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How does it feel to be sober?

zagor11

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 7, 2018
Messages
178
I have been on oxy about 3 years then around 1 year on suboxone and back to oxy was taking 300 mg until 4 days ago but I cut down to 160 mg. Also I was on a huge dose of klonopin for 15 years and now I take 1.5 mg 2xday.

I am trying to use kratom to help but Im not sure it does anything. Gabapentin helps a lot but I am on high doses and Might even be addicted. I also use clonidine but only 0.3 mg. Anyone used clonidine for opioid ws? What dose is OK?

So I hope to quit oxy and k-pin so I can feel how it is to be sober.
 
Being able to cope sober isn't easy.

Whether it's trauma related, mental health related, or just for a cheap thrill, drugs are an easy out.

For me, being sober is like living in black and white. So I used stimulants to color my world. I didn't always, in fact in high school I was quite happy with merely sexual relationships and marijuana. But as I got older, I became more isolated since I was living away from home, and my antisocial traits started to take the forefront. This time, instead of social things like sex and weed, it turned into doing meth and coke alone.

But on a positive note, being sober is when you think most clearly. At least, clearly for your unique make up, which could be chemically off compared to the norm. But we are who we are, no?
 
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I think the word we all strive for in recovery is "normal". i.e. "When will I feel normal again?" For those of us who have been in a drug haze for years, "normal" becomes exactly that and we lose our point of reference. The problem most addicts have (at least I have) is a lack of patience. It is probably one of the reasons that we use drugs in the first place--it is a quick way to feeling great, a quick way to deal with our problems, a quick way to ignore reality for awhile. Unfortunately, recovery is all about patience which is what makes it very difficult for us because we exist in a world of immediate gratification. Withdrawal and recovery must be given time and that is the only antidote for to being sober again.

But, I will tell you from experience that it does get better. You will not wake up one day and say "Hey, I'm back to me!" Doesn't work like that. What does happen is that the good days start outnumbering the bad ones at a quicker rate, and you eventually stop worrying about it and counting the seconds, minutes, hours, days.
 
Great way to say it Gollum.........instant gratification is one reason we use. I think boredom is another, which falls under that self gratification thing. Most of my use came from being bored. Plus social skills not being great, under a haze of alcohol and opiates, I felt a social butterfly.
IDK what sober feels like quite yet. Day 8 for me, but I do have feelings of clarity. I SEE things I haven?t seen in awhile. Like the house crumbling around me, things I have neglected etc..... and for some odd reason, one night I felt a peace. Short lived but I felt it. Get this, today, for the first time in a long, long time.........I did not need to wait for anything to kick in to get my day started.
So, good luck Zagor, it?s a journey but I do think it is worth it.
 
I think some of us are so used to chemicals that we believe clarity is not any better than having drugs available whether recreationally or rx'd or however. Like you guys said everyone is different. My problem to be completely drug free is depression and anxiety since I was 12. But there is something else that is ruining my life and that is called depersonalization. Who doesn't have it he cannot understand it. I have it 24/7 for 25 years. Even when I get euphoria from drugs.

Another thing is I cannot get euphoria any more. I was on suboxone some 8-9 months and switched to oxycodone from 18 mg without taper and since then no drug could give me high. So no point of being on it. Maybe my tolerance will reset. But let's see how it feels to be sober for me.

After quitting certain drugs it takes time to get "clear". Some get it sooner others later. Oh btw....I got AKATHESIA from oxycodone. Taking oxy for several month without any high gave me that side effect and luckily one forum member pointed me to it. I used to think it was severe anxiety but it was weird to get to irritable to break mirrors or whatever I get my hands on. Thankfully it did not get severe. When it gets severe people often commit suicide because it becomes unbearable. Now that I reduced oxy it is very mild and comes less often.

Anyway, let's see if this journey is worth it.
 
For me, after 27 years of drug abuse 13 of those years on heroin and opium normal life can be great but a lot of boredom. Even as I write this I'm thinking about the codeine and poppy pods under my bed. The thoughts of using always in the background also you have to change everything because all your friends are addicts so you lose your social life. Be careful with gabapentin i used lyrica to help in wd and ended up addicted to it. Horrible wd from that mostly mental but lasts for nearly a couple of weeks. I talked to ex-addicts that have got through to the other side so it can be done but I don't think the thought of using will ever be gone completely.
 
Ten years on drugs starting at 15. Sobriety in my teens was horrible, depression, anxiety, lack of motivation. So I stayed faded on anything as much as possible. Started with alcohol and weed, dxm,
Then later speed, x, acid, coke, mushrooms,
Then in my 20s opioids everyday for pain, then benzos every day for anxiety.

And for a short period of time I found Ballance. I was working 70 hours a week and wholesaling weed, hydrocodone, Xanax after hours. Slowly my life and health started going down hill.

At 25 I thought about killing myself a few times a week. The back pain was the worst its ever been at this time. I used the strongest pills for just a few hours of relief. My insides were inflamed. My attitude was bitter and sad. Worst part of my life.

On August 8, 2016 I had yet another mental breakdown and threw roughly 4k worth of pills, coke, and weed off my balcony into a creek. Quit my job and lost everything. Although I was determined to find sober me one time before I died.

That day was the first day of my long awaited detox , and recovery. Coming off of opioids and benzos at the same time, alone cold turkey is in itself a life changing event. Every second of every day was miserable for about 5 days. Then at 10 days it was still horrible but not as bad.

The pain was - intense, I don't even like to remember it. I cried and screemed a lot. Emotional responses to everything. Dealers started to call and check on me. I had a good friend reach out to them to say I was in police custody, so they wouldn't bother me anymore.

Took about a year of sober living to bring me back physically and another 2 years to get me 100% back emotionally.

Sever years clean at this point. Happy , in love, finally comfortable. Honestly, no one can tell I ever used drugs before. I'm like a regular joe. I'm even getting all my teeth fixed.

It was a huge long road to get to this point. Cold turkey worked for me mainly because it was my only option at the time. I was able to wall myself off from everyone and everything for about a year. That's what saved my life. Some of my family members and some of my best friends however ended up going down the medication route.

There's still on Suboxone 4 years later. If it were me, I'd just stop everything for about a year. I know methadone and Suboxone are healthier options than using illicit street drugs but there's still addictive substances and that's still affects your quality of life.

I was not trying to make this a huge essay it's just I start talking about my experiences and it all comes flooding back. I can only tell you what I would do in my own situation. It's your life take it back
 
I'm not going to lie coming off of Klonopin is going to be extremely difficult. It's a long-term struggle. Because you've basically changed your brain chemistry. But it is so worth it. I promise you I could die tomorrow and I would be thankful that I've lived sober and happy and stable. This is what life is about.

My back pain is still there, as well as my ulcerative colitis still a thing..... However their manageable without narcotics. Which ironically is exactly what all of my doctors, physical therapists told me 10 years ago, and I never wanted to believe them.

I'm literally going to the Bahamas next week for fun. No drugs no alcohol. Just fun in the sun and lots of food. I took 18 vacations last year, because I could. I figure I basically wasted a third of my life to drugs and addiction, not going to waste one more second.

I really don't understand how I could be so lucky but I'll f****** take it.

You can do it , you just have to fight for it

It's literally the rest of my life is all downhill. It's like getting out of prison honestly. I will never take wife for granted again
 
Ten years on drugs starting at 15. Sobriety in my teens was horrible, depression, anxiety, lack of motivation. So I stayed faded on anything as much as possible. Started with alcohol and weed, dxm,
Then later speed, x, acid, coke, mushrooms,
Then in my 20s opioids everyday for pain, then benzos every day for anxiety.

And for a short period of time I found Ballance. I was working 70 hours a week and wholesaling weed, hydrocodone, Xanax after hours. Slowly my life and health started going down hill.

At 25 I thought about killing myself a few times a week. The back pain was the worst its ever been at this time. I used the strongest pills for just a few hours of relief. My insides were inflamed. My attitude was bitter and sad. Worst part of my life.

On August 8, 2016 I had yet another mental breakdown and threw roughly 4k worth of pills, coke, and weed off my balcony into a creek. Quit my job and lost everything. Although I was determined to find sober me one time before I died.

That day was the first day of my long awaited detox , and recovery. Coming off of opioids and benzos at the same time, alone cold turkey is in itself a life changing event. Every second of every day was miserable for about 5 days. Then at 10 days it was still horrible but not as bad.

The pain was - intense, I don't even like to remember it. I cried and screemed a lot. Emotional responses to everything. Dealers started to call and check on me. I had a good friend reach out to them to say I was in police custody, so they wouldn't bother me anymore.

Took about a year of sober living to bring me back physically and another 2 years to get me 100% back emotionally.

Sever years clean at this point. Happy , in love, finally comfortable. Honestly, no one can tell I ever used drugs before. I'm like a regular joe. I'm even getting all my teeth fixed.

It was a huge long road to get to this point. Cold turkey worked for me mainly because it was my only option at the time. I was able to wall myself off from everyone and everything for about a year. That's what saved my life. Some of my family members and some of my best friends however ended up going down the medication route.

There's still on Suboxone 4 years later. If it were me, I'd just stop everything for about a year. I know methadone and Suboxone are healthier options than using illicit street drugs but there's still addictive substances and that's still affects your quality of life.

I was not trying to make this a huge essay it's just I start talking about my experiences and it all comes flooding back. I can only tell you what I would do in my own situation. It's your life take it back
Respect if you went clean cold turkey man. From several hundred times I've tried to quit, I've only successfully cold turkeyed twice and stayed clean 9 months each. Fuck, it feels horrible to come off drugs, like your soul is being ripped apart from you.
Congrats on staying clean, such a fking achievement.
Hope one day my life gets that calm Too. 💯
 
I have been on oxy about 3 years then around 1 year on suboxone and back to oxy was taking 300 mg until 4 days ago but I cut down to 160 mg. Also I was on a huge dose of klonopin for 15 years and now I take 1.5 mg 2xday.

I am trying to use kratom to help but Im not sure it does anything. Gabapentin helps a lot but I am on high doses and Might even be addicted. I also use clonidine but only 0.3 mg. Anyone used clonidine for opioid ws? What dose is OK?

So I hope to quit oxy and k-pin so I can feel how it is to be sober.

I'm not currently sober although I've been working through a tapering process and I'm nearly there, however I can tell you that it certainly feels much better than being on drugs and having to rely on a substance to function. When your body rids itself of all those toxins built up from using drugs and especially your brain chemistry and sleep routine begin to normalise you feel like you've been born again. It can be and often is quite an overwhelmingly emotional experience when you begin to think clearly once again and feel naturally happy. When you begin to realise what you've been doing to yourself for the last number of years (or however long the timeline of your substance dependence was) you'll want to stay as far away from both drugs and the people who are still using them as you possibly can - the latter being key to long term sobriety because unless you ditch the people you were using with you will definitely relapse.

I haven't used Clonidine for opioid withdrawals but I've used Lyrica to mitigate some of the symptoms. I'm currently using Ditropan to curtail the sweats and Alprazolam for the insomnia and horrific anxiety/panic attacks.

But indeed, speaking from experience sobriety feels incredible. You're free from the chains of dependency and all the stress that goes along with having to sneak around lying to people, constantly worrying about where your next fix is going to come from. The feeling of boredom will go away as your neurochemistry eventually returns to normal. If you want to quicken the process I highly suggest you exercise (cycling is a great choice as it'll get you out in the fresh air as opposed to being inside a gym for hours on end) along with taking a daily multi-vitamin.

I've just noticed your post was written quite some time ago. I hope you managed to get clean and congratulations on choosing to at least try regardless. Hopefully you'll write back and give us an update sometime soon. Dont be ashamed if you didnt manage to get sober - it often takes many attempts, but the most important thing to do is to never give up trying no matter how long it takes because as long as you keep trying then theres always hope.
 
Ive been using since 2005, using HARD since 2008 and Im 49 days sober and I feel amazing. Im bored a little but I fill my time with a little sober TV watching, some reading, some writing and the day my crawl by but Im happy with it. People talk about the pink cloud and if thats what Im on, its a fluffy ass cloud. I feel at peace for the first time in a LONG time. Ive never been sober for longer than 2 weeks since 2008 and thats no weed, no Xanax, no vicodin, no syrup. Im taking Benadryl + gabapentin to go to sleep but thats about it, and Im loving it at the moment. Who knows what October holds, but right now I feel myself going til at least the end of the year. Sober October for damn sure. I cant wait to crack 60 days, then knock out 90. Sober. If you would have told me I would sober up back in January Im not sure I would have believed you, and if I did believe you for a second, I wouldnt have thought it would be in the free world. I would have sworn you were attempting to send me to jail some kind of way lol but you can do it man, it may be cliche but trust me, if EYYYEEE can do it, anybody can. It took me calling rehab myself and going for 30 days but Im here now. Swallow your pride and go to treatment if you have insurance. Find a place that accepts your insurance. Go somewhere far away from home in the middle of nowhere so you can clear your mind and not think about home for 30 days, and go to a sober home afterwards if possible. Youll love the new life thats waiting for you on the other side.
 
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