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Bury my ass 6 feet deep in the dirt so i can no longer hurt!

Draven26

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 21, 2013
Messages
740
I really don?t know what to do with how I feel right now but I?m pretty scared because I feel like it?s not even worth living anymore you guys. I?m not trying to sound like a sad little bitch or make threats about suicide I?m just saying it?s getting to that point where I feel powerless and I don?t have my therapist to go to because she?s out of town and I can?t reach my fucking pastor right now and ain?t nobody wanna listen to my bullshit because they just think I?m being dramatic as fuck but I ain?t. I can?t find a fucking job even though I?m highly qualified to be a stock clerk associate, I?ve done construction jobs though that?s probably not the best option since I got this fucking broken shoulder of mine. I?ve done retail and sales and hell I?ll take a telemarketing job if I have to but times seem to be more complicated than ever. I?m broke, hopeless, divorced, and the way life makes me itch burns like a son of a bitch let me tell ya. Only thing that will give me a push into tying that noose around my neck is if my insurance stops covering my prescription for my TRT.. let em take away my Testosterone and I?m a pussy ass bitch if I don?t make that move and ending it all because it just wouldn?t be worth it. That would be the last straw because I?ve been on TRT since 2015.. and that?s the only reason why I?m probably still here and although I?m not alive and well.. it seems that my withdrawals are fucking cake compared to when I tried quitting before when I wasn?t on TRT. I remember the first time I tried quitting before I was ever on Testosterone.. 10 days of hell.. compared to now I?m on day 5 or 6 I can?t remember.. and I don?t even have any cravings for the drug. I?m just emotional and venting to you guys because I have no one to talk to. I?ve never felt this alone and it?s a shitty feeling. What?s the point if I can?t help my mother out with the bills and if we end up losing the house wtf like what?s the point of being a live if you aren?t really alive? I?m fucking empty inside man. Talk about all this bullshit with God taking 99 steps and all we gotta do is take the first step? As a Christian man I feel like I failed his ass because I don?t spend much time with God.. mainly cuz I feel like he bailed on my ass a long time ago. Wife cheated and left me, God left me, shit even the devil abandoned me. It sucks to be lonely.. here all on my own with nothing but these mother fucking broken bones.. emotional as fuck. I don?t know what else to say.. maybe do myself a favor with a wave goodbye and a bullet to the skull.. and I?ll see you all later in hell!
 
Hi Draven26,

I wish you weren't being put through this.

Do you like comedy? That usually gets me out of depressions. Stand up comics have a way of breaking down how the world works into very simple terms, and relaying that to the audience in a fucking hilarious way.

And, you're not alone. Especially here.

Take care,
madness00
 
Three years ago, I was also broke, hopeless, divorced, friendless, and living in a shitty 300 sq ft garage apartment that didn't even have heat and it was a cold ass winter. I wasn't contemplating suicide, but I was drinking extreme amounts and wished I would just pass out and never wake back up. Isolating yourself just causes things to get worse (or at best, keeps them from getting better). I would recommend trying to find a way to be around other people. In my own case, I was severely alcoholic and I didn't (nor still) particularly like AA, but just being around other people really saved my ass times.
 
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