of that. Or people who wear clothes pot-leaf designs or molecule diagrams of LSD or pictures of mushrooms. Why? You don't see businessmen who do coke getting a cocaine molecule tattoo. You don't see someone who enjoys doing dilaudid sticking a bumper-sticker with a picture of dilaudid 8mg pill on it.

I think part of why people wane away from it, is that at first, the psychedelic sensation is SO novel, and weird and overwhelming, that it becomes hard to think rational about it. But after you do it enough, you start to notice that it's just a drug like any other. You get bored of it, it looses it's profoundness.

I also think in many cases, it's that "spiritual" ideas are EASY to understand. They are accessible to almost anyone with little effort or education required. Think about it, this stuff was more or less designed to be able to understood and resonant with illiterate goat herders. It doesn't require anywhere near the same level of intellectual effort, time invested or critical thinking skills to indulge in it.

I can open up a religious book and read it and, if I ignore my scientific background, I can follow it just fine without having done any background studies.

On the other hand, if I hand a book on quantum field theory to someone who has no background with linear algebra, calculus, statistical mechanics, thermodynamics, topology and general relativity, they'll look at it and be like "What is this I don't even..."

Learning science requires a lot of effort...like I said, people say religious studies take effort too, but it's not the same kind of effort. I can say almost anything about spirituality in general, and there is no way to prove it wrong or right. It's just circle jerking. But if I make a statement about an empirical, physical system and what it does/will do/how it works it...you know what? I can't just handwave it and have it still be valid. ... I move a brick of tungsten in just oh the slightly wrong way around a sphere Uranium in the lab? Shit goes super-prompt critical and it kills me from radiation. I have to predict all this stuff, in exacting, rigorous detail, with lots of rigid maths and logic to do it right.

But, fuck man, I profess to believe in whatever spiritual thing I want, and unto itself, it makes has no consequence. You can't even prove that I'm wrong or right. It's sooo easy and effortless.
 
Before age 25, my spirituality was very off and on. I'd go through intense periods of seeking, and then lose faith and stop thinking about it. It wasn't until more recent years that I have finally figured some things out and laid a solid foundation. I know I post openly about spirituality on BL but in real life I'm pretty private about it because there is so much new age koolaid out there and I don't feel a relationship to most of what people talk about.

I've read a lot of religious texts in my search for truth. I take what resonates with me and discard the rest. When I was a lot younger I had high expectations of sacred texts only to be disappointed by how ego driven, complicated, and political they were. Now I realize that a lot of the mystical imagery that the texts describe (or religious art) are just humans portraying certain universalities through their individual filters. If you can cut through the politics, dogma and control of religion you will discover that every one of them is expressing the same sort of truth. They're all playing with the same sort of archetypes too.

It has been far more rewarding for me to experience and learn as much about the world as I can in all of its variations and then be open to certain truths precpitating out of the great culmination. I'm far from being enlightened but I know that enlightenment must be a dynamic and highly individual experience; if there were one road map everyone would be doing it. In other words, you're better off figuring it out in your own unique way. Wherever you are now is where the work is happening, and all roads can lead to Rome.
 
The way I see it, spirituality is an individual's personal attempt to use his or her own creativity to suggest answers to questions that, so far, science has been unable to definitively answer. Science gives us an increasingly more and more comprehensive and detailed view of the universe, but there will always be blind spots, and we fill in those gaps by way of imagination.

I think everyone is naturally curious, and ponders the unsolved mysteries of nature. So, given this definition, I think everyone is "spiritual".


This makes me consider another interesting question - if spirituality revolves around aspects of reality that cannot be proven using empiricism and logic, then wouldn't this imply that spiritual ideas are entirely impractical, and have no application in other areas of life? Because, to be proven, an idea has to allow us to make consistently accurate predictions. And if an idea cannot make consistently accurate predictions, the idea can't represent any kind of useful conceptual device.

Thus, spiritual inquisition only occurs for its own sake - for the joy of imagination.
 
I think you (OP) and the others in here have all reached the same point. I think a lot of people do. It's where you get a glimpse of what is there but a part of you realizes that in order to complete the journey you have to actually do something. People give up because they either don't know or can't see how to go about that, and/or a part of them inside realizes that it will be annihilated if they do go all the way. It's very common amoungst psychedelic users to believe they've gone all the way or there's nothing more to be had, so they fall back to old patterns or take up a new paradigm that does not involve trying to face the truth (which begins to happen when you poke around with psychedelics). Becoming fascinated with science is a common one, or engaging with a religious thing that involves some wooly paradigm that involves no real action.

I see a parallel with the "hippy" turned yuppie baby boomers: They all got high, thought they were going to change the world after their psychedelic mystical voyages, then they came down, got scared, got a job, and became the very thing they thought they were rebeling against. Now they're old and going to die soon, and they are no closer to solving the mystery than they were 30 years ago.

This.
 
entheo said:
I am unable to even contemplate the idea of 'spirit' or anything relating to meta-physics or non applicable philosophy.

No harm in this, stick to what can be applied to the real world (and is not even wrong), ye shall know them by their fruits and whatnot. There's always the good old practical 8-fold path. Returning to the martial arts is a good idea, in any case.
 
Yeah, I've actually started to attempt to start living a 'cleaner' life, diet exercise, and I'm try to moderatate my addiction. Maybe spirit is just another term for what I already practice, humanism and pantheism. Could spirit possibly just be analogous to the 'fire' of life? I've been thinking lately, and I think that science may in fact be my religion/belief system. I think spirituality is such an open ended term, and over used at that.

Contemplating the vastness of the cosmos and the unending search for knowledge may be my for spirituality, and world view. Could it be that certain individuals are more prone to the metaphysical/mystical path, and I don't posses the ability to even deeply contemplate and subscribe to such ideas and practice?
 
I think spirituality is such an open ended term, and over used at that.

If you consider spirituality as the belief in a soul and such unevinced things, then it's probably not for you. Personally, I think it means that life is inherently meaningful, and you can adorn that central tenant with what beliefs you will. In the end though, spirituality is not about what you think, but what you do. Practice non-attachment towards material things, kindness towards all living beings, and take care of yourself as best you can given your unique mental-state/life circumstances. That's all that really matters.
 
akautonomics said:
I was just noting that the cannabis and psychedelic community frequently make their drug use and wanky spiritual ideas a huge part of their self-identity.

That's the thing. All these discussions, and I'm still not satisfied that I have a coherent conception of what spirituality is (if anything, I am most satisfied with MDAO's formulation put forth in a prior thread). I hold my experiences with psychedelics as having great value, and they've exerted a great impact on my current worldview, but they have also led me toward a sort of mystical atheism (or rather, rumination on how mystical experiences speak to the limits of what the axioms allowing explication to occur at all place on what can be explicated). More precisely, the limits of explication suggest to me that the grounding of being lies beyond that which presupposes a distinction between being and non-being, thus pointing to a sort of atheism/pantheism. In other words, being is grounded beyond the realm of what beings can say about what it is to be.

I think a key part of my epistemological method is skepticism toward the interpretation of psychedelic experiences suggested by psychedelics themselves; to experience psychedelia is simply to approach experience with an alternate interpretive lens, not clearly a priori more or less valid than interpretations of experience via other sets of axioms. Like any experience, psychedelia is to be ruminated upon and reinterpreted from varying mindsets.

I have been told by multiple people that I am spiritual, but I am also profoundly faithless: all for me must be tentative--I am willing to adopt sets of axioms tentatively to see where they go, but I see no grounding for certainty in any of the perspectives that they allow me to build. And so my question for those spiritual is this: can one be deeply spiritual but also profoundly faithless?

re: the place of science in spirituality:

I think that any viable spirituality must reckon with the findings of science. Even insofar as one discovers the epistemological limitations of the scientific method, and even if one reckons with the role of axiomatically driven construction of the objects of empirical study, one cannot offhandedly dismiss scientific findings, particularly without some clear, well justified alternative to be put forth instead. Thus, spirituality bereft of open dialog with science (off-handed dismissal of scientific findings does not count as dialogue) stands to produce its own obsolescence.

rangrz said:
I also think in many cases, it's that "spiritual" ideas are EASY to understand. They are accessible to almost anyone with little effort or education required.

Not for me. Rather, the point of spirituality seems to be to try to reckon with that which lies beyond the limits of what one is able to conceptualize. Thus, to act spiritually is to participate in a generative enterprise, where one draws multiple, limited interpretations of something that cannot be captured fully (in principle).

ebola
 
I think there is a good distinction between "being spiritual" and someone who is a "spiritual being". The first is someone who has already assumed he/she knows and is thus wandering along praying, chanting, burning incense, or whatever it is they think will bring them closer to god or the divine. The latter is someone who has become through a process of self observation and started from zero (the self) with no preconceptions, and rather than going forwards towards a predetermined goal has instead retreated from all that is absurd.

Spirituality is just another industry, in my opinion. The word itself sounds flimsy and like a marketing brand.

I think "spirituality" today tries to compete against the scientific paradigm too much, rather than saying "here is where the cracks are, this is something that suggests such and such". Everyone has encountered those who bang on about the third eye and the pineal gland, and these people do a real disservice and turn more people away generally. Instead these people should be pointing out the more obvious yet also subtle things that never get answered properly, such as: When you "imagine" an apple, where is this image occuring/where is it being observed?
 
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