I need some advice

[TestOfSanity]

It's been awhile since I've been on here. My addiction is still going strong. I was taking subs for at least 10 years and could never get off, with plenty of oxy and heroin mixed in. I never had a script for subs, I'd buy from a friend. He went away to rehab and I haven't had any subs since, so I went back to heroin full time. It's been about 3 months of $140 a day habit. I'm sitting here at 4am starting to withdrawal just waiting for my dealer to wake up.

Here's the problem, I own my own business. Rehab just isn't an option, because I'd go out of business. I really don't know what to do. The only thing I can think of, is I might be able to take a week off some time this spring and try to kick it. I'm all alone here, I've kept it a secret from my family for all this time. It's always been my burden to bear, but I'm getting tired. I'm truly starting to believe it's going to kill me.

Any advice is appreciated.

 

[EPL1]

Hello Test,

I hope someone with addiction experience will come on and advise you in regards to that part.


I have gone through opiate wd's though, is there a Dr. or clinic you could go to to get comfort meds from? If not, I understand.

Gabapentin or Lyrica , and any benzo's would help too. They would take most of the sting out of wd.

You need imodioum (lop) too for the bathroom/GI issues.

I'm very proud of you, you sound like you have a lot going for you, you're going to be fine.

I'm here if you just want an ear, you can pm me too.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[Xorkoth]

It's tough when you can't get time off work. Are you able to go to a suboxone clinic? I think your best bet would be to try to get on maintenance, under medical supervision, and do a slow taper, for minimal disruption to your life. Then when you finally jump off, when your dose is very low, you can use comfort meds to help with the minor withdrawal you'll feel. Clonidine is good, as is Lyrica or gabapentin, like Ash said. This way would probably be the least disruptive to your life.

If it's not an option or you don't want to for whatever reason, if you just got a few subs, you could stop the heroin, take your week off, and take subs a few times when you couldn't stand it, and ride out the withdrawal that way, and then stop taking the subs when you're through it (ie, when you only feel a little uncomfortable without subs). This has worked for some people but you'll need discipline. You can also cold turkey and use gabapentin or lyrica.... lyrica in particular blocks most of the opiate withdrawal, in my experience, and it's not an opiate. I becomes physically addictive but it takes a little time to get addicted so you can use it through opiate withdrawal just fine. Benzos help too, but as you probably know already, benzo withdrawal makes opiate withdrawal look like a walk in the park, so you have to be really careful using benzos. Kratom could also be considered a comfort med and it's everywhere now, but kratom is actually an opiate. But if you just took it through the acute heroin withdrawal (which will last 5-7 days generally), you can probably not trade one habit for another. Kratom will help the withdrawal a lot, being an opioid itself, and if you use it sparingly and then stop you should be good.

And yeah immodium will help you not have diarrhea too bad.

Of the two options I listed, if you take a week off and cold turkey it with comfort meds, it will be over a lot faster but it'll be more difficult and you'll have to really stick to your plan to not give in and do some dope. The maintenance route with suboxone (or methadone) will be less disruptive to your life, but will take a lot longer and at some point you'll have to jump off of it, too. Unless you choose to stay on it, some people do that because it fulfills their desire for opiates and they're able to live normal lives, but still be addicted to an opioid.

 

[TestOfSanity]

Hello Test,

I hope someone with addiction experience will come on and advise you in regards to that part.


I have gone through opiate wd's though, is there a Dr. or clinic you could go to to get comfort meds from? If not, I understand.

Gabapentin or Lyrica , and any benzo's would help too. They would take most of the sting out of wd.

You need imodioum (lop) too for the bathroom/GI issues.

I'm very proud of you, you sound like you have a lot going for you, you're going to be fine.

I'm here if you just want an ear, you can pm me too.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

I appreciate the kind words and support.

Going to a doc for comfort meds is a good logical idea. I've always been concerned about seeking legit medical treatment for addiction do to the stigma of being branded a junkie. Pretty stupid I know, however I am starting to come around to this idea. I'm no stranger to imodium, however I am a little concerned about the cardiotoxic effects of megadosing loperamide. Benzos are an amazing help, but I have no real sources for them. Are doctors willing to write scripts for them, knowing you're a drug abuser?

About 10 years ago I was gifted 3 full bottles of lyrica from someone with fibro myalgia. Unfortunately there was little or no information then on the benefits of lyrics for opioid withdrawal. I literally gave them away, shame. I've never tried gabapentin.

Thanks again, you've given me things to think about.

 

[aihfl]

Benzos are an amazing help, but I have no real sources for them. Are doctors willing to write scripts for them, knowing you're a drug abuser?

An unqualified yes. My psychiatrist is fully aware of my history with alcoholism and still writes me scripts for Ativan. At worst (if the doctor is compassionate), you'd get a short script. Only a real asshole (IMO) would not prescribe them for that reason, but there are a lot of those assholes out there, unfortunately.

About 10 years ago I was gifted 3 full bottles of lyrica from someone with fibro myalgia. Unfortunately there was little or no information then on the benefits of lyrics for opioid withdrawal. I literally gave them away, shame. I've never tried gabapentin.

Lyrica is basically a more potent gabapentin. When Pfizer's patent on gabapentin expired, they had to find another cash cow.

 

[TestOfSanity]

It's tough when you can't get time off work. Are you able to go to a suboxone clinic? I think your best bet would be to try to get on maintenance, under medical supervision, and do a slow taper, for minimal disruption to your life. Then when you finally jump off, when your dose is very low, you can use comfort meds to help with the minor withdrawal you'll feel. Clonidine is good, as is Lyrica or gabapentin, like Ash said. This way would probably be the least disruptive to your life.

If it's not an option or you don't want to for whatever reason, if you just got a few subs, you could stop the heroin, take your week off, and take subs a few times when you couldn't stand it, and ride out the withdrawal that way, and then stop taking the subs when you're through it (ie, when you only feel a little uncomfortable without subs). This has worked for some people but you'll need discipline. You can also cold turkey and use gabapentin or lyrica.... lyrica in particular blocks most of the opiate withdrawal, in my experience, and it's not an opiate. I becomes physically addictive but it takes a little time to get addicted so you can use it through opiate withdrawal just fine. Benzos help too, but as you probably know already, benzo withdrawal makes opiate withdrawal look like a walk in the park, so you have to be really careful using benzos. Kratom could also be considered a comfort med and it's everywhere now, but kratom is actually an opiate. But if you just took it through the acute heroin withdrawal (which will last 5-7 days generally), you can probably not trade one habit for another. Kratom will help the withdrawal a lot, being an opioid itself, and if you use it sparingly and then stop you should be good.

And yeah immodium will help you not have diarrhea too bad.

Of the two options I listed, if you take a week off and cold turkey it with comfort meds, it will be over a lot faster but it'll be more difficult and you'll have to really stick to your plan to not give in and do some dope. The maintenance route with suboxone (or methadone) will be less disruptive to your life, but will take a lot longer and at some point you'll have to jump off of it, too. Unless you choose to stay on it, some people do that because it fulfills their desire for opiates and they're able to live normal lives, but still be addicted to an opioid.

Thank you, I appreciate the reply.

In all honesty, I would prefer not to go back on subs. I failed every attempt to get off subs. I actually feel better about heroin wd's than I do about sub wd even though it's more severe. I once made it to day 8 or 9 off subs and it was still getting worse by the day. When my sub connect went to rehab I tried to go cold turkey off subs. I didn't feel too bad but the 4th day hit so hard, it was either get dope or I wouldn't be able to work. Maybe now that's is been 3+ months with no subs a quick taper would be good for me, but I have no desire to be physically dependent on that particular drug ever again.

I've abused methadone in the past. Methadone withdrawal may have been the worst I've ever been through. Methadone and subs are great maintenance drugs because of their half lives, but it's such a double edge sword on the backside. Do they do quick tapers on clinical methadone? Or are you stuck after you start? I've only ever bought drugs on the street so I honestly don't know.

Kratom sounds promising. I tried it years ago but I was on subs and my tolerance was either way too high, or it was garbage kratom. But it sounds like it's worth a shot.

I've been addicted for so long that maybe I have no choice but to go on a maintenance program, but I'd like to try other things before ever making that commitment.

Thanks again taking time to reply, and for the advice.

 

[Mafioso]

Have you thought about a 7 day detox followed by intensive outpatient or daily counseling/group therapy? Part of the struggle of getting sober is getting back into the swing of things, so if you can manage to keep your daily routine going as much as possible, it might be a better option than inpatient rehab for you. Just be prepared for normal things to feel very challenging for a while, and that's where counseling and groups can help.

 

[TestOfSanity]

Here's an update

I made this thread in the beginning of 2019. In 2019 I spent over $35,000 on heroin. So far this year I've spent over $8,000. What a sad fuckin life i live. Although my business is "essential", this pandemic is bad. I'm only making half the money I would be making, which means I'm only doing half the drugs. I feel like I'm constantly in wd, with just little moments of relief. I never did get any time away from work. My thoughts get darker every day.

Anyway, at least I still have money coming in. I'm sure many people are hurting worse than me. I wish everyone the best in these times.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Here's an update

I made this thread in the beginning of 2019. In 2019 I spent over $35,000 on heroin. So far this year I've spent over $8,000. What a sad fuckin life i live. Although my business is "essential", this pandemic is bad. I'm only making half the money I would be making, which means I'm only doing half the drugs. I feel like I'm constantly in wd, with just little moments of relief. I never did get any time away from work. My thoughts get darker every day.

Anyway, at least I still have money coming in. I'm sure many people are hurting worse than me. I wish everyone the best in these times.

Have you considered cold turkeying the shit with maybe the help of kratom, immodium etc.? Shit's crazy, take care of yourself.

 

[TestOfSanity]

Quitting cold turkey is next to impossible for me because my work is pretty physical, and I'm a one man show. If I stop working I'll lose my business, and I work 6 days a week sometimes 7.

I went a weekend without drugs a few weeks ago. I knew I would have to work 5 hours that Monday before i could get some dope. I knew it would be bad. That morning every step I took sent a shockwave of pain through my feet and to the joints in my legs. No position of sitting or standing would ease the pain in my back. Also (obviously) diarrhea, shaking, freezing cold hands and feet too, but it's the muscle/joint pain that gets to me. I only made it through those 5 hours because I knew I could grab some heroin after, otherwise I would not have been able to work.

If you think kratom would help, what kind of dosage are we talking? I'm definitely not trying to megadose loperamide. I'm seriously considering going back on subs, but around here the waiting list is at least 6 months.

 

[Jabberwocky]

No one will be able to tell you what dose kratom would help cause 140/day is a to broad of a range to say factoring in potency, is it cut with fent? I’m not really the best to help you but generally your kratom dosages would probably be out the roof and probably not cost effective, which will make you wanna relapse that much more. It’s worth a shot. But I’d start slow with anything and consume in 1 serving sizes until you feel relief. My idea would be this, you should seek help. I know your business is a major factor, but if you keep this up one day business would be the least of your worries. Being labeled an addict sucks, so I know the feeling. But your life is worth so much more. And if a doctor treats you like shit because of a label I wouldn’t be going to them anyways.

Quitting cold turkey is next to impossible for me because my work is pretty physical, and I'm a one man show. If I stop working I'll lose my business, and I work 6 days a week sometimes 7.

I went a weekend without drugs a few weeks ago. I knew I would have to work 5 hours that Monday before i could get some dope. I knew it would be bad. That morning every step I took sent a shockwave of pain through my feet and to the joints in my legs. No position of sitting or standing would ease the pain in my back. Also (obviously) diarrhea, shaking, freezing cold hands and feet too, but it's the muscle/joint pain that gets to me. I only made it through those 5 hours because I knew I could grab some heroin after, otherwise I would not have been able to work.

If you think kratom would help, what kind of dosage are we talking? I'm definitely not trying to megadose loperamide. I'm seriously considering going back on subs, but around here the waiting list is at least 6 months.

 

[nuttynutskin]

If you think kratom would help, what kind of dosage are we talking? I'm definitely not trying to megadose loperamide. I'm seriously considering going back on subs, but around here the waiting list is at least 6 months.

I'd start out with probably 3 grams as needed. It could definitely help to get through the withdrawal symptoms although some claim it doesn't really do much. Other than that, you don't really leave yourself very many options if you're not willing to go to detox or rehab. Afaik you can't really taper off heroin.