Just thought I'd share my situation

[Rupert D]

Great attitude Rupert.

Onward and Upward. You faltered momentarily, but so does everyone. To err is human.


I'm glad you are looking into rehabs now, and you see where things COULD have taken you. I don't want that for you and I know you don't either.

Keep your head up, you are living to fight another day. Things will get better.,Here for you anytime, pm if you ever feel the need too.

Much love Rupert, I'm proud of you.

PS, I'm sorry that happened with your momma, how are things now?

your friend,
Ash.

Cheers Ash.

I've patched things up with my Mum. She wants me to get into rehab ASAP because she can see how desperate and useless I've become. I've talked to both guys who run a rehab spot back home and know a few people there in recovery who have been supporting me. Things seem positive and they're going to confirm on Wednesday if there's a bed. If there is, I'll be straight home on Thursday and into rehab. I'll then be on lockdown so I might not update here for a bit. But at some point, when there's news, I'll be back to update you all.

So it's now NYE. I'm back on my own and isolated, and have 3 and a half grams of MDMA here. I'm not touching it because that will mean I will turn up to rehab too fucked to get in. I've been off all class As, benzos and opiates for nearly a month and feel fairly balanced. MDMA hasn't worked for me for years so it's not worth the relapse and fucking things up even more than what I have. If it was opiates, I'd be struggling. In fact I'd be on them. No question. The acid hasn't had too much of a negative effect on me so I'm in a good position. I have also showered today, gone to the shops for enough food for the next few days, have eaten and now intend to just relax and watch movies until I can get back home. The good news is that this time, if I'm offered a place in rehab rather than just hang around people in recovery and go to meetings, I will be in a far better position to stay clean. Fingers crossed this will work out.

During my two day drinking binge when I was trying to score drugs, I was feeling hopeless again. As I write this, I don't feel as hopeless.

 

[Rupert D]

P.s. Just want to say Happy New Year to everyone on BL; especially the people visiting the sober living forum and super especially the people who have engaged with me. Keep up the struggle and may 2019 bring us all some serenity.

 

[EPL1]

Happy New Year Rupert!!!


Glad to hear you and your mom are ok. I am happy to hear you could get that spot in rehab, let me know tomorrow either way ok!!? Fingers crossed for you!!!

This will all work out, I'm really proud of you and I hope you had a good New Years?

Love and hugs to you my dear friend.

Ash.

Cheers Ash.

I've patched things up with my Mum. She wants me to get into rehab ASAP because she can see how desperate and useless I've become. I've talked to both guys who run a rehab spot back home and know a few people there in recovery who have been supporting me. Things seem positive and they're going to confirm on Wednesday if there's a bed. If there is, I'll be straight home on Thursday and into rehab. I'll then be on lockdown so I might not update here for a bit. But at some point, when there's news, I'll be back to update you all.

So it's now NYE. I'm back on my own and isolated, and have 3 and a half grams of MDMA here. I'm not touching it because that will mean I will turn up to rehab too fucked to get in. I've been off all class As, benzos and opiates for nearly a month and feel fairly balanced. MDMA hasn't worked for me for years so it's not worth the relapse and fucking things up even more than what I have. If it was opiates, I'd be struggling. In fact I'd be on them. No question. The acid hasn't had too much of a negative effect on me so I'm in a good position. I have also showered today, gone to the shops for enough food for the next few days, have eaten and now intend to just relax and watch movies until I can get back home. The good news is that this time, if I'm offered a place in rehab rather than just hang around people in recovery and go to meetings, I will be in a far better position to stay clean. Fingers crossed this will work out.

During my two day drinking binge when I was trying to score drugs, I was feeling hopeless again. As I write this, I don't feel as hopeless.

 

[Rupert D]

Happy New Year Rupert!!!


Glad to hear you and your mom are ok. I am happy to hear you could get that spot in rehab, let me know tomorrow either way ok!!? Fingers crossed for you!!!

This will all work out, I'm really proud of you and I hope you had a good New Years?

Love and hugs to you my dear friend.

Ash.

Hi Ash.

Day 3 of abstinence now. I spent NYE watching movies, drinking diet Pepsi and ignoring the MDMA that arrived on my doormat. No way am I relapsing now for the sake of a drug that stopped working for me 10 years ago. If I get a positive call tomorrow, it'll have to go down the toilet so it's in no way a distraction once my foot is in the door. If it's negative, I'll have to think long and hard about my next move. I'm refusing to worry about that now because there's nothing I can do. I'm just focusing on going home and getting into rehab. I have put most things in place now. Just a train journey, pick some stuff up from my Mum's, drop my house key off and take a taxi to the residency. Once I'm in, I'm fucking in.

I've also been writing my life story which is the first step of the program. It's purely been just to keep me positive about recovery and to not think about the mess I've made of my life! Rather, I'm trying to understand it. I'm at a point where I know now that I'm not a drug addict; I'm an addict. I'm addicted to anything that gets me high, makes me feel good or helps me to escape reality which is done mostly through drugs, but can be literally anything. All the warning signs were there as a kid; smoking cigarettes aged eight until I felt sick, first drinking to black out aged twelve, gambling at the bookies aged fourteen, obsessing over music and video games all through my childhood... I just had to find my DOC for it to escalate to full-blown, unmanageable, self-centred drug addiction. I also understand where it comes from with me, the feelings of never fitting it, but I'll save that essay for another day.

I hope you had a good NYE too, Ash. You deserve it.

Peace and love.

 

[neurogal]

Rupert, I give you a ton of credit for getting in the program. A step like that takes a lot of courage. It's a rough road at times, but I have faith in you. Best of luck and keep us updated.

 

[EPL1]

All of it sounds good. You especially sound good Rupert. You have a great attitude, you're smart, and you're willing to work on yourself. That will carry you far in your life.

I bet your mom is happy too.

My NYE was uneventful, since I'm a chronic pain patient I don't drink. So I too had a pop (woohoo!!) and was in bed by 10. Don't be jealous of my super cool NYE Rupert. Hahaha. ; ) Yes I'm self deprecating.


Anxiously awaiting an update from you today, my fingers are crossed.

You said you never felt like you fit in, well you sure as hell fit in with us here, we love you.

Have a great day!!

Here for you always,
your friend,
Ash.

Shit, I forgot to say it's day 4 for you now, I'm really proud of you.

Hi Ash.

Day 3 of abstinence now. I spent NYE watching movies, drinking diet Pepsi and ignoring the MDMA that arrived on my doormat. No way am I relapsing now for the sake of a drug that stopped working for me 10 years ago. If I get a positive call tomorrow, it'll have to go down the toilet so it's in no way a distraction once my foot is in the door. If it's negative, I'll have to think long and hard about my next move. I'm refusing to worry about that now because there's nothing I can do. I'm just focusing on going home and getting into rehab. I have put most things in place now. Just a train journey, pick some stuff up from my Mum's, drop my house key off and take a taxi to the residency. Once I'm in, I'm fucking in.

I've also been writing my life story which is the first step of the program. It's purely been just to keep me positive about recovery and to not think about the mess I've made of my life! Rather, I'm trying to understand it. I'm at a point where I know now that I'm not a drug addict; I'm an addict. I'm addicted to anything that gets me high, makes me feel good or helps me to escape reality which is done mostly through drugs, but can be literally anything. All the warning signs were there as a kid; smoking cigarettes aged eight until I felt sick, first drinking to black out aged twelve, gambling at the bookies aged fourteen, obsessing over music and video games all through my childhood... I just had to find my DOC for it to escalate to full-blown, unmanageable, self-centred drug addiction. I also understand where it comes from with me, the feelings of never fitting it, but I'll save that essay for another day.

I hope you had a good NYE too, Ash. You deserve it.

Peace and love.

 

[Rupert D]

All of it sounds good. You especially sound good Rupert. You have a great attitude, you're smart, and you're willing to work on yourself. That will carry you far in your life.

I bet your mom is happy too.

My NYE was uneventful, since I'm a chronic pain patient I don't drink. So I too had a pop (woohoo!!) and was in bed by 10. Don't be jealous of my super cool NYE Rupert. Hahaha. ; ) Yes I'm self deprecating.


Anxiously awaiting an update from you today, my fingers are crossed.

You said you never felt like you fit in, well you sure as hell fit in with us here, we love you.

Have a great day!!

Here for you always,
your friend,
Ash.

Shit, I forgot to say it's day 4 for you now, I'm really proud of you.

Sounds like you had the best NYE ever. They are overrated. Makes you feel like you've not been invited to the best party in the world when in reality everyone is as miserable as the next person; whether they are on drugs or not.

Sorry about your chronic pain issues. I sympathise; I have long term health complications myself and it's a right mare. Keep fighting.

Okay... I have a bed in rehab, moving in tomorrow. After a lifetime of struggle, particularly the last three months where I quite easily could've died, I am finally hoping to get well and turn this around. I will update this in the future; but it could be a long time as I really need to switch outside distractions off and focus on the program. It'll be a long haul, but I can't fuck this up.

Love to all.

x

 

[EPL1]

That's so great Rupert!!

I'm so happy you got in. Honestly.

I will keep my eyes peeled for future updates from you, but yes, you take good care of you and just do what you need to do.

You got this.

Much love and support to you my dear friend.
I wish you the very best.

Hugs,
Ash.

Sounds like you had the best NYE ever. They are overrated. Makes you feel like you've not been invited to the best party in the world when in reality everyone is as miserable as the next person; whether they are on drugs or not.

Sorry about your chronic pain issues. I sympathise; I have long term health complications myself and it's a right mare. Keep fighting.

Okay... I have a bed in rehab, moving in tomorrow. After a lifetime of struggle, particularly the last three months where I quite easily could've died, I am finally hoping to get well and turn this around. I will update this in the future; but it could be a long time as I really need to switch outside distractions off and focus on the program. It'll be a long haul, but I can't fuck this up.

Love to all.

x

 

[Rupert D]

Hi all

I've stayed in rehab and I'm 30 days clean tomorrow. I have wanted to quit several times, have cried several times, have had a massive go at key workers and nearly been in one fight. But I've learnt a lot about myself and I know I'm in the right place. There's no turning back because I'll be dead in a few months. It's twelve steps or bust...

Thanks for the support x

 

[EPL1]

Yay that's so awesome Rupert!!

I have missed you around here and think of you often, I was hoping you would update soon and here you are!!!

I'm very proud of you, congrats on 30 days clean!!! You got this!!!

You are the best Rupert and I'm here for you anytime.

Much love and support your friend,
Ash.

Hi all

I've stayed in rehab and I'm 30 days clean tomorrow. I have wanted to quit several times, have cried several times, have had a massive go at key workers and nearly been in one fight. But I've learnt a lot about myself and I know I'm in the right place. There's no turning back because I'll be dead in a few months. It's twelve steps or bust...

Thanks for the support x

 

[EPL1]